Dirty Bastard

A week went by before he finally asked me out. First date, super excited, except I really didn't think my mom would go for it. She was still really protective although I think she liked Christian, I have never been on a date before.

"So I'll ask her if I can take you out, she can only say yes or no either way we are spending the day together," Christian said sitting on the steps with me waiting for my mama to get home.

"She just might," I said. She was definitely team Christian. I still wasn't sure, I was also a little nervous. It had been a whole week since our kissing lessons and he had caught on real quick, like really quick. I was amazed at his skills and he could now turn me on so fast it was scary. I wasn't ready, mentally to give him my cookie but all this alone time made me want to. Sometimes I forgot who he claimed to be, he was always so nice and sweet when we were alone. Most days, I didn't see him as a thug.

I remembered as soon as someone else came around us or we walked to the store, he would put on his "Game Face". I didn't really mind as long as he didnt use it with me.

Mama walked through the door and frowned at us, looking between us both. "What do yawl want?" She asked, hands on hips, lips pressed.

Christian cleared his throat and stood up to his full height which was really tall. "I was wondering, well there is this new movie playing and I wanted to take Ann to see it, she's been talking about it for like a week. I wanted to get your permission to take her out."

I almost clapped, spoken like a true gentleman, none of that gangster crap.

"Is that so Anna?" mama asked me.

"Well, yeah," I whispered.

"Okay," she said stepping around me. "Be home by ten or this will never happen again and Christian remember, my body, do not touch." She was smiling as she walked on up the stairs. For real that was just too easy.

"Let's go," He said pulling me up and pulling me toward the exit. My legs didn't seem to want to work, the calmness that my mother had used scared the hell out of me, and I simply couldn't believe it.

"She said we could go Ann come on before she thinks I'm making you come with me or something." He said still pulling me.

"That was too easy." I said slowly, working my brain trying to figure out what my mom was up to.

Christian smiled and pulled me into the crook of his arm, "She's trusting us, or rather me. I have no intention of breaking that trust or messing it up so hands off Ann, you know you a little freak."

"Whatever." I said, wrapping my arm around him to. It was a natural reaction. Everything felt natural with him.

We caught the public bus because, well we didn't have cars and I really did enjoy the ride. St. Louis was beautiful at night, especially downtown. The movie was "Save the last dance", the place was the "St. Louis Union Station." This was one of my favorite malls I loved it and I loved how I got him to watch a chick flick.

The movie was great, I shed a few tears and as promised we were on our best behavior. He was being a gentleman today. He bought me soda, popcorn, and chocolate covered peanuts. The whole experience felt special. So special. After the movie we walked to the bus stop, holding hands and he bought me a rose from the famous "Rose man." Everything was going so great. Best first date ever. I should have known it was too good to be true.

When we made it to the bus stop I was a little cold and he gave me his jacket to keep me warm. Neither of us were speaking and I suddenly found myself lost in the lights of downtown. The neon purple and greens. It was beautiful. There are lot of buildings and from where I was standing you could easily see the Arch. The view was amazing.

He came closer and I felt something cold touch my neck. Without looking I pushed it away. The cold touched my neck again, so I turned to look at him, irritated and found that it was a gun pressed against my neck. What. The. Fuck. I knocked it away again and walked right up to him and punched him in the face. He let out a howl. Next I kicked him in the nuts and then the stomach when he dropped low.

"How dare you," I Cried, "What the hell is wrong with you, you twisted little bastard. You want to pull a gun on me? On our first date, you just ruined it, everything was fine and then you had to go and ruin it. Where the hell do they do that at?" I reared back to kick him again and he caught my foot with one hand. I was breathing heavily, the adrenaline increased with my anger. I was fucking livid.

"I'm sorry," he groaned. "I was just playing. The safety was on I would never shoot you. I just thought you might want to see it." He said loudly, it seemed to me that he was laughing. He thought it was joke? The only thing I thought was funny was him, for even pulling something like that.

I liked guns, I had grown up around them. They were no big deal to me. I had two uncles who always had guns on them. They were all over their houses to. When I eleven, my uncle had taken me hunting for the first time. My Uncle Bill had taught me to shoot, and my uncle Steve had taught me to hunt. The only time I was scared of a gun was when I didn't have one, and someone else did. Especially if they were as stupid as Christian.

There was a respect that came with growing up with guns. It wasn't a toy. It could do real damage. Sometimes they were unpredictable, like jamming up or backfiring. One thing I would always remember about guns is you don't pull one on someone unless you plan to use it. I didn't want to shoot Christian, but I needed him to feel me. I picked it up, put it to his head and asked, "How does that feel. Do you think this is funny?"

Still holding it I switched the safety off and he went really still. "Be careful Anna," he said.

Which only set me off again, "Are you fucking kidding me? You had this to my neck. You don't play like that Christian, nobody does. I was always taught never to point a gun at someone unless... unless you was going to use it. Did you plan on using it?" I asked. The power I felt was real. Realistically I knew I didn't want to shoot him. In the back of my mind laid the thought that he might have just tried to kill me. He quickly shoot his head no. I let out a breath, and tucked the pistol in my purse.

"It's mine now. And don't say shit to me on the way home, if you value your life." I said and walked to the next bus stop.

The buss arrived and I climbed on eagerly and paid my own fare. I moved to the very back and sat down to glare at him. Some nosy ass man sat a few seats away from me, he was talking but I wasn't listening. He looked old enough to be my grand dad, his eyes were bloodshot and I can smell the alcohol on his body.

"Is that your boyfriend?" he asked.

"No?" I said, I saw Christian narrow his eyes at me. He had no idea what revenge looked like to me. I never broke eye contact while saying no for a second time to the drunk old man when he asked if he could take the seat right next to me.

"Then can I have your number you sure are cute." He slurred.

"Mister you are too old for me," I spat finally looking at him. He walked to the front of the bus and I whispered "Pervvy bastard."

I noticed Christian snicker from his seat in the front. I glared even harder, that dirty bastard, how could he. He still had it in him to laugh. When all I wanted to do was cry, or hurt someone. I looked out the window with blurry vision as my eyes started to leak. First he ruined my first kiss and then the perfect first date. He was an asshole, for the first time since meeting him I thought maybe we weren't meant to be. Too many red flags.

At the same time I felt guilty for kicking his ass, and at the same time happy that I did. He really had no idea who I was, he knew now. I was not to be fucked with. I never started shit, but I knew how to finish it. I had never lost a fight. I had never been trained to fight or nothing, it's like I was born with it. No matter the odds I had always somehow come out on top. Even if my opponent was a guy.

At my stop I left through the back door and quickly walked to my door, mama was on the front porch and I heard her ask me what was wrong but I kept on going up to my living room to look out my window. My mama wasn't stupid, she would know he had done something to me. I had seen my mom fight before. She was ruthless, she didn't fight. She brawled.

My little brother Charlie's dad raised me for eleven years. That's how long he had beat the shit out of my mom's. He was controlling, abusive and manipulative. I had witnessed my mom on more than one occasion cover a bruise with makeup. I had seen her smile through the pain.

It would be after years of the abuse that Charlie and I felt we needed to do something. The next time he had put hands on mama, we had rushed him. I was eleven, Charlie was eight. He had a broom and I had a knife. We and rushed into that room and gave it our best shot, a grown ass man against two kids. He had easily knocked us down.

That has been the last time though, because mama bear came in like a tornado. She fucked him up good. She had asked us to go to our rooms. She had done it nicely, and when we left it was his pain we heard. Mama had even taken him to the hospital. Where he spun a tale about getting robbed. I imagine it would have been embarrassing to say 'my woman whipped my ass'. After the hospital she had called her brothers and some nephews to get his shit out of the house.

It had been a big thing. She barbecued and they all had a great time. I remember just being happy to see her be herself. I knew we would always have the mom we had when he was not around. Since then my mom's had been a beast. She took shit from no one. I imagined her taking Christian to the hospital this time and him saying he had been jumped. The thought made me smile even as my heart skipped a beat.

"What did you do to her," mama asked him? Her tone was like metal. She placed her hand on his collar pulling him down to her height.

"She took a joke the wrong way", I heard Christian saying. "I didn't know she would get mad, can you please tell her I'm sorry and sorry to you to for hurting your daughter. I'll make it right I promise."

Mama said something then, so low I couldn't hear. Then she let him go and he walked on down the street. I wanted to chase him, and tell him it was cool, but the fact was it wasn't. It just wasn't cool. My emotions were all over the place.

"What happened Anna?" Mom said coming into my room and sitting on the bed.

What could I say? If I told her the truth she would likely kill that boy and I didnt want that on my conscience, plus against my better judgement I didn't feel like we were totally over. I had questions. Every fiber of my being wanted to go to him. Even now I wanted to protect him.

So I lied. "He elbowed me in the neck and I got mad." It came out without a second thought. Like that I knew I was goner. Sweeping all the red flags under the rug.

Mama let out a breath she had apparently been holding, "Girl don't do me like that, I was fixing ta kill that boy and send him to the chop shop." She joked.

I laughed in spite of my hurt feelings, mama was the nicest violent person sometimes. She pulled me close and she gave me her take.

"That's no reason to be so mad honey, I'm sure it was an accident. You have my temper Anna, and I'm almost sorry you do, but men make mistakes and as women we are supposed to forgive them for the first few stupid ones. Give him another shot, and I'm sure that bruise on his face didn't get there by itself. Apologize Anna and be real about it. I don't want you beating on your boyfriend." She said.

She had a faraway look in her eyes, and I knew she was thinking about those days. I often heard her say she hoped we didn't carry any scars from those days. We had them alright. I had no problem with fighting a man. In most fights I had had with guys I always hit first. I would try to take his fucking head off his shoulders. Deep down I knew it was because of Charlie's dad. Somehow I figured if I hit first, I had a better chance of beating him. It always worked to.

"Okay mama," I said. If she only knew the truth she would be singing a completely different song. But I will never tell her the truth, I needed her more than she needed to kill him. I went to bed that night dreaming of how the night could have ended. With a gentle kiss and me telling Ciara about the movie. Instead I was silently licking my wounds and feeling worse about hitting him.

*****

The next morning I woke up to the phone ringing. It was like a continuous shrill in my brain now. It had been happening for what seemed like forever. I was so irritated. Why wasn't mama answering the phone?

"It's for you Anna," she yelled from somewhere in the house.

"Hello?" I said eyes still closed.

"I guess you didnt tell your mother what I did since she isn't trying to kill me or curse me out this morning?" he said sadly.

Christian. My heart flipped, flopped, and died. I was still hella mad at him, he was not getting out of this so easy. Even though after sleep I didn't feel as murderous.

"What do you want, punk. I was sleeping." I said, I had to dig a little for that anger and it still didn't really cover it.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry, and I deserved the ass kicking. I really would never hurt you Ann, I straight got feelings for you. I just wanted to show off and it went horribly wrong," he said.

"You got that right." I whispered.

"I understand if you never want to see me again," He took a breather, "But I really need that gun back. It's my brothers and just so you know him and my aunt got on my neck good last night to, telling me how stupid I was."

"When do you want it?" I asked.

"ASAP, or whenever you can get it to me." He replied.

"I got you."

I hung up and jumped out of bed. I put on my long brown gypsy skirt and my plain white v neck, brushed out my hair and grabbed my white flip flops. I grabbed a paper bag and put the pistol in it. As an afterthought I put my cutter on my hip and walked out the house.

I decided I was going to stall him out, He obviously was not going to hurt me or he could have, he was really stronger than me, but I could make him sweat a little. Revenge was what I would need to truly get over this. And time.

I walked calmly up his steps and knocked on his door, I leaned against the jam waiting for him to open it. When he did he looked shocked but quickly recovered, and moved aside to let me in. As soon as I was inside he grabbed me on tried to kiss me, I pushed him so hard he landed on the couch, but he didn't try to get up or touch me again.

I laid the gun on the living room table, out of his reach, just in case. Then I turned to him and jumped on his legs straddling him. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me, it was only when he tried to lean forward to kiss me that he felt my blade in his side.

"What the fuck, Anna. I thought you wasn't mad no more." He yelled.

"I'm not mad, but you need to know Christian, that I don't play like that. Do not ever again in your life point a gun at me. I don't like looking down the barrel of a burner, okay. I'm giving you a pass, don't fuck up again or I will take my time cutting you from your ass hole to your appetite. You understand?" I asked.

He nodded his head his eyes never leaving mine, and then he smiled again. I hated that smile, it was so easy to forget everything when he smiled like that. He took my knife and laid it on the floor and without a word started to kiss my face. "I missed you," he said, "I thought I fucked it up."

"I figure you get two more fuck up's before i'm done. I have some feelings for you and I'm not ready to let you go, but try me again and I will do my best to forget about you."

"I'm in this for the long ride Anna, you will never forget me, because I ain't going nowhere."