Until the Seagulls Drown My Voice (2/5)

"Separate! Separate now! All of you!"

Their laboured breaths filled the silent air as all of them still gripped each other's clothes.

They didn't stop plunging their fists and knees since no one wanted to stop first. As though their limbs and senses were completely numb, they spat dirt and blood and continued grabbing onto each other's collars, digging their hands into their skins.

Mr. Shen dashed towards them and exhausted all his efforts to pull them apart. "Stop! Stop fighting! Stop fighting! Gu Xiao! Zhang Yongyin!"

They hesitantly released their grips and slowly staggered away from each other as this suffocating tension exchanged between the four through the lingering numbness of their wounds.

Gu Xiao's eyes smouldered with a blistering irritation as he glared at each of the two carefully, as though inspecting every inch of their injuries to see if he had beaten them enough. But it wasn't.

"All of you, come to my office now!"

When they started walking, Zhang Yongyin spat at the two, and Mr. Shen smacked his head. "Stop spitting!"

...

The four stood in a row inside the suffocating office, with students trying to peep in from the window.

Sadly, Mr. Shen tore down the shutters and stepped back to his seat. He tapped his table at a slow, constant rate, shifting his eyes between all four, though he mainly focused on Gu Xiao and Zhang Yongyin.

These two were known for their misbehaviours, so he already had a gist that either one of them were the ones who started the fight judging by their reputation.

"Is this what you all do when exams are near? Is it?!"

None of them replied. If they did, their jaw, cheek, and mouth would immediately sting. All their lips were chapped, and their faces swelled in shades of purple, yellow, and green. Fresh blood soaked through the corner of their mouths and the surface of their skin from all the scraping on the concrete and walls.

"Will any of you explain this to me? No one? Of course."

"Gu Xiao threw a textbook at us, and they just started beating us up for no reason at all. We were just talking!" Wang Xing explained to the best of his abilities before his jaw ached with throbbing pain.

It was as though his entire face and body had just been reconstructed without anaesthetics. None of the two had a splendid physique, so they couldn't fight back as hard as the other two.

This worked to their ability to appeal to the teachers' empathy. With the other two's reputations hitting rock bottom, the words they spout would only sound like triggering noises to the teachers' ears.

"University Entrance Exams will come around before you know it. And you still have time to fool around? Gu Xiao and Zhang Yongyin, I asked you two to carry textbooks, but look at them now. You have used them as weapons! How can you not even do one job without causing a ruckus?"

...

Lan Yuning walked down the hall carrying a stack of practice papers and saw all the students crowding around, trying to eavesdrop on Mr. Shen's angered voice.

When the students saw the student president, they scurried away and strolled back to their classrooms. He slid open the door and entered the sweltering room.

The minute he opened the door, anyone could sense the suffocating atmosphere lingering above their heads.

Lan Yuning quickly shut the door, and his lips slightly separated when he saw Gu Xiao. Then his eyes skipped to Zhang Yongyin and the other two.

While walking to the mathematics department area, his vision was still fixated on their appearance.

Their clothes were all bedraggled, revealing the scraped and dirtied skin, their faces and fists swollen and bruised, chapped lips. Just one glance and one would feel a stinging pain arise in their skin.

"Just place them here," the teacher said.

He nodded and slowly lowered the papers. His mind sank into a complete state of blankness, and he grabbed a paper.

"Miss Lu."

"Yes?"

"I'm struggling with question fifteen. I don't understand the integers given to prove proposition P and the contrapositive."

"Struggling?" She slipped on her glasses and raised her brows. Hearing the word 'struggling' out of his mouth was something new.

"Alright, take a seat, and we will look over it together."

...

"You two can leave. Gu Xiao and Zhang Yongyin. You two stay."

Wang Xing and his friend scoffed, letting themselves out. After the door closed and they could no longer hear their footsteps, Mr. Shen let out a deep sigh and tapped his table at a faster pace.

"There are so many students studying, attending evening classes, working so hard for their dreams and goals, but not only do you two not focus on school, but now you're even getting into fights. Do you know that some don't even allow their eyes to drift away from their tables?"

He rubbed his forehead slowly with a firm pressure. The more he looked at the two, the more his head started hurting.

It wasn't anything new, but this headache was worse than before, as though a hammer was constantly pounding and hammering his skull into the concrete floor.

"Mr. Shen, why did you let them leave?" Gu Xiao asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you not care why I wanted to punch them?"

"So, you were the one who started it? You punched them because they said something that made you angry? Frustrated? Do you not know how the world works? If every little thing you don't like comes your way, will you just resort to violence? Why couldn't you just ignore it and move on?"

Ignore it and move on.

Just those two phrases made Gu Xiao realise something. He was still being haunted by his own sins. If he ignored it and moved on, what difference would it have made from two years ago?

If he recognised his own ignorance back then, if he hadn't stayed so oblivious and silent two years ago, he might not have even reached this state.

Although he knew it might worsen if he acted on his impulses, it was better to have the words of judgement directed towards him, and not someone else.

If he didn't ignore those signs, they both wouldn't have died.

It was as they said. Turning a blind eye was such a simple thing. It exhausted no efforts besides keeping one's mouth shut. It was better that way, was it not? No one would be guilty, no one would be at fault, and no one would be blamed, since all their excuses would be because they didn't know.

Yet now that Gu Xiao thought about it, why exactly did he punch Wang Xing? Was he trying to make himself feel better? To discover a way to redeem himself because he couldn't do so in the past? He didn't even feel angry when Wang Xing ridiculed him, but it was because of something else.

Mr. Shen sighed. "What would your parents think?"

Both of Zhang Yongyin's parents passed away early, so he lived with his grandparents. Zhang Yongyin and Gu Xiao attended the preschool, primary, and junior high school in Shanghai, and they transferred together.

Gu Xiao's father constantly had debt chasing his back and became more addicted to gambling and alcohol ever since he was in childcare.

Their aunt was aware of their father's notoriety, so she supported the two by paying for extracurricular activities and even buying them textbooks and stationery.

Still, there was a limit to how much she could do since she also had her own family to support, yet she still showered them both with much warmth.

His transfer from Shanghai wasn't solely because of familial circumstances. There was also something else that he hid deep within his memories, that the moment he heard Wang Xing gossiping, those scarring words all resurfaced in his consciousness.

Hearing Mr. Shen threaten them with the parent card only tugged both the two's hearts, but they had already grown numb to such comments that it was just white noise.

It was like everyone constantly reminded them they had turned out into such a mess because they lacked a parental figure to guide them, though it was relatively accurate.

Gu Xiao couldn't deny that he didn't feel jealous during the past four years when people's fathers or mothers came to parent-teacher interviews or award ceremonies.

Watching other people's mothers praise their children after collecting their reward, watching other fathers scolding their children for not reaching their expectations.

He always stood alone. Walked on the stage alone. Walked off the stage alone.

It was all mundane.

Their father never once even came to anything, even though he promised every time the school held these events. Even their mother. She would promise him every year, yet none of them came. And then, it was too late.

Gu Xiao blamed himself for being too selfish because his parents had so many issues to deal with, so he shouldn't bother them with such self-absorbed desires.

At one point, Gu Xiao gave up reminding his parents about it. Because he grew too tired. There was no point in wasting a few breaths and putting him through the torture of raising his hopes, only to be disappointed when nothing happened.