Swallowing the Ashes (1/4)

The sky soaked a brilliant red, which washed their skins with the tints of orange, as though a tropical drink drenched the world with its colours and scent.

The breeze wasn't humid, but it wasn't frosty either. When the wind brushed past their skin, the aromatic scent of chlorinated water entered their senses.

The two walked out of the centre, and the comforting ambience instantly died once a voice called out to them.

"Gu Xiao?"

A piercing abscess swallowed both Gu Xiao's and Lan Yuning's heart when they heard that asphyxiating voice.

At first, Gu Xiao thought his ears were still clogged after all that water entered them, so this voice was just someone else's, but when he said the following sentence, he was sure it was him.

That boy he never wanted to see ever again was standing before them.

"Gu Xiao? Is that you?"

Gu Xiao raised his brows and uttered, "He Rong?"

Lan Yuning immediately put on his hat and stepped back, though Gu Xiao didn't realise how anxious or thrown off he was.

Even though a mere hat wouldn't hide who he was, Lan Yuning still needed something to block his view.

Just picking up this shrilling voice of He Rong and knowing he was in front of them forced all the energy within Gu Xiao to flow backward and escape through his feet and fingertips, leaving them with a sense of numbness.

"I almost didn't even recognise you because of your hair," He Rong laughed. "You look... different."

He Rong was shorter than Gu Xiao, though it was only by two inches. He was well built and always had a clean buzz-cut, never growing his hair past a few inches.

His grinning face was nothing more than a clownish gesture that produced such uncleanliness and nauseating triggers for both their stomachs.

The boy's face utterly lacked depth, that if one was to take a glance at him and close their eyes, they would simply just forget about his features.

"What are you doing in Beijing?" Gu Xiao asked.

He Rong hesitated on answering, but in the end, he responded, "We're here for a holiday."

Gu Xiao always received He Rong's expressions to contain that profound patronisation with every word he spoke.

It strained his heart.

However, it was ironic for Gu Xiao to think like this, as he was the same.

"To think we would meet here," He Rong smiled solemnly. "You stopped going to cram school and even moved to a different city."

"...Ah, yeah."

Gu Xiao's dismissive tone surprised Lan Yuning that he took a glimpse up, only to see eyes filled with a bottomless dread.

It was definitely not how one would speak to someone they had a good relationship with.

However, He Rong's words weaved through many strands of complexities that it was impossible to decipher the meaning behind his words, yet also his expression and intentions.

"Hey, why are you so cold?" He Rong asked and walked closer to him. "We used to be so close, you know. Us and Zhang Yongyin. I just wanted to check how you were doing."

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" Gu Xiao asked.

The boy with the buzz-cut stopped in his steps, and his smile somewhat faded. "Are you still mad about that?"

Gu Xiao's eyes sunk deep into the endless ocean, and the light within it completely extinguished. Everything he went through. Everything that person went through. Everything He Rong caused. Everything Gu Xiao drove himself to. He asked if he was still mad?

No, he wasn't mad; he was guilty. All he felt after that day was this immeasurable amount of guilt that couldn't even be labelled as anger.

"He Rong, it's good to see that you are still well. I'll get going now," he said, and prepared to drag Lan Yuning away.

However, before he could leave, He Rong grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, forcing their eyes to meet again.

"Hey, we have all already moved on. It was just a small mistake. Wait, did you quit cram school, move homes, and even schools just because of that?"

Gu Xiao's lips slightly parted, and he slowly drew his hand back. There was no point in speaking to him. Even now, Gu Xiao didn't understand why he decided to tolerate He Rong's arrogance for so long. He spoke as if he had no heart, with such carelessness, with no care.

"Just because of that...?"

"Can't you just move on from it already? You're only torturing yourself at this point. Can't we go back to how it was before?"

"You want to go back? Did you...ever feel any remorse?"

"Remorse? Why would I... Alright, I guess I did. But was it really my fault that happened? I just said a few words, but I wasn't the one to tell Wu Fei to go jump off a building! It was his choice, anyway. Wait, are you still blaming me for that?"

There He Rong went again. Pretending he cared, and then everything that followed those fake words of care was simply utter absurdity.

Not his fault? Yes, it was true that it wasn't just his fault. Even though Gu Xiao knew it wasn't just one person's fault, he couldn't help but blame himself to this day.

Even with this cluttered mess training past his head, Gu Xiao managed to slowly sort his thoughts together, and he lifted the corner of his lips.

"He Rong, I'm not mad at anyone."

Hearing Gu Xiao's tone of voice, something so calm and soothing that he hadn't heard in a long time, provoked these stirring emotions within He Rong.

As though something else had caught his attention, He Rong's attention drifted off to the familiar boy beside Gu Xiao.

Gu Xiao noticed he was looking at Lan Yuning and immediately pulled him behind.

"Where are you looking at?" Gu Xiao scorned.

It might've been his imagination, but he noticed Lan Yuning's pulse from his wrist was throbbing fast and loudly, yet he was too preoccupied with He Rong to chew over it.

Like a light had lit in his memory, He Rong widened his eyes and pointed behind Gu Xiao. "Lan Yuning? Is that you? Why are you two together?"

A trickle of cold sweat dripped down Lan Yuning's neck as he slightly lifted his chin up, only to see a fraction of He Rong's face due to his hat. A scoff escaped He Rong's lips as he shifted his gaze between the two.

"I see. Do you know how strange this looks?"

Gu Xiao was unsure how He Rong knew about Lan Yuning, but judging from Lan Yuning's reaction, it didn't seem like they had an amicable relationship.

The words that escaped his mouth obviously didn't imply they had a friendly past, but to think they all knew each other was relatively surprising.

"Or are you two conspiring against me or something?"

"What are you talking about?" Gu Xiao asked.

"Gu Xiao, you always... you always do this..."

Gu Xiao shifted his view between the two, but still didn't understand what he meant. What did he always do? Hang out with people? If he didn't hang out with people, what else would he do? Study? Gardening? Even if he was gardening, he would still do it with others, like with his neighbour or his neighbour's kid.

"You really don't remember? You were the only one who knew that the person was... Don't you remember the person I talked to in our first year? Well, it's good that you don't."

Still holding onto Lan Yuning's wrist, Gu Xiao felt the subtle trembles of Lan Yuning's arm and the sweat forming on his palm when he tried to withdraw his hand back.

However, he immediately seized Lan Yuning's wrist once again, holding him firmly.

Yet, he ensured his grasp wasn't too tight that it would hurt him. He wasn't even sure why he did that, but if he was to let Lan Yuning go, he knew he would regret it.

"Lan Yuning, is this you trying to get back at me? By going for people I know? I didn't know you were that type of person. Also, Gu Xiao, I thought you hated using people, so why are you with him?"

"Using people?" Gu Xiao repeated in confusion.