AS A FOOL

(NAMJOON'S POV)

Seokjin lies on his bed while he scrolls down his phone. I don't know what he's up to, but it's nothing good. I still don't understand what's wrong with him, I may did something to offend him, but he always talks to me when he's unwell.

I sit on the side of my bed, facing him. "Jin, we need to talk. You can't just break up with me and ignore me as if I didn't exist. What happened? Did I do something wrong?"

"It's not you, it's me." He keeps staring at his phone, typing whatever.

"It's not enough. Tell me a good reason and I'll believe you."

He puts down his phone, with a heavy sigh. "Believe what?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Believe that you don't love me anymore." My heart feels like it's descending down in a roller coaster, but the fall never ends.

"Namjoon, I don't want to talk about this." He aims to grab his phone again.

"We've been in a relationship for 4 years, you can't just leave me like that. You'll turn 21 this year, act like the adult you're suppose to be."

"Act like the adult I'm supposed to be?" He sits on his bed, with a frown. "Do you want me to act like an adult? Do you want me to talk this shit with you? The only want who must do some explanations is you." He raises his voice.

"What are you talking about?" As far as I remember, we were okay until the moment I got into my room to talk to him.

"Don't play dumb with me, Kim Namjoon." He closes his fits and stands up. "You're the only one keeping secrets from me." He presses his index finger on my chest and I immediately stand up.

"I've never kept anything from you. I love you." He has completely lost all his senses.

"I don't." He looks at me in the eyes. It can't be true, he can't stop loving me in less than a day, it's extremely ridiculous.

I look at the ceiling, I need to keep my tears to myself. He can't be serious right now. "Look," I start, "I know you're hurt, but I don't know why. Love, I need you to talk with me." I put my hands on his shoulders and he doesn't flinch. "Tell me what's wrong and we're going to solve it together. The idea of losing you kills me."

"Don't say that." He takes a few steps back and falls on the bed. "We can't be together anymore."

"Why?" I beg. I know you love me. Talk to me, will you?"

"Respect my decision, Namjoon." He turns around, looking at his bed.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I don't care anymore if my voice breaks. "I can see your suffering. You're not in pain because I don't respect you, you're in pain because you love me. I know you do. I'm your angel, I'll always be."

"You can't read my thoughts." He sits and looks at me again. He's cheeks are slightly red.

"I don't need it." I get on my knees and grab gently his hands. "We've been always together, fighting together. You can tell me what's in your mind, we can solve it."

"We can't. Nothing's going to change the fact that you-" He stops himself and bites his lip.

"What about me, Jin?"

He shakes his head quickly. "Nothing. I broke up with you for a reason, respect it or I'm going to think you're a freak."

"I'm freaking in love with you. Tell me one reason, if not, I won't believe you."

He sighs. "I didn't want to do this." He grabs his phone and shows me a picture of a guy in his twenties.

I raise my eyebrows, "I still don't get it."

He shows me a conversation, but he pulls it away before I can start reading. "We've been talking all day, we started yesterday, actually. He seems a good guy. I'm trying to get over you, because I'm not in love with you anymore, but you're right, I still love you. I love you as a. . ." He looks at his feet and plays with his fingers.

I close my fists tight. "It can't be true." I say, reluctantly.

"It is." My stomach twists at his words. I stand up, almost falling down. I frown, he can't like someone else.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to show you this, but it was the only way you would believe me completely." He says, slowly. My throat starts burning and my breathing intensifies.

"I'm not in love with you, Kim Namjoon."

His last words kept echoing in my head as I storm into the bathroom. I don't care if he listens to my loudly sobs and sniffs. I don't care if he hears me breaking in thousands of pieces.

I don't quite understand everything that happened and a new wave of tears appears, easing the knot in my throat. But one thing's for sure, I know he still loves me and he may still be in love with me. But I don't know why he has to hurt me that much.

The pain I felt five years ago returns in another shape, but with the same intensity. Losing my little sister was the worse thing that ever happened to me, and now I also lost Jin. He pushed me away without any explanation.

As a fool I believed in happy ever after and beautiful weddings. As a fool I fell in love with Kim Seokjin, letting everything and everyone behind me. I've never doubted my love for him, but now I realise how dumb I was, now I realise how deeply and crazily in love I am for him. I've always known it, but I've never felt it this intensely.