1

"This is getting out of hand"

I sigh as I watch her scroll through my Facebook messages, a happy yet grossed out look at certain places "You both even sext!"

I smile there as I take in a mouthful of cereal "Ive been practicing"

".... Have you been sending him dick pictures, Eul Song?"

"Well...."

"The actual fuck? You don't have a dick!"

I dodge the shoe she aims at me as she  turns to face me, an exasperated look on her face "What is this?"

I shrug "I have it under control though. He has no idea I'm a girl"

"And when he does?"

"We haven't reached that bridge yet though"

I hear her sigh as she stands up, walking to me now "If you ask me, I'd say that this is unhealthy"

"Huh?"

"You, pretending to be a guy so you can get his attention. This is typical you entering a typical toxic relationship that in the end has no gain really. What do you think would happen when he finds out you're a guy? He'd magically become straight and love you?"

I grumble there "You even worry more than me"

She immediately slaps my head and I let out a groan as she says "Because you don't have the brains too! It's all unicorns and rainbows now until it actually becomes real. This isn't a story that will have a happy ending"

I look up at her, my face devoid of any emotion "I.... I'm happy now. That's all that matters"

"Eul....."

This time, I smile at her "He really makes me happy Noona"

Her face stares down at me, her eyes showing so many emotions that make my tummy turn before she sighs and says "You are helpless. You're a lost soul. You're pitiful.... But I still love you though"

She ruffles my hair as I chuckle before she says "You have an appointment today"

I stand up with my empty bowl, walking to the sink and rinsing it "With who?"

"Your Father"

I pause, freezing for only some seconds before drying off the bowl with a cloth and dropping it back in the rack "What for?"

"He worries about you. You've been spending so much time inside here talking to HIM"

I feel another smile coming on my face as I say "That's not a bad thing is it?"

"Eul Song...."

I turn around, folding my arms "He is really special, you know. The gays in the world are lucky, you know. I'd meet with Father, however, I..."

My phone vibrates immediately, and I hurriedly take it out of my pockets, hearing a tired sigh escape from her mouth as I read the text

Hotsauce15: Hey, Eul. Could we meet today?

I suddenly feel knots tie up in my stomach as I shake a bit.

"Eul Song? Are you alright?"

I look up at her "He... He wants to meet me"

Her eyes widen immediately as she slowly shakes her head "We always knew this would come to an end. Text him that you're a girl right now and...."

"Noona, do you know a makeup artists that can make me look like a boy?"

"You have really lost it, haven't you?"

"How much will it cost? I'd tell Oppa about it too. He'd happily pay...."

"Are you actually ignoring me?"

"And...."

"Eul!"

She is now grabbing me by my arms, her face frantically searching mine "Are you serious right now? You want to continue this? And even about to change your identity?! We both know how Kim Geon Woo is! I doubt he'd want a meet and greet! He might want to actually have sex with you. You don't have a goddamn dick!"

There's a slight pause there as I now say "I have an asshole though"

"Eul Yi Song!"

I chuckle "You worry too much really. I just need you to make me look like a boy. You can do that, can't you?"

Her eyes seem distraught now as she moves back, shaking her head "Holy shit"

I sigh "You've gotten so used to watching over me that you find it hard to let me do what I want now"

"I repeat, you don't have the brains to make the right decision"

I shake my head, smiling as I bring out my phone.

Hotsauce15: hey, you still here? You don't have to though, if you're busy.

Me: It's fine. When do you want us to meet?

Hotsauce15: Ten pm.

Me:..... Ten? Isn't that like, late?

Hotsauce15: That's the point, you're sleeping over.

Me: ...

Hotsauce15: Just a night, come on.

Me: Okay.

Hotsauce15: Awesome! Till then Daddy.

Daddy....

"Yeah, I knew it" Noona moves away from the screen of my phone with a frown on her face "He wants sex"

"That's my worry"

I put my phone back in my pocket "Get the meeting with Oppa ready"

*

Just don't get your face wet and don't remove the wig, and oh, DO NOT TAKE OFF YOUR GODDAMN SHIRT!

I sigh as the words ring around my head, putting my hand back into my pocket as steam comes out from my mouth.

It's so cold, and yet all I can think of is Kim Geon Woo.

Would he....

Would he ever love me though?

I know... I know now it's all about sex, because that was the reason he even spoke to me.

I opened a fake facebook account with me saying I was gay guy who loved sex.

And he immediately texted me.

"You actually dressed up for this"

My heart races at the voice as I turn around, facing the male.

He's in a casual turtleneck sweater and wool trousers, his blonde hair flying in the wind and his green eyes sparking through the darkness.

"Should I have come in my pyjamas?" I ask, slightly confused.

He laughs, walking to me as he cups my cheeks and makes me look at him "You sound the same as in texts. Isn't that wonderful?"

What... What can I even say as he's so close?

I can smell his cologne, and it wraps around me so tight that I can't breathe...

Yet...

Yet I want this.

As we ride in his car, him smoking and me looking at him, he says "So you really don't talk much?"

"What do you want me to say?"

He shrugs "Nothing. It actually makes this simple to begin with"

I see...

He just wants sex.

Why does... Why does it hurt?

I mean, of course, all we've ever spoken about was sex, which took me weeks to actually grasp....

But... But I wanted more.

It felt so absurd that I knew almost everything that I needed to know about him.

I knew that he owned a gay bar that was quite popular around Seoul.

I knew that he had sex so frequently it was alarming but never entered a relationship.

I knew that he liked ice creams which was shocking to find out because everything about him screamed 'bad'

But I strongly doubted he knew anything more than my name.

When we reach his house, I notice it's the same as Noona described.

Small, comfortable...

Clean.

"Would you like wine?"

I turn to him "You are a collector?"

He smiles "Who doesn't like beautiful things? Wine?"

I nod "Please"

He nods in return and walks away as I stare at the paintings and artefacts around his house, my hand sweeping through them, a familiar beautiful feeling going through me.

He likes Art....

I smile.

"Hey!"

I turn again and meet him at the kitchen door "I'm bottom, just so we're clear on that"

"Bottom?" I ask.

"Shocking isn't it?" He replies "White or red wine?"

"Red"

When he's gone again, I take my phone out and see numerous messages from Noona.

Me: He's bottom.

Noona: ..... Oh shit.

Me: Is that bad?

Noona: Leave there! Now!

Me: Why?

Noona: Why? You ask why?! If it was him being top, that was different, you have a hole, he has a dick but this time HE'S the one with the hole, and you do NOT have a dick neither do you know how to.... Fuck! Eul Yi Song! It's either you leave there right now! Or you tell him you have a pussy!

I frown at the language she uses and is about to reply before I find him walking to me and snatching the phone "Hey, no outside disturbance today"

As he throws it on the couch and looks at me, I notice his green eyes lighten up and my heart races again....

"You're actually very pretty though" He whispers.

Kim Geon Woo....

"Ah, fuck this"

He grabs me and kisses me, his lips igniting a flame in me...

We end up with me being pinned on the wall, his hands removing the buttons of my coat and flinging it away.

Don't remove your goddamn shirt!

But... But I want him to touch me.

I find myself pinning him down now and moving to his neck, biting down as I remove the buttons of his shirt, letting my tongue glide down his neck to his nipples.

I let my tongue flicker on one nipple as he moans loudly while one of my hands pinch the other one.

I should stop here, I should tell him the truth....

"Kim Geon Woo, I'm...."

All of a sudden, he's on his knees, about to remove my belt buckle when I hear myself blurt "I'm on my period!"

He momentarily stops and I mentally slap myself there as I say  "I mean, I just had surgery, appendix surgery. My doctor says I can't have sex yet"

"Oh" He says "But I can suck you off, right?'

"I'd want to have sex if you do"

"Oh"

He stands up now as I mentally praise my smart reply, his eyes smiling at me "For a second there, I though you were actually a girl"

My heart stops there.

He turns fully now, cupping my cheeks as he says "Are you?"

I can say the truth now, save myself from more heartbreak....

But you see, from the beginning, I've loved him...

"No, I'm not"

And to the end, I always will...

He kisses me now "Good"

Losing him was not an option.