13

As a child, there was nothing that I did not want to do.

I was reckless and irresponsible, my older brother was practically my role model and we always played pranks on Noona whenever we could.

Noona, however, was just like Mother, and not like her in every sense.

Mother was proper and strict, Noona was sweet and motherly, Mother was an exceptional wife, Noona was a clumsy oaf and would have been better off not marrying at all.

But I am to become her after all.

I know what it means if I agree to run with Father.

It would mean the reporters on my tail all the time, it would mean being asked questions that I did not want to be asked, it would mean digging up old memories that I myself have not forgotten.

So I asked Appa to give me more time.

At first, he wanted to argue about it but when I said something about the fact that my hair would not wash off it easily and the growth would take a while, he decided to give me a month off before the public could hound me.

And no, he did not want to stop the surveillance on me.

According to him, I had lived all my life being waited hand and foot, that being alone was new to me and anyone could hurt me.

But I know deep down, he did not want anyone to hurt Ga-eul.

Which was also Mother's name.

He would always break down at the sight of me or hold me tight and say her name so many times that it became nothing but horror to my ears that I shortened it to Eul.

But Father never stopped and he went farther when he changed the name of the corporation from Song corps to Autumn and Co, Autumn being the meaning of my name.

I go to as far away from his as possible as I make a call, my heart beating loudly in his chest as I await for the person to pick.

It rings ceaselessly and it feels like my heart is dropping itself with every single second before I hear him "Hello"

His voice still has that husky feel in it, just like it had yesterday morning which struck me as weird as it was not morning but two PM in the afternoon.

Except of course he was...

"Where are you?" I ask.

"At the bar, why?"

"Why do you sound like that then?" I ask again.

"Because I'm stressed as fuck and something came up here in the bar that I have to fucking fix before I lose my shit.... Hey, don't you already tail me like the fucking weirdo you are? Why would you ask my location?"

"Because I have not called Zephyr to ask yet" I say as I use my hands to cover my face "I wanted talking to you"

"Oh" There is a shuffling sound in the background as he says "Is something wrong?"

A part of me wonders if you genuinely care, or if you say that because it's the normal reply to give when someone asks that but all I say is "I don't know. I just wanted talking to you. Can I come see you?"

"No"

My eyebrows raise there "Why not?"

"I just told you I have shit to settle. Can you pick some other time?"

But I don't want some other time.

I want you now, I want to see how you look at me with that arrogant look on your face, I want to see that look you have when you think I've gone crazy and possibly lost my marbles.

I want to see you.

I lick my lips "Tonight"

"Tonight? I have to stay in the bar and...."

"Then I'd come over and stay till you're done" I cut in "I won't bother you while I'm there, you wouldn't even notice the difference"

There is silence at the other side of the phone before I hear him sigh and say "I swear if you do something crazy, I would personally kill you myself, do you understand?"

The fact that those words are empty threats because I know that he would not dare touch me for certain reasons best known to his dick, I say "I understand"

"Good"

After he says this, I wait for him to hang up, but he does not.

He stays at the other side and so do I, none of us saying anything before he says "Eul?"

"Yes"

".... Never mind, goodbye"

Then he hangs up.

I stare at my phone, not sure of what emotion I am feeling but I end up laughing for a while, because it feels refreshing.

Because it feels nice.

Then quickly call someone else "Sunbae?"

"Eul Yi Song?"

For some reason, I hear excitement in his voice that he does not even try to hide as I say "Were you busy?"

"No, I was just watching TV actually. Why are you calling? Is everything alright? Are you okay?"

It is here I note the differences.

One of them, is asking about my welfare, being genuinely concerned and showing that he cares in a simple manner.

Which is predictive considering the fact that we have been friends for longer than would expect or anyone expected.

And then there's the other...

Whose replies seem to keep shocking and interesting me.

I am not sure of he hates me, or sees me as a sex toy, or as a friend.

This all feels like a guessing game and in a way....

I enjoy the rush of it.

"Nothing, I am fine. I am at the company, you know where it is. I would like it if you come pick me up"

"Now?"

"Yes now" I reply "Are you preoccupied? You did say you were not"

"No, no its not that. It's just... You already said it yourself that you had a personal chaffuer for this sort of thing"

"I do, but he's busy"

Keeping an eye on a grown man for me.

"And I also would like if you kept me company till about eight in the evening. My free time is quite void and without anything to do"

"Oh, sure sure of course. Just give me about ten minutes or so"

"Thank you"

When I hang up, a little still voice that I had long silenced in my head came and said

'You are using me, do you not feel guilty?'

But I do not give it an answer, but instead swat it away.

The world was already cruel and twisted and everyone was taking advantage of everyone.

I can not be any different, can I?