20

When I reach his house, I'm panting and out of breath.

I check behind me again to see if Noona had followed me, which thankfully she hasn't, before I walk to his front door and knock.

He doesn't answer the first time and I'm beginning to think he's at the bar before the door opens and he's standing there.

On a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and his hair gelled back, a surprised look on his face "Eul"

"I'm sorry I did not tell you before I came. It was a last minute thing. I just needed to know if..."

"Come in first. You look like you ran all the way here"

I want to tell you right there and then that I don't want to come in.

That i want to know if this all meant nothing to you.

If... If you could stare at me right now and act like we have not been apart from each other for a week.

But instead, I walk in.

The TV set is on and there's a movie playing, a horror movie I can tell from the screams coming out of it, the only light in the room from the TV as he says "Sit. I would bring you a glass of water"

I do that and stare at the screen, a lady now under the table, pregnant and bleeding as he comes and hands the glass to me.

I take it, muttering a thank you as he sits opposite me before I drink it and he says "Why did you come here?"

Why?

No 'Im glad you're here'

'Its been a week'

But 'Why did you come here?'

"This is a nice movie"

He turns to the screen "Do you know it?"

"Yes. The lady loses her baby in the end and tries killing her and her psychotic husband but ends up surviving while he's on the run"

He faces me, frowning "Wow. You should have warned me before you spoilt it"

"I couldn't have told you. I'm pissed"

"Pissed?"

"That you would ask me such a stupid questions" I say "Can I not come here anymore to see you?"

"You could have called or texted me"

I laugh there "And you would have said 'Im at the bar right now, call me later' or 'Id text you back when I'm free'. I already know that, I've been watching you for a while"

He says nothing before I say "Come"

"What?"

"Here, at my feet, would you come sit at my feet, please?"

He does so and as soon as he's there, I put my hand in his hair, letting it massage it gently, the softness soothing me aa i say "When I was angry, It would come sit at my feet and let me stroke his fur. It always calmed me down"

He doesn't say anything before I hold his chin and make him look up at me "Was it that easy for you? To forget me? Because I didn't forget you"

"Eul..."

"I wanted to hear you moan and I wanted to hear you shout at me. I wanted to see you glare at me and I wanted to see that face you make when you're embarassed" I say "I wanted to see you"

His ever bright eyes seem to stare at me with confusion, unlike his always fiery or defiant gaze "I thought you wouldn't notice"

"What are you even saying?"

"It's just... When we have... Sex, you don't act like you enjoy it. You act like you're doing it merely to please me"

"But I want to please you"

"Yes, of course but..." He sighs "Shit, I can't believe I'm saying this. Sex is reciprocal. I can't really enjoy it if you don't"

"I do"

"You don't moan, you don't react and you don't..." He looks away "And you don't cum either. It's like you're not even satisfied at all"

Because I can't.

Because I'm a man that can't produce semen.

Because I don't feel everything you do except watching you alone gives me peace and satisfaction.

"Is that all?"

He turns to me "You're saying it like it's not a big deal but it is. It's like I'm fucking a dead person, which doesn't even sit well with me because...."

I kiss him.

He does not taste like smoke as I keep kissing him, the warmth making me feel better, making me think better before I pull away and say "I will"

"You will what?"

"Moan, react, cum, whatever is it you want" I say "In return, you will call and text me at least once a day. Do you understand?"

"Eul..."

"Do you?"

"Yes"

"Good, and what I said wasn't really the ending. I actually have never seen this movie before"

"You bastard"

He stands up from the floor, walking out of the living room as I laugh.

But deep down, I know I'm not really laughing.

I made a promise now that I'm not sure I can keep.

And that doesn't sit well with me.