Page 13: I Am Totally Not Upset! Alright??

Sunday 9:00 AM

By the Paradise falls exit counter.

Amelia

Dear Diary,

My mind was glum and dark.

I felt my entire life falling before my eyes. But, I am worried about it. I do not care about the least of what is happening to me now. And, you know why, that's because I don't fuss on things which doesn't matter to me.

That's how I am.

But, the only thing that's baffling my emotions are that I feel so weak physically. I haven't eaten well for past few days after all. And, I wonder why I have this tough feeling of emptiness filling my heart.

I mean, I certainly do not feel like it's the end of the world just because my mother had said I am not allowed to spend time on my jock activities anymore. She makes sense. I really must concentrate on my solid future to get in a university. I can't waste time on useless things.

But.. But.. Why.. Do I feel this way? I do not know.

I dug my face on the math book I had before. It had been a week since I stopped going to school.

A day off from my restless year. Is the excuse I try to call it. But, even I know that's just because I don't want to experience the linger pain on my chest every time I see the sports field.

I drowsily peeked into my phone.

I got 2 messages from Darcy, 10 from Alex and 30 from Sarah. Sara had tried calling me 15 times too and I had cut them off.

They were worried about me but I already said I am okay.

Besides, I know, I shouldn't take out my feelings to her especially when it was just morning since we talked about giving her the shoe box.

If someone must be to blame, it's me. Even if it is for impressing my crush, I should have never agreed to buy something extremely dangerous on our household with my very strict mother.

I knew of my mother's hatred towards basketball but still I was too careless and did such a thing.

And, because of that not only did my mother find out about my part time job as a basketball couch assistant of a small institution. She also, figured out that I have been trying to get into a sports college with my pocket money and salary and practically tore the application I had struggled to even get it on my hands.

I really am hopeless on all levels.

I was thinking of these when my 21 year old elder sister, Stella Jeong entered the room for the 12th time this day.

I grumbled on bed with the blanket still covered all over me.

I hate how clingy people are sometimes.

I really don't know why people are so worried about me. I haven't even cried a single time in my loneliness.

Stella got into the room and started advicing me just like she always did telling I need to talk about my feelings loud at least to her and let it out.

But I..

"I said, I am not upset, Okay! Why do you all keep bothering me!?!"

I yelled when Stella took a step back in fear.

Shock glistened her eyes and I immediately regreted my guesture.

She didn't do anything wrong. She was just being a good sister and helping me sort my own feelings. But, she should know I am too old for that.

"Stella, I am sorry.. " I apologized softly. "I didn't mean to yell at you.. "

"I Know.. But.. "

"I was just busy.. " then I realized I was stuck. I couldn't say anything more.

Busy.. What..? I haven't had anything to busy myself with. And, I cannot obviously lie that I was studying like I do to my mom. Stella knows me too well for it.

"Um.. Busy.. Busy... " I stammered miserably when Sara's call rung on my phone for the 10th time today.

"Waiting for a call from Sarah! " I lied abruptly and took the phone on my hand.

Stella let out a sigh.

"Gosh, girl and I thought you might turn into a bald monk on the mountains " she jocked childishly and abruptly looked at me.

I forced a laugh.

I have to. That was a special joke we always share since the time we were still kids. Stella invented it. We use that saying from a fictional story to tease a person who behaves like saddist bald person who hated the world and everything around it and camouflages this hatred by quoting he wants to become a monk.

That was a joke we would use to cheer each other up in distress. And, knowing Stella I know she only quoted it check whether I was really okay or that. That is the cheeky sister, I have.

"And..Um.. Amelia..

"Yes.. "

" Sarah is waiting on the other line.. Isn't she?" Asked Stella doubtfully.

"Oh.. Isn't she.!?. I almost forgot.. "

Oh crap. I attended the call.

I smiled sheepishly and placed the phone on my ear.

A: "Hello..? "

S: "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING !!!????!!!?! AMELIA...ARE YOU COMPL.. "

I abruptly took the phone of my ears and tapped my fingers of the table as Stella chuckles.

I think, this was gonna take a while.

After a few seconds, I finally placed my phone on my ear again.

A: "Are you done? "

S: "Amelia... "

An exhausted yet irritated voice answered it.

A: "...."

S: "Yes... "

A: "Ahhh.. OK then, Sarah what do you want..?"

S: "Is.. That the way you talk to a friend who is so.. "

A: "OK.. I am hanging up! "

S: "Wait! No no! Please no!! I just wanted to tell.. "

A: "...."

S: "I have tickets to Paradise land!"

Paradise land.

The moment I heard the name, I do not know what happened next but, my blood cells boiled. I felt a strong adrenaline rush all over my body.

Paradise land. Okay. Amelia calm down. It is just an ordinary amusement part that simply is the most best one on the entire world!?!

Okay I give up. I love that place and absolutely LOVE that amusement park.

There is nothing I the world that would cheer me up more than this Paradise Land and even though this is coming from my closest friend in my dark time.. I just had to go there.

For myself and for the friends who are worried about me.

So, you know what I am gonna do.. I am just gonna close this diary and go meet my friends.. They are just trying so much to bring me normal.. Though even I know that I am PERFECTLY FINE! why don't I just listen to them.

And, with this I am done for now dear diary..

___________

11.Am

Before the paradise land, ticket counter to the Jumbo Rollercoaster:

Amelia.

Dear Diary.

Okay, I admit going out with Sarah and the other girls really was the best thing that happened today.

I mean, by the amount of popcorns, cotton candies and the trophies I had won in the fun arcade games of the video game session you can check my words.

So, there I went in my most skimpiest outfit. I was not really I am mood to wear anything bright or even care about them for that matter. And, I repeat, that has nothing to do with the fact that I was upset because I am not.

But, the girls really didn't care about it. There were just happy that I was out here with them. Sarah hugged me her infamous bear hug and she said many people were worried about me..

And, when I asked who? Just so I can find whether Derrick Han was on that list...

She averted her eyelids like a fish and said, the teachers, Ms Grace.. Then.. She held my hands and told me.. 'Alex'.. with a strange tone.

At this I confess, I had to roll my eyes.

I knew she would bring things about him soon but seriously not this fast..

"Sarah, please do not start with your fantasies. I am seriously bored with them.. " I told her expressionlessly and walked in with my palms stuffed inside my black jeans that was overlapped under my long white turtle neck sweater.

"Wait.. Amelia..! Wait for me!! " Sarah rushed up to follow me along with the other girls.

My friends then took me on the rollercoaster ride, bumper cars, unicorn carousels, swimming pools and even the haunted house.

Like always my best friend Sarah Kim couldn't move on to any ride before puking rainbows first. But, she still insisted to joined me though I forced her not to. Darcy was the same too. She kept complaining how the rollercoaster might breakdown and fall do to over weight, how we might drown inside the swimming pool water and even how ghosts might actually come out real in the haunted house and other stuff.

But, these girls still stayed with me just like cheerful Cheryl and hot headed Rin, my other two friends who had joined us.

I swear, I am still not upset that I am being banned from my passion football at all! And, there is absolutely nothing people had to do to cheer me up.

But, I still felt very touching that these people (when most of them weren't even the people I hangout with on daily basis like Sarah) thought I am upset and joined us leaving all their personal works aside.

To sum up we had so much fun. So much fun than the time I was locked myself inside me room.

By the moment, we got outside the amusement park it was 6.pm.

I don't feel like going home at all. But, when I said this to Sarah she told me to stay happy and strong because that is what I needed now.

Looking back now, I realised it was really good to have come here with my friends because, like Sarah said I think I can finally be truly happy now at this moment.

And, I know absolutely nothing would break this moment.

__________

Sunday 6:00.

On the bed.

Amelia.

Derrick Han. My first crush since sixth grade. I fell for him at first sight for his gentleness and bright smile that was good enough to extend his kindness to Sarah. But, also me.

I think, that was what made me attracted to him first.

Sarah is, of course my best friend and I love her a ton.

But, since she is so beautiful and popular I often get compared with her and get degraded by everyone around us. While Sarah had flocks of guys flocking around her. I never had a single guy who would ever have a crush on me. While Sarah smiles I am sure the whole world would stop for her. But, when I do, boys often make more terrified faces than Alexander Min always does.

I guess, that is probably because of how normal and unattractive I was as a girl.

So, for a person like me, Derrick's gentle flirting that day was like a hope. I thought of him as an angel, a prince and the boy who stirred my actual dream for playing basketball.

I knew, I liked basketball before I met him. He was the reason I got close to the basketball girls team of middle school and even became it's manager at one point of time.

I thought he would notice me then. And, he finally did. Though it was only when he needed something related to the game.

I recall, I have done several favours for him then too before my mother found out about this, of course.

My only contact to him was completely gone from then. But, I was satisfied by a simple unrequited love because as far as I know Derrick never dated any girl.

And, Derrick Han was the start of my dream. The reason I started basketball was because I wanted to impress him. I loved him. I loved him so much that I thought he would belong to me, only me though I wasn't brave enough to make a love confession.

But, oh boy was I wrong.

After I had spent the day with my friends and Sarah was just elaborating the incident with the funny guy who she had rejected at the amusement park earlier in a dramatic way, the girls around me suddenly hesitated moving and ushered us to get away from this place.

We were still on the footpath by the road that was crowded with the general traffic of the vehicles. There were many shops on the two sides of the road too. So, I guessed the girls were like this because they spotted some teacher and wanted to hide us.

I know, it would be troublesome if Ms Grace discovered me but, then realised I will probably talk her out, so I didn't need to worry much.

Sarah agreed with all my thoughts when I told her this and felt like these girls were acting weird too.

But, that changed immediately the moment she spotted the direction other friends were secretly pointing to her blonde hair practically spiked upwards in fright.

Sarah then pulled my shoulder agressively and pushed it on the opposite direction.

"Ammeliaa..!! You said you have p-pasta at your home right..?? C-Can you make one for me now..?"

She said something totally out of the topic.

"I.. do... But, I am not really sure I can make you one cause my mother is still-"

"Y-You can come to my house!! My little brother misses you and wants you to come over and play with him..!"

She changed the topic in seconds still pushing me and did what even she felt as very awkward.

My other friends seconded her and agreed with every thing Sarah even if she was making obvious blunders.

My eyes shrunk in suspicion. I quickly turned to the other side my friends were trying so hard to hide and asked.

"We will.. But, I think, I missed my purse on that direction. I made an obvious lie.

"Can I go get-"

I wanted to say but, the all four girl screamed in a big.

"NO!"

Their strange response just made me feel more suspicious.

I never knew that, I shouldn't have turned back and looked at him then.

_________

I saw Derrick Han coming out of a pub with many girls around him. He was dressed in hot tight skimpy clothes that were purposefully made to attract girls. He had a big bottle of alcohol on his hand and he flushed as though he was drunk.

An image of him that was completely contrasting to how he usually is at the school like a good honor student.

He was flirting around with every single girl of the group and looked like he was having the time of his life..

While I was suffering out here because of doing errands for him.

This is so unfair..

Derrick Han, my first love, the guy who made me discover my love for basketball and the guy I thought was the love of my life.. was actually a 'player'...??

Then what about me doing things for him just so he could look at me all along ignoring the fact that I might get into trouble with my mom soon.

I did.. it for getting his affections..

But.. But..

I was totally misunderstood his intentions and got used up, right..??

I didn't know what happened next, but, I think just the sight shock me strong enough that I ran away from my caring friends just like that entirely abandoning them.

I didn't want to make them to see the horrible way my face twisted.

It was only a while since my mind had gotten out of the misery that my mother banned me from playing basketball, yearning money in secret from a secret couching center for the money and aspiring to join an University for Basketball.

And, to know that the purpose I had just been caught all along was just to guy who has been a player all along. I couldn't bear it.

I could believe all the tempo we had between us, the chemistry and the superficial progression of relationship in my head were all just my silly fantasies!

"Amelia!!"

Knock*!

Knock!*

"Amelia Jeong! Open this door!"

My sister and even Sarah tried to open my closed room door for hours now. But, I wouldn't.

Last time, I was simply being sulky, avoided conversations and refused to go outside of my house

But, they were worried that I wasn't even willing to talk to them. And, they had no idea what was happening to me.

I think, Stella and Sarah gradually gave up as their sounds diminished and I soon saw my sister's car move from my house. My sister left the house and so did Sarah who probably thought I needed some space.

And, they were right I totally need some space.

After they left, I came down on my own knowing, my mother who has absolutely no idea of what I was going through would soon be back from her job.

I do not know how I am going to face her either.

There has been a prolonged awkward silence between us and we hadn't spoken a word since that day.

Though it was all that, I do not like showing how I really felt to my mother. So forced, I gently got out of my room and entered the open hall of our house for appearance sake. Just to look totally normal when she sees me.

I sat down on my dining table on a chair beside the window, on the dark house with no lights except the lazy night lamp and this is where I am writing my diary.

Stella's makeup mirror which she had forgotten replace them on the dressing table was still placed here.

Looking at the mirror, I could feel my eyes weary and dark. My face looks extremely pale.

But, other than that not a single drop of tear had drooled from my eye.

I wasn't really holding my feelings in dear diary. I am just not that upset.

Like I told you before just like back then, really, I am not upset.

I am totally not upset.

I am just ranting.

This is just a rant. Something like this wouldn't shake me.

I have gone through a lot in my past.

I can handle this feelings on my own.

I am not upset.

I am not upset.

_________

Third Person POV:

Amelia was still writing her diary while still waiting for her dinner when someone from somewhere suddenly yelled on loud voice.

"MOVE AWAY! AMELIA!!"

Crash!!!

This was when like the strong translucent blurry glass that gets broken when a giant rock suddenly hits and smashed her window, the pure strong thick glass wall that Amelia had put around her heart shattered while she was half way at writing her diary.

The sudden startling crack of the glass took her by shock and she almost immediately broke from her misery to see which criminal had done such a thing to her house, window.

"What the hell is-"

She immediately put her head out of the window. Only to be met with the face of a rather exhausted, weary, worried yet handsome Alex with sparkling sweat all over his body standing by the window huffing and puffing.

"A-Alex!!"

She was shocked out of her wits.

"Why are you here..?? T-T-The window.. M-My mother..."

She stammered looking very worried and equally confused.

But, Alex simply smirked at this and simply pulled her hand from the window.

"Follow me."

He said with the voice of a melody.

Amelia looked up at him with dazed eyes when her mother suddenly appeared by the door.

"Who is th-.. Alexander..!!??"

Her mother who had just returned from her job to the house screamed looking at this scholar student doing something so unruly the second she entered her house.

"Oh no. Hurry Amelia!.."

"B-But, wait. Why are you.. Woah wait.. Alex .. Stop..! STOP..!!"

And, in such a manner a unexpected twist Amelia had never imagined happened right then.

She just closed her eyes and followed Alex's lead.

For a moment, she actually forgot she was in pain at all the strange heart pounding commotion.

________