Page 18: "The Heart Always Wants What It Want"

Monday, After P:E

Infirmary.

Amelia

Dear Diary,

My head hurts miserably. My whole body aches and more than that, I am extremely confused and hurt.

Just why is Vanessa taunting me like this? Now, that she is back should I really become a prey to her bulling all over again just like how I was at elementary school..?

But, really. It was fortunate I had an amazing metabolism. If anyone else had been in my place, I am sure they might still be unconscious for more than an hour. Years of basketball made me get away with a tiny head injury. Though, the bandaid the nurse had tied for my injury is still tight over my head.

It didn't hurt much when I had Alex's company for a while but now that he's gone, the pain on my head is slowly starting to act up.

It was one thing that Vanessa started bullying me again. But what surprised me the most is that Alexander, the one who offered accompanying me to the infirmary wouldn't stop apologizing to me.

He stayed with me for almost two hours until the school nurse pestered him to leave since he had to other classes to attend.

After being hit, blood quickly started seeping from my head and I lost my concious immediately.

When I woke up after an hour or so, truth be told I was very surprised to him there sitting closer to my bed while holding my hand on his lap with a desperate expression.

"I am sorry.. I am so sorry, Amelia.."

"Alex... Wh-What are you-" The moment Alex noticed that I had regained my concious he abruptly made an attempt to pounce a hug to me.

Fortunately, the nurse stopped him earlier since I was still injured.

It took a few awkward minutes for Alex to speak again. For some reason Alex looked extremely guilty as though he was the one solely responsible for my injury though that's entirely impossible. So, with a sigh I tried talking.

"Hey.. Why are you-"

"I am sorry.. Amelia.. I am really sorry.." Alex interrupted me.

"Why are you sorry, Alex?.."

Alex became more in remorse and apologized again.

"I c-can't tell you that. B-But, I am sorry.."

I took in some deep breath and looked at him.

"Did you reject, Vanessa..?"

Alex's eyes widened greatly. He then bit his lips and remained silent.

"...."

He soon nodded his head.

"I knew it." I sighed.

Vanessa had a crazy habit since we were just kids. Whenever Alex showed any form or rejection or spoke any rude sentence to her she always directs her wrath towards me.

I have no clue why she does that. But, I guess that's probably because she thought me as an idiot who never really talk back to her or at her toy that she loves to pour her emotions when she's angry.

This is the kind of relationship we always had when we are little kids.

But... But..

Even then..

Flashes of memories flickered on my head as a shy small thin girl with a country hat who hid herself behind her sister, Holly when she was being introduced to us.

Her blue frock was dirty as though she rolled up on a mud pile as though she had just got into trouble. She looked adorable even at young age and had the brightest smile though girl who had low confidence on herself. She was indeed a girl doted by all of us especially Alex when we were young and also the same girl who changed entirely..because of the circumstances of her family..

She was simply someone who transitioned herself from one of my best friends to not an acquaintance or a stranger but, a complete enemy.

Alex looked shocked at my confession.

"You knew..? Amelia.. I..didn't mean, to bring in the matter like this.. T-This is all my fault I-I am-.."

"She is taking her anger on me because I am a weak and docile person, right..?" I said softly forcing Alex to stop his lament in confusion.

"I-It's all right. That might be the truth.. To be honest even, I kinda understand her. I know how painful unrequited love is.. Especially when think about Derrick Han.."

I confessed looking at my white sheets and clenched them.

Alex's eyes flickered for a moment. He then bit his own lips while staring at the floor and played with his fingers.

"Yeah.. I do too. That's more of the reason even I hate myself treating Vanessa like that.."

Alex looked like he was really in grief.

In retrospection of how we pathetic we two really were, I looked at the window and let out a deep sigh.

"But.. That's the thing about Unrequited love, Alex.. We know, it might never come true.." I was thoroughly able to empathise with Vanessa Choi. "We know, that person will never notice you that way.. But, yet.."

Alex smiled along with me.

"The heart wants what it always wants.."

"The heart wants what it always wants.."

The two of us ended up saying the same quote said by poet Emily Dickenson in her poem on our English text book.

I stared at Alex blankly for a few seconds. There was an immediate silence all around us.

"W-What..?" Alex looked confused.

"You have an unrequited love too..?.. Who..?"

I asked him curiously.

Alex's lips suddenly twisted. He quickly became exhausted as though he wanted to bang his head on the wall.

"Amelia.. You are the only person around me who is this slow.. I am almost impressed.. "

Alex coughed wearily.

The news was a total new revelation to me.

"Alex!! You have a crush..?? Since when..? Is that why you keep rejecting Vanessa..??!"

Alex blushed abruptly by my bombardment of questions.

"Who is she..???! Do I know her??"

I pestered him.

"Of course, y-you d-do.. I mean, how can y-you not.."

Alex's shut his eyes as his pretty face reddened more like an Rafflesia flower.

But, I didn't care bother about it and held his arm.

"Oh! So she's an acquaintance..! Is she from another school..? Is she pretty as Sarah..!"

"T-Too close..! Y-You are leaning too close in f-front of me, A-Amelia.."

"This is so exciting..!" I bubbled but then quickly remembered his words.

"But, .. You said your love is unrequited.. Does that mean.. y-you were actually rejected..?"

I was shocked out of my wits.

What..? Some one dared reject Alexander Min..?? The Alexander Min..??

No way.

This could only mean one thing.. Is she be an actress or model who is several years older than him..?

"Then, does it mean you are in love with a working women..?"

I mumbled closing my mouth.

At my question, Alex's flushed face now turned into irritated surprise.

"How the hell did you get into that conclusion..! She is of my age and she's..." Alex now glared at me with an exhausted look yet again.

"An idiot who absolutely has no clue about it.."

"Then why did she reject you..?"

"....."

He bit his lips and said awkwardly.

"I-I..haven't exactly been r-rejected... yet.."

"Then.."

I placed my finger on my chin.

"Let me guess.. " A naughty smirk suddenly twirled on my lips. "You haven't even confessed to her..? Is that it..?"

Alex paused abruptly. He gulped his saliva and looked away.

"....."

I noticed him playing with his purple bangs awkwardly.

I know, I was not supposed to do this. I know, we were supposed to be talking about our unrequited love while I was still on the school infirmary, injured. But, still coming to know of a possibility on Alex's life that I have never even dared to imagine.

I gasped as though my breathing got paused and soon grinned naughtily.

"You..! Y-You have to tell her.. Alexander."

I said with a cool expression and grabbed a flower from the flower vase that was placed on the desk beside me.

I gently plucked out it's petals one by one.

"You must sing verses of love like a true poet under the majestic sun. Touch her maiden heart and work up your fist sized courage to confess your love.."

"Ahh..!! Will you stop teasing me already..???!"

Alex finally exploded.

He found out I was teasing him.

Ah.. I got caught.

I chuckled at him at his clumsiness and reminded how taciturn Alex actually is though he is the most popular guy on the entire school. I wanted to cherish the sight of the blushing Alex within myself.

And, for a moment, I felt like even, if does get a girl friend, I did not want her to see this cute side of my precious male best friend.

Dear Diary, Am I crazy to feel this way..? I didn't realise it before. But, I must really be a very possessive friend towards Alex..

"Have you ever tried confessing to her, Alex..?" I asked him after sometime.

".... Yes.. Many times.." Alex confessed. "Since... 5 years.." He smiled.

"What..?"

He liked the girl for five years..? I was extremely impressed by his love life.

"Are ..you that..scared..?"

I asked him hesitantly.

".... Hmm. Hmm"

Alex mumbled.

"Two years of a silly crush. Before I moved to the States I wrote her a letter to meet up and confess my feelings.. But.. She never came.."

"That must terrible. I cannot believe she was actually this cruel..."

Alex blinked but soon agreed.

"She was.. And.." Alex suddenly gazed at my eyes and said. "She still is.. Amelia.."

...

I do not know why he said that. But, the lingering feeling I had the moment I heard those words makes feel like.. I ..am that person..

Of course, I know that's impossible.

And.. A letter?..

I never recieved one..

If that person was me, I must have received some thing, right..?

But, all I got was silence on that day. Alex left the town without single notice to his friends or classmates including to me and Sarah.. We only knew he already transferred after our homeroom teacher informed us.

I felt extremely betrayed back then. But, now that I think about it, his parents divorce, an unclear rejection from his two year old crush and leaving the town he lived all his life, Alex must have really been crushed then too.

I must be more nicer to him in future.

____________

Location: School

Point of view: Alexander Min.

(NOT A DIARY ENTRY)

After exiting from the infirmary Alex felt his chest being over whelmed with many things.

He had to lean on the wall to get a grip of himself.

'She did not look guilty..

Amelia did not have a tinge of guilt on her face when I mentioned her the letter..

That is strange.

Knowing how sensitive she usually is when she hurts someone it is impossible for her to pretend she hadn't just rejected me that day..

Unless.. The letter..

Did she really get it..?

I clearly placed it underneath her desk that day. I waited under the school's grand oak tree for many hours. But, when I checked it the next day, Amelia hadn't turned up to school.. And, my letter on the other hand was in the trash bin..'

This must only mean someone messed with the letter.

Someone who does not like me confessing to Amelia or us getting together...

Someone like.. Vanessa..

Ah.. No.

...I mustn't take the risk of doubting her. She might be rough and rash but, I am not sure she's someone who does this.

But..

Ah.. This insane revelation.. I am losing my mind right now..!

Six years of knowing Amelia Harper, two years of a serious elementary school crush and ..four years of morbid seperation both physically and mentally...

I cannot believe it..

..I have wasted four years without contacting her, acting all cold and tsundere towards her.. Just because, I thought, ... Amelia crumbled up the letter she never got..???

How crazy was I..?

But, then.. '

The last words of their conversation suddenly flashed on Alex.

Amelia sat by the bed covered in paper like white blanket sheets and gave him the gentlest smile, that revolted Alex's ideas that she was indeed the girl who openly rejected his feelings and broke his heart.

'Confess to her again..Alex.. Try again.." There was a mature look on the usually dumb Amelia's pretty face. 'for one last time..properly.. confess to her, Alexander..'

Amelia is an extremely dense person. She clearly did not realise that she was indeed the girl he loved. To make matters worse, it seems she even thought he liked older women.. But, those words..

Alex stared at the ground silently and as a breeze blew around him, he noticed the soft cherry blossom petals brush his cheeks while being gusted with the wind.

"Did I get..an okay..?"

Alex mumbled to himself in daze.

In few seconds, his face then immediately turned beet red just like it always does around Amelia and he felt embarassed for his own childish feelings.

'Damn it.'

Alex cursed himself while rubbing his mouth violently.

'Don't get your hopes up, Alexander..'

He rushed to his next class to stop his heart rampaging on his ribcage.

_________