Page 21: When Differences Slowly Fade Apart

Monday, 10:30 am

Home.

Sarah

Dear Diary,

Silent classroom, warm sunbeams, light twittering of the birds, gentle stroke sounds from a paint brush while sitting alone with the man you love and watching him work in silence. That's the art room Lawrence Lee always uses when he's free.

Could there be a more relaxing atmosphere than this..?

I took in and let out a deep sigh wagging my legs.

Haaah..

Hardworking men are truly a picturesque.. I am so glad I can sink in this gorgeous sight into my vision.

Lawrence's fingers soon trembled as his cheeks flushed abruptly.

"N-N-Noona..! W-Will you s-stop staring a-at me..? I-It's making m-me nervous to b-be watched by y-you.."

He stammered putting down his brush and covering himself with his hood.

I leaned on the bench peeping into his art and waved my hands.

"Oh. Please no. Don't mind me, Lawrence. Just, continue drawing. I love seeing you busy.."

I smiled brightly.

Lawrence bit his lips and started again hesitantly.

More strokes of multiple colors splashed on the blank paper. The brush twirled like the pointy legs of a ballerina and dripped paint that created multiple disfigured images before they could become recognisable figures. Few paint drops leaked to the ground and messed the newspapers placed on the floor with light repeating 'plops' sounds.

In a few seconds, he retreated once again. This time dropping his paint brush on the floor.

"I am s-sorry. But, I-I can't. Just w-what the hell i-is fun w-watching someone p-paint..! B-besides, Don't y-you have c-classes already..??"

He said in an awkward fluster while practically covering his face with his palms. In the process, his fair skin were inked with blue black paint strokes.

Silly boy.

It is because it is you that it is fun watching someone paint. Why is this incredibly cute person not taking a hint though it has been a few months by now since I started approaching him..?

"Haaah.. The teacher's on leave and since the sakura season festival's on the move, the school seems to be arranging some big event at the public square. And, everyone is busy practicing for it.."

I poked my ear and ranted an excuse.

"Right.. T-The sakura season festival?.. I've heard that too.. B-But, n-noona?.. Aren't the c-cheerleading team a-arranging a special d-dance at t-the public square on behalf of the s-school..? Then, W-Why aren't y-you practic-"

"Aaaaaahh! I-I ... I am already skilled, Lawrence..! I can do well without a practice..!"

I stopped him from saying more and abruptly spurted out some blunder.

Besides, going to cheerleading team means I have to meet up those toxic girls who accuse me for stealing their boyfriends and judge my relationships with other people.

I can live in absolute peace in a toxic free atmosphere as long I am with Lawrence...

I added to myself.

Lawrence didn't seem to be completely convinced. He pushed his nerdy glassess more closer to his nose bridge and mumbled softly.

"W-Well, if you say so... But, you must still not w-waste your t-time like this.. Y-You already have a-a failing grade a-at our a-art class, noona."

"H-Hey.. You are not supposed to know that..!"

I blushed quickly. But, then chuckled again.

"You truly are a Stalker-nim." I said with a sigh.

"Don't c-call me l-like that..!"

Lawrence was agitated again.

"Okay! My dear Stalker-nim!"

I repeated at the same line, grinning.

Lawrence made an adorable pout. And, His face tried to hide his obvious irritation.

"..."

Watching his lack of immediate response I immediately burst to laughter.

After blinking at me for what seemed like seconds, Lawrance let out a deep sigh.

"D-Don't do that n-noona.. You k-know, I am w-weak to y-your smile. You'd be b-bothered if I like you m-more than I a-already do.."

He said casually and resumed his painting.

I on the other hand felt my heart pounding at his unintentional flirt attack.

There are times I get out of words like this too.

I looked the other side with flushed face.

Lawrence Lee's red bangs tossed lightly under his hood while he worked. The sun beam touched his pale snow white skin and made his emerald eyes seem as though they have swallowed few stars. His fine body was fit and muscular at the right place. And, most of he had milky sweet voice that even an angel might become envious about him.

But, Lawrence was still hiding himself inside that stupid thick coat. It is simply a miracle that he was willing to remove his mask in front of me. And, that's only after I pestered him so much.

But, other than that, with his creepy super introverted tendancies I couldn't even introduce him to my friends. Especially Amelia. I have tried bringing up my relationship with Lawrence many times. But, the mental image that Lawrence is my creepy stalker is strongly fixed on her head.

With a deep sigh, I hugged the desk before me and wagged my legs idly.

"Why the hell should you be so shy that you always love hiding your face..? You have good looks, a sweet voice and a great personality. But because of how you are it's impossible to introduce you to my friends on my right mind!.."

I complained without thinking much.

There was a sudden silence from Lawrence's side. He stopped painting abruptly and just stared at the ground for a while.

"Y-Yes.. Noona.. I know, I d-don't deserve to s-stand n-next to you.."

Lawrence mumbled softly. I gasped in realisation.

"No.. I don't mean that..! I-I.." I stammered feeling myself running out of words.

Aw damn. I was thoughtless.

I didn't think my words might actually hurt him. I just told this to him casually. But, I didn't realise I might have been quite rude to comment on how he is.

I immediately gave him a light bow.

"I am sorry..! I didn't mean to hurt you..! I am really sorry, Lawrence.."

Lawrence stared at me in silence for a while and then turned to his painting.

Was my apology accepted..? Well, but Lawrence doesn't paint when his mind is clouded. So, he became okay..?

"Noona.. D-Do you know when I-I s-started wearing t-these strange hoods..?"

Lawrence opened up about his past for the first time ever.

"S-Since.. Kinder garden..?" I asked hesitantly.

"N-No.. The t-third year of m-my middle s-school.."

My eyes widened drastically at the new revelation.

Just.. The third year of middle school.. He started wearing these clothes, just since the year before.. But.. Why..?

"Y-You see.. S-Since I was a kid, being born in a family with nine s-siblings I had a s-serious middle child syndrome running i-inside me. I was never bright. N-Nor dull. Just, normal.. t-that you couldn't even tell me apart if we, siblings were to be put together. So, when I t-transferred to my new middle school away from my family with a new life where I could live for myself, I was thrilled and very ambitious. I studied hard like hell, tried to specialise myself in art, the o-only talent I was p-praised at home for being special, made a few bunch of people I can call friends.. And, had a few admirers of my own.."

I cringed mentally. Of course, even I know Lawrence would become popular with his given looks if he just happened to get rid of his stupid baggy disguise. But, still hearing it first hand that he actually was,once, I couldn't help getting a bit alarmed.

I already have to bear with his childhood friend, Olivia for his attention. And, I-I do not know if I could handle any more of his admirers if he comes out of his shell..

I must be thankful he still hasn't, though it is extremely selfish of me..

"But.. t-that's when I met him on my peaceful life.."

"Him..?" I asked curiously.

Lawrence's smile flattered painfully.

"T-The bully who traumatized me and forced me to go home s-schooling for a year.."

I gulped quickly.

Though I knew, Lawrence was a victim of bullying I never thought he had to go through this much. ..I mean, traumatized to the level that he had to be home schooled?..

That's a shock..

"H-He was also o-one of my classmates, a friend who accompanied me to the art club t-togather. We had a g-good relationship for a while back then. But when I won the N-National Kids Talent A-Award that w-we worked for, together... Something c-changed on our relationship.."

Lawrence fell into sudden silence as though reminiscing his own p-past memories.

"After leaving that wretched school, I spent a whole year at home thinking about w-why this happened to me and how much better my life was w-when I just blend in with the c-crowd.. If only I hadn't got too ambitious then, if only I wasn't brave enough to reveal what I am good enough.. If only.. I could just disappear.."

I was shocked at his suicidal thoughts, that I had no idea how to respond.

"I don't know what it is.. But, s-something's hitting me really hard these days.. I am utterly unable to get into m-my normal life.. I am s-scared of people's attention. I am scared I might stand out and be picked again.. I am s-scared.. I am j-just s-scared of everything a-around me..!"

Lawrence's voice high pitched as he scratched his head as though he wanted to free himself from these thoughts. And, by this time.. I understood just what exactly Lawrence was going through now..

Depression..

Lawrence had serious signs of depression.

I mean, wearing black over sized hood with baggy glasses though he doesn't seem to be needed them. Stammering too often though he doesn't seem to have had a stuttering problem since birth. His trauma was definately talking toll on his daily life..

I must be an idiot for taking his mental condition very lightly..!

I closed my mouth with my palms in shock.

By the time Lawrence finished speaking his pants increased and he almost dropped on the floor from his round stool, hyperventilating.

That instantly broke my trance.

"Lawrence..!" I cried and immediately helped him up and gave him a big bear hug.

The hug successfully calmed him down. But, Lawrence's anxiety was immediately replaced by surprise.

"N-Noona.. W-W-What are..y-y-you doing..? S-Someone m-m-might s-see u-u-us...!"

"I am sorry! Lawrence! I AM SORRY!!"

I bawled to him.

"I-I knew, you behaved strange. B-But, I didn't mind much because I thought that's just how you are..! B-But.. If I..If..I.."

I couldn't speak more when I thought of everything Lawrence had went through all alone.

Tears rolled from my eyes and chocked my words. But, I still tried my best.

"You are someone I treasure the most, my favourite idol as the lWk and you always deserve the best! Never let anyone contradict that, Lawrence Walker..!"

I yelled hugging his back.

There was silence. There was a minute of silence where none of us spoke any more word.

"N-Noona.." Lawrence then called me.

I hugged his broad shoulders tight not letting go of him.

"N-Noona.. You can look at me now.."

Lawrence's milky voice called softly again.

I immediately shook my head side to side and clenched his hood tight.

"Noona..? I-If I don't k-know you better.. A-Are you now actually e-embarassed to show me your d-dirty crying face..?"

A strong blush immediately flushed on my face as I clenched his shoulder more stronger than before.

'DAMMMMITTTT!'

Lawrence just had to know exactly how I was feeling. He just has to be my one only Stalker-nim! He just has to be the one I am also crushing on deeply..!

"Pfft.." Lawrence chuckled.

There was no doubt about it this time, since while I was still holding him his entire body vibrated at his chuckled. It would have been quite difficult for me to have noticed his silent laugh if I wasn't on this position.

It's good Lawrence is chuckling around me. But, it isn't when you know it's because of how silly you are unintentionally behaving in front of him..

"Noona.. L-Look at me.." Lawrence called again.

"....."

No way! There's no way, There's no way I'll show this ugly face to the guy I like!!

"I t-think your friends a-are coming h-here by the d-door, noona.."

"What the hell!!?!"

I immediately looked up and unwrapped my hug around Lawrence in panic.

Ah, I got fooled.

I soon noticed as Lawrence chuckled more.

I immediately closed my face with my palms to hide my flushed and tear wasted fact once.

"N-Noona.." Lawrence called again, sounding frazzled for repeating the same old circle.

"No! Don't try me! I will not show you my face! It's too embarassing. It seems like I am only showing all my bad sides to you..! More so than when you were stalking me!"

I yelped desperately with my face still buried on my palms when Lawrence suddenly touched my palm hidden face.

"N-Noona.. Y-You s-say you all you keep showing to me a-are your bad sides b-but..."

I subconsciously allow Lawrence to take my palms away from him as he continues speaking.

"A-All I see is an adorable e-equally s-sweet girl w-who is kind hearted to cry on m-my behalf.. I would have never d-discovered these sides of you w-when I simply stalked y-you, Sarah noona.."

Lawrence smiled wiping the retained tear from my eye.

"It's s-surprising to know y-you cry very easily too, though.."

He added on the sly.

"Are you calling me as a cry baby..?"

"I n-never did." Lawrence replied.

"But, you thought me that way right..!"

Lawrence chuckled at my words slowly standing up and soon stretched his palm.

"Come on, noona. It's almost time to go home.."

The strong wind from the windows dusted aside his thick black hood. His bright red hair soon fluttered like pointy lawn grass and shimmered along with the dusky sunshine that fell behind him.

For that second, with the hood gone and his glasses kept aside on the desk when he approached to comfort me back then, we felt like all the differences we had between us were slowly fading just into the sky's sunset atmosphere...

And, soon there sat an ordinary shy young girl with baggy glasses and no make up looking in daze at a confident red haired boy with a bright and radiant smile.

I shook my head abruptly and the image on my head got replaced with the reality where Lawrence was still waiting for me to take his hand wearing his dropped down thick black hood and a sweet shy smile.

I immediately bit my lips to hide my crazy grin off my face and pretend to be annoyed.

"I know that already. You don't have to tell me that."

I pouted trying to look away while trying to sneak glances at him.

Lawrance laughed again at my expression.

It was then, that there was a loud knock on the door and a familiar young female junior I had no way of getting along with appeared.

She was leaning on the door and knocked the door again to interrupt our moment. She cleared her throat when she finally got the attention.

"Larry. Let us stop by the math teacher's room before going home. I need to return the book I borrowed from him.."

Olivia Minji, Lawrence's childhood friend said rigidly. She was clearly annoyed to see me with Lawrence yet again.

"Oh. Sure. If you wanted to." Lawrence didn't stammer around her as though it was something granted.

Mentally, I was frustrated at them just like any other day but, tried my best to not show any sign. However, Olivia's mood definately improved as she sneaked a glance at me and Lawrence joined her in a moment.

"Bye, n-noona. Take care.."

Lawrence waved his arm towards me.

"You don't have to do that every single time.." Olivia hushed to him on his ears.

"But.. still she came here to see me.."

"That's her problem.. Idiot..!"

My smile turned forced as they walked out.

Funny, how i can hear every single word they say.

She is just a friend, Sarah.

Lawrence said so himself.

She is just his friend.. It no longer matters when you actually get to date Lawrence sooner or later..

But, ..... One thing's for sure.. she certainly does not know boundaries! Someone just ought to teach her that!!!

I am ending you with an angry note, dear diary.

Will write you soon.