Right and Wrong

 "Liam Ge, I think I like you."

 There was nothing that Zheng Liam was more afraid of than Xiao You Ren saying those words.  All this time he had always tried to hide his feelings for the man, hiding how much he was interested and wanted to be someone who could make him happy. Unfortunately, it can't run smoothly.  Zheng Liam knew from the start that his feelings were a mistake.  He can't love someone else.

 Zheng Liam was very afraid that after Xiao You Ren's statement just now, he couldn't help but burst into feelings.  So he decided to invite Xiao You Ren to regroup with their friends and didn't respond to any of the boy's words.

 They sat next to each other, because the place had previously been used by other employees who were busy talking to each other.  For a moment an awkward atmosphere surrounded the two of them, until Zheng Liam's phone ringing caught Xiao You Ren's attention.  The man then excused himself outside to pick up the call. Xiao You Ren's eyes followed Zheng Liam's movements.  His feelings became erratic, between regret and relief now seemed to merge.

 Sadness began to well up in his heart when he found the reaction of his senior who was silent, not responding to anything about his statement.  The look on Xiao You Ren's face already showed that he was in a bad mood.

 "You Ren, what's wrong?"  Zhao Yuzi approached Xiao You Ren who was still faithfully staring sadly at the figure outside.

 Although Zhao Yuzi has an annoying nature, but the girl is quite sensitive and has a high concern for those close to her.  She looked at Xiao You Ren's face and asked again, "Do you really like Sir Liam?"

 Xiao You Ren nodded slightly and turned his head to Zhao Yuzi.

 "Then, have you stated it?"  It was just a guess, but beyond his expectations.  Xiao You Ren nodded.  "Yes.  He didn't answer anything."

 Zhao Yuzi could only give her best friend a small pat on the shoulder.  Give a little enthusiasm.  "That's okay.  Everything takes time and the next time he rejects you, I'll still be there."

 Her smile was sincere and it calmed Xiao You Ren's heart.  "We can be single together and talk about my favorite boys love novel," the girl continued enthusiastically.  Her light, melodious laughter filled Xiao You Ren's ears.

 It wasn't long before Zheng Liam came back from outside.  However, he quickly grabbed his jacket on the chair and said goodbye to everyone.  He said he had a problem that needed to be resolved immediately.  Before actually leaving, Zheng Liam took the time to approach Xiao You Ren and gave him a small smile.  "You Ren, sorry I can't take you home."

 There was a hint of guilt in his voice.  Of course, Zheng Liam felt very sorry for not being able to escort Xiao You Ren, even though he really wanted to.

 A small nod appeared on Xiao You Ren's head.  "No problem, Ge."

 This made Zheng Liam smile even more, although he still had an awkward look that led to guilt.

 In the end Zheng Liam actually left.  There is a little side of Xiao You Ren's heart that feels unwilling, he wants a definite answer from that man.  Regarding the feeling of being pretentious.  "It would be better if you rejected me outright, Ge."  The monologue is self-deprecating.  Zhao Yuzi who was beside him didn't hear the murmur.

 Shortly after Zheng Liam's departure, their activities were over.  One by one the employees started to leave the place, after saying goodbye to Wang Xian Wei.  Xiao You Ren did the same.  He approached Wang Xian Wei and Johnny who were still wrestling with wine glasses in their hands, accompanied by several employees who were still at ease.

 Xiao You Ren conveyed his intention to go home early.

 "What did you ride home on, You Ren?  I can take you after this."  Johnny noticed the look on Xiao You Ren's face that looked like he wasn't doing well.

 Xiao You Ren immediately shook his head and refused Johnny's offer.  "No need, Phi John.  I'm going home by taxi online."  Xiao You Ren forced his lips into a smile.

 Even though it's fake, it can at least convince the people who see it.  Johnny then nodded his head and invited Xiao You Ren to go home first, as did the others.  Only Wang Xian Wei did not make the slightest sound.

 Instead of ordering a taxi online as he had told Johnny earlier.  Xiao You Ren instead chose to walk along the sidewalk.  His steps were slow with his face down, staring at the footprints he was following.  A sad smile then appeared on his languid face.  Again he was unlucky about love.  As if the world is not the place to make love with someone. For the second time in his life, Xiao You Ren experienced misfortune.

 It was really late at night, the streets were empty, only one or two vehicles passed. However, the sky looks solid.  The stars are scattered around the moon in the shape of a crescent that looks smiling.  A smile that mocked Xiao You Ren, it made him feel even more inferior.  The wind that brushed against her hair seemed to invite her to cry, shedding tears like a child.  He lifted his head, to prevent the tears from flowing in his eyes.

 "I'm scared," he said quietly.  "I was afraid that Liam Ge would stay away from me.  I don't want to be alone anymore."

 The light from the car's headlights shone on him from behind.  It suddenly made Xiao You Ren feel wary, he turned around and looked at the car.  It was familiar in his memory, but he didn't really know whose car it was.  When the car arrived and stopped right by his side. The car window was lowered and revealed a handsome face that looked cold.

 Wang Xian Wei didn't give a smile or a greeting.  He immediately let out a domineering voice.  "Come in!"  absolute orders.

 Xiao You Ren couldn't even resist it.  With stiff steps he entered the car and sat down next to Wang Xian Wei.  There was not the slightest refusal from him.

 "Where do you live?"  Wang Xian Wei asked again.  Still in a cold and nonchalant tone, but who would have thought that she would feel concerned about that man.

 Xiao You Ren nervously said the address of his apartment.  This was the second time someone else had driven him home.  Usually it was Zheng Liam or he would take an online taxi or public transportation such as a bus.  The awkward silence was suffocating the two of them.

 If with Zheng Liam, Xiao You Ren would start a story about whatever he wanted to say.

You Reng's man would do the same.  They wouldn't let this atmosphere sit in their midst for long.  Thinking about it, Xiao You Ren recalled the incident at the restaurant.  He unconsciously took a deep breath.  Causing Wang Xian Wei to glance at him.

 "There is a problem?"

 The question surprised Xiao You Ren.  Bringing himself to reality.  He turned his attention to the man beside him and shook his head. "Nothing, sir."

 Wang Xian Wei nodded slightly, not wanting to force Xiao You Ren to tell a story.

 "Sir," Xiao You Ren called out in a low tone, his face lowered to his knees.  However, Wang Xian Wei could still hear it.  The man glanced at Xiao You Ren through the glass with a questioning look.

 "Why do you want to take me?"  The question had actually wanted to come out of his mouth long ago, but his courage was completely empty.

 "Just want to make sure.  You are okay, right?"  One of Wang Xian Wei's eyebrows rose.  Seeing Xiao You Ren's behavior as being afraid and shy of him, made Wang Xian Wei want to laugh out loud.  Thinking how scary he was in people's eyes.  Xiao You Ren wasn't the first to act like this, many had even been very reluctant to get close to him.  What's scary? That question always wanted to say to people.

 After knowing Wang Xian Wei as his boss for a long time, this was the first time Xiao You Ren dared to look at the man's eye.  Although only through the glass, but he felt a little calm. Like there is something in common between them.  His lips were mute, he couldn't answer anything other than nodding and showing a smile that looked fine.

 Wang Xian Wei was well aware of the other meaning of that smile.  Nothing is fine.

 …..

 Regret always comes at the end.  Xiao You Ren knew for sure about it, but wanted him to deny it and assume everything was fine. When morning comes he tries to look like his usual self.  Pinned his round glasses to hide his swollen eyes from crying.  He is still so diligent in greeting the people he meets, even if only briefly.

 In the hallway of the office he passed Zheng Liam and acted as usual.  However, the man only wore an awkward smile that irritated Xiao You Ren.  Causing that regret to return quickly.  Xiao You Ren should never have said his feelings if this ended up like this.  He didn't want their relationship to be strained just because of his feelings.

 His heavy sighs accompanies his every activity, even before sitting down and facing his computer.  The employee sitting nearby turned to him and gave him a strange look.

 "What's wrong, You Ren?  It's not like you usually don't want to work, were you drunk last night?" Wang Huanling glanced at his co-worker.  Confused.  During his time working here, Xiao You Ren had never acted like he is now.  The man who was younger than Huanling always looked happy and excited when dealing with designs.

 Xiao You Ren shook his head and smiled a little, then replied, "Nothing, just a lack of sleep."

 Wang Huanling shook his head and smiled faintly.  "Don't push yourself too hard, You Ren."

 They went back to their respective jobs, letting time go by.  During recess, Xiao You Ren did not intend to go to the cafeteria.  Shut up at the computer and do some more work. The other employees had scattered outside to fill their stomachs.  Xiao You Ren's focus was entirely on work, but the voices of two familiar people filled his ears.  He didn't want to eavesdrop so he planned to use a headset, but when his name was called he couldn't help but strain his ears.

 The voice came from a small crack in Zheng Liam's room.  The door wasn't really tightly closed, so Xiao You Ren decided to come closer. They're talking about it.  Not him, but his feelings.

 "You toyed with it?"  the question came from Johnny.  Xiao You Ren recognized the male voice.  And he also knows who the object of the conversation between the two is. Unfortunately the answer from Zheng Liam could not be clearly heard by Xiao You Ren. So, it is not certain how the man really feels.

 "I already guessed.  You really like toying with other people's feelings."

 The adrenocorticotropic hormone in Xiao You Ren's body seemed to be growing rapidly. The pain in his heart was like a stabbing to the bone.  He couldn't help but feel sad hearing those words, even though it wasn't Zheng Liam himself who said it.  Still Xiao You Ren felt he was very stupid.

 "I only think of him as my little brother, nothing more than that."

 Zheng Liam's voice floated softly into Xiao You Ren's ears.  Now he understood, if his feelings were really one-sided.  It was he who was stupid from the start for considering Zheng Liam like an older brother to him, so he easily fell in love with that person.  Just for some stupid reason, he needed his older brother and in Zheng Liam he found that figure.

 A wry smile perched on his lips sweetly.  The instant his legs stiffened, he desperately wanted to run away and return to his stuffy room.  The footsteps were forced to move away, not wanting his ears to hear anything anymore.  He wasn't prepared for something that would probably be far more painful, if he just kept sitting there.  Xiao You Ren didn't cry, his tears were reluctant to come out at a time like this.  Don't want someone to see his so fragile.

 When he was at the doorstep, Xiao You Ren felt like he was about to lose control of himself.

His vision began to blur and everything seemed out of shape.  Within seconds of that he fell and nearly hit the floor.  Someone who appeared from outside hugged him. Xiao You Ren didn't know who it was, but he understood one thing.  That person cared about him, there was a tinge of worry that crawled from his voice and filled Xiao You Ren's ears.  The moment after that Xiao You Ren was completely clueless, his consciousness was snatched away.

 He could faintly hear the noise of the people around him arguing.  Slowly Xiao You Ren's eyelids lifted, trying to open his eyes as wide as possible.  The bright light entering his retina was so distracting that Xiao You Ren subconsciously complained in a low voice.  It made the people around him look at him.

 "You Ren, you're awake," Zhao Yuzi asked first.  There was a hint of worry in her voice.

 Xiao You Ren had fully opened his eyes and looked at the people who were there one by one.  This office does have health room facilities for employees, as well as a doctor and nurse.  Compounders of medicine and health staff are also available.

 Johnny then moved closer to him, standing on the side of the bed occupied by Xiao You Ren.  "You Ren, is your salary lacking?  The doctor said you didn't eat enough," said Johnny who was given a glare from Zhao Yuzi and another, Zheng Liam.  There was not the slightest intention of Xiao You Ren to answer, he preferred to sit down.  Zhao Yuzi helped him.

 Xiao You Ren's eyes met in a straight line with Zheng Liam's.  There was clearly an incurable worry in the man's eyes, even though he didn't act like the other two.  Xiao You Ren's annoyance was of course still there, but seeing the man here and looking worried for him, a hope was rekindled.

 "You Ren, are you going home?"  Zhao Yuzi's question broke Xiao You Ren and Zheng Liam's line of gaze.

 Xiao You Ren looked at Zhao Yuzi and nodded his head.  "Is it allowed?"  he asked.

 Don't want to be hypocritical by continuing to work when his body feels very weak and he needs rest.  Since last night, not a bit of food or drink has entered his body.  Xiao You Ren was too lazy to eat and drink alone in his apartment or just stop by a nearby café as usual.

 "Of course you can, the CEO actually suggested it," Johnny replied with his eyes down and his hands busy typing on his cellphone.  "Liam, your work is done here, right?"

 Johnny turned his attention to the man he called.  Zheng Liam only responded with a small nod.  "Then take Xiao You Ren home," Johnny continued with a super straight face.

 Xiao You Ren felt his heartbeat quicken.  He wanted to refuse, but his lips went numb. Not a word could escape his deathly pale lips.  As for Zheng Liam, the man nodded his head again.

 After finishing with his things, Xiao You Ren immediately went downstairs.  Towards Zheng Liam's car accompanied by Zhao Yuzi.  Johnny was back at work, helping Wang Xian Wei.  In front of a familiar car, Xiao You Ren was silent for a moment.  Doubt was evident on his face.  Zheng Liam's head sticking out from behind the glass woke him up and indirectly forced his feet to step inside.  Wang Huanling smiled at the two young men who were already in the car, saying a wish for Xiao You Ren's recovery.

 The car sped away, breaking up the busy streets.  The sun was still shining outside, because the clock was still showing two. Inside the car there was only silence, as if he was a young man sitting in their respective seats silenced by awkwardness.  Xiao You Ren's eyes glanced restlessly at the panorama outside the glass.  So did Zheng Liam with his mouth tightly shut, even though his voice had reached his throat.

 There were so many things they wanted to talk to each other about, but words seemed reluctant to play.  Too afraid to get things out as quietly as possible.  However, one thing they realized.  If words were not spoken, they would be in the same place.  Neither close nor far away.

 "You Ren-"

 "Ge-"

 They glanced at each other, then smiled awkwardly and looked in the opposite direction again.  Their words were swallowed again, no one continued their sentence.

 Zheng Liam let out a long sigh, his lips began to be forced open.  "You Ren, are you feeling better?"  He was the first to break the silence.  Unable to linger in painful silence.

 Xiao You Ren nodded and replied, "Yes."

 He didn't turn his face to look at Zheng Liam.  Their conversation ended there, silent for a few moments in each other's thoughts.

 "Ge…" Xiao You Ren called out softly.  His attention was centered on the man sitting beside him, as well as Zheng Liam.  They dive deep into each other.  "About my feelings… can we just forget about it and go back to the way it was."

 There was hope in those wistful eyes.  Truly, Zheng Liam was never once not fascinated by the frequent wanderings of Xiao You Ren's beautiful eyes.  Although covered by round glasses.

 Zheng Liam's head moved slightly to the right and then to the left, he shook his head. "No, You Ren.  I can't forget it."  His voice sounded very relaxed, but who knew if he was trying to drown out his true feelings. "From that day on, things weren't the same."

 Xiao You Ren's eyes turned to the road ahead. From the tone of the voice of the man next to him, Xiao You Ren knew that things would not turn out as well as he had in mind. Everything changes and will get worse, slowly and surely.  Xiao You Ren wasn't sure his heart could accept reality.  His hands were intertwined in his lap, his fingers moving restlessly.  He endured the huge rumbling of his crazed heartbeat.

 "Then…" the word hangs quietly.  Xiao You Ren held back the heat in his eyes, trying to continue his sentence out loud.  "Do I feel disgusting?"  the question just popped up.

 Xiao You Ren didn't even know where such thoughts came from, ever since realizing his feelings he had always avoided those hurtful words.  A man who loves another man is disgusting to the world.

 Zheng Liam was shocked.  His heart and mind were completely opposite.  He wanted Xiao You Ren to live together, establishing a romantic relationship that would make them live happily.  However, even Zheng Liam was not ready.  One thing that was running around in his head right now, he had to keep Xiao You Ren out of his life or they would both be hurt.  Fate is evil.

 "You Ren, listen to me-"

 "Do I feel disgusting?"  Xiao You Ren quickly cut off Zheng Liam's words.  Now his eyes stared blankly at the face of the man beside him.  "I just wanted to hear your answer, Ge.  It would be better if you didn't deny it anymore."

 "That is …."

 "I want to get off here."  Xiao You Ren raised his head trying to keep the lake from spilling out of his eyes.  He would not be able to bear it if he lingered with Zheng Liam.  Xiao You Ren wanted to escape from the reality that slapped the feelings hard.

 "No.  I'll take you to the apartment," Zheng Liam said adamantly.  However he was very worried about the man who was younger than him.  A feeling of guilt began to creep into his heart.  His hand was about to reach out to stroke Xiao You Ren's black mane, but his wits stopped him immediately.  If he did that, maybe they would get close again.  Xiao You Ren would not be as sad as he is now, nor would his heart instill any guilt.  However, it was all in vain.  Zheng Liam knew he was too cowardly to defend Xiao You Ren and tell his true feelings.

 "Ge…" Xiao You Ren spoke softly again.  "Please, let me down here." Tears spilled out of his eyes.  Xiao You Ren could no longer lie to himself by pretending to be fine.  His hands were immediately pulled over his face and rubbed the creek on his cheeks.

 Zheng Liam's heart sank.  There was nothing that could be done but to pull the car over right in front of the super market, the distance was still far from Xiao You Ren's apartment.  They were silent for a long time. Dive into each other's thoughts.

 Xiao You Ren stopped crying and wiped his face with the sleeve of his coat.  He tried to act normal and calm his heart before leaving. Xiao You Ren bowed his head, thanking Zheng Liam who was still motionless in the car. Not waiting for the man's response, Xiao You Ren immediately dragged his feet away, then ordered a taxi online.

 Zheng Liam could only monitor the man from behind the windshield.  Don't know what else to do.  He had already destroyed Xiao You Ren, someone he loved even if they were fellow men.

 …..

 Cautiously Xiao You Ren entered his apartment room.  It was unusual for him to come home at this hour.  So that he could only pensively behind the door, leaning with trembling hands.  A cat approached him and meowed spoiled.  The hairy body rubbed against his feet, making Xiao You Ren smile faintly.

 "You're waiting for me, Lie," Xiao You Ren greeted his fat cat, Lie.  He immediately crouched down and scooped up the white furry body.  Slowly Xiao You Ren's eyes filled with tears, his memories returned to the moments that had passed.  So fast love changes everything.  Happiness becomes sorrow.  Smiles turn to tears.  Her tears kept rolling for a long time.

 The cat seemed to understand Xiao You Ren's feelings, she kept meowing softly while occasionally licking Xiao You Ren.

 "Lie, do you feel it too?  How it hurts to fall, even though you always convince me not to fall in love.  Because love drives people crazy."

 The cat responded to Xiao You Ren's words by rubbing its body at the intersection of Xiao You Ren's neck.