Emotions

How I wish that everything was that easy! Duke Phelter is an ambitious person who wants to have greater prestige than what he has, that is what makes it even easier for me to make him agree for more. But even if he sends the letter, I can not be sure if Alastair is going to receive it, because it's been some time since the meeting and most of them have returned back to the academy to start a new semester. My first thought was that he must have some connections inside the palace that provides him with information when he is away or shadows that collect those for him. Despite that, someone from the palace, like his secretary for example, might as well send words in advance for his highness's absence. If not, then he must have just got lucky on the battlefield by showing his force, but something tells me that is not only that which made him an emperor.

"One year…only one year until the war starts, that's all I got!"

'And what do you get from all of this? Why are you so on edge to prove something that has not happened yet?'

The fact that he from all people wants to know my reasons makes me laugh so hard that I can probably never stop! Sometimes even I can't understand myself and my purpose, despite me trying to achieve it, but at least I know that is the right thing to do for my own sanity and for the story to proceed the way it should have been before Nasya appeared and twisted all the characters fates! And what should someone who wants to undo something that is done do? Use the same method and make the water move, even more so that it can create a wave to destroy and restart them all.

"Lady Raeliana! His grace and lady Mireya are waiting for you in the dining hall!"

"Thank you, I will join them soon!"

'Haha…, be shocked as much as you want Irene…but save some for later too! This surely is going to be a lot of fun! More than I had anticipated in the beginning. The me who thought of using war to her advantage to save the only people who trusted her didn't know about this turn of events. If I knew…oh my…I would have used this opportunity from the start, and everything would have been over seven years ago! But what is actually bothering me is what I saw when I was with his highness. Something happened without knowing, and Raphael was not being honest with me!'

"Raphael if you are there I have a question, when were you going to tell me about "my" ancestor's fate? You know, it took me by surprise to know that the first Rapha and his sister were actually reincarnated in another world!"

[What are you talking about child?! The first Rapha didn't have a sister, but a friend who was bought along with him, the girl who become the saint and helped humanity until her last moments. As for your question, except for his friend, he was never reincarnated, because after dying the light was taken from his body and the soul vanished into nothing! As I once told you, they were both ancestors of life, but ironically the first Rapha had more light in his body than his friend, even though he called himself the dark side of the saint, she shared it with all the people who sought help while he closed it deep in his heart! So when she died, there was no more light to actually take from her and she didn't go against the god's wish, so the saint was spared and with time she was reborn, but on the other hand, Rapha had his light sucked out of his body along with the sole which made him like an empty shell. Without a sole of course he couldn't have reincarnated, so his fate was rather cruel but well deserved!]

"…What is happening to you Raphael, did the darkness finally make you lose your mind?! I have a feeling that you are actually lying to me, and I can't tell how much of your story is real or not! But I know what I saw, and you know that this is not what their mother did. The saint and Rapha were brother and sister, this at least I know for sure, but despite your history lessons, you didn't tell me about this the first time. From what I remember, you told me that he died because of his age, and on his last breath he cursed everyone… so what made you tell me a different story now?"

[…]

He didn't answer my question and stayed silent even after I tried to pressure him to talk! It bothers me more because he doesn't want to talk, and he knows that he made a mistake while telling me a different story. If he doesn't know the truth he should say so, no one is going to judge him since only I can hear him, but if he is lying then that's another story and I better not trust him for help! ... But what if it is partly true? I did see Rapha's figure vanish when he said "I swore to my sister when she died, the only person I loved more than anything, until the last moments and even if I am reborn...I will kill anyone who passes in front of me!" to his mother, but if at that moment she actually took the light out of him as Raphael said than why did she say that he was going to be spared? ...When I think that my dreams have actually a meaning, the questions are still there...and no one is ready to answer them.

"Raelian, since you joined us today, I wanted to show you what Mireya was working on…"

"Your grace, with all due respect to you and my sister I don't want to hear it. It does not concern me to know what Mireya did more than sending a letter to his highness!"

As he caught one time, the butler came inside holding two letters and gave them to the duke. Mireya was sitting on the other side of the table, looking directly at me, confused while the duke was trying to stay calm. It took me a second to realize when I entered the room that she actually changed places from sitting on my left side to being in front of me, but I didn't give that much importance since it was her choice, not mine.

"Ahem…so, about that…two letters came early today, one addressed to you and one for me, both written by the first prince. Apparently, he took my letter and is busy attending the academy, but tomorrow he will be sure to make some time to talk with you."

"Is that all?"

He closed his letter while sighing and passed me a sealed envelope with the imperial symbol on it.

"This is the one addressed to you. As you can see it is closed and held private, so I expect you to talk with me before you decide on something."

I looked at it for a second and put it aside, but the duke seemed to know what was written on it. He could not take his eyes off the letter, even after we started to eat. I felt so uncomfortable and couldn't taste the food properly before swallowing it, I really wanted to finish and leave as soon as possible.

When I got up and headed to my room since my classes were removed and didn't have anything to do but read the newest books on my shelf, I could hear steps coming behind me. I started to walk a little faster and they were getting closer by the minute. After a while, I turned to look at the person who was chasing after me, and there she was…Mireya who didn't think that I would turn and actually bumped into me.

"Mireya, what are you doing?"

"I-I was heading to my room!"

"Strange, because your room is not in this direction. Are you taking the longer way there?"

"Yes!"

"All right then!"

Did she really think that I would buy that? My room is at the end of this corridor and hers is on the other side. She definitely wants to tell me something, but is hesitant!

"So how have you been doing for the past few weeks? Did you socialize with other noble ladies at the tea party they held?"

"Yes I went. Everyone was so nice and friendly!"

I stopped without knowing, and when Mireya bumped at me again, I could stay quiet without asking "Did you?"

"It would be childish of me to say that it was because of you, but it really is. You can't imagine how worried we were when the carriage appeared in front of the mansions and only the duke got out of it. Me and Spencer were both waiting till midnight and no one told us anything about your situation or your well-being, even after I tried to pressure his grace to tell me something, just a little detail, he shut his mouth just like you closed yourself in from that morning on."

"And you went there…laughed and had fun with all the other ladies because you were worried? Oh, poor thing! You must have suffered a lot while you waited for me to come out, so you wanted to take your mind off things and relax."

She looked down and her lips were trembling, I thought that maybe I had been too harsh on her since the day of the ceremony, and without telling her why I acted that way, she has reached her limit. Mireya came closer and grabbed the corner of my shirt with her head still down so that I could not see her face.

"That's what I am trying to say! We have always been together, in our house in the countryside we shared everything. We felt happy together that day when someone bought all the flowers we had put in the market. We all felt sad when the owner passed away and his children didn't open the store for us to sell anymore…"

"Well, Spencer and I didn't. He was a drunkard who harassed women every time he was given a chance. Spending all his money in clubs and for night "activities", and leaving his family with nothing. We were always on guard when he gave us our payment for the flowers we send him, because we didn't know if someone was going to actually come into our house and asks us for their money, which the owner of the store had borrowed."

"But nothing happened! And that's not my point here…I waited for you to come out and talk to me. For us to have a normal conversation again as we used to and share those same emotions... anger, joy, whatever you want. But I feel so useless…because you are doing everything…and that day, I wanted to do something on my own so you could have stayed here, but you still went there and look what happened! I wanted to help you by going to those parties, but I can't even recognize you anymore. For only in a matter of weeks you changed this much. You might laugh at me for saying this but I can feel more emotions when you don't show any, than I do now when you are this cold. Please…even Spencer is going to cry if he sees you like this!"

With her bangs completely covering her face, I could still see tears falling down and from the way she clenched my shirt, I know that Mireya wanted me to comfort her, tell her that I was going to go back to the way she liked me to be. But I couldn't bring myself to do it and just places my hand on her head and patted her gently.

When I look at her like this, it reminds me of all the times she tried to act cute to get my attention or even to lift my spirit. I called her my "light" which made my heart full, it even gave me hope to keep going, but now I don't feel a thing. A responsibility that I can not avoid, I made this to myself and I wish that I don't see the day when Mireya becomes a hindrance to my own purpose, because it would be hard to find a way out from that since she is the main character that I am trying to help.