First love 1

Of course I was awake, I could hear you talking with each other the entire time. And what with this bright smile, I might as well go blind if I make eye contact for a second. *sigh* where are sunglasses when you need them.

"Umm…what is this supposed to mean?"

"Oh, this…to keep your face warm, of course!"

Only my face? That's weird. I don't see a problem with a little cold and I didn't know it was that cold until he touched my skin.

"You can stop now, it is not that cold!"

"How can you say that when you look so pale and your cheeks are as cold as ice. Are you feeling sick, do you have a fever? Tell me, do you need something warm?"

That's my actual skin tone, you dummy. Please get off my face, I can not be more polite and I know he is simply being nice, but my energy is running low and so is my patience!

"Alan stop it, respect the other person's personal space, you are being pushy and a nuisance."

"But Tristan, it is our fault, no it's my fault if she gets a cold. I stopped thinking about her when I thought that she won't move and continued talking about how much I hated that bastard. I had only one thing to do and I still failed. I am so sorry Raeliana, please don't hate me!"

I am impressed by how people's faces can change from happy to sad. It is amusing and adorable how they struggle with their emotions because I don't understand mine. Sometimes I am calm, everything goes according to plan and then a wave of anger appears out of nowhere. Sadness when I am zoning out, release when nothing goes well and most of the time I just feel dead inside.

But I kind of feel bad for him, and I still don't get why he is showing me so much affection. He left a bad first impression, and I thought that he was trying to trick me, but if he is still acting then kneeing like this to make my face warm and putting his pride aside to blame himself about something so stupid and yet cute, then this is not going to be over with just a slap.

"Alan you are acting like a baby now. If you feel responsible then go and bring a warm drink like tea or hot chocolate for the lady. And enough with the whining and getting yourself together, it is so not like you."

"Huh?! You should call yourself lucky Tristan, you are the first person who has the grand honor to look at me like this. And you are doing nothing at the moment, why don't you go instead of trying to stop me? I have dreamed about this moment for so long and I have so many things to say and do to prove myself worthy to my beloved! Now it is my moment and I won't lose it for anything in the world."

"Sigh! Whatever knight in shining armor…do what you want, but do not come to me after things turn out bad for you. Still, I am bringing the drinks here to show that you are hopeless and a fool to think that this thing you are doing, is a good idea. You are pushing your luck way too much."

"I am not!"

Why am I even here? This is getting ridiculous. Ugh, I wish I was in my big and comfy bed right now, snuggling under the blankets and hibernating for a good whole year until things start to get crazy.

"Raeliana how are you feeling, is your face warm and cozy in my hands? You don't look as pale as before so it must mean that my method worked pretty well. Do not bother listening to what Tristan has to say and focus on me, I am not going anywhere until you feel better!"

Yeah, sorry you lost me at the beloved part, but I must say that my face is on fire right now. Where ever I try to touch it, I can feel how warm it is and I don't want to lose this warmth because of my cold hands. This is weird, I am used to the low temperatures because complaining wouldn't bring any good, but I guess this wasn't as bad as I thought.

"I am happy to see that now you look less depressed and are enjoying the small things. I am sorry… I know it is not my place to interfere with your business, but are you all right? I know I moved a little too fast back then and maybe I freaked you out, but believe me, I will not do something that you don't like. I just want to be clo- … I mean friends, I want to be friends with you, nothing more."

"Why? I do not remember us meeting each other, let alone exchanging words before the coming-of-age ceremony happened. You came out of nowhere and said everything you wanted, but what about my opinion, have you thought about it seriously? Yes, you freaked me out and made me so uncomfortable that I wanted you to disappear right then and there. S-so, what makes you believe that we can be friends? It doesn't work like that. You can't come and say what you want, but that does not mean that I have to go along with everything…I-I am not going to-"

What was I about to say? I don't know why I was so angry, the only thing I know is that this was not what I was supposed to tell him. I let my emotions get the best of me and now I cannot take it back!

"Raeliana! ...I know you have so much you want to say, but first calm down. Your eyes, I don't want to see tears rolling down your face, it breaks my heart seeing you in pain. I will properly explain myself and I am going to try answering all your questions one by one, but let's go to another place first."

"I don't want to, I am waiting for someone- *cough*…*sniff*"

"But you are going to get cold sitting here for too long! If you are waiting for your sister, you don't have to worry because I and Tristan escorted her to the carriage before we found you here. She is there, safely in her carriage, so please listen to me first! Is not far from here and I promise that I won't do anything weird."

I know he is not going to. Although I am more than familiar with his personality from the book, I cannot tell what is the right thing to do right now. I took his hand while hoping that a part of me will get the opportunity to forget today everything that had happened and won't wave again at times like this, and the other part has to say strong and carry on with the plan as always.

Sill I can't believe I acted in such a way with him. I wanted to tell him what I had on my mind, but that escalated quickly. I started crying for something so stupid and got blinded by my hate that I mistook for a short moment my first encounter with Alan for Alastair's. Those were both terrible and took place one after the other, but I choose to mess around with the craziest one. Hahaha, lucky me!

"We arrived Raeliana, let's go inside!"

"This place…it is the library?"

"Wow, correct! How did you know, you have never been here before right?"

"No I haven't, this is my first time. My friend has studied here, so he told me stories about his place and the library is one of them."

I guess Spencer comes in handy at times when I have to hide certain things related to me being reincarnated with past knowledge. This makes things much easier and I don't have to go into details about why I know the place or even my way around the academy.

Here the library is a place where gender doesn't matter like in the academy. Here anyone can go everywhere inside the building without being told which class they are in or where should they be based on the number of their floor. It is a free space for anyone who wants to learn or have a quiet time with themselves, but the worse part is that they won't let just anyone in.

Since Alan was with me and he is also a student who comes regularly here to meet with Nasya, he has a free pass and convinced the person responsible for the management and security of the library that I could enter without a problem. As we went inside and walked toward a table at the corner where no one could listen to us talking, I pictured in my head every scene where Nasya had to come here and find different characters who entered her life as a storm. Moments where the male lead becomes more and more attracted to her and how she got past everything to find her happy ending. Now that I think about it, this was so easy for her. She was born into a noble family, her father and her servants adored her to the level that some of them gave up their life for her, and eventually, everyone else loved her as their empress.

I don't envy Nasya for the path she chose, I am different from her in so many ways. I don't want to be loved by everyone, that is a false hope that humans like to believe and you have to be aware of the danger for life, therefore chasing after someone's love and affection is useless and inconvenient. Power and fear can make everyone think twice before acting and those who value their life won't even think about it. I will reach that stage one day, even if I lose what I value.

"W-wait, wait a minute, let me process everything you said. I look like your first crush, we met in the woods in the north and I saved your life?"

"Yes, precisely!"

"Where did all of this happen?"