Chapter 2

Autumn was lying.

That fact didn't concern Judd nearly as much as the why behind it. She was a lot more upset about the flowers than she wanted to admit. He'd seen her face, seen that subtle loss of color in her cheeks as she'd accepted them. The poor bastard couldn't have known the dark associations she had with yellow tulips. Caulfield had effectively killed any shot he might've had with Autumn - if he'd had a shot to begin with. She hadn't looked thrilled to see him.

Was she having the nightmare again? And what the hell could Judd do about it if she was?

The question circled his brain as he stepped back out of Sanderson's. Had she looked more anxious the last few weeks? Shown any signs of being less rested than usual? Had she seemed off somehow? He didn't know and that pissed him off. He was her best friend. He ought to know these things. But he'd been working so damned much, he'd barely seen her. He'd seen Mary Alice even less - hence the apology bracelet he'd just picked up. He hoped Mitch was right and it would take him out of the running for world's worst boyfriend. The fact was, his relationships had been taking a backseat to the job lately, and that needed to change.

Birthday shopping without Autumn held absolutely no appeal. Who else was going to help him find the most embarrassing gifts for his brothers? So he blew off the rest of his carefully constructed list and headed for the offices of The Wishful Observer. Maybe his mom knew what was going on.

She was just emerging from the conference room as Judd stepped into the newspaper. "Judd!"

"Hey Mom." He gave her a squeeze.

"I wasn't expecting to see you twice in two days. Where's Autumn? Weren't you two headed out to shop for the twins?"

"We were but she bailed on me."

Patty frowned. "That's not like her."

"I know. We had a bit of an incident."

Over another cup of coffee, Judd filled her in on Mark Caulfield and the flowers. "She tried to play it off like it was no big deal, but ten minutes later she outright lied to my face and left. She hasn't missed this tradition in eighteen years."

"It's been a long time since she got that rattled. Is something else going on?"

"I was hoping you could tell me. I haven't exactly been on the same wavelength as everybody else the last few weeks. Did something happen while I was working nights? Has she seemed off to you? Worried at all?"

"No. I mean, you saw her at brunch yesterday. She was completely herself - irreverent as ever, teasing Leo and Eli."

"Not even concerned about being down to half hours at work?"

"Not at all. Although, I admit that worries me some. It's not as if head librarian was ever a job that paid big bucks that would've given her the chance to save much. But she insists she's fine financially every time your father and I ask if we can help."

"You and I both know she won't take financial help. We may all consider her part of the family, and she'll accept everything that goes along with that until it comes to paying her own way."

After her mother split town and her father went to prison, there'd been no question that Autumn was moving in with them. She'd finished the last year and a half of high school living as an honorary Hamilton. He'd never understood why his parents didn't just adopt her and formally make her the daughter she'd always been.

"Do you think she's really okay, money-wise?" his mom asked.

"She's been cleaning up on all the pools at Dinner Belles. Got a fat envelope at breakfast this morning for Tucker and Corinne. But I have a hard time imagining she's making so much there that it's really alleviating the strain." Which left him wondering if she'd cut everything back to bare bones without telling him. Was that what today had been about? Was she finally going to ask for help? "I wish she'd just move out to Hope Springs with me and save on the rent money until she's in a better place financially."

His mother arched a brow.

"What's wrong with that? She loves being able to look out over the lake."

"Well, apart from the fact that Autumn likes having her own space, I expect Mary Alice would take issue with it."

"How is it any different from my making Leo or Eli the same offer?"

Even as she stared at him in disbelief, Judd told himself it wasn't justified.

"Because as much as we love her, Autumn isn't your sister. Nobody else can possibly understand the closeness you two share. That's hard to compete with."

He and Autumn were bound by blood in ways so much thicker than family. The truth was, he'd never had a girlfriend who wasn't threatened by their relationship. But there was no reason for it. Things weren't romantic between him and Autumn. They never had been and never could be.

"Mary Alice gets along with Autumn just fine."

"Or she's too hung up on you to say otherwise for fear you'll dump her."

Judd scowled. "I wouldn't do that."

She looked askance at him. "Really? If she put her foot down and gave you an ultimatum, her or Autumn, you'd be okay with that?"

"You know I don't do ultimatums. But I could certainly have a discussion about it like a rational guy to explain how things are."

The truth of it was that he had a responsibility to protect Autumn, so she'd always be a big part of his life. Any woman he was with had to be okay with that. And why shouldn't she be? Autumn always went out of her way to be friendly and inclusive when he dated somebody. Well, except for one or two girls in college, but they'd been all wrong for him, so Judd wasn't about to complain.

Patty was still looking at him like he had a few screws loose. Before he could open his mouth to explain - or dig that hole any deeper - his cell phone rang. Checking the screen, he recognized the number for dispatch. "Hamilton."

"Judd, where are you?" Inez Barlow, who'd served as both dispatch and admin for the department for nearly twenty years before he'd joined it, sounded shaken. And she was never shaken.

Judd snapped into go mode. "At the paper. What's wrong?"

"You need to come in. It's Chief Curry. He's had a heart attack."

* * *

The cavalry was coming in hot. A cloud of dust boiled up behind the two cars barreling down the drive to Applewhite Farms. Autumn rose from the swing, shifting her death grip from the chain to the porch rail because her legs weren't exactly stable.

As soon as she was parked, Livia charged up the stairs, pale blonde hair caught up in a princess tiara that said she'd come straight from storytime. Riley was right behind, lab coat flapping in the breeze. Bless them. Autumn hadn't said what the emergency was. They'd both just made arrangements and dropped everything because she needed them.

Because that's what friends did.

"What's wrong?" Livia demanded. "And why are we meeting way out here? Not that I mind offering up my house to the cause, but if we need to hide a body, I've gotta change clothes first."

"We're here because I'm a lousy liar, and if both of you showed up at my place, Judd would know something is wrong. And I just...can't, right now."

Riley slid an arm around her shoulders and the simple touch made Autumn want to crumple. "Honey, what happened?"

"Fucking Mark." Except, no, that wasn't fair. This wasn't Mark's fault. He'd just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Livia cringed. "Oh God. He looked so cute and hopeful with his flowers and so disappointed when you weren't working. I didn't think it was a big deal that I told him where you were."

"He had either the best timing or the worst. I don't know which. He stopped me from making a complete fool of myself."

Riley and Livia exchanged a look. "With Judd?"

Autumn nodded once, her throat constricting with the effort of everything she was holding back. "I was going to tell him."

Riley's arm tightened. "Tell him what?"

"Everything. That I'm in love with him. That I always have been. That I want to be with him. I was going to lay it all on the line." She shook her head in futility as the tears spilled over. "God, I'm so stupid. I should never have paid attention to that letter."

Livia closed ranks, wrapping an arm around her waist, as if she knew Autumn couldn't keep standing on her own. "What letter?"

There was no explaining it. Not without coming clean entirely. But why else had she called her friends? Wasn't it time to tell someone the secret?

"It's a lot to explain."

"Then let's go inside. We'll make you some tea, and you can take your time."

They bundled her through the door, nudging her onto the sofa in the living room. Autumn hadn't realized she was cold until Livia draped a throw around her shoulders. Nearly ninety degrees outside and she was freezing. Clutching the blanket tighter, she cuddled the box of tissues Riley retrieved from the powder room and cried harder in gratitude for the comfort of other women.

By the time Livia came in with a tea tray and a plate of cookies, she'd managed to get herself somewhat under control. As her friends arranged themselves on either side of her, she slipped off her shoes and curled her feet up beneath the throw. "Thank you."

Riley handed her a mug. "You take all the time you need, sweetie."

There was no easy way to do this, so she'd just rip the Band-aid off. "Livia, get your laptop."

She brought it, tapping in the password and handing it over.

"No one knows what I'm about to tell you both. And I want to keep it that way for reasons that will be rapidly apparent. Your word."

Riley's blue eyes went wide with suspense. "Of course."

Livia drew an X in the air over her chest. "Cross my heart and may I never get another pedicure as long as I live."

Autumn rested her hands on the keyboard, her fingers drumming a light tattoo on the keys, though not hard enough to actually type anything. "Okay, so when they cut our hours at the library the first time, I was looking around for some alternate ways to bring in extra income."

"Sure. We both were. I, at least, had income from the farm to fall back on. I've been wondering how you were doing with all those dissertations."

"I haven't been editing dissertations. I mean, I did to begin with, but it was enough to make me want to stab someone. I avoided going into academia for a reason. So I kind of did a thing. A potentially crazy thing, as an experiment. I didn't actually expect anything to come of it."

"Have you been selling sex toys on the side?" Riley asked.

Autumn sputtered a laugh. "What?"

"It was the first potentially crazy thing I could think of that you might do."

"I am not selling sex toys." Although given the lengths she'd gone to in order to meet her own needs in that department, it might not be the worst idea in the world. "I wrote a book."

Livia bounced on the sofa. "I didn't know you wrote!"

"I don't. Didn't. The book started out as therapy, way back in college. Something to exorcise my demons. I scrapped it forever ago. No one was ever supposed to see it. There was too much thinly veiled reality and wish fulfillment in the original plot. It was just a vehicle for all my fantasies." Of which she'd had plenty. "But with the boom in self publishing, I thought I might as well pull it back out and see if I could do something with it. I decided to take the core concept and hone it into something...else. Romantic suspense with a kick ass shero, who takes no shit and goes after what she wants. And I self-published it under a pseudonym."

As she brought up Amazon and typed in her pen name, Autumn felt more exposed than if she'd been standing naked on a table in front of a roomful of people. Was it too late to run away to Timbuktu?

"Harper Jackson?" Riley asked, peering over her shoulder.

"Yeah."

"Great name. But why a pen name? I'd want to tell everybody I know."

"We live in the buckle of the Bible Belt. You've seen the reactions of some people to the romance section at the library. Hell, our boss is one of them. If Mitzi had her way, she'd axe the section entirely. Given the heat level in what I write, I don't want to open that can of worms."

"That's totally fair." Livia leaned over her shoulder. "How many books are there?"

"Three, so far. The first two are standalones because I didn't know if they'd do anything. I just had fun writing the first one, so I wrote another. But people liked them. So then I started a series, since those sell better. I'm writing the second book in that right now."

"I need to borrow that for a minute." Livia yanked the laptop away. "Need to exercise my one-click buy finger."

"Me too!" Riley's fingers were flying over the face of her phone.

It was both a thrill and a terror to watch her friends buy all three books. To know that someone she knew - more than one someone - would be reading them.

"Holy crap," Livia broke in. "These are doing really, really well."

No one had been more surprised about that than Autumn. "Yeah, it's picked up since I released my latest book. Enough that I've been able to stay afloat and keep my apartment, even though we're down to half-time hours. I'm about half-way through the next book in the Redemption Ridge series. Income should get a nice boost when that's out and there's more there for people to buy."

"This is all wonderful," Riley said. "But I don't understand what this has to do with Judd."

"Cooper - the hero of Forged in Blood - is Judd in almost every way that matters. The book was...a way to give myself the fantasy. Lilah is this amazing, take no prisoners woman, and almost from the first, I started getting fan mail. Emails from these women who loved Cooper as a hero, but more, who absolutely adored my heroine. With every book I get more of them."

Autumn shrugged and began shredding one of the tissues. "Anyway, last week I got this email from a woman who read my books and really identified with Lilah's situation. I don't know what the backstory was - she didn't say - but she was so inspired by Lilah that she took charge in her own life and went after this guy she's been pining after for years. And it turned out he feels the same and they're getting married in May. I'm invited to the wedding."

Riley clutched a hand to her heart. "Awww. That's so sweet!"

"It is. It's so awesome. And I kept rereading this letter. I mean, here is this woman, this complete stranger, who's braver than I am, who went after what she wanted and had it pay off in a big way. Lilah is supposed to be based on me. How can I keep writing books about women like her, if I'm not willing to do the same? To put myself out there?"

"So you decided to tell Judd the truth," Riley prompted.

"I did. I mean...I know it was selfish of me and completely unfair to him. He's not free. But I just...it's been fourteen years and I thought, if not now, then when?"

"And Mark had the craptastic timing to interrupt." Livia groaned. "I'm sorry. That sucks. But just because it didn't work today, doesn't mean you can't try again."

"Yes, it does." Autumn's throat ached with the truth of it.

"Why?"

Another sob broke free. "Because Judd bought an engagement ring."

"Oh honey." Riley tugged her close.

"I bailed on him at Sanderson's. I just couldn't..."

"Well, of course not!" Livia frowned. "But are you sure? Did he say that's what he was buying?"

Autumn sniffed and wiped at her tears. "No, but Judd doesn't buy jewelry. Ever. He never has."

"Then maybe you're wrong."

At the sound of an incoming text, Autumn pulled her phone out of her coat pocket to find a message from Judd.

Family meeting at Mom and Dad's. 7 tonight. Got news.

The words slid through her ribs like a knife. She handed the phone to Livia. "No, I'm not."

Livia swore.

"And now I have to go over there and face him and Mary Alice and his entire family and pretend that I'm fine. That I'm happy for them. All because I've never been brave enough to say anything until it was too late." Regret pressed so heavily, Autumn wondered she didn't just sink through the floor. "I don't know if I'm that good an actress."

Riley stroked her hair. "I hate this. I can't tell you how much I hate this. And I wish to God we could fix it for you."

"It helps that you're both here. It helps that at least somebody knows now."

"Well, we can't fix his stupidity. But we can get you ready for tonight," Livia declared.

"How's that?" Autumn asked.

"You're going to finish having your cry, because you totally deserve it. Then you're going to guzzle some water and take some headache medicine and have a nap. And when you wake up, we're going to whip out the Visine and some cucumber slices to erase all the signs of your crying jag. After that, you're going to go home and put on your bitch boots and redo your make up. Then you're going to go over there and hold your head up high, because you are Autumn Freaking Buchanan, and you are awesome, and if he doesn't see that, then he's an idiot you're better off without."

Autumn flashed a watery smile because she knew it was what Livia wanted. But as she took comfort from her friends, she couldn't help but think that the only idiot here was her.