One-shot

The first time he felt her, it was the sensation of gazing out at the far reaches of the galaxy for the very first time; the pure amazement at the billions of stars, each sparkling like a giant diamond, all around. It began in the very centre of him and spread out to the rest of his body, making his eyes widen behind the mask and his jaw go slightly slack. That time, that first time, it didn't last for very long. The connection had startled him, coming through with no sort of conscious prompt on his part, and so he broke it almost immediately by losing focus. He blinked a few times before he could re-familiarize himself to his surroundings. There was no star-filled sky before him, and even if there were, the scene hardly affected him anymore. That sort of sensation was so childish; firsts were unimportant to him now, so why would he react that way? A control panel and twelve small screens were all that he saw. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten what he'd been looking at them for.

That night, Ren sat on the edge of his bed and rehashed the events from earlier. His leg started shaking as he concentrated. It had been a Force connection, but it hadn't been a real bond. Ren knew this because he had felt no presence on the other side; whoever he was feeling had no idea they were connecting with him. They didn't know their experiences were being physically shared by one of the most feared creatures in the galaxy. The connection had been too short for Ren to make any sort of conclusion as to who it might be, but he had an idea. Doing his best to push it out of his head, he grumbled and reclined onto his mattress.

It was one week and three days before another connection was made. As Ren stomped his way around Star Destroyer, he found himself fading in and out of an annoying state of frustration. He would be entirely alone in a passageway and suddenly feel flush with annoyance and anger, more so than usual. The worst part was that it went on all day. This was a rather unfortunate event for the crew of Star Destroyer, who found punishments to be quick, brutal, and especially unprecedented that day. By the end of it, Ren was certain of who was making him feel this way. The scavenger from Jakku had had a rather trying day, it seemed.

Five days. Five days went by where Ren had complete control of his emotions and mental state, at least as far as he was concerned. And yet every single second of those five days he was on edge, waiting for the ignorant girl to weasel her way into his head without even knowing it. Ren couldn't understand it. How could she not realize she was projecting herself onto him? What worried him even more was the fact that he had never had a real Force bond with another person before and certainly not one that was so completely one-sided. Whatever the case may be, he was becoming determined to end it. It was nothing more than an annoyance that was distracting him from his goal.

That night, Ren sat in meditative pose in the middle of his small cabin, focusing all of his thought and energy into finding out where the girl was. It took nearly an hour before he felt anything from her side of things. There was that same sensation of wonderment, curiosity, and pure amazement. Ren concluded that wherever she was, she was having a lot of firsts. He pushed a little further into the connection. She was happy. She was so happy she felt like crying, but she wouldn't. Not now. He began to see glimpses of things from her point of view: a dark sky, lush forest, mossy floor…he could smell the earth; fresh and pure. Drops of cool wetness began to fall on him; on his shoulders, into his hair, down the bridge of his nose. It was the most refreshing sensation; for the first time in a long time Ren felt clean, body and soul. His hair was so heavy with water it began to drip onto his cheeks and into his eyes so he pushed it back. He could hear her laughing and it sounded like a thousand angels. She was jumping on the wet ground beneath her; she had taken her shoes off. She wiggled her toes in the cold moss and mud, and then cleaned them off in a puddle. Ren felt it all, like he was really there. He became a part of it, entwined in it, and suddenly he realized he wasn't alone anymore. He was standing there in the rain, his own bare feet sunken into damp earth. He appeared as he did in his room back on Star Destroyer, wearing black pants made out a soft, indestructible fabric. The scars that covered his chest, arms, and back from long-dead battles were highlighted by the dull moonlight that managed to push through the storm clouds. He stared at her with nearly a smile on his pale face, until she turned and noticed him. Instantly her eyes widened in panic and she screamed, stumbling backwards into a puddle, and just like that the connection was terminated.

Ren wasted no time procuring his shuttle and setting off to meet the girl and end their connection, whatever that may entail. After their most recent meeting, he had managed to pinpoint a location. He just hoped it hadn't been a momentary pit-stop for the girl and her crew of rebel scum.

Unfortunately, a momentary pit-stop was exactly what it had been. Furious, Kylo Ren kicked the filthy, muddy ground and slashed at ugly trees with his lightsaber. His angry screams echoed through the forest of the planet. No birds took flight; no creatures appeared or disappeared at all. He felt isolated, which only made him angrier. Ash, bark, and branches lay scattered on the forest floor all around him. He was panting. Suddenly, the electric hum of a lightsaber being deployed behind him made him spin around, wielding his own saber into the attack position.

It was the girl, the scavenger from Jakku. She stood ankle-deep in mud, white-knuckling her saber and glaring at him, just as she had in the interrogation chamber when she'd dubbed him a creature in a mask. The blue radiance of her weapon coloured her skin, hair, and eyes, making her look somehow more wild than usual.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded through clenched teeth.

Ren straightened out a little. She wasn't really there. He could feel her all around him: her anger, her frustration, and her fear. She had acknowledged the bond all on her own and for once had surprised him.

"Looking for you," he answered coolly.

"Why?" she spat. "I have nothing more to give you. You're a monster."

"I need to fix something," he answered. "I need you to leave me alone."

"I could say the same to you. Why did you show up here last night? And then…then you were gone; you just disappeared." She sputtered, beginning to lose her steely composure.

"Luke didn't tell you everything, I see," Ren said. "You and I have somehow formed a bond through the Force. You've been feeling it, haven't you? You were angry just a moment ago and couldn't figure out why."

"Oh, I figured it out," she snapped, "all on my own."

"What a smart little scavenger you are," he growled, stepping closer to her.

She yelled incoherently and stabbed at him with her saber. It went right through his stomach and out the other side but he felt nothing. He lifted his head to stare at her. She was gaping in shock at the scene, clearly confused. She was so inexperienced still. Luke had done nothing to improve her skills.

"You can't kill me this way," he explained slowly, stepping sideways out of the path of her saber. "You're not really here. I am, but you are not. You're somewhere else, perhaps light years away. Which means that you're just slashing at open air."

Dumbfounded, she retracted her saber and held it limply at her side. "So this is all like some crazy hallucination then?"

"I suppose, if it makes sense to you that way," Ren replied.

"Why? Why are we…like this?" She was confused and slightly annoyed. He could feel it like an electric current in the air between them.

"I don't know. I'd rather not find out and just end it."

"How do we do that?"

I may have to kill you. "I'll find out."

"I don't trust you," She shook her head. "You're feeling too calm about this…but you're so angry, so volatile…you don't have the patience to figure it out. You'll just kill me instead."

Ren glared through his helmet. He needed to control his emotions better.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm not telling you,"

"You will. If you don't, it's far too easy for me to just look and find out…"

The girl grumbled her displeasure. "End this, now! I'm through with it!"

"I can't!" Ren yelled. "I've already told you!"

"Then I'll end it!" she screamed.

"Fine. Go ahead, scavenger."

"My name is Rey," she snapped.

"I'm waiting, Rey."

A look of concentration distorted her features. She was determined, he had to give her that. But he knew she wasn't determined enough for this to work. He wasn't even sure how to remove a Force bond once it was secured. He had never allowed himself to get close enough to another person with similar abilities to have one before; he hadn't let himself get close enough at all to Rey, so how they bonded he had no idea.

Rey cried out in exasperation, finally giving up. "I can't," she sighed, defeated. "It won't work."

"Of course it won't. We need to be together for it to stand a better chance of working."

Rey cast him a steely gaze. "If I tell you where I am, it jeopardizes the fate of everyone I'm with right now. I can't put my friends at risk. I won't."

"I won't hurt them," Ren promised. "I only want the same thing you do."

"Something about you makes me seriously question that."

"You're wary; it's smart," Ren said.

She didn't reply at first. She was still deciding on "the right thing." Ren's patience was beginning to wear thin.

"Takodana," she said. "I'm on Takodana."

"Again? Why?"

"You needn't concern yourself with that. I won't be here for long."

"Then I'd better get going." Without warning, he deployed his lightsaber and thrashed at her, startling her enough to successfully sever their bond for the time being. Finally rid of her, Ren stomped back through the mud and filth to his shuttle and set his maps for Takodana.

The closer Ren got to her, the more he could feel her. Every time she got embarrassed or felt incredibly happy or sad, he felt it all. It was infuriating for him, and it was likely that she knew that. Every now and then he would get distracted by strange mental pictures of her antics; they were nothing more than brief snapshots of what she saw throughout the day, but every time one registered with him he felt like he knew her a little more intimately. She was rather fond of the BB unit, it seemed. She was constantly admiring grass, trees, and shrubbery which, having grown up on a desert planet like Jakku, wasn't surprising. Once, Ren caught a glimpse of his own mother, smiling into Rey's eyes. She had aged more than he had anticipated; in his mind she was still the same brown-haired, stubborn young woman she had been on the last day he had seen her. Her hair had faded and she had weary lines on her face. She somehow looked smaller than he remembered. Her eyes still held that fierce determination, though. The image of her suddenly popping into his mind had startled him. He tried to close his mind off for the rest of the day.

Finally, he was close enough to feel her presence without trying. She could sense it too, for she continually tried to pry at their bond, trying to coerce him into noticing her but he refused. Eventually though, much to his frustration, he found that he could not ignore her forever. The pushing was continuous and he was growing tired of feeling it. So he let her in. She was frightened, nervous, and she was angry with him.

"What's going on?" she asked. Her voice was shaking. "Where have you been? I need to talk to you."

"I've been here, I've just been ignoring you," he replied bluntly. "What do you want, scavenger?"

"I feel like I'm going crazy," she explained, beginning to pace back and forth. "I keep losing control of my emotions and seeing things, like glimpses, of this exact space ship! And you! Last night, I dreamt…I saw…" Her voice trailed off and whatever horrors she had bore witnessed to in dream sleep paled her face.

"It's just because I'm close," Ren explained with a bored sigh. "The bond is getting stronger."

"If this is what it's like when you're just close, how awful is it going to be when you're here?"

"Just terrible," Ren answered morosely.

Rey squinted at him. "But you don't know for sure. You've never experienced this before either."

"I have not."

"Do you know what you're going to do to fix this yet?"

"No."

Rey groaned loudly, dropping her face into the palms of her hands and shaking her head. Ren was curious about something. He took a half a step closer to her.

"What did you see in your dream?" he asked.

She lifted her face out of her hands and stared at him. There was a lot going on in her eyes but she kept her expression blank. Ren felt the fear, adrenaline, and sorrow course through him. Whatever she had seen, it had not been good.

"Take off that mask," she demanded after a moment.

Ren tilted his head. "What?"

"If I have to have this conversation with you, the least you can do is make it seem like I'm speaking to a human being. Take off that mask, you don't need it."

With only a moment's hesitation, Ren obeyed. He dropped the mask with a heavy clunk onto a seat nearby. They stood there, a few feet apart, staring at one another for a minute. Something always felt different when he was around her without his mask on.

"You look like him," she whispered.

Ren shook his head slowly, grinding his teeth. "This is not how you want to start this conversation," he warned. "Tell me what you saw."

She took a moment to respond. Her lips began to tremble and a crease appeared between her brows. He sensed her fear but did not push her to speak. He had a feeling he knew what she had seen, and at once he felt something akin to pity for her.

"I…I wasn't a bystander," she finally admitted. "It was like it was me, like I was doing it. I know it wasn't me, though. It was you. I don't know how I knew that but I just did. I was seeing it from your eyes. It was dark…cold; they were all inside and some were sleeping in their beds. You weren't inside with them, though. You'd escaped to fulfill a disgusting plot."

Ren's mouth tightened. Something inside him began to ache. She had seen the Jedi Academy massacre. But had she seen it all?

Rey sobbed. "You didn't want to do it, not really. You were crying and you were all alone and you could feel the weight of what you were about to do inside your heart. Y-you knew that after you d-did this, there was no going back. I witnessed the death of Ben Solo and it was absolutely horrific."

Ren dropped his gaze to the floor of the shuttle. It was on autopilot, humming through the galaxy at a slow but steady pace. There was nothing out there but stars for miles. At that moment he wanted nothing more than for an asteroid to come out of the darkness and strike the ship, just enough that he could be pardoned from the discussion so as to steer them to safety.

"You killed the guards posted outside first. The entire time it was happening you kept repeating what had been said to you: Kylo Ren will be more powerful than Darth Vader. Kylo Ren will be both Jedi and Sith. Kylo Ren will be Darth Vader's heir. You slaughtered them in their beds, you and the other Knights. By the end of it the smell of burnt flesh and the sight of all those dead bodies made you throw up. Your head was reeling; you couldn't comprehend what you had just done. All you could think about was how disappointed your mother was going to be and how broken your father was going to be when they found out. They had expected you home and now…you would never come home again."

Silence swelled in the small command centre of the shuttle. Ren felt violated at first. Those were intimate thoughts that he was ashamed of; thoughts that he had been trying to forget about since the moment he had them. That violation soon turned to disappointment and anger directed at himself. He should be able to keep those sorts of things properly concealed, so that no one could ever know them if he didn't want them to. But dream sleep had betrayed him last night. His subconscious had chosen that particular memory to relive. Unfortunately, the scavenger had shared in that, but thankfully she hadn't shared in all of it.

After what felt like an eternity, she spoke. "I never believed your mother when she said she still believed there was good in you. I was so certain you were a monster, that there could be no bringing you back. But I saw it in you in that dream, as crazy as that sounds. I see it in you now. The dark side and the light…they're tearing you apart. You're beginning to lose focus of what you really want and it's making you doubt what they used to tell you; you won't be as powerful as Darth Vader."

"You've come to that conclusion before," Ren said coldly.

"Yes, but now I understand why you're fearful of that. You did all of those things just like Vader had done but you still had this internal struggle between darkness and the light."

Ren didn't respond. He wasn't sure how he felt about someone knowing him on such a level. He knew that was how Force bonds worked, that they were a way of strengthening ties and improving relations among other things, but he just didn't understand why he had received such an irksome thing when he had never asked for it.

"I feel that way too sometimes," she admitted, very quietly. Clearly it was her first time saying it out loud.

Ren perked his head up. Did that mean she had sensed her potential too? He had known after her interrogation that she had the makings of a powerful Sith, if only she had a teacher to hone them. But how could that be? Looking at her now, knowing her as he did, he just didn't understand how she could feel like he did.

"The things I've heard, which haven't been much…it makes me wonder. I don't know anything about my heritage, really. I can't dispute the fact that there's a chance my parents were on the Dark Side…"

"No," Ren interjected. His voice was sharp and solid. "No, they weren't."

Her eyes widened and she spoke very softly, "Did you know them? My parents?"

He frowned and shook his head. "No. But I know they weren't on the Dark Side."

Disappointment flooded her face. His response had not been what she had been hoping for, but he could hardly be shocked. "How do you know that?" she demanded, irritated.

"There's too much light in you for that to be possible," he answered. She gave him a confused stare. "I can see it in you. You have the potential to be very powerful, and I could teach you how to achieve it. But you wouldn't take my teachings."

"What do you mean you can see it?" she asked curiously.

"Can't you see it in me? Look closely." He instructed.

She took a step closer and shut her eyes for a brief moment, composing herself. It didn't take her long to see it. She gasped and her eyes traversed him in wonder. All around and through him were strange flowing colours, melding together and constantly shifting but never changing position. He was suddenly the most complex, beautiful thing she had ever seen. It was like something out of a dream.

"Oh," she sighed, "I see it now."

"What does it look like?" he asked.

"Blacks and reds…but…it's so strange…" she murmured, getting a little closer.

"What?"

"Right in the middle, it's…golden."

Ren nodded. "Yes. You're gold, that's what I see in you."

A slight blush coloured her cheeks and nose and she straightened up. "I see what you mean," she mumbled.

Suddenly, she laughed. Ren, confused, tilted his head at her. "This is really weird," she explained through a chuckle. "It's so weird I don't know what to think."

For the first time in a very long time, and the first time in front of her, Ren cracked a smile. It was small and shaky, but it was a smile, and he even chuckled, albeit harshly. "I agree."

Rey smiled, mostly in astonishment at what she had just seen. She couldn't help but to look at him like it was her first time seeing the moon. For a split second he had been Ben Solo again. He had his fathers' crooked grin, just like she had thought. For a moment she continued to look at him and he continued to look away. He had a pained expression on his face; she could practically see him punishing himself for being kind to her. She pushed a little deeper and she could see why: Snoke had already accused him of caring for her and warned him to avoid that. He was disobeying orders and he didn't even know why.

"It feels like we've been talking for hours," Rey whispered. She thought shifting the topic may help him.

"Actually, it's only been about .0001 of a second," Ren responded, eager for the lifeline she had thrown him. "The Force is not affected by time like how you would expect it to be. Things work differently here."

"Huh," she said. "You don't say."

"I should be focused on getting to Takodana," Ren frowned at the driver's seat and control panel behind Rey.

"I promise I'll still be there when you get there," she said quietly.

He almost smiled again. Why did she not want to stop talking to him? Wasn't he supposed to be an enemy of hers?

"Hm, alright."

Rey watched him, admiring the uniqueness of his face. Birthmarks and freckles decorated his face like so many constellations. The noticeable scar ran pink and deep across his face, narrowly missing his right eye. She had given him that; she remembered when it had happened. He was on his back in the snow, covered in wounds and dripping blood from his side, peering up at her like she was something otherworldly; something amazing and terrifying all at the same time. She had never had someone look at her like that before.

"Does it still hurt there?" she asked, replicating the scar on her own face with a strike of her finger.

He shook his head. "No. I don't feel much of anything in that spot anymore."

Without thinking, she reached up to put her fingertips on his scar. He flinched back initially, fighting with himself over what to allow and what to condemn. In the end he chose to remain still and let her continue. He watched her and she watched him, and once more she caught that look on his face, the one she was sure he saved only for her. When her fingers met his face, she recoiled a little.

"You're confused," he said softly.

She was staring at her fingers. "I can't—I didn't feel you," she said.

"You won't," he explained. "You're not really here, remember?"

But that wasn't right. She knew she was supposed to be able to feel him, even if he didn't. She couldn't explain it really; it felt like common sense to her although she had no possible way of knowing the truth of the matter. Determined to prove what she felt to be true, she reached up to touch him there again.

"Just…wait," she whispered, closing her eyes to focus.

Feel it…he's right there, just feel him…she urged herself. She concentrated harder and harder until finally, warmth began to blossom from the centre of her palm outwards; the warmth of a human body, of blood running through veins. Shocked and delighted she opened her eyes wide and grinned up at him.

"I feel you! Do you feel me?" she asked.

He was giving her that look again but this time he seemed even more amazed by her. Eagerly, he cupped her face with his hands so he could feel it for himself. And there she was, soft, warm, and full of light.

"I can feel you," he whispered in response to her question. "That's…amazing."

"Should this not be possible?" she asked.

"No," He shook his head, "it shouldn't be."

"Wow," Rey breathed.

Suddenly the connection flickered and Rey let go of him, stepping back. She was looking to her right attentively. To Ren it was just a wall. He wanted her to forget about it and come back to him, to put her fingers on his skin again.

"Someone's coming," she said. "I have to go."

"Are you safe?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered, looking back at him. "Thank you."

He gave her a nod and she dissipated. Once again Ren was all alone and dumbfounded by her. She was only a scavenger…that's what he had thought. He knew better now.

*

Takodana was close, and so was she. He could sense her lingering apprehension and repressed excitement. He felt much the same way, although he continued to try denying it to himself. There was something so special about the girl; it felt like had known her for a thousand lives in all different reincarnations. Not only that, but the Force seemed to come so naturally to her. She was able to manipulate it to her needs and desires more effectively than Ren had ever seen. She was impressive, and he was impressed by her, he couldn't deny that at least.

Snoke had been right: Ren was beginning to feel compassion for the girl. Snoke had always known that would happen, right from the very start when Ren first showed her pity for reasons he couldn't properly explain. He would kill a thousand people, slaughter entire villages overnight, but he would never kill her. Her existence and newly-trained Jedi persona made her a threat to the First Order, Snoke had been very clear on that. He wanted her to be terminated without a second thought, and of course he wanted his faithful pet, Kylo Ren, to do the job. But now Kylo knew, really knew, that he would never do it. And, as with everything involving the girl, he couldn't explain why he knew. Although, he had had some ideas.

He wondered if they were like two sides of the same coin. Perhaps, as they were both strong with the Force and their powers only seemed to increase when they operated together, the Force had chosen them and bonded them together, sending them each out into the galaxy, for some greater purpose, in hopes that they would find one another again someday. They could be the balance the Force needed, what Anakin Skywalker failed to achieve. Their relationship could be the key determinant of the future. Ren wasn't sure he liked to think about it that way, though, especially considering he was landing on Takodana to end their bond.

He knew he had to, but a part of him didn't think he was meant to. A part of him had a feeling that if he tried, it would fail. Then what would he do? He could hardly keep contacting her, or letting her contact him. He had to block her from getting through. His allegiance to the First Order would be compromised if he didn't.

His landing was swift and silent. He chose to land on a beach in the less populated portion of the planet, where there was less of a chance of anyone important seeing him. And if Rey was on Takodana, he could only imagine who else from the Resistance would be there as well. His mothers' face swam before him again but he pushed it away. She was not here; he didn't feel her. A war had taken place on that beach, many years ago. No one liked to go there anymore. It was deserted.

Before getting out of his ship, he shut his eyes and reached out for Rey. She had sensed his arrival and was nearly there. He stood up and put a hand on his helmet, instinctively moving to put it on, but something stopped him. He didn't need the helmet.

He stood just outside the door to the shuttle, staring up at the sky. The cool breeze coming off the sea made his cape dance around his calves. His hair blew across his face a little and he squinted into the pale blue sky. He could hear a ship getting closer. Suddenly a thought crossed his mind: what if she had been tricking him this entire time? What if the ship was a fighter for the Resistance? How could he have been so stupid? He was going to get himself caught, all for a stupid scavenger from Jakku! Instinctively, his fingers gripped the handle of his lightsaber. He was trained. He would fight them off, no matter how many there were. He would kill every last one, but he still couldn't kill her. White-hot anger boiled inside him. He couldn't believe his blindness, and for what? It was something that stupid little kid would have done back in the Jedi Praxeum on Yavin 4. That stupid, impressionable, weak Ben Solo, who Ren hated so much. The child that put all his faith in people who only let him down, abandoned him, and hurt him. Ben Solo deserved to die, and he needed to stay dead.

A small, covered speeder appeared above the trees and curved down towards the beach, where Ren had landed. He kept his hand near the hilt of his lightsaber but did not make any move to take it out just yet. The hatch door swung upwards and Rey stepped out, squinting her eyes in the bright sunlight. Immediately Ren dropped his hand away from his weapon. He could see his uncle's saber dangling in a holster by her hip and he smirked. She was just as unwilling to trust that he would actually come alone as he had been of her.

They stood away from each other for a little while, each near their own getaway vehicle, just waiting for the other to do something stupid and confirm their suspicions. But nothing happened. After a lengthy standoff, Rey gave him a tentative, small smile. He bowed his head slightly, as a show of good faith.

"This is…strange," she said, hesitating to step closer to him.

"What part of this hasn't been strange to you?" he asked.

"None of it," she admitted. "Um, what are you going to do?"

The question was blunt. Ren had hoped to avoid the subject if only for a little while longer. He sighed and stared at the sand around his feet: it was black, with small flecks of white scattered throughout. It did little to inspire a proper answer from him.

"I can't say I know," he said.

"I thought you might say that."

"Do you have any ideas?" he asked.

She was looking off in the distance, as if distracted by something. Suddenly she blurted out, "I've known you."

Ren's eyes widened. "You feel it too?" he asked, stepping closer.

She nodded, a look of puzzlement on her face. "I feel like I've always known you, even before I was born. But how is that possible?"

"I'm not sure yet," Ren spoke fast, excited that he wasn't the only one to notice it.

She gazed at him like she was trying to see within him or through him but to no avail. "The weirdest part, though, is that I feel like I've known you in this life, too…"

He knew that if he just reached a hand out and focused he would gain information, possibly the answer to his immediate question. And so he did it, cupping her face in his hands once again and effectively taking her by surprise. Images and feelings and sensations flooded through each of them at the contact. It was entirely overwhelming and pleasant at the same time. Finally, Ren found what he had been looking for. A little girl on a planet she wouldn't remember, begging him as he stood before her covered in blood to please help her find her parents, to save her from the bad people. She hadn't known him to be bad then.

Ren gasped and opened his eyes, peering into her face like he was seeing her for who she was for the very first time. In that moment he refused to tamper with their bond, for it truly was necessary. She was far more important than she knew, because she didn't remember who she had been. He uttered a whisper that sent shivers down Rey's spine.

"It is you.