Chapter 34

Part Six - Pas de Deux

He's so thin.

It's excruciating to see, to finally lay eyes on his bare body, and be able to count all his ribs, all the bones. His elbows jut out, like blades ready to break through skin. Collarbone like sharp daggers, hip bone about to rip through, stomach caved in. It's like staring at a starving man, and yet... and yet, it doesn't deter me, I still feel the same. I want him even more, now that I've seen this. I harden even more, at the sight of him.

It's distressing, because I know he's in pain, and this starvation comes from a place of deep hurt. He's punishing himself, when he refuses to eat, shaping his body into a twisted vision of what he should be, so he's worthy. Worthy of what, of whom? Himself, most probably. He talks about my lack of self-esteem, but he's no different. How can he loathe himself so much that he inflicts this punishment upon him? A wonderful, talented, beautiful soul like his.