In Between: Conflicting Thoughts

Winter Holiday, January 3rd.

{Hikigaya Komachi's POV}

What is life? It's a process—a phase. Being born is the start of our life, and living it is our journey to death. Every start has an end, and so is our life; it starts, then ends by the time we realize it.

Then comes the question: "What is the point of life?"

Nothing.

Life itself has no point. Life is natural: it just happens. However, the way we live our life gives a meaning to it. It's pointless, but not meaningless.

The people we encounter, the things we experience, the food we taste, the tears we spill, and everything that happens to us is what makes life meaningful.

"Life is not about purpose: it has none. Life is about how how we live it."

That word belongs to my brother, Hikigaya Hachiman. He is really an intelligent person, isn't he? Just by reciting his explanation in my head, Komachi feels smart! ...

I mean, it makes Komachi feel smarter! I am already smart, after all!

Anyway, Onī-chan is right. Life is about how we live it—how we make it meaningful!

Onī-chan and me have spent so much time together since we were just a child, and I believe I make Onī-chan's life meaningful!

"My sweet and lovely sister, Komachi, what are you doing there grinning like a silly?"

At the familiar voice, I quickly wipe the grin off my face, then face the person who has just spoken. It is a handsome young man in waiter vest uniform.

He is no other than my sis-con Onī-chan.

"Yes sir! Komachi is here helping!"

Today is Kā-chan's cafe's grand opening. As her good children, Komachi and Onī-chan are here helping her to prepare everything.

"What are you doing exactly to help us?"

"I give positivity to everyone by smiling!"

I bet Onī-chan didn't see that coming! Just look at his neutral face! ... Well, it's almost neutral all the time. But, at least I succeed in paying him back for always teasing me!

Onī-chan nods his head. "I see ... You keep what you are doing." Onī-chan smiles charmingly, and I develop a bad premonition. "Smile is the only thing I want to see in your face."

I have ever accidentally drunk an alcohol once, and I felt like my face was burning; I am experiencing the same thing currently!

"What—What are you saying, pervert Onī-chan?!"

"Chill on, lady. I'm not flirting with you; I'm just saying the truth." Onī-chan chuckles.

I cross my hand, and pout. "H-Hmph! As if I will buy into that!" Peeking at Onī-chan playfully, I uncross my hand. "But, I will trust Onī-chan. I don't want to make Onī-chan sad. I'm the only person who trust him, after all!"

Then, I cup my cheeks with my hands. "Kyaa! That must have earned me tons of Komachi points!"

"You would, if you didn't say the last sentence!" Onī-chan said. "But, I will still give it to you anyway. As long as Komachi is happy, Onī-chan is fine with that." He ended it with a smile.

Gah! Onī-chan has just used my spell against me! How dare he?!

I open my mouth, and am ready to retort Onī-chan, but Kā-chan's call stops me entirely.

"Stop playing around you two, the cafe will be opened soon!"

At that, we both resume helping Kā-chan.

...

The cafe has just opened a few hours ago, but customers already flooded it.

Onī-chan is really amazing. He was just giving away flyers a few hours ago, and now the cafe is filled with many costumers—female customers!

Well, Komachi doesn't know what Onī-chan did, but it's good anyway. Still, the way those customers look at him bothers me. It feels like they are here just to see Onī-chan.

That's not good. They should be here to enjoy our coffee and cake, not Onī-chan! It's not that I'm jealous or something! Hmph!

"Komachi-chan, can you bring this order to table 27?"

At Kā-chan's call, I turn my body around. "Yes! Komachi will deliver it in a flash!" I am slightly excited, since I have been bored by just standing by.

Just like that, another hour passed. Customers come and go, but the majority of them are still female, especially those Obasan who likes to say ara-ara.

Onī-chan is ravaged by their eyes!

...

It's already noon, and the customers have lessened significantly. Of course, there are still some customers to make it look crowdy enough.

Chime!

The door opens, and someone I know comes in.

"Shizuka-chan!" It's Onī-chan's girlfriend and teacher.

Upon noticing me, Shizuka-chan quickly approaches me, before hugging me. "Komachi-chan ... You really are cute in whatever outfit you are wearing!"

"Of course! Only Onī-chan who can't see my cuteness as a waitress!"

"Oy, I complimented you, but you accused me of sexual harassment!" Onī-chan protested from the cashier table, despite knowing no one will buy into his word.

Shizuka-chan chuckles, before letting go of me. She talks a little bit with Kā-chan, before sitting at her table. Needless to say, Onī-chan will be the one who serves her.

"...Machi. Ko...chi. Komachi!!!"

"E-Eh? Yes?!"

I quickly turn around only to find Kā-chan is frowning. It's bad, I'm starting to have those thoughts again.

"What bothers you, young lady?"

"Nothing, Kā-chan!"

Kā-chan doesn't look like she is buying into my word, but she still nods her head.

"Take this order to table 17."

"Understood!"

I quickly pick the tray up, and head to table 17. It is not far from Shizuka-chan's table 21. In fact, it's really close.

I can see her talking happily with Onī-chan, and Onī-chan is smiling genuinely at her which I rarely get from him nowadays.

Time suddenly runs so slow, I can even reminisce about the past. My mind is recalling my childhood memory with Onī-chan, and the days I have spent with him: the fun, and our closeness—our strong bond!

It all changed when Shizuka-chan came in our life. Everything become different. I feel closer with Onī-chan, but at the same time so far. It feels like I'm losing him: I'm losing Onī-chan!

Ah, Komachi is really helpless, isn't she? Just let Onī-chan be happy. Get yourself together, Komachi! You have to focus on deliv—

Bang!

"Aw!" I fell, splattering the order around. What's worse, I spilt some of the coffee to the customer's suit. I quickly stand up, and apologize. "I am so sorry! I will clean your suit for you!"

I can see every other customer's head turn to me from the corner of my eyes. Onī-chan and Shizuka-chan are looking at me too.

"Huh? You are sorry, you said? You would clean my suit, you said? Do you really think it'll be enough?!"

Ah, what a bad day! It's that type of customer! Even worse, this man looks like a Yakuza!

I raise my head, and answer. "Yes! I will do it with sincerity, and I think it'll be enough!" Way to go, Komachi! Now you make the man even more angrier.

"What did you say? Sincerity? Don't joke with me, kid!"

He extends his hand, and I know he will definitely grab my shirt. Is there no one gonna stop this man?!

Soon enough, my question is answered. Even before the man's hand reached me, someone stops it entirely.

"Woah, chill out, dude. You'll be surprised how quick I can put a hole through your head."

It is Onī-chan. He came to my rescue. He even managed to silence the customer with his word alone.

He turns around to look at me, and I can finally know what makes the customer shut his mouth entirely: it's Onī-chan's eyes.

"Are you hurt anywhere, Komachi?"

"N-No, Onī-chan."

"Good." He pats my head. "Now go take a rest, you are tired. I will deal with this matter."

I can only nod wordlessly, and go to the staff room. I don't even know since when I am in Shizuka-chan's embrace. The way Onī-chan looks at that man earlier really occupies my mind.

His eyes ... They are so cold and empty; it makes me think I wasn't seeing Onī-chan. But, I know that's just my excuse to cover the truth.

I don't care about how empty his eyes at that time; I am trying my best to distract my mind from continuously recalling the earlier scene.

Onī-chan's authoritative voice, Onī-chan's perfectly timed interception, and the way Onī-chan covered me with his wide back occupies my mind.

I am happy Onī-chan saved me; I have thought he would only stand there and watch me silently.

Now I know Onī-chan still cares about me. He loves me just as much as he loves me in the past: I am not put aside!

I finally realize something: I fell in love with Onī-chan, my blood related sibling. It's wrong and disgusting, I know. But, it feels so right, I don't know what to do.

Ah... What should I do with these conflicting thoughts?