Experience

Dear readers, this chapter is very special for me, so I'd like to make a suggestion to make your reading experience even better. When I signalize, play the song "Gravity", by Jenn Johnson (available on Spotify/Deezer/YouTube), but please, listen to it while reading. I used the lyrics of this song as inspiration to write this chapter. Believe me, your experience will be amazing. Thank you very much and many hugs from me (Naty).

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The next morning, after a hearty breakfast, Hange took Lara to the stables to meet Levi. Everyone was ready to leave.

When Lara stood next to the Captain's black horse, her eyes widened in wonder.

"So?" asked Levi, raising an eyebrow. "Did you like him?"

"It's marvelous…" said Lara, trying to touch the horse's muzzle, but she was so small, she couldn't reach it.

The horses from the Survey Corps were a special breed, used especially for the soldiers, able to range a top speed from 75 to 80 kilometers an hour. They were docile and not easily frightened by Titans.

Hange pouted in pity when she saw that Lara couldn't reach the horse and looked at Levi, giving him a little smile. Gently, Levi lifted Lara up so she could pet the horse.

"Ohhh!" she exclaimed. "How beautiful! He's so kind…"

At that moment, Erwin approached them, saying:

"We're leaving right now. We'll have a division of five groups of soldiers and you two, I mean, you three, will stay in my group. The day looks excellent and if we keep a good pace, we'll get to Shiganshina at sundown. Let's go!"

Levi climbed onto his horse and Hange lifted Lara to sit in front of him. After being seated and holding the horse's saddle, Lara gave a little squeal, which startled Levi.

"What's wrong?!" he asked, worried. "Is everything alright?!"

"Holy buckets!" exclaimed Lara, looking at the ground. "I'm feeling soooo tall!" She gave a happy loud laugh.

With hands on her waist, Hange also laughed and smiled at Levi, who couldn't hold back a little smile as he gazed at Hange.

"Let's go, guys…" Hange headed towards her horse, "Shiganshina awaits us!"

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The soldiers had already ridden for about two hours and only three Titans had appeared, easily defeated by some soldiers on the left flank.

Erwin led his group, which had eight soldiers and was divided into pairs. He and Mike were in the frontline, followed by another pair behind, then by Hange, Levi, and Lara, and another pair in the rear. Each soldier had a distance of about seven meters to cover good ground.

It looked like Lara was having the time of her life and Levi couldn't understand how she could be in a good mood in such a hostile environment. The girl gazed up at the sky, which seemed to reflect her own eyes. The clouds were white as cotton and many groups of birds were flying overhead.

Then, Levi remembered how he, Isabel, and Furlan were also fascinated when they saw the open sky for the first time. It was an incredible feeling of freedom. He looked down at the top of Lara's head and understood that she was simply just having the same feeling.

Watching Lara's happiness, Levi came to the conclusion that, whenever he left the Walls, although experiencing the most dangerous and frightening moments of his life at these times, the feeling he had when his hair flew with the wind, galloping fast on his horse, was priceless.

Along the way, Levi also found himself enjoying Lara's company a lot. She wasn't a boring kid, but quite the opposite. She had confidence when speaking, asked interesting questions and, above all, she knew how to listen.

He ended up discovering that Lara had, I mean, was still having a very difficult childhood. Apparently, she hadn't received much school education. She knew how to read and write, but told him that the teachers at the orphanage were not the best in the world, and that she needed to sneak out of her room at night to read some books, because she had an urge to learn, but no one to teach her.

It was clear she had starved for several moments in her life, reminding him of her comment towards Mike in the refectory. Just like Levi, Lara was also malnourished in childhood, which explained her small size. That made him feel a pang of sadness, but at the same time, empathy for her.

Lara didn't seem to have many friends at the orphanage either, perhaps because that environment seemed to be as hostile as here outside the Walls. From what she had said, all the kids were quite depressed and spent most of their time helping with household chores, rather than playing. And when they could finally play, it was with great restraint, because the tutors didn't want anyone getting hurt because, after all, doctors were expensive.

But, despite all the hardships in her life, Lara seemed to have an adventurous and free spirit, and always see the bright side of things.

Since last night, in the refectory, Levi wanted to ask her something.

"PLAY - Gravity, by Jenn Johnson"

"Lara…" he said, slowly. Only the noise of the horses' hooves could be heard, "How did you manage to kill that Titan in the forest?"

Lara sighed and turned to him, meeting Levi's eyes.

"Look…" she said, smiling gently, "I'll be very honest with you, Levi… I… I have no idea…"

Lara looked ahead and gazed up at the sky. Levi gazed up, as well. It was beautiful, just like a painting. The clouds reflected the sun's rays, shielding them from the intense heat, and a gentle breeze seemed to caress their faces.

"You know…" said Lara, while they both watched some birds flying, "Sometimes, I think there's Someone up there, taking care of me…"

Levi looked at her, his mouth slightly opened. Indeed, there were times when Lara didn't speak like a child. He turned his eyes to the sky, appreciating the clouds.

"Sometimes, I get caught up in some petty things…" said Lara, her voice mingling with the wind, but still very clear. "Losing sight of what truly matters… Levi?"

"Yes?" he replied, feeling his heart beating stronger. Something was happening inside of him.

"I'm gonna tell you about… An experience I had… You'll be the first person I'll tell this…" Lara gazed deeply into Levi's eyes and then looked up at the sky, "I really enjoy climbing trees, because I love the feeling of being tall… One day, I climbed one of the trees in the backyard of the orphanage, when no one was watching…"

Some birds passed by them, singing.

"I was having a very bad day… I was beaten up for being caught reading some books… So, I climbed that tree, because I wanted to be alone."

Lara sighed.

"I felt a great sadness grow inside me, and I just wanted to stay up there, alone… Crying in peace… I cried so much I think I ended up falling asleep."

Something was making Levi's heart beat even stronger. The way she was telling that story held him in a way he couldn't explain.

"And then," she continued, raising her arm to the sky, as if she wanted to reach something, "I heard a voice. It felt like Someone took me by the hand and said: 'Come up here with Me'. And then," she smiled to the sky, "my feet came off the ground and this Someone lifted me above the clouds."

Lara spread her arms, as if she wanted to fly.

"As I looked down…" she said, "the whole world seemed so small… As I went up, beyond the stars, through space and time... I completely forgot what was left behind."

Levi was listening with wide eyes.

"As I was surrounded by these... Grander things… Everything there, working in perfect harmony," there was emotion in Lara's voice, "I saw Someone, as if He was orchestrating the galaxies, just like in these festivals we have in the Districts sometimes, where an orchestra plays accompanied by a conductor."

"Everything…" she continued, "everything was lightning up, as far as I could see. Then, I felt something…"

Levi couldn't explain why he felt his heart beat so fast at those words.

"I've never seen our king in person, you know?" said Lara, still looking at the sky. "But, I believe that what I felt in that presence, is the same as what we feel when we see someone as important as the king." Lara sighed, "I felt… Majesty. It was something so mysterious and sovereign at the same time… It seemed to suffocate me."

Holding the reins of his black horse, Levi found himself trembling a little and felt his eyes fill with tears.

"But," continued Lara, "I was pulled close to Him, as if He had gravity. When I got closer, I was finally able to breathe again."

"At that moment…" Lara's eyes gleamed as she admired the sky, "with Him, there was nothing more to say. But suddenly, it all became clear of what matters to Him."

"There," said Lara, "I finally knew I could rest, because it was all in His hands. I didn't need to worry about anything else."

Hange, who was riding on their left side, despite the distance between them, realized something was up with Levi. She narrowed her eyes, trying to see better, and finally saw that he was… Crying. Quietly, of course. But tears were running down his cheeks. She thought about getting closer, but something inside her told her it was better to leave him alone, because it was something particular to him.

"So," concluded Lara, "if you want to know how I managed to kill that Titan, the answer I can give you is, at that moment, I knew I could do anything, because of the One who helped me when I was sad."

A great silence fell upon them. Only the loud clatter of the horses' hooves could be heard, preventing Lara from hearing Levi give a few soft little sobs.

"Or," Lara then suddenly changed her tone, for something more playful, "I may just like jumping from high places. Some people back at the orphanage already called me 'little monkey' because of that," she added, laughing.

That sudden change of tone made Levi laugh, unintentionally. He felt that same feeling that, when after we cry, something makes us laugh, you know? It was a heartwarming laugh.

Lara gently leaned against Levi's chest, while holding on to the horse's saddle. She could feel the Captain's heart beating hard, and felt very safe.

With that child lying on his chest, Levi closed his eyes and for the first time in years (I dare say) he felt peace. He rested his chin on top of the girl's head, allowing himself to stay that way for a few moments.

Hange watched them in astonishment. Never, in all her years of living with Levi, had she seen him in that emotional state (apart from when Isabel and Furlan died). Whatever Lara had said, touched him deeply. Oddly enough, Hange felt a certain… Happiness. But beyond the happiness of seeing Levi smiling in such a genuine way and realizing he was having a few moments of peace, she felt something else in her heart, and had a thought:

Levi was incredibly handsome when he smiled.