Chapter Eight

The last couple weeks of summer went largely uneventful. After the initial shyness wore off, Jaxsen found himself attached to Nizhoni at the hip. Every night before he was sent to bed Jaxsen gave her a hug and a small kiss to the cheek, repeating the action with Sebastian before scurrying off to his room.

One Saturday night, the last Saturday before school officially started, brought the three of them together into the living room to laze in front of the television. Jaxsen followed a moment later, a Snapple bottle held carefully, lest he drop it. With a smile Jaxsen climbed unabashedly into Nizhoni’s lap, his head reclined against her chest as Sebastian turned to a Furturama marathon.

They enjoyed the program for a few hours before it ended and Sebastian shut off the T.V. “I think he likes you,” he whispered with a smile. Nizhoni smiled in answer, her dark lashes falling to cover her face as she looked at the small bundle in her arms. Gently she kissed his forehead and breathed a smell unique to children while they slept.

“I’m rather fond of him as well.” She met Sebastian’s eyes and her smile widened. “He’s a wonderful little boy, Bastian. I think that him being here will do you a lot of good also.”

Sebastian half smiled and ran a light finger down Jaxsen’s cheek. “He’s in so much pain, Nizhoni. He’s been through so much.”

“I could say the same about you, Bich’aah naasha.”

Sebastian broke her gaze, his eyes sliding down toward Jaxsen’s face, angelic-like as he relaxed in sleep. “I better put him in bed,” he said suddenly and stood up. Nizhoni knew his avoidance tactics like she knew her own, and knew quite well what he was doing; but said nothing as he lifted the child from her lap and carried him upstairs. Nizhoni watched him go. The way he held Jaxsen, gentle and treasured, both made her smile and made her soul ache.

She remembered how it almost killed him. How many times she took that pistol from his hands, how many times he’d ended up at her doorstep and cried in her arms. Until, eventually, he moved into her spare bedroom. She remembered how hard it was for him when his and Ellie’s, his ex-wife, marriage died with their son. She watched him now, his arms wrapped around the sleeping boy protectively. He gently ascended the stairs carefully so as to not jostle him.

She saw Sebastian place a light kiss to his temple before he was hidden from view by the wall leading upstairs. With a tired sigh Nizhoni leaned her head against the back of the couch and closed her eyes. She smiled again a few minutes later when she felt Sebastian retake his seat beside her, leaning in to caress her cheek. Her eyes opened, beautiful and full of a depth he’d never before seen in such clarity. In all the years he’d known her, in this moment, she’d never before appeared more beautiful.

Not long before the news of Glen and Sara Michaels’ murder, Sebastian and Nizhoni had begun a tentative relationship. When Sebastian found Jaxsen he’d told her that until the boy became acclimated to his new surroundings, he didn’t want to overwhelm him with hurling the boy into too stressful a situation too quickly. She understood and kept her distance until he’d called her. She’d missed him more than he’d ever know. Since they were kids there weren’t many days he went without seeing her, minus his stint in the Corps. Always her protector, though, even when they couldn’t see each other over the last month or so, he always found the time to call and check on her. To wish her a good night and to tell her he loved her.

Sebastian cupped her cheek in his palm and slowly leaned in. When she didn’t pull away in protest, he closed the distance and kissed her for the first time in what felt like twenty-five years. It was tentative at first, shy, and unsure until she abandoned palpitation of thought and leaned in, deepening the kiss and igniting a ball of fiery passion she hadn’t felt on this level in her life. She always knew she harbored deep feelings for her childhood friend, but her own troubled past and fears kept her from expressing her feelings. When Sebastian had initially told her he needed time alone with the boy, her fears and insecurities had gotten the best of her and many lonely teardrops soaked her pillow case.

She heard low moans when she felt his hands slide under her shirt and up her sides. His fingertips sent chills through her body as they dragged across and up her skin until he’d rid her of her cream colored blouse. As his hands cupped her breasts she arched into his touch and realized it was she that was moaning.

At some point that she hadn’t the vaguest recollection of, they ended up in the bedroom and eventually collapsed in a tangle of limbs and bed sheets in a sweet, delectable dance danced since the beginning of time. Climax took its time with the slow torturous movements of their set rhythm. He filled her, fulfilled her, and set her soul alight. When she went over the preverbal edge she dragged him over with her and together they completely fell.

Monday came early for all in the household. Sebastian woke with a feeling akin to the first day he’d seen Daniel, his late son, off to his first day of school. He silently wondered how Jaxsen would take this separation. He did not like to, nor ever tried to compare the two boys; he was very aware they were not even close to the same character, but sometimes he couldn’t help it. He never spoke the thoughts, never wanting Jaxsen to feel like he had to be anyone but himself. He didn’t want a copy of Daniel. Though he had to admit that he wished at times that Jaxsen would be less reserved, more out-going like Daniel. Daniel was carefree. He tried everything as Sebastian and Ellie made sure he felt confident to try new things and provided every opportunity for him to spread his wings. Daniel was a happy child. Always laughing.

Jaxsen was dealt a very different hand of cards. While he knew Jaxsen was adored by his parents, their deaths and his subsequent foster care bouncing taught Jaxsen about fear, pain, and uncertainty. He was taught he was a menace, a tool with which to be used, to abuse, to hurt and control through manipulation and intimidation. In the past five weeks he’d watched Jaxsen begin to open up, to come out of his shell some for him. He was earning the boy’s respect and gaining his trust with hard work and gentleness of voice and hand. He was proud of him. Of how far he’d come in such a short time.

Jaxsen was buried under his covers when Sebastian came in to make sure he was up. He patted the lump under the blue and yellow checkered comforter spread over the bed.

“Jack, it’s time to get up, bud.” The lump remained silent but did expand and contract in a deep sigh. “Jaxsen…” He lightly kneaded the small back his hand rested on, trying to coax him gently from his hiding place. Finally a face appeared, messed blond hair in tangles around his eyes. His face was a picture of apprehension and disquieted tension.

“I don’t wanna go.” He was pleading.

“Jack, you need to go to school.” He smoothed Jaxsen’s hair away from his eyes with the tips of his fingers. He smiled to himself when he didn’t flinch away from the touch. “Why don’t you wanna go?” A shrug was his only reply. “Talk to me. I can’t fix a problem, or even begin to understand a problem, if you don’t communicate what that problem or fear is. Know what I mean?”

Jaxsen nodded. He’d been up all night panic-stricken with overwrought abstract terror of what might be ahead. He didn’t want to cry. He hated the effect fear and pain and sadness provoked. Every time he felt his chest tighten with impending tears, he heard the mocking superciliousness of Martin Gary’s voice in his head as if he were standing next to him. His former foster father, he feared, would taunt him for the rest of his life.

When he was placed in the Gary’s care he learned busses did not come that far outside the city limits, and he had to be transported to and from school by Mr. or Mrs. Gary. He often found himself waiting for hours to be retrieved from the park near the school where he was instructed to wait. It took him several moments to stutter out his fears, but finally managed to communicate, however inarticulately, what he needed to say.

Sebastian wiped away a stray tear from Jaxsen’s cheek before placing a kiss upon his forehead. Jaxsen smiled. “I understand why you’re anxious, sweet boy. Past experience has taught you adults will let you down, abandon and hurt you. Jaxsen, I can only prove to you that I won’t turn out like them by continuously showing and teaching you that you can rely on me. That I won’t hurt you, abandon you, or give you a reason to fear me. That’s not to say I won’t make you mad, or upset…but no matter what, Jack, I will always be there for you.”

He smoothed the boy’s hair again and wiped another tear from his face. Jaxsen closed his eyes, leaning into the touch, relishing the warmth of Sebastian’s hand against his cheek. He was still scared, full of apprehension and doubt, but he wanted so badly to be loved again. He wanted so badly for Sebastian to love him. He was trying so hard for him. Sebastian was gentle, caring, and soft handed. He spoke to him. He never yelled or demanded. He wasn’t mean or contrite. He knew he was lucky this time and was scared of the other shoe when it finally dropped.

“Are you gonna pick me up today, too?” His voice sounded small even to him, but he couldn’t control showing his uncertain foreboding.

Sebastian smiled and patted his chest. “Monday’s, Wednesday’s, and Friday’s.”

“What about Tuesdays and Thursdays?”

“Nizhoni will pick you up from here in the morning and bring you home after school. She will stay here with you until I get home.” Sebastian was well aware Jaxsen was privy to the answers to these questions, but patiently answered each one again.

They arrived at the school at one quarter hour after seven a.m. Jaxsen’s heart was beating so hard in his chest it hurt his ribs. He kept reminding himself to be brave. He took a deep breath.

“Do you want me to come in with you?”

With his schedule clutched in his hands, Jaxsen closed his eyes and took another deep breath. This one did no better than the first to calm him. “No, I can do it. I know what to do.” He looked over at him then. “You’ll be here?”

“2:30 sharp. Jack,” Sebastian said, a hand on his arm before Jaxsen could exit the vehicle. “I will be here. Have fun today, okay? Make a friend.”

Jaxsen nodded. “I’ll try, Bastian.”

Sebastian watched him blend in with the other kids entering the building and vanish behind the doors before driving away.