The New World ii
Book Three
Volume 8
Ch. 101 The New World ii
Pov.
-Kara-
I laid in bed with Mikasa until morning
I got up and ready to start the day without waking her
I open the door only to find Sasha asleep, blocking the entire exit
From the looks of it she cried herself to sleep
That's what she gets for eavesdropping
I carefully pick her up and I lay her in bed with Mikasa
I take a quick shower and after checking up on the two one last time I join Armin in my office
"Are you serious about…"
"Yes I am, Armin"
"Seriously?"
"C'mon, man. What'd you think I would say?"
"Yeah, you're right. That's why I began brainstorming last night" he sighs
"Perfect." I smile
We planned our method of attack
I scheduled a meeting for the Admiral of the Navy and I had the General of the Air Force come see me to make sure there'd be increased security around our borders while I'm gone
Besides all that I made a public appearance at Levi's third orphanage here in the capital
Just like every other orphanage he had a statue of Historia, honoring her life
"You know back on Paradi she helped me get many children out of the Underground." Levi says
"Y-yeah she was an angel. We could never thank her enough" Kenny adds
"Right. You never showed your face until we really needed you."
"Hey. I showed, didn't I? F'werent for me, you'd still be chained up and waiting to be saved, hahaha. Agh, my back!" He gasps
"Alright, Uncle. Let's get you out of here" Levi pushes his wheelchair
"Nice seeing you again, Kara" Kenny waves
I wave at the two before joining the children inside
After reading a few books, answering some questions and taking a few pictures, it got late and I was back at the palace before sunset
I head straight for the bedroom where I found… well.. nobody
From the looks of it, Sasha took Mikasa out again
Don't know what I expected…
I sit down at the balcony where I lit a cigar to watch the sun set
There wasn't a single cloud in the sky and the sun was dimming behind the mountains
Annie paid me a visit not long after
We just sat there in silence for a couple minutes
"It's beautiful, don't you think?"
"What?"
"The peace.. and quiet…" she takes a deep breath
…
"Sure…" I nod
"You and Armin have been at it for a while. Don't you think it'd be nice to finally catch a break?"
…
"A break? What would I do then?"
…
"Historia… she's gone. This is all I have…"
"You have Sasha. That baby deserves all the attention you can give her, don't you think?"
"Maybe.."
"Stop chasing the excitement, Kara. And just… live. Enjoy the rest of your life with the people you love. Not… here."
…
"Did Armin send you? This better not be another attempt to change my mind." I sigh
"No, he said you've made it clear that's never going to happen. It's just… maybe, after everything is said and done you'll finally consider.. retirement?"
…
"What? You're joking, right?"
"Armin said he talked with the boys. Falco said he's willing to take his spot, and Colt.. well maybe it's time he takes your place."
"Colt? I don't think he wants anything to do with me, Annie…."
"What? Don't be silly."
"Silly, huh? What's so silly about that? He has every right to."
"Look, Kara." she sighs "I… we made peace with what happened, a long time ago. Armin, he understands Colts pain more than anyone and Pieck, she never held a grudge against you."
I nod
Pieck.. she's always brought me gifts and strikes up conversations as if nothing had ever happened
But Colt.. we haven't said a word to each other since the Titan War
She slides her finger into onto my hand and grabs my thumb
"Whatever it was that did these horrible things it… it wasn't… you…"
…
"Okay? So stop torturing yourself. You've done enough, we forgave you ages ago. So let it go."
…
"Okay?"
I nod
Okay…
After a few minutes she stood up
"Everything is going to be alright." she hugs me from behind. "The first step will always be to forgive yourself." She pecks my cheek "alright?"
…
"Y-yeah…"
"Okay.." she slowly pulls away before heading back inside
After watching the sun set in, I stand up by the railing
I jump over the edge and I land on top of Odin
"Hey.." I scratch his ear "c'mon boy"
"Hahh-hahh" he pants before standing up
We ride off, over to the cabin
It began to sprinkle and by the time we got there the rain was pouring. Even so, I sat outside with Sasha, Eren, and Historia for about an hour.
I told them how confused I am.
I don't want to be happy. Not after all the things I've done. Even despite what everyone says.
And it hurts
"I can't help it. I feel so lonely and I don't know what to do anymore." I dig my hands into Historias grave
Wake up. You have to.
"I can't live like this."
I'm losing my mind, Historia.
"You have to tell me what to do." I clench my fists
Why'd you take her from me?
Why'd you do it?
My arm buckles and I fall on my shoulder, on top of Sasha's grave
Why'd you…
Take them from me?
…
I carefully pull myself up
I head back inside
I stood in the living room for a few minutes just… staring at the katana Eren pierced through his chest
I remember how much he begged me to kill him, until…
He did it himself…
I grab the handle and I run my fingers down the edge
It was sharp.
Even after all these years…
I hold the blade up to the light
The gleam shines onto my face
…
When he did it..
He seemed to be at peace…
He murdered billions of people in the span of three days
Now I wouldn't say I'm any better
I bear that same burden so that only the righteous strive
…
Before my thoughts could take me any further I hear someone pound the door
…
I set the blade down and I head over to the door
I grab the door knob
I listen and try to figure out who it was
Whoever it was sounded like they were sobbing and gasping for air
I quickly open the door
…
She was drenched from all the rain, same as I was. Even so, I recognize her scent the moment she tackled me onto the ground
"Mikasa?"
"Kara.. I.." she huffs "I-I can't. I-I don't…"
…
"I don't want to be alone" she sits up on my thigh
"Mikasa.. wh-what…"
"I-I can't do it. I can't take it anymore. It's so lonely out there a-and I don't know what to do anymore!" She digs her face into my chest
"Please, don't push me away, Kara." She sobs
…
"N-no, no I'd never…"
Her lips tremble
I almost flinched as she moved in for a kiss
I grab her thigh, set a hand on her back, and I pull her in
She sits up on my lap and pulls my shirt over my head
"God, Mikasa…" I reach into her shirt and I hold her waist as she tosses my shirt aside
She was so skinny that my fingertips just barely touched
"I-I know…"
She locks her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck as I stand up
After kicking the door closed I carry her to the bedroom
…
-morning of-
Pov.
-Mikasa-
I woke up after Kara laid Sasha in bed beside me
He walked over to the door where he stopped
He turned his head just a bit, not enough to look me in the eye or see that I was awake, before he carried on
I laid in bed with Sasha until she woke up at around eight in the morning
She dragged me around the shopping mall all day again, trying to get me to buy some clothes
"C'mon, Mikasa." Sasha rushes me
"Okay, okay" I step outside
"Hehehe." She giggles
"What do you think?"
She made me try out a black dress that went with the black sandals she had bought me
"Yes! Yes, perfect!" She claps
"You like it?"
"Mhmm." She hums as she walks around me and examines the dress
"Finally.." I sigh
"Dark and gloomy is just your style. Don't know what I'd expect"
"Gloomy?" I frown
"C'mon, let's get you a few more and show Papa!" She jumps excitedly
"Wh-what? What for?" I blush
But she gives me the same evil little grin, like she was plotting something before turning around
"C'mon, Mikasa." She points forth. "We have work to do!"
Like I said. She dragged me around all day. She bought so many things her body guards had to call for backup so that they can actually protect her besides carrying our things
I tried talking her out of every purchase but she would just say it was for the 'greater good'
Whatever that was
"I don't think this is going to fit in my house, Sasha."
"It's not going to your house. It's going to the Palace where you're going to stay from now on."
"I-I what?"
"Hehehe" She giggles
"Sasha, what did you say?"
She giggles again before turning to the window "hey look it's Sasha!" She points at the golden statue Kara and Historia had built in the heart of the city
She was sitting on her ankles with her arms outstretched to the sky. Her hands were cupped and she had a dove ready to take off, symbolizing The Wings of Freedom.
"Yeah.. yeah it is" I smile, even knowing it was a stupid little rouse to get me to forget
After we got to the palace they began taking everything up to Sasha's closet
It was the size of my living room, but it was mostly empty so everything fit just fine
We were playing outside with Thor when I felt a little rain drop on my forehead
I look up
There wasn't a single cloud in the sky
But I could see Kara standing on his balcony
He was staring off in the distance when he suddenly jumps over the railing and lands on top of Odin
He pats his shoulder and the two take off
"We should.. head inside, Sasha."
"Okayyy" she fidgets with her little dress
"What?"
"Nothinggg" she gives me the same evil little grin as before
"C'mon, silly" I pat her head
We head inside and I lay with her as we watched the same movie she always puts on before bed
"Do you want to watch another movie?"
"Nope, I love this one."
"Yeah, me too. It helps me sleep." She turns around to face me
…
"What is it?"
"Will you… will you be with papa?"
"Sasha, wh-" I stop
Her eyes were getting teary
"H-he's always sad, a-and lonely."
"Sasha, baby." I pull her head into my arms
"I don't want to see him like that anymore. I miss mama. She made us super happy. She made him happy." She bursts into tears
"Don't cry, baby" I rub her back, trying to fight the tears myself
"I miss her, Mikasa. I miss her so much."
"I-I know, baby. I know."
"Mommy said she couldn't be with us forever because she was sick. Are you going to leave us too?"
"Of course not, baby."
"Don't get sick, Mikasa. Papa will be even more sad and then he will get sick too" She sobs
"I'm not going anywhere, Sasha. I'll be with you forever…"
…
It took her a couple minutes to finally settle down and fall asleep, as did I
~
-8 months after Sasha was born
"You and Kara both." Historia scrubs Sasha's little cow pijama she stained with ketchup
"What do you mean?"
"You're two peas in a pod."
"What? Why?"
"You hate being alone, but what do you do?"
"I'm not alone. I have Jean."
"Do you?"
…
"Okay.. maybe… but there's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone, right Sasha?" I ask her naked butt as if she had the ability to answer
"Ahhh!" She laughs
"There is, when it isn't what you want"
"What? That doesn't make any sense."
"Really? So you're telling me you don't want to be a mother someday?"
"Wh-what? Of course I do… someday, but.."
"You're not ready yet?"
"What?! No! I feel maybe it's too late…"
"Oh please. Your only twenty-four-"
"Kara enforced the Eldian calendar. So that means I'm thirty-four."
"Oh gosh. I'm going to tell him we should switch back to the Gian Calendar. I hate feeling so old" she frowns
…
"Why are you even washing that anyway? Don't you have someone to do it for you?"
"Sure I do, but I am Sasha's mother. As Sasha's mother it is my duty to clean her clothes, make sure she's well fed. So that tummy can fit all our love." She squeezes her cheek. "Plus it's papa's favorite. Right, mamas?"
"Hehehe!" Sasha giggles
~
…
-Present-
I carefully sit up
How can you say that, Sasha…
I brush her hair behind her ear
I could never replace her
…
I get out of the blouse she made me wear to bed and I put on my black joggers and a white shirt
After putting on my vans I head to the elevator
I sit down in the corner as I wait for the doors to close
I hug my knees and I just…
I start crying
I was bawling and I had no idea why but I couldn't stop
God, why would she ask me that?
I'm sorry, Historia.
I should've listened to you
If I did, things would've worked out with Jean
And I..
I wouldn't be…
Alone.
"Oh God. Historia, why'd you have to go so soon?"
I need you now more than ever.
I don't know what to do
Or what to feel.
You were right all along
I don't want to be alone
It's not like it matters anymore
I have no one. Nobody except…
"No!" I shake my head
I shut my eyes
What would…
What would Historia say?
I look up as the elevator rings and the doors open
The hallway was empty
The raging winds burst the doors open
The last time it ever rained like this was the night Historia passed
I don't remember Kara shedding a single tear the following morning or ever, really.
But it was as if the sky expressed the overwhelming sadness in his heart
Kara…
I carefully pull myself up
"You're…"
Hurting too, aren't you?
"What is it you really want?"
Historias voice echoes in my head
"I don't… I don't want to be alone."
Do you?
Kara?
I step out of the elevator
I felt as if something shoved me forth
I found myself sprinting down the hallway and out the doors
I ran across the open field as fast as I could
I can't remember the last time I've ever tried running like this so after a mile and a half I was completely out of breath and missing a shoe
But I kept running
I ran and ran and ran until I found the cabin
By then I was dying. I pound on the door as I began gasping, sobbing, and hyperventilating all at the same time
I was about to knock one more time when the door suddenly swings open
I lunged into his arms the moment he opened the door
"Mikasa?"
He looked shocked to see me but I couldn't be any more glad to see him
"Kara…"
…
-to be continued