I want you to want me too

Jake's pov

To say that I did not miss her and Jay was a lie. It took all the restraint and self-control not to drive to her place and demand for her forgiveness. I missed her smile, her silly jokes, her face when she was amused by something, her rich heart-filled laughter when I said something hilarious, I missed seeing her swing her hips as she walked around her apartment in her baggy clothes. She was the only woman who could wear tattered clothing and still look as sexy as hell. I seriously miss her and all I can do is long for her. I had decided to give her some time alone but I was also scared that she would forget about me, that the imprint I had made on her heart will be erased if I took more time away from her, or even worse, someone would sweep her off her feet.

I wanted so badly to see her but I could not risk showing my face to her so that she could continue hating me. During zoom meetings, I sat away from the camera and it filled my heart to hear her voice, although it was strained like she was sad. Was she unwell? Was jay okay? I wanted so badly to call her and inquire about her well-being but I had to stick to my word. When she came to look for me in the office, I instructed my secretary to tell her that I was away for business in Mombasa. I just wanted her to miss me the way I did, to love me with the same energy as I did her. I just wanted my feelings to be reciprocated.

When she called it took every ounce of strength to receive the call and hear her sweet melodious voice to put me out of my misery. I blocked her number, unblocked it over and over not because I did not want to hear from her anymore, but because I was scared I would back out or chicken out and call her. Also ignoring her calls left me with a pinch of guilt. What if she was in danger or something was wrong with baby Jay? Ugh! It sucked to pretend not to care when deep down all I did was care for her so deeply more than my own self.

My heart was elated when she texted that she missed me. I wanted to reply immediately that I missed her so badly too but as a man, I did not want to seem weak. So I tried to ignore the text or even delete it but I couldn't as it was the closest thing to intimacy I had gotten from her. And it damn felt so good to be wanted by the prettiest woman I have ever come to know. Her text remained the first thing I read on my phone each morning and the last thing at night. Call me smitten or unmanly but it was the only thing that brought me satisfaction that maybe one day, sooner, she was going to forgive me and love me.

Tomorrow is the launch of the hotel and I cannot miss it for the world. I had ordered a tuxedo already and if I cannot sweep her off her feet tomorrow then am never going to do so. I want her to want me to and I know just how to do it. I will find a date to make her jealous. Let's hope that this will work.