Chapter 10

Avery

Just like I was informed he would, Leo came in for our next shift and put in his notice. The Captain was disappointed; however, he understood the offer was a good one. He also indicated that there would not be a new partner reassigned to me. I was both disappointed and relieved. Although Leo was leaving the department, he is still a part of our group, and I knew I would continue seeing him as a friend. I asked Leo to give me a crash course in forensics and crime scene investigation, which he plans to do over the course of his final two weeks. I was glad that his departure would be on good terms, and that I would continue to see him outside of work. I told him that I needed time to consider the opportunity he has offered for me to go to work for him in security. I explained to him that it isn't because I don't appreciate the opportunity or that I am not interested, it is just being a law enforcement officer has always been my dream, one I am not sure I am ready to let go of. He understands, advising me that the position will always be available to me, should I change my mind.

Troy has surprised us all and is doing well considering his father's death. He reopened the casino the day after the services as planned, and Wayne says he has really risen to the job left to him. I always felt like Troy was held back by his father, and now that he isn't in his father's shadow, he seems to be thriving. Of course, he is mourning his father, but the insecurity his father instilled in him has vanished. Wayne was reluctant to accept the restaurant, but with Troy's insistence, he has welcomed the inheritance. Troy has also given him free reign on how he wants to manage the restaurant within the casino. It has made me proud to watch as both of my friends find success in their careers. Even newcomer, Leo, is excited about his new career path.

Our day at work is rather uneventful, we received two calls, one for gas theft, the other for shoplifting. Both suspects were detained on site, so it required little work on our part, other than typing up the report and booking them. Once our shift is over, Leo asks me to follow him out to the casino, so he can show me what I would be doing if I did consider the job offer. He isn't scheduled to work today and wants to take advantage of the free time to inform me of everything related to the position. We arrive at the casino, and Leo gives me the tour of all the behind the scenes areas of the casino, giving me a run-down of the inner workings. The job wouldn't be a hard one. A lot of security surveillance, guarding specified rooms, and handling irate or uncontrollable visitors. The pay and benefits far exceed the responsibilities. I still need time to think about it, and I do want to include Katie in the decision. Leo understands, but he is unable to hide his excitement over the possibility of being able to work with me here.

I leave Leo feeling at odds, it has been hard for me to get excited over anything lately. I know a lot of it is knowing what I did to Katie. I know she has forgiven me; she doesn't want us to focus on that part of our past. She wants us to be able to move forward. Hell, our future is all I can think about. I want a future with her and I want us to raise our son together. I am just struggling to let go of my guilt over what happened. As I am driving, the radio station begins interviewing a psychologist about their new book, which happens to be on dealing with guilt. I turn up the volume, intent on listening to the suggestions being offered. I hear them discussing how you should not wallow in your guilt, rather accept that you did something wrong, then make changes and move on. That no one is perfect and to learn from your mistakes. That guilt is self-inflicted and created by the mind, and that I choose to suffer in guilt. That really stuck with me, I am choosing to suffer because I feel like I don't deserve to be forgiven.

Katie

They certainly don't tell you in all the books and training about how quickly your baby is going to go through diapers! I am starting to think I should buy stock in them. I have Adrian's carrier locked into my shopping cart, walking through the baby section of our local Walmart, stocking up on diapers and wet wipes, and casually looking at all the other baby offerings. Movement across the aisle catches my attention, and I see Leo exiting the health and beauty section of the store.

"Hey there Leo, fancy seeing you here." I chuckle at my lame greeting.

"Hey Katie, I see you are stocking up on baby supplies." He smiles at me as he pushes his glasses back up on the ridge of his nose.

I look down into the basket he is carrying, "Are your allergies bothering you?" His basket contains several boxes of Visine eye drops.

Leo looks down into his basket, "Maybe, my eyes have just been dry and irritated since moving into the area. Do you think it could be allergies? Is there something local that could cause it?"

"Well, we do have the Bermuda grass, it causes havoc to those who suffer with allergies." I laugh awkwardly again.

"That could be it. Maybe I will pick up some allergy medicine too and see if that helps." He turns back toward the health and beauty section, likely scanning for the allergy medicine.

"I won't keep you then, just saw you and wanted to say hi." I smile awkwardly at him.

"I'm glad you did." He pauses a moment, then looks over at me mischievously, "I really do hope that man of yours decides to take me up on the job offer. I really enjoy working with him and think he would be a real asset."

I give him a half smile, "I know, but he has always wanted to be a law enforcement officer. I do know that lately he has been questioning it, but I feel like the reasons he decided on the profession will be the same reasons he decides to stay." I shrug my shoulders, tilting my head as I watch Leo's reaction.

"I understand that. I will support his decision, whatever it is, as I'm sure you will. Take care of that precious baby. See you later." With that, he heads back towards the isle that holds the pain relievers and cold and allergy medicines.

As I am walking towards the checkout lanes, my cell phone rings. I quickly snatch it out of my purse in hopes that I will stop the infernal racket before it wakes Adrian. A quick glimpse at the caller ID indicates that it is Hayley. "Hello Hayley." I breathlessly answer.

"What's wrong? Did I catch you at a bad time?" Hayley immediately sounds concerned.

"I am at the store getting Adrian some diapers, fixing to leave now." I am looking back and forth at the checkout lanes trying to find the shortest line, deciding on self-checkout. I keep Adrian close, balancing my cell phone on my shoulder while scanning my few items.

"Can Rick and I come to your place later? We wanted to sit down and do some more wedding planning with you and since Rick is off today, thought it might be a good time." My friend's hopeful tone brings a smile to my face.

"Of course. I will be heading home once I get checked out. Avery should already be there." I run my card to pay for my purchases, grabbing my receipt and heading toward the door, hoping Adrian doesn't wake before getting home.

"Wonderful!" The excitement clear in Hayley's voice, "We will meet you there."

"See you soon. Bye." Ending the call, I load Adrian's car seat, locking it back into its' base. I get my purchases loaded, and head home. I arrive at the house right behind Hayley and Rick. Hayley, of course, leaps out of Rick's car, heading straight for me, ready to whisk Adrian from me. I can't help the smile that spreads across my face as I watch her bound over. I notice when the front door to the house opens, Avery smiling as he heads in our direction.

"Hayley, Rick, what a nice surprise." Avery appears to be in a good mood, which is a relief since he has been struggling so much lately with his feelings of guilt. I am hopeful that he is on the mend, and that we can start building a solid relationship again.

"Nice to see you too Avery." Hayley is beaming, "We brought food, hoping we can sit down and do some wedding planning. As you know, we have less than six months to get this planned."

"Well, come on in then." Avery's smile broadens, as he reaches out and takes my purchases from me to carry in. He slips his free arm around my waist, pulling me in, and planting a chaste kiss on my lips. I smile up at him, so thankful he is in a better mood.

After we get Adrian fed, changed and situated in his swing, we sit down in the living room to enjoy our casual meal, while discussing ideas for the wedding. Hayley and Rick are sitting on the love seat, Hayley relaxing with her back against the arm of the seat, her legs across Rick's lap. From the couch, that I am sharing with Avery, I can't help the sense of jealousy I have watching them. They are so happy and so excited to be planning the next step toward their future together. With my notebook in hand, the dresses already crossed off our list, we start discussing a venue. Avery mentions that they should consider the Myer Casino, that he is sure that Troy would be happy to make it available to them. He explains that there is a nice ball room that is reserved for special occasions and he excuses himself to make the call to see if it is available on the day of the wedding. Hayley squeals in excitement over the possibility of the venue. While Avery is on the phone, we discuss flower arrangements and color schemes. She decides on a peach with cornflower blue accents, since my dress is peach. I agree to contact a florist to find out the best flower options available to us with the color scheme she has chosen. I go and get my laptop to pull up table decoration ideas using those colors. When Avery re-enters the room, the smile on his face causes Hayley to leap from the couch and run toward him, pulling him into a hug. Troy is making the venue available to her, and Wayne will cater the wedding. Hayley is crying tears of joy at this point, which in turn causes me to tear up as well. No one cries alone in my presence. Rick rolls his eyes in a playful manner and rises off the love seat to shake Avery's hand, thanking him. Hayley takes the seat next to me on the couch to look at ideas for decor, as Rick and Avery clean up from our meal. I can hear the guys discussing a bachelor party, which Rick seems to be extremely excited about. Avery is telling him that it will be held at the casino, that Troy is going to plan the whole thing. Suddenly, I am filled with excitement because I realize I get to plan a bridal shower that will be followed by a bachelorette party. I mean, why should the men get to have all the fun? Hayley and I decide that we will have the shower and party at Cabaret, Kevin's nightclub. I haven't seen Kevin since I stopped going to the gym when Adrian was born, and Hayley and I decide we will go and see him sometime this week, to plan everything.

Feeling thrilled that we put a dent in the wedding planning, Hayley and Rick decide it is time for them to head home. Avery stands behind me at the door, his arms around my waist and his head resting on mine as we watch them leave. We get Adrian fed, changed and ready for bed, heading toward our room once he is situated in his crib. I am buzzing over the positive vibe coming from Avery, after weeks of distance. We get in bed, and Avery rolls over on top of me, situating his lower half between my legs, resting his upper body on his elbows. I watch as his eyes scan my face, a smile tugging on his lips. "When you think of our future, what do you see?"

His question surprises me. Not because I haven't thought of a future with Avery, but because he asked the question. After Hayley got engaged, all I can think about is our future. I whisper, "I see it all."

He smiles at me, lowering his lips to mine. He kisses me slowly, deeply, in a sensual manner, causing a slow burn between us. He moves his mouth to kiss my cheek, below my ear, and down the side of my neck. I sigh, it has been so long since he has touched me like this. "I see it all too," he murmurs as he kisses up the other side of my neck. Tonight, it isn't quick and aggressive like in Troy's office, tonight he is making love to me. He is savoring every moment, taking his time, taking pleasure in each touch, each kiss. I feel like I am being worshipped, our past melting away.