Windflowers.

A few weeks after Jay got back, Yvette realized that she now finds herself crying herself to sleep, when she goes to bed alone, more often than not.

Puzzled and confused, she started to write. She wrote a memoir of sorts, though it did not much resemble sensible text - she let her thoughts and imaginations burst out of her down onto the paper. She used wide, thick letter paper, like parchments of old times, and organic ink. She liked to light candles, turn down the lights around her, prepare spicy grog, and let her imagination go rampant on the pristine pages. Sometimes she wrote whole paragraphs about impressions, doubts, and memories, Sometimes, she drew elaborate designs of single words, circled with spiraling lines, searching for a way out. She had no idea how or when she could turn this wild, imaginative mess into a book, but she wasn't in any kind of a hurry. She enjoyed the creative process and the sense of relief which came with unleashing her innermost feelings and thoughts on paper.

Yvette has been in contact with a new advisor lately, called Shidonii. She needed someone new. She was so sure that the events unfolding in her life, the actions she takes are exactly what Jocelyn and Julie-Marie warned her about - so she practically went into hiding from them. It made no sense, as the advisors were there to listen and help, whatever happens… still, Yvette felt she cheated on them, even betrayed them, when she gave in to the Dark One.

The excitement and exaltation of the first few days chilled out a bit. Yvette drifted through the first week like someone who's been led through a secret gate into a whole new life, or like a high school burnout when she first gets introduced to heroin. She was hooked. However, Nicomedis left her there, hanging. He seemed to troll Yvette, not to answer her when she needed him the most, and showing up online when Yvette was busy. Yvette engaged in risky texting sessions with him while she spent romantic time with Jay, who had a hard time to swallow this newfound gadget-addiction of Yvette. This did not mean that Yvette would be as possessive of him as she used to when they started- not at all. But Jay, freshened up by his long trip, seemed to come back with a genuine interest in, and desire for, Yvette, and he was willing to let her closer, it seems. Yvette probably would have been over the top because of these turns of events, had she not been obsessed with her new secret Master as well. This resulted in conflicting feelings within Jay. In a way, he was okay with Yvette paying not so much attention to him, but this behavior often changed into a wild attachment, with fierce tenacity, in a brink of a second.

"These connections are very rare and very strong" said Shidonii.

His upside down, curly, mid-length European suave head was round and Yvette felt the urge to touch and caress it, gently, as it looked so soft, but of course, it was just an image. Grey clouds ran in the background, chased by the wind, which tore into the palm trees, making them lean widely over. Shiidoni was probably hanging by his legs from a shaft on his bamboo porch.

"This will not be a path of your choosing" the Asian- American shaolin psychic went on. "Nor will it be fun and easy for you. From what I can see, this can take forever, and only you can end it. It's up to you."

"You talk about the end. But I never ever felt so free. I don't remember anything like this at least. I'm not sure I want this to end, at least not anytime soon…" Yvette said, casting her eyes down in shame.

"I feel that you are growing. I feel that you feel that you are guided towards higher resonance, towards the ultimate prize. But to pursue this goal, your life, as you know it, is unraveling by its threads." Shidonii hung his eyes closed now, but suddenly reopened his beautiful, almond shaped eyes and looked straight into Yvette's eyes with serene confidence. "The appearance of this being in your life is what we call chaotic bliss."

It touched Yvette. This was an awfully accurate description of how she felt. Something touched her hair, but it was only her imagination…, or the Dark One, messing with her.

"So, these connections are there to guide us through our lives" Shidonii continued, slowly reaching up to the shaft and descending back into normal position. His well-built upper body flashed through the screen for a moment, before he sat back, and again it was only his shaven face, muscled shoulders, and the grey waves storming the coast in the background. "This journey offers a path to what you are looking for, unconditional love, but are you ready for it? Is it really your desire, or are you just a plaything of a vastly powerful and egoistic being? He will never quit. He will never give you up. That is why I talked to you about the ending. Ending it can only ever happen by you. There is no compromise. There is no "let's talk through this". Nicodemis, or whatever name he is using, is not there to talk. He states things. He comes forward. He commands. He is the Master. Isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is. But I think I love him. I think I love Jay too, but… it's so confusing. I never felt anything like this. I know that for Jay, I'm not exclusive. I'm not the one and only and I'm not so important, no matter how good we feel together… yet with my Master, my Lover… when I feel him close, I feel that I am right in the center of his Universe…"

"And you are right! I see the patterns of your connections; it's intricate, complex, and powerful. You've got a job to do, with each other. Yvette, let me ask you a question: would you like to meet him?"

"Oh, well, of course! I guess…"

"And why don't you just go and do so?"

A million excuses popped into her mind; Jay, the business, too soon, too dangerous. Sure, he would need to invite Yvette first, but what if she expresses her wish for him, would he allow her to visit him?.

"I… don't know. I'm afraid to trust the truth. And I'm too afraid to fly over to Egypt out of the blue."

"He is touring the States quite often, isn't he? Maybe he even comes by your place. Anyway, if you keep this relationship up, if you walk this path, eventually, you will meet in the physical realm. You are meant to! You've got work to do on each other. And that won't be easy. It's a hard nut to crack for you, if I may say. You will need to be patient."

"Oh yeah, I had a lot of that. Cracking hard nuts and being patient…"

"I know. It's a pattern with you - you teach men. With you, they experience something new. Some can embrace it, some cannot, but you are definitely an important lesson in their lives. This is your personal truth. You always learn something from them as well. And in your life, Master is so very important, maybe the most important lesson of them all if you decide to go for it, straight into the depths of that dark pyramid."

Yvette liked how Shidonii came forward with his teachings. He was straightforward, assertive, he spoke very simply and he concentrated on the problem. Yvette was glad now that she decided to look for someone new. He was very different to her celestial, overtly nurturing, favorite advisors. Shidonii was low key and he wasn't full of himself.

"He is a strange being. I will need to work to uncover more about him" She said, emotionally. He is spiritual, powerful, no doubt about it. People like him… he sees the past and future of the subjects they are working with. It's clear that he is on a different trajectory with you. In a way, he is very much drawn to you, depends on you, and that's new for him. This is because of the soul connection. He thinks he is your teacher, and I think he doesn't know yet you will be helping and healing him as well. There are plenty of lessons to learn, for both of you."

"I know why I am here now…" Yvette said, fighting her tears.  "I know why the pull from that word, "Ask", was so strong. I have been meditating on guiding myself, to my higher self, ensuring that I am on the right path, and so my lessons can begin. We are connected from a series of past lives; we are each other's love card, soul connection, lessons from the past coming to present themselves in this lifetime.  I am the one for him and he is the one for Me." she said, sobbing. Shidonii nodded and respectfully waited in silence, before fading away.

Running through the wildflowers was always a favorite thing for Yvette.

The main reason while she liked to do it, especially on a field she knows since her childhood, an hour hike or so away from her parents' home, is that it really driven the energy she had into the ground. It helped her remain grounded, not to be succumbed to the everyday problems, lost in the mind games, worry about future problems.

She ran over that field, barefoot, together with Grace for the first time when they were teenagers. Grace did not want to at first - why running if no one is chasing? She never understood joggers either, running around like headless chicken - so boring and so tiresome. She could roller skate around in the park for hours without getting bored of it, and dance all through the night, but running? No, that's for psychos and people who are anxious to fit in, swimming where the tides take them, only to let go of that activity when it's not trendy anymore.

So Yvette started chasing her, to give her a reason to run. They crisscrossed the field, screaming, shouting, singing, and they did that many times after that first summer back in the high school years. It became a rite in their spring cleansing weeks.

But it was winter now, and Yvette longed for that field again. They sat in her own family home, next to the furnace which has been revamped and thoroughly cleaned, staring at the dance of the flames inside it.

"Grace" asked Yvette "Remember when we were very little? You used to always say that you felt you had to shoulder the load?"

"Yes, I remember well, you knew back then there was something more for your life."

"Yes, and I still feel this way Grace!  I can't explain the feelings now but they are as true today as they were back then."

"Yeah, baby. You always felt alone. Even though you knew you were beautiful, a gorgeous, pretty face, popular, funny, kind… you often said no one understands, you are alone, and that's all there is…"

"I still feel alone Grace!" - Yvette shouted, her face turning red and her eyes hazy with tears.

"Shhh, sweetheart, no reason to shout, I'm here for you baby…"said Grace, standing up, and carefully hugging her friend, caressing her head that laid on her shoulder.

"I can't make it work…" answered Yvette, weeping. "...Jay doesn't give a crap about me for days, than when he does he is mad at me because I'm not paying attention…, I mean, what does he expect?! Of course I will text Nico, at least he is comforting, and he is not making me remember how worthless I am all the time. An invisible friend, that's where I ended up again, like when I was a kid. At least back then, they showed up when I wanted them to, not when they were not busy with teaching other people, or when I'm together with a real friend. None of this makes any sense."

"Okay" said Grace, and she grabbed Yvette by the shoulders, not very gently. "Let's just run through the situation, like, analytically, okay? Listen." she said, turning away from Yvette to the tiny wooden table and poured from the wine bottle for both of them. She handed Yvette one glass of ellentmondást nem tűrően, and sat down, gesturing her to do the same. "We call this assessment analysis back at the firm. Let's just run through what do we have and then we decide what do with that." Yvette nodded and sat down in the chair, and sipped from the wine.

"Okay. So, we are young women, closing thirty, but not quite there yet. Objectively speaking, we are kind of hot. We are wild and free. We are financially independent, in fact, we are rich. No one has any sort of power over us, only those who we want to trust with that power.  You, darling, are dating an Italian who is insanely fun and great in bed while you are sexting with another guy who is making you cum only with his thoughts, from the other side of the Atlantic. That correct, right?"

"Well, it's not like… sexting; it's more like a relationship, a deep connection…"

"I know, I know, intricate patterns intertwined in your lives, I get that he is very special, let's not get bogged down with definitions, let's just find working descriptions."

"Intricate patterns intertwined, wow, very nicely put, Grace, how did you just…"

"Yeah, well, I told you I'm having sessions with Julie-Marie lately. I spent a little too much energy in the… Matter, I think, and the aerial view she provides is really refreshing. Something I was in need of. But let's get back to the subject…"

"How is she? I did not talk to her since Jay returned… she talked about me?"

"Sure, Yvette, I mean, we are BFF-s baby, of course, Julie-Marie knows that and she told me about you."

"That you should be worried?"

"You know perfectly well that what an Advisor tells you is for you only. It's written even in the Terms of Service you need to acknowledge when you enlist in a session. But you know that anyway. So, I don't understand your question."

"Okay.", Yvette smiled through the veil of her tears. "I'm surprised you take this so seriously… but I accept it."

"Yvette, I'm not taking many things seriously, you know that as well, you know more about that than anyone on this world. The very few things we should take seriously are the powers beyond our control, things that are bigger than us and what we can't fully comprehend. The power of the Spirit is very real. You are gifted, so you know that, again, better than me."

Yvette nodded, bitterly. Again, she was lectured about something she should know, or more precisely, something she knows, but she is not paying attention. Yvette realized she is picky about the laws of the Universe. The ones supporting her dreams and wishes are fine, the others, well, she often decides to simply ignore them, and then succumbs to despair when things don't turn out well. Quite a pill and Yvette was not ready to swallow.

Grace saw the grey clouds drifting through the face of her friend, and quickly continued. The one thing she did not want is to push her friend deeper into the darkness.

"So, let's get back to the assessment."

"Gracie, I appreciate what you are doing to me. But you know, we will simply prove that I'm a spoiled bitch who doesn't know what to do with her luck and status. I'm not sure I need that right now."

Grace raised her eyebrow and emptied her glass before going on.

"We will prove nothing like that, because it is not true. Sure, your "I am enough" mantra seems to under deliver lately. But my conclusion is something very different to yours. Yvette, do you remember our chases in the wildflowers? That is my point. We are those wildflowers. And the whole world is our field. The whole reason of its existence is our bloom. The world, Yvette, is here to bask in our beauty and freedom, and it is eternally grateful for us that we exist in it."