Levitating

Taylor's advice lingers in my head all morning. I can think of one thing that makes me very happy and that's spending time with Alastair.

Maybe I shouldn't be so eager to see him, considering I'm in a very committed, very closed relationship with my potential mate and husband, but... it's not like I'm cheating. We are just hanging out and sure, I held his hand yesterday for a few glorious minutes during precalc, but I was just trying to calm him down.

A part of me still knows it's wrong, but right now other anxieties are overriding my guilt. I feel like there is an enormous ticking clock looming over me, reminding me that in two days everything could be different. It scares me to think I won't feel this way any more. It scares me even more to consider that I might still like Alastair and be forced into a permanent relationship with someone else. I want to enjoy the time I have left, so I resolve to do exactly what I want for the next two days.

I'm left with this urgency which drives me through my morning. I throw all my nervous energy into bouncing around the court during second period. After leg day at the gym and the near constant jumping during volleyball practice, I should be tired out. Instead I feel like I'm walking on clouds, my bones pleasantly replaced with jelly. I'm practically floating as I make my way to the shadow witch's labyrinth during study hall.

When I arrive at the chalk graveyard, I hear not only the sound of the guitar coming from within, but also a smooth contratenor singing along. I didn't know Alastair could sing, but, Goddess, I could listen to that voice all day. His voice is high and bell-like, but with a fullness which shows he isn't straining when he glides over the notes. I'm surprised to recognize what he is singing, and I can't keep back my smile.

"I got you, moonlight, you're my starlight

I need you all night, come on, dance with me

I'm levitating."

I feel like I'm levitating. I've been levitating all morning. Does he know?

When I find him at the center of the labyrinth, he looks up at me, but doesn't stop playing. In fact, he sings straight at me, an easy smile I've never seen before gracing his perfect bow lips. I instantly melt, a hot burning sensation filling my entire body.

His fingers dance across the strings, switching seamlessly between plucking, strumming, and tapping to create a full, rhythmic sound. But he never looks at his hands, only at me.

After he strums the last chord, I clap enthusiastically. He seems to snap out of his performance haze and suddenly begins flushing at the attention. "That was beautiful, Starlight."

He chuckles nervously, "There you go with the nicknames again. You know, most people just call me Al."

"I think Starlight fits you better." He shakes his head and rolls his eyes, but I think he likes the pet name, because his smile is loose and easy. I take a seat on the floor close to him and gesture at the guitar. "I liked that one, Star. It fits my mood today."

He grins. "I know."

"Oh? Have you been eavesdropping?" Now it's my turn to flush a bit at the attention, but for some reason I don't feel compelled to hide my thoughts from Star, the way I do with everyone else. He has already seen me at my worst. What does it matter now?

But Star just shakes his head in a noncommittal way. "Not exactly. I haven't been listening to your thoughts specifically. I just… I can sort of feel what you're feeling?"

"Oh." That almost sounds like… I shut the thought down, dismissing it immediately. "Is that normal for you?"

"Not exactly?" He bites his lip nervously. Addy did say his powers were expanding at an exponential rate and would speed up as his birthday approached. This all must be new and weird for him too. Based on his hesitancy in giving me a straight answer, I think he isn't ready to share. That's fine. I can wait.

He has already shared so much with me about his powers in the past few days alone. And yet, I feel like I've barely scratched the surface in understanding him. Alastair is like an onion whose layers I'm slowly peeling back.

Now that I've cracked his cold standoffish shell, I can see a shy boy who gets easily flustered; someone who feels immense responsibility for others, but is uncertain and insecure. Sometimes he gets afraid and his walls come back up, but sometimes he lets go and out comes this warm, down-to-earth sweetheart.

I want to see more of that side of him, but I don't want to push him too much. So I change tactics. "Well, that's fine if you don't want to tell me about it, but maybe you could share one of your original songs with me?"

Alastair pales and shakes his head vigorously. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to keep singing as soon as I felt you getting close? And that's just a cover!"

"Come on! I promise to love it, no matter what."

"Ulg! That's even worse! I'll know you're lying."

"It wouldn't be a lie though if that's how I really feel."

"You can't possibly predict what random thoughts and feelings you'll have."

"Well, considering I know next to nothing about music, I'm fairly confident I'll be impressed no matter what you do."

"Please, I'd rather you just be honest."

"Ok. I promise to give my very refined critique of your music based on years of experience listening to radio hits."

"Pff. Smart ass."

"Would you rather me beg? You seemed particularly weak to your sister's puppy dog eyes yesterday."

"More just weak to my sister in general, but now I'm paying the price. She won't stop thinking about how excited she is for the game tomorrow. She is very loud when she's not using the block."

"That bad, huh?"

"You have no idea."

"No, I guess I don't, but do you think you can turn it off long enough to let me listen to one of your original songs?"

He bites his lip and for a moment I think he might give in. "Hm… no. Not yet, but I'll play you another cover."

"Alright," I say, my smile broadening as I hear the first few chords. I know this one too.

The song showcases his lower register, but his voice is still silky smooth and crystal clear.

I get lost in the sounds he is making, perfectly content listening while leaning against the walls of the chalk graveyard.

"If you wanna know me

Then you gotta know me through and through"

I really want to know him. I want to know everything about him.

"And if you gonna hurt me"

Never.

"Then you gotta hold me next to you."

Gladly.

"No matter how you work it, things go wrong

I put my heart where it don't belong"

Things could go wrong. Very wrong, but, Goddess, it feels so right. When I'm with him, it feels like I'm on a train running home.