Sisterly Advice

Ellie and I are browsing women's shirts, having escaped from Mom who went to buy a flower crown in Claire's. We've managed to convince her to not force me into a dress for the party, but she is still set on me wearing white… or mostly white with pink accidents.

We've picked out a decent pair of slim white jeans that accentuate my hips a little too much for my liking, but at this point? Whatever.

"What about this one?" Ellie holds up a rose colored open back halter top.

"Too pink." I tell her.

"This?" Now she has a baby blue off the shoulder blouse with ruffles that might give the illusion of boobs on small-chested females, but wouldn't fool anyone on me.

"Not pink enough."

"I've got it!" She presents me with a possible winner. A flowing triangular blouse with minimalistic ice pink pin stripes and a wide neckline.

"Maybe. Let me try it on with the jeans."

I slip into a changing room and overall I'm pleased with the results. It's a bit too light of an outfit for my taste, but reskin the look with black jeans and a maroon top and I could see my sister wearing this. Which means it's as good as it's going to get for me while I'm in "omega mode". Without any facial hair and wide set eyes, my features are just androgynous enough to pull off a more feminine outfit. My muscles are lean, but not bulging, and the cut of the blouse hides well the traps and pecs I've been working on all summer.

When I step out to show my sister and she responds on brand, "That top would look better in maroon."

I laugh, "My thoughts exactly, but I think it's as good as we are going to get with Mom's approval."

"Probably." As I change back, Ellie talks to me through the stall. "So, uh… that was kind of intense back in the car with Davy." When I don't respond she forges on. "Like… I know you don't always see eye to eye with Davy… but for a moment there… it almost seemed like… maybe… you… um are not really excited about Sunday?"

Damn she can read me too well. I'm done changing, but I don't want to face her yet. "At first I thought you were just nervous about the possibility that Davy is not your mate," she adds hastily. "But… now… you know you can tell me anything bro?"

I bite my lip and risk cracking the door to look at Ellie. Her big blue eyes are filled with concern and love. Goddess, she really was the best sister ever.

"I know. It's just— I'm just—" How can I explain to my baby sister what I'm feeling, when it is all still confusing me? How can I explain that I love my boyfriend, but I'm not in love? That despite David's patience and eagerness to appease me, I still feel controlled and smothered? That as much as I love kissing and making out, every time he touches me it makes my skin crawl and my insides churn? That the guy we used to drool over as preteens, the guy I know she still considers the pentacle of male attractiveness, I don't find even remotely appealing? "I'm not ready to talk about it. Sorry," I mumble.

The past few days, all the thoughts and feelings I used to be able to shut down, hide away in a secret corner of my mind, have been bubbling to the surface. Thoughts about… other boys. Thoughts about a different kind of relationship. I've never talked about these feelings to anyone, not even Ellie. But even if I don't want to admit the feelings, even to myself, I can no longer deny that they are at the heart of most of my anxieties.

"Listen, Cam, you don't have to tell me what's going on with you or Davy… or those witches—" I wince at her words. "—if you don't want to, but… you know Davy would do literally anything for you, right? I know he can be a little… archaic and block headed at times, but he means well. He just… needs to be steered in the right direction."

"But that's just it, Ellie! I don't want someone I have to change! Soulmates are supposed to be your other half, not science fair projects!"

Ellie looks startled by my sudden outburst, but she is quick to recover. "Partnership is about compromise," she counters. "So he's a bit of a fixer-upper." She shrugs.

I smile at the reference, fully opening the door to face her now. "I've always hated that song."

"Correction, you just hate Frozen in general."

"Fair, that movie is so overrated. The music isn't even that good." I wonder what Alastair thinks of that music. I bet he would know why some music is popular even if it's not good.

Ellie rolls her eyes, looking exasperated. "Let it Go is a LGBTQ anthem! You should love it!"

"So I'm supposed to support blatant queer baiting that fails to deliver and be grateful for what the scraps the Disney gods deign to give me? No thanks."

"For the hundredth time—you know what? No. I'm not having this conversation with you again. Don't distract me. Whether you like Frozen or not, my point is still valid. Davy is a good guy and he listens to you. He just needs a little more time, but he'll come around. And maybe if you weren't so afraid of offending him and spoke your mind more often, you would realize he can make you happy."

I sigh. "David is a nice guy, but… would you be happy with someone who was perpetually suspicious of all your friends and crazy jealous to the point it's almost possessive?"

"Would I be happy with someone who is completely devoted to my wellbeing and happiness and worships me to a fault? Yes. I think I would."

"Ha! Then why don't you date him? See how that goes."

"Who knows? Maybe I will?"

I snort in response.

"It could happen! No one knows the mysterious ways of the Moon Goddess."

"Right, the Path," I practically spit.

"Hey, don't be discouraged. Adeline told me at lunch that despite popular belief, a recent study from the Supernatural Demographics Association found that only 63% of werewolf mates are from the same pack and only 24% were in a relationship prior to both parties turning sixteen. So, just based on the odds, maybe Davy won't be your mate?"

"And you'd be ok with that? After all your preaching about love bringing out the best in him or whatever that Frozen line is?"

"You know that song as well as I do. Don't even pretend. And I already told you, yes, I will love you no matter what happens on Sunday, but I have total faith that the Moon Path will make you happy."