Way Less Sad

I try to not think too hard about Deron's sadistic display during lunch.

During AP US history, I don't think about how hurting animals suggests an underlying sociopathic disorder.

I definitely don't worry during Dr. Schneider's chemistry lesson about how Alastair wasn't the least bit surprised by his actions. I don't wonder how many times he might have intervened in a situation like that before.

By seventh period, when I see Alastair give me a small smile, I've managed to completely push the incident to the back of my mind. I can't be drowning in anxieties anymore, for his sake.

I'll just have to trust that Alastair's handling it.

What would I even do about it anyways? Tell Dad or Alpha Edmund—what exactly? That one of the warlocks is possibly a sociopath? A dangerous fire mage? But I've pretty much known that for years, and there is a very good reason I never said anything before. Maybe that a plant warlock did in fact poison the apple orchard? Somehow I doubt the pack will agree it was just a prank of an idiot teenager.

Now more than ever, we don't need conflict to break out between the coven and the pack. We need to trust each other to police our own kind and protect each other from human law enforcement when necessary. So far we've managed to fly under the radar of the human government. Supernaturals around the world live quiet, unassuming existences, trying our best to blend into human society. Only werewolves and witches risk gathering in large groups, with dhampir, goliaths, tieflings, and the like living mostly independently to avoid attention. Our secrets are kept through mutually assured destruction and it works for the most part.

Apparently there was a local scare back in the 2000s which led to the formation of the peace treaty. I'm hazy on the details, but something about the fighting between our pack and coven attracted the attention of the local police. Would it have been easier for one of us to have just moved? Probably. I don't think most werewolf packs choose to live so close to coven-protected forests. But our people have been living on and fighting over this land for generations. I guess old habits really do die hard.

I breathe in deeply, confirming my decision. Best to just let the High Priestess and her son deal with the crazy bastard and leave the pack out of their internal affairs. It's not like he has ever hurt anyone except me, and I'm sure Alastair would stop him if he tried anything completely deranged.

Alastair. My heart warms at the thought of him, melting my remaining worries away.

He's talking to me. Finally.

It's hard. There is a lot to work through, but somehow even when it's hard, it's easy. Alastair has his walls and I have my anxieties, but when we are together we can be our real selves and, even if it is painful, it makes me so satisfied.

I peek a glance over my shoulder at him. I catch him staring at me before he quickly looks down, cheeks burning. I smile. It's been a while since I've seen him blush deep enough to make his freckles pop like stars on his terracotta skin, but it is just as beautiful as ever.

Yes, he is what I need to be focusing on. Not Deron's mental health. Helping Alastair heal. With his telepathic powers, I imagine he had to grow up fast. He has always had to be strong, preparing to one day take over as leader of the coven. However, his sense of responsibility makes him a genuinely good-hearted person, and I'm confident he will figure out what's the right thing to do about Deron eventually.

All I need to do is be there for him and wonderfully, amazingly, finally, he seems to want me there. Now it's my turn to be the strong one. And the first step to doing that is making sure I've got my own shit under control.

As we are leaving precalculus, Alastair says "see you tomorrow", and I'm giddy the whole ride home, not even bothered in the slightest by the prospect of working with Luna Esther this afternoon.

My positive energy carries me through trying to salvage Ashley's baby shower invitations. I decide to change the color theme from puke green to lavender. Purple is a gender neutral color, right? I mean, the whole pink represents girls and blue represents boys thing is stupid in my opinion, but extending that to other colors like purple is even sillier. Besides, I like lavender, so that's got to count for something, right?

Looking at the much prettier purpled paper I just pulled from the printer, I decide it might actually be my favorite color. I always thought green was my favorite, because I like the forest so much, but it's definitely purple. Like a purple night sky hanging above a golden sunset or purple eyes set in golden skin. Inspiration hits me and I rush to tweak the invitation just a little bit more. I change the plain black font to a rich gold color and add tiny golden stars to the margins.

Perfect. Luna Esther seems to agree and even praises me for the cute design choice. We decide to host the shower a week from Friday, the day before homecoming, and the Luna dismisses us to go home. I bound down the stairs of the pack house and jump the last few steps, feeling light.

"You look happy," Ellie laughs.

I grin. "Hm… not happy, just… less sad." An idea pops into my head. "Let me see your phone." She gives me an incredulous look, but passes it to me as we step out onto the street. I flip through her apps until I find the song I'm looking for.

I turn the volume all the way up and stuff the phone in my pocket as a sharp piano plays the first measure. I pull Ellie into my arms and twirl her around as a drum beat drops while a trumpet line ramps up. She laughs again as I bob my whole body to the catchy tune.

"Cam! People are looking!"

"So? Dance with me, Miss Berkley?" I extend my hand towards her and bow slightly.

"Pff. Dork." She rolls her eyes, but takes my hand.

I beam. Alastair calls me dork too. Guess it must be true.

We run, skip, jump, and twirl all the way home, hand in hand, as AJR sings, "No, I ain't happy yet, but I'm way less sad!"