That’s Ok Too

On Thursday, I'm excited to meet up with Alastair after volleyball. I hurriedly pull on my school clothes, ignoring the thin vale of sweat clinging to my skin, but just as I'm about to leave the gym, a stone hand shoots out to block my path.

"Stay away from Alastair," Luke demands.

"Pfft. Is that a threat? I see flint, but you're missing your match."

"I don't need Deron to put you down, dog."

"I guess not. He probably would just get in the way. Can he even light a birthday candle?"

"You sound like his match, begging for pain like a bitch in heat."

"Well, it's true I may be in need of his services. Only a fire-eater can swallow my torch. "

He pulls back, disgusted. "I don't care what you do with Deron, you weirdo, just stop bothering Alastair."

"Funny. You sound just like my alpha ex. I thought witches didn't get jealous."

Steal flashes in his eyes like pure fury as his stone fist doubles in size. I think I hit a nerve. I brace for impact.

"Luke," a cool voice says from behind. "Stand down."

Alastair. He came. This time he came.

Luke's arm freezes midswing, but Alastair's eyes are dim, devoid of magic. The older warlock trembles for a moment, before lowering his first. "Damn it, Al." Then he storms away from me towards the younger warlock.

He pulls on Alastair's arm, dragging him a good distance away from me. A whispered argument breaks out between the two, complete with Luke's frantic gesturing at me. I can't hear what they are saying, but I can see a calm in the telepath's body language that is contrasted by Luke's growing desperation. Suddenly, Luke grabs Alastair's hands, clasping them in his own, and I'm surprised when Alastair doesn't immediately pull back.

In fact, Alastair reaches to touch Luke's face, much like I do to him when I'm feeling… tenderness. A torrent of emotions slams into me, too tangled and frenzied to decipher, but one feeling rises above the rest: confusion. Alastair's eyes snap towards mine. Then Luke's gaze follows and his expression darkens. He pulls out of Alastair's touch and storms away.

I fidget with my bag straps, hesitant to pull out my textbook and start our tutoring session. I usually don't feel uncomfortable around Alastair. Angry. Hurt. Confused. Yes. But I haven't felt this unsure—insecure since… I tried to comfort him in the school parking lot the day Addy died.

Alastair lets out a prolonged sigh through his nose. "I suppose I won't get back peaceful, focused Cam until we talk about it, so out with it. Why are you feeling so…" He gestures wildly towards me, fumbling to find the right word. Funny enough, that pretty much sums up the emotion all on its own.

"I just… I don't understand. Is he— Are you… dating Luke?"

"No."

I'm not sure if this relieves me or just confuses me more. "Then why—"

"Luke is jealous and super possessive. Don't be that guy too Cam."

"I— I'm not. Really, I just… I don't get it. Why him?"

"I don't owe you an explanation. We aren't in a relationship, Cam, and even if we were you would need to accept that sexuality is very fluid within the coven."

"You're having sex with him?"

"If we are going to be friends, Cam, you need to accept witches' preferences."

"I accept that! I accept you! As— as a— a friend… I just… I'm trying to understand. Do you have sex with people you don't like? Or do you like him?"

"Luke is a bully and he hates werewolves, but he has his reasons and they don't justify the way he treats you, but… I understand him. I can't help but understand him."

"Then you do like him?"

"I care about him."

"You care about everyone."

"He likes me and cares about me, too."

"But do you like him?"

"I—" He chews his lip in the nervous way he always does when he is deliberating how much to tell me. What to say. "Not romantically. No."

My heart tightens and the storm inside me intensifies. "Then why—"

"I've never had sex with him," he blurts out. "Or anyone," he says more quietly. "There— there's no one I— I've ever wanted to do it with." Then he blushes in the way that makes his freckles pop like starlight in the night sky. "No one… else."

My heart stops. Then it takes off like a racehorse. "Al…" I start quietly, carefully. "I can't lie to you or hide how that makes me feel a little giddy, but… not because I care whether you like me exclusively or not."

"Really?" He looks up at me, his eyes full of doubt. "That's not very wolfish of you." I'm as surprised as he is by my own realization.

"Believe me," I breathe, tilting our foreheads together with a gentle hand. "I just want you to be happy. So, please, don't be with anyone unless they make you happy."

"Don't worry," he chuckles as he withdraws. "I'm not ready to be with anyone right now."

I nod, understanding. "That's ok too."