Chapter 8

Rafi was quite surprised by the story experienced by Kafka.

“But I forgive him, Fi. Considering our children are still small. I asked Ewi to be patient while waiting for me to recover our economic condition. But my business did not progress, and when my business was completely destroyed, Ewi did not accept it. She chose another man who could satisfy her materially. She prefers to marry a widower who is older than his own father. Now her children are five people. One of our children and four of the widower's children. Ewi said it was not a problem, as long as she was materially well off. Yes, of course, the widower was a director at one of the leading private banks. It's a cliché story, isn't it, Fi? But yes that is what happened,” said Kafka.

“Life is sometimes cruel, Kaf. Sometimes it's like playing with us," said Rafi. "Then now, you want to marry Naz, for what?" said Rafi probing.

Kafka smiled. “Rafi, I want to marry Naz, because she is a sincere woman. Her heart is white like an angel's heart. That's enough for me. Your children, Salsabila and Hanif, are good, polite and, smart children. The sincere upbringing of a Nazwa shines through in both of them,” Kafka replied confidently.

Rafi was silent for a moment. His head made up the sentences that Kafka wanted to agree with.

"Rafi ...," Kafka stirred the silent Rafi.

“Kafka, as a man, I beg you, please, give me a chance to be reunited with Nazwa and the children. If you want me to kneel, I will, as long as you give me the chance," Rafi said hopefully. His gaze was so pleading.

Kafka was stunned. Men like Rafi begged? No one will sacrifice his pride for love. But now this man in front of him is willing to kneel to beg for love? From Nazwa's story, Kafka can judge himself as a Rafi. A man who is egocentric as well as a responsible person. Ah, why is this so strange? Kafka frowned. On the one hand, he really didn't want to let Nazwa go. On the other side of his heart, he considered the condition of Rafi and Nazwa's children. He understood how Salsa and Hanif felt because they had spoken their hearts out. Huh! Kafka took a deep breath.

“Rafi, one thing I want to ask before giving an answer to your request. What was your reason for divorcing Nazwa?” asked Kafka.

Hesitantly, Rafi told him everything that had happened in his life. He knew now that he had to be honest with Kafka. If you want Kafka to grant his request. He didn't care what Kafka called him after hearing his story. All he cared about, was Kafka's answer!

**********

City Park.

Fifteen minutes passed. But no one wants to open a conversation.

"Tell . . .," said Nazwa and Kafka in unison. They both smiled stiffly. Suddenly the friendship between the two just disappeared. Each with different prejudices. Mutual guess the contents of the head of the interlocutor.

"Explain to me, how did you guys start, toying with my feelings?" finally Nazwa started the conversation.

“Nazwa Rengganis. Listen! I, Kafka Lesmana do not have any bad intentions towards you. Playing is a word that should be said to teen children who are new to love. Not me or Rafi," said Kafka. Feeling displeased with Nazwa's accusing words.

"Then what is the appropriate word, Kafka Lesmana?" quipped Nazwa.

“Hey, don't get emotional, sweet lady. I never meant to play with your feelings. I'm serious about this relationship. Otherwise, how could I ask you to marry me, right?” Kafka tried to unravel the heat.

"Then explain to me, what does Rafi mean that you have agreed to be his rival in attracting my heart?" snorted Nazwa.

“Nazwa, a week ago Rafi came to me. He expresses his regret of letting go of you. He asked me to give him a chance to have you back. Not only for himself but also for Salsabila and Hanif. Rafi ... still loves you very much," Kafka explained.

“Then, without compromising with me, you gave him permission? How come, Kafka?! You just want to control my feelings!" Nazwa's rebuke was full of anger.

"You mean?" Kafka didn't understand Nazwa's last words.

"This is how I feel! My love, which no one will give to anyone. I promised to leave it to you! But you threw it at someone else instead. Can you imagine how it felt?”

"Naz..."

“Kafka, are you aware?! With your attitude like this, it will actually slow down our marriage, or... you don't really mean it?" accused Nazwa.

"Nazwa, listen!" Kafka shook Nazwa's shoulder. "He begged me. Rafi begged me. Rafi begged, Naz! Look at me, Nazwa Rengganis! Can you see I'm lying? If I'm being honest, I don't want to let you go either. I know, I will feel what Rafi now feels, if I lose you. But you're not officially mine yet. And because of that, I have no right to stop Rafi from trying to get you back,” Kafka stressed.

“But we are getting married, Kafka. Does that mean nothing to you?”

"It's not like that, Naz! Hh…how to say huh?” muttered Kafka. "Let's just say, look at this matter from the angle of how I love you and want to make you happy. If Rafi can make you happy, it will make me happy too. How?"

"Mmm. . ." Nazwa smiled faintly. “Kafka, your reasoning doesn't make sense to me. Listen,” Nazwa sighed heavily. “Looks like I have to reconsider your request to marry me. Because I don't think you really mean it."

"Nazwa! I really want to marry you! What do you mean by that?”

"It's obvious is, it? You should have protected me from Rafi. Defend me. Not just let it go! Without any reason! It turns out that your love is not strong enough for me! You know, I've been hurt by Rafi's selfishness. And now you're letting me get hurt again… but this time it's because of your ego!”

"My ego?" asked Kafka not understanding.

“Yes, your ego! Do you know, that I have considered Rafi another person in my life?! Yes, Rafi was once my husband and the father of my children. But he is no longer my soul mate. He is no longer in my life, my mind, and here." Nazwa touched his chest. "In my heart!"

Kafka was stunned. Nazwa really is not a woman who is easy to guess.

“His position has been replaced by you! You are now in the frame of my heart. Don't you know my struggle, to put you here, in my heart?! Not only for myself but also for my children!” Nazwa panted as she said it. "Huh. . . I'm really disappointed Kaf."

Nazwa closed her eyes. She didn't know what to do now. She knows, her heart has been so hard and sensitive to love and sacrifice. She no longer wants to feel how futile the sacrifices she made in the name of love are. Indeed, Nazwa still feels the pain of the wound that was slashed by Rafa, after twelve years of their marriage. With all her ups and downs, her struggles, everything felt so meaningless when the judge handed down divorce for her at Rafa's request. Oh God, what should I do now? Give me your guidance, O Lord. Give me Your strength. Your sincerity and Your patience. I'm sincere if it turns out that Kafka is not even my soul mate.