Guards Down

I remember the alcohol, but I remember why, I didn't want to remember today. The blur of my everyday routine to continue but instead I took note of it all. When this happened my uncle would always send me away to get my mind straight but here was the place it became knotted in the first place.

Dreading the vigil and the speech I just want to sleep, it feels almost impossible. That was until him.

"My Queen!" I hear as I'm shaken awake, "You must be prepared for the vigil" I hear Mary, my advisor notify me.

"Uh-" I answer as I open my eyes and wonder if it was just a dream, and if it was it would be the strangest dream I have ever had. "Allow me a moment" I ask her as she obliges, closing the door behind her.

Scratching my head in disarray. Sleep had left my system way before the latest attack and my nightmares had become the most vivid. But today perhaps, for a change I had a dream. Standing from the deep cushion of the couch I notice something slip out from my hand and fall to the ground. A napkin! I scoff as I bend down to retrieve it and suddenly notice the initials, G.D, his initials. Gabriel, I think, stuffing the handkerchief into my dress skirt and leaving again.

*******************

"Once again, thank the people, nobles and peasants. Soldiers lost lives, your father and your Majesty." Mary repeats again as I take a deep breathe. "Wine to calm your nerves?" She asks as I decline.

"I think I've had enough to calm me for the next decade" I joke, adjusting my gown, "Should do for tonight" I think aloud as Mary continues to help me drown out my thoughts.

"The King is preparing as well, but we all know he is just for show." She tells me, "Your the star" her compliments hit a wall as the thought of the handkerchief emerges again.

Perhaps he has a soul after all?

"It is starting!" I hear with the sudden intrusion of a guard as I take a deep breath as a ceremonial flower crown is laid on my head.

Lead by my councilmen, guards surrounding me, keeping me in a box. In the middle there I was, next to me Gabriel. His eyes anywhere but mine as as Mary follows behind me. His hand gracing mine as I flash him a look expecting a slight gaze from him but I receive nothing.

"THE QUEEN AND KING OF OPHELA!" The announcers shouts as I bow and see Gabriel follow behind as I smile and signal to start the lighting of the candles.

Sitting on the stage in pure silence as I watched the tears, the fatherless and motherless children now grown lighting these candle I grew so angry.

"You are so silent" I notice, "quite unlike you" I observe as he ignores me and I look at him, his cold eyes anywhere but near me.

I was angry, hurt. The sense of pain in the air as I felt it all, seeing the breaking heart of my people I couldn't help but elevate some of it.

Standing up to give my speech as I approach the end of the stage. Looking at there weeping eyes, I couldn't hold myself back.

"I haven't done this in years, my uncle saving me from this pain." I start, pausing, "- but with the pain of loss, defeat and epic bravery we are here today. To mourn the fallen and to assure them we have not forgotten them." I speak as a candle is brought to my side and I light it, in memory of my father. "We are not alone, as they are not either. So we will continue their fight" I rip the bandaid off the crowd erupts in whispers.

"I have not forgotten we live side by side with our enemies. THE MEN WHO HAVE SLAIN YOUR FATHERS, BROTHERS, SONS AND EVEN MOTHERS. SET FIRES TO OUR KINGDOM AND-" I feel like I can no longer go on, pushing the last bit out of me, "-....KILLING MY FATHER, WE WILL BRING TERROR TO THEM, WAR WILL GRACE THEIR GATES!" I announce as the crowds erupts with a mixture of surprise, support and outright opposition. "We will avenge our fallen brother and sisters, til death!" I say turning around to see Gabriel's chair empty.

As I grab my candle and say a hurried prayer to the gods making my way to the river to set my candle off with the rest of my subject. I catch sight of the handkerchief and the strange footsteps in the mud, off the path.

"I will join in a short while, Mary" I tell her as she nods her head and continues as the guards follow her.

"What a strange surprise to find you here!" I say approaching a figure as I have already guessed who it is.

"Nobody invited you" He cruelly replies as I snicker at him.

"Well this is my people's vigil, my people want me here" I stand firm, my heart icing over again.

"The people that you are so sure want you dead, those people?" He ask me as my smile fades, "Are you still so willing to go to war for these petty people?" He questions me as I bit my tongue hold back every muscle in my body to bash his snobbish head in!

"You question why I wish to go to war, are you really so stupid?" I return the favor, moving in closer to him.

"No, just repulsed by your presence" he answers back as I cackle

"You had your choice to stay and be my husband or leave and go back to your dear kingdom. You chose to stay! You chose, not me!" I remind him as he nods his head to me, "This, meanwhile, is my choice, not yours!" I make clear, standing just inches away from him, anger in my breath. "May I remind you why you didn't go back?" I beg him with smile instilled on my face

"You may not" he disagrees as I continue

"Because you couldn't bring them my head, instead of taking my life you chose to take your brothers!" I say, realizing how far I've gone

Silence in the air as I regret my words, my conscious wavering but my body still and my face clenched in frustration.

"Just like you and your father!" He recalls as I freeze, the only thing I can think to do is take his handkerchief in my hand from my petticoat and throw it at his face.

"I think you forgot this" I say walking away and into a open barn, filled with emptiness and hay building up on the sides.

"I only gave you this because I figured a whore would like a conciliation prize!" He insults me as I chuckle at his low blow.

"And I am only giving your country war so you can be a fatherless BASTARD!" I scream as he closes the barn door behind me.

"TAKE THAT BACK THIS INSTANT!" He yells at me as I stand still, unmoved in my hateful words

"Why would I take such a moving and truthful statement back?" Making my case aloud as he corners me against the wall.

"Take it back" he warns me as I chuckle and nod my head in his opposition.

"Not til I am dead!!" I say as he presses closer to me

"Can that not be arranged?" He ask aloud, tempting a reaction as I just wait.