A Touch of Cold Wind

"It's only a matter of time."

"No! My son is going to continue to get his treatment and he's going to live. I won't let this happen!"

"Continuing treatment does not mean-"

"No. He won't die before me."

Beau's hand twitched. He was awake but he couldn't open his eyes. His head hurt badly and he was sure the blinding hospital lights would make it worse. Hearing his mother and father speak about him broke his heart. He didn't know why his mother couldn't accept reality.

"If only it was me… Why couldn't it be me?" She sobbed, taking a hold of Beau's hand.

Beau squeezed her hand with the strength he could muster. "Mom…" He spoke in a raspy voice.

The woman let out a small gasp and started brushing his red locks behind his ear with her free hand, "Y-you're awake finally." He could hear how she was forcing back her tears. He didn't have to look at her to know that she probably had streaks going down her face. There was likely even snot coming from her nose since he could hear her sniffling.

"Can you turn off the lights?" He asked softly, finally opening one eye with a squint. Like he thought, the lights were blinding. Why did they make the rooms so bright? Even the windows were open.

His mother looked to his father who was already on his way to turn off the lights. He looked tired. Beau hadn't seen him much since his diagnosis because he was holding himself up at work. Though he did overhear his father speaking about a woman to one of his coworkers over the phone one day. He hoped his mother didn't know. An affair would make things worse for her. Beau honestly couldn't look at or think of his father without remembering it.

Once the lights were off, Beau sighed in relief and opened both of his eyes. The window was still open but the sun was starting to go down. Watching the sky turn into many bright colors and then eventually to darkness was a good distraction from having to look at his parents. In a way, he liked to think about it as the world giving in to the darkness much like he eventually would. To be bright before that was where he was different from the sky. He didn't want to try to fight it.

"Are you hungry? Can you eat?" His mother asked with concern. She hadn't let go of his hand yet. Rather, her grasp got tighter. Beau wanted to tell her to just let him go just like his father had already decided to let him go.

Beau shook his head, "I don't think I can eat. My head…"

His mother looked at his father again. Beau watched her curly red strands bounce around when she turned her head. There were some grays mixed in that he hadn't seen before. "Have you called for a nurse yet?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't I?" His father said almost in a snapping way. Beau looked over at him emotionlessly. They locked eyes for a moment but his father looked away and crossed his arms over his chest. Did he know that Beau knew?

His mother sighed and looked back at Beau with a forced smile. The sadness was still there. "You should still try to eat. You need to get your strength." She brought up Beau's hand and kissed his knuckles, "I heard when the ambulance got you, there was a male named Harley with you. He had left before we got here so I didn't get to thank him for helping you."

Beau knitted his brows together. Harley? Was he with Harley? Beau thought about it without a word. He could hear his parents talk to each other and then another voice. Beau glanced to see the nurse. Just then, an image of Harley playing his guitar appeared in his mind. He hadn't been alone. Beau forgot he had even met Harley when walking to the dance studio. Sadly it was still all blurry. He hated that his memories had been getting jumbled up. He even forgot about Claude's twenty-first birthday a few weeks ago. Thankfully memories usually came back to him.

"I'll get some food for you, Beau. I'll make sure it's something easy for you to stomach. Soup maybe?" His father said, getting ready to leave the room. The nurse had left already.

Beau shook his head and let go of his mother's hand. He practically had to pull it away. Beau brought his blanket up over his shoulders and turned onto his side so he was facing away from his parents now. "I can't eat. I especially don't want soup." He answered and stared out the window. "Can I be alone?" He asked.

"Sure…" His mother said with hesitance. "Call us if you need something. The nurses are right outside too."

He could tell his mother didn't want to leave him alone but he heard the two shuffle out of the room. They were likely going to go home for the night. He hoped so.

Beau spent a while watching the clouds move around and change colors. He must have been watching for too long because he thought he saw the clouds swirling at some point. Beau wondered if it was just because he was half asleep. Beau sat up and looked around. He grabbed his phone from his bag of clothes next to his bed and stood up to reveal himself in a long sleeved patient shirt and pants. He took hold of the IV stand and carefully walked out of his room. Since he still had some blurry vision (which he assumed was because of his headache) Beau made sure to stay close to the wall to hold the railing if he needed to.

Beau didn't know where he was going. He didn't want to stay in his room though. For some reason he found himself going to the roof. It was decorated with plants and seats that had cigarette trash cans next to the- probably a resting area for staff and/or a place for patients and visitors to escape to. It was quiet. He couldn't see many people.

Beau sat down on a marble bench that faced the edge. It wasn't close to it so he couldn't see how far up he was. Though he did shiver from the blowing, cold wind. The thin cotton hospital clothing didn't help him keep warm.

"It's cold isn't it?"

Beau looked up and over at the source of the voice. Harley looked down on him gently. "You're still here?" He asked.

Harley sat down next to him and looked out at the sky. Beau couldn't look away from Harley. "I couldn't leave you here alone. I saw your parents come so I didn't bother and just waited. Receiving their thanks shouldn't be something I get." Harley cleared his throat just as Beau was about to speak. "That's a bad headache you have. Did they say what was wrong?"

Beau looked away and down at his lap. He squeezed his hands together. It was a relief that no one told Harley, "It's just a headache. I should be released soon after a few more tests."

"That's good."

A silence loomed over them for a few moments. Beau eventually looked back up at the changing sky. It was almost purple. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, thankfully. Beau was even starting to get tired. He didn't want to go back to his room- that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"I was scared." Harley spoke up, his voice stayed gentle.

Beau looked back to him, seeing that Harley was already watching him. "Scared?" He questioned with a wavering voice.

"You just fell over. You looked like you were in a lot of pain. I'm surprised you're even up now and outside in the cold. You should be inside resting." Harley shook his head. Beau could see that he was shaking his leg. "You'll get better with rest."

Beau held his breath. He couldn't tell him. He didn't want anyone outside of his close circle to know. Harley was just a stranger to him. Beau forced a smile, similar to how his mother would when facing a sad situation, "I'm okay. It's just a headache." Beau waved his hand and carefully stood up. He took hold of his IV pole again, "If I stayed in bed every time I had a headache then I wouldn't be able to dance."

Harley reached forward and grasped Beau's wrist. Beau looked down at Harley with wide eyes. He didn't plan to walk away so why? Also… Why did it feel like the wind was just wrapped around his wrist as it blew? "Will you dance for me when you get out? I still want to watch you."

Beau paused with a gulp. He slowly nodded his answer. The wind died down and as it did, Harley let go of his wrist with a bright smile. Somehow, the sky didn't look like it was darkening anymore. The purple was glowing around Harley. How could a man be so beautiful?