A Traitor Amongst The Town - Part 5

𝗛𝗶𝗺𝘂𝗿𝗮 𝗦𝗮𝘁ō

I caught my breath for minutes but ultimately recovered first as the woman with whom I sparred breathed roughly but soon breathed calmly as I rested on a tree.

Ultimately, I lost when she attacked me on the neck while pinning down my spear with her legs so my mood was down but I didn't show it.

"Quite a technique there, didn't expect you to use your limbs to combo with your slow spear attacks." She compliments.

"I have good stamina and I have it so it would just be a waste if I don't use those." I smiled with a friendly face.

"I never actually introduced myself formally, my name's Cyl."

"Himura."

After sparring she didn't say much about how to improve my technique, she said I already had a good technique, whatever that means but she did tell me how to properly thrust and where to hold the shaft for various strikes and thrusts.

"Hmm, there's an underlying joke here, but I'm gonna say it"

'Shut up.'

"No."

She touches my arm and squeezes it.

"Not muscular..." She said under her breath, surprised.

"I've been asleep for a week and a half, so my body has regressed."

I glance at my missing arm. "Especially harder since my arm is missing."

She lightly punched my thigh and spoke. "Your body isn't balanced as well, your lower half feels like it has good muscles while your upper half is weak, it'll become a liability if you don't improve it."

"I know." My fake smile somewhat wavers more than I expected, sick of my response.

"Eh, you'll be fine, just a few months worth of training should get your body back to normal."

She smiles roughly.

"I'll plan to, though I need a good rock to improve my arm first before improving my chest."

The conversation died down and the rest of the guards did their thing. I grabbed onto a thick tree branch, almost slipping, and sat on it while taking out my sketchbook.

I observed the researcher carefully while my hand sketches carefully of various swords.

'One of them is clicking their tongue in frustration, he must be realizing that their theory is wrong, not that I'm surprised.'

I took a glance at my sketchbook, a weapon known as a shotel was drawn below my pencil. It was a curved sword, the blade taking the shape of a semi-circle originating from Ethiopia.

From what I heard, they had a theory about the barrier being a transmutation barrier, which even I found quite stupid but it wasn't surprising since their brain was probably slowed down as well.

I continue to draw as my eyes lay before another researcher. 'She's far too calm but from the way she holds that flask and glares at the others, I'm guessing she's bottling it up which is a perfect reason to betray the town.'

I look down again at my sketchbook, a khopesh was drawn next to the shotel. It was a short, sickle-shaped sword originating from Egypt.

My eyes lay on another male researcher, he was more restless than the others but not from the barrier but something else. Thoughts began to deepen and Akira cut in. "So you think it's him?"

I was affirmative to his question but my calm eyes began to glare as I looked at one next to him.

'But I need evidence and lots of it, the best way is just letting him murder a few people but having even a single witness other than me would be hard...'

Next to him was Alice, conversing and exchanging ideas, she seems more close to him than the others.

'I need to isolate him from the others and make sure that he truly is the one. I couldn't care less about the others but as long as Alice is within his grasp, I can't rest easy.'

"You know, if you didn't have that ability, I would have called you creepy and paranoid."

"Fuck, you're right, I feel like a stalker right now." A cold chill runs down my spine knowing this so I hopped out of the tree with my sketchbook, without even finishing my last sketch.

The moment my feet landed, my mind felt numb. 'Why did I hop out of the tree? I have nothing to do.'

The body which doesn't seem to be mine moved on its own and climbed back to the tree.

My mind pried into its own, trying to understand myself but I still can't pry any deeper. Who am I really?

I have psychopathic actions and think like one but I'm also broken both in mind and body.

Even though I already had the answer but what am I living for anyway? My desire to feel like a normal human being just for a moment to savor it was something I once wished for.

But everything always goes wrong, I want my body to squirm, and I want to cry but I can't.

Everything feels wrong, my body and mind aren't connected and both are slowly breaking as well and sooner or later, it will be in a state beyond repair.

My mind hurts but I can't feel it, my body is squirming as if in a terrible shock but it was strangely refreshing. Everything hurts, everything is broken, I want to hurt my body and feel the pain like a normal human would, I want to torture my mind just to feel something else.

Who am I? Is the body I'm in just a puppet being controlled but someone else? I want answers, somebody, anybody, answer me.

'WHO THE AM I IN THIS WORLD, IN THE EYES OF ME, OF EVERYONE, OF THE WORLD, AND THE BEING FROM BEYOND?' I screamed in my mind.

Shrouded in leaves, my body squirms, and my heart is beating so fast that it's hurting me, the pain so large that I want to cry but I can't.

I want to push the tears out of my eyes, I want to feel the touch of another human, reaffirm my will to live, and finally find a reason why I keep walking this unknown path.

I find myself walking.

My leg spills a trickle of blood. I watch the slow stream pour down my leg to my feet before resting on the grass as I watch it like a dazzling diamond.

Another cut, a second stream emerged, joining the first stream.

'Not enough pain...'

I looked at the palm of my hand which held a dagger, it had multiple cuts within, deformed in agony, truly an ugly thing, and then I felt my neck. Scars from rope burns reminded me of my failures.

'End it, end it, end it, end it.' My mind screams as my hand puts the dagger to my throat.

'You've made no progress, you've regressed instead.'

But just before I could do it, as if fate giving me the middle finger, I heard something.

A stick breaks behind me, someone is approaching. Like a trained dog, I grabbed my bandage and cloth and cleaned my cuts roughly, not bothered by the pain before bandaging them.

Hiding it in the shroud of my clothes and as I do so, my other leg kicks the dirt, gathering a clump of it and burying the grass tainted with my blood.

"Himura?" She called out, wearing a lab coat and two packs on her waist.

"What's up?" I asked Alice casually like a switch was just turned back on.

"Nothing, we were taking a break so I came to find you."

I grab my waterskin and pour a bit of water into my hand and clean it, pretending to clean my hand after peeing while responding "I see."

She turns her back to me. "Let's go." She said, buying into my lies from what I did earlier.

I went out of the forest and the sunlight shone on my body, I feel warm, very warm as if being surrounded by a shroud of peace, I felt free but I know that it was a lie. From the peaceful conversations of people beside me, just trying to survive like me, I felt so wrong.

I'm not part of them nor anyone so why am I so invested in helping them when deep down I know that I still don't care about them? It was as if I had an actual angel and demon on my shoulders, the only difference is that it was me, still under a delusion.

I want to run and hide and just think. Who am I truly? An uncaring monster or a loving sheep?

But before I could even answer, I need to ask myself, Am I even able to change, to improve, or am I far too gone?

Everything hurts, I just want to know the answer to these questions. I feel far too uncomfortable without those answers, everything is so mismatched.

My breathing becomes more stable, as I act like a robot, sitting next to Alice while we ate silently. With one deep breath, my eyes were more clear and my body felt more light, nothing major has changed, of course, but I feel like, I could ignore this problem again before I could let it all out again.

Akira says nothing to me, not surprisingly. To him, he just saw a psychopath act out his most deprived actions before returning as if nothing happened, he's probably more worried about the others being with someone like me, though I don't exactly know if that was the case as I'm just letting my delusions make that conclusion for me.