Uncertainty

She patted her chest again. 'Because I saw a person, Sineas. A human being. A human being the animals in this society neglected for reasons that lie outside my personal principles. You're right; I paid attention to you out of pity…at first. Pity that no one was willing to give you a try. To try to look deeper than what their eyes and perceptions permitted them to see. And when I gave you that chance…when I gave you that try, I never regretted it. You're very smart, you're thoughtful and you at least have an idea of what a sense of humour is. So, yes, Sin, I never regretted giving you that chance. I never did. Despite the insults, the rejection, the humiliation and the warnings I tried my best to soldier on and be there for you. I never regretted the first day I met you, I never regretted having your back when everyone else tried to break it and I never regretted what happened at the park. Yes, Sin. I never regretted any of it…until now.' She got up, grabbed her lunch bag and left.

Sineas just sat there. He was speechless. He was trying hard to think. Nothing came up. There was no comeback as he watched her walk back towards the building.

In Doctor Jacob's office, Sineas' mind seemed to be lost at sea. He would nod and give an occasional 'mmm' every now and then in response to Doctor Jacob's questions. His eyes were on his favourite wall again.

Finally, Doctor Jacob placed his notebook aside. He took off his glasses and placed them on top of the notebook.

Doctor Jacob said, 'Sineas, for the past eleven years you've been coming to see me because, no doubt, your aunt was making you. But recently, you have given me every reason to believe that you have been coming of your own free will.'

Sineas looked at him from the edge of his eye. 'And what makes you say that?'

'Because for the first time in all these years, you've told me how you truly feel: anger, anxiety, affection. All these are a sign that you're ready to make progress with your life. To move on from your grief. But now that you're trying to shut me out again…'

Sineas ignored him. He took his full attention to the wall.

'Is it something to do with school?' Doctor Jacob asked him.

He ignored him.

'Something to do with your aunt then?'

Silence.

He leaned in from the table. 'Is it…Clarissa?'

Again, he did not respond.

'Your mother?'

Sineas finally decided to look at him. 'You know about that?'

Doctor Jacob nodded slowly. 'Has she…tried to contact you?'

He smirked. 'So this is how it is, huh?'

'What do you mean, Sineas?'

'Don't play toddler with me, Jacob. We both know you're smarter than that.'

'What are you saying, Sineas?'

'My mother. You want me to sell her out to the cops.'

Doctor Jacob shook his head again. 'Sin, Sin, you're mistaken. I'm only trying to help…'

'There's probably six tape recorders in here, right?' He quickly got up and walked behind Doctor Jacob's desk. He forced the drawers open and began rummaging through the papers inside. He checked under it, beside it then moved towards the window pane.

Doctor Jacob jumped from his desk and grabbed his hand before he could force open the cabinets. 'Calm down, Sineas!' he said.

Sineas looked into his eyes for a good while. He snatched his hand from his grasp then walked back to his chair. He sat down and crossed his arms. He was scowling at him.

Doctor Jacob also returned to his desk. He took his spectacles and his notebook and began to briskly flip through the pages. 'So…' he spoke finally, '…where do you want us to begin?'

He shrugged, carelessly. 'If there's one thing of great value I've learnt, Doctor Jacob, it's that you can't trust anyone. Trust the right person and you might just get hurt. Trust the wrong person and you might just get yourself killed.'

'And who is this person that hurt you? Your mother?'

He laughed, engaging his arms deeper. 'Jacob; my mother has never hurt me, except that one time when she freaked out after finding my father's body in the living room. That's the only time she ever put her hands on me.'

Doctor Jacob scratched his chin thoughtfully. 'So who did hurt you, Sineas?'

He laughed, as though to himself. ' "Don't trust anyone". I used to think the people who said that were just paranoid. That was until I got to see the outside world myself. The world is like a jungle, Jacob. Only predators and prey live inside it. If you're the prey, then you better be fast enough and smart enough to stay alive. If you are the predator, you have to be willing to kill to stay alive. That's why most people stay as prey, only because they refuse to do the only form of dirty work that can take them further up the food chain.'

Doctor Jacob placed his notebook beside him again. 'Where is this going, Sineas?' he asked him. 'If it wasn't your mother that hurt you then…who was it?'

He looked towards his wall. 'My aunt always said it. She always tried to warn my mother that he was just a good-for-nothing loser.'