♕︎ I ♕︎

Amaya Elinore Liz Kirsten Roxanne Ivy Hana Alderidge.

That was my name in the four lives I've lived so far.

Usually, people only have one name, sometimes a compound or middle name, and then their last name. But with royalty that is not the case, since they love to show how different they are from the commoners, they always have ridiculously long names. And that's my situation.

At first, in my very 1st life, I loved my name. However, as I continued to die and come back as if I was being punished by the Gods, I grew to hate it. To loathe the name Amaya, since it was the one people mainly call me by, as well as this forsaken Alderidge surname. I began to carry them like a unbreakable pestering curse.

At total, I've lived 64 years. Putting it all together.

Our world is constantly at war, at least I've seen a world war happening in all of my past four lives, so, it isn't a surprise that our Kingdom isn't that powerful warfare wise, since we didn't specialize in combat like the Nebelhain Empire or the Astrophel Empire. Both being the main combatants in the war since they are fighting each other. The Alderidge Kingdom always leaned more into the magical scholar road than anything else.

Which proved to be an unchangeable point in time, as it happened in all of my past lives, and it'll problem happen on this one as well. And in the ones to come, because I know, deep in my bones, that the Gods won't let me go like this, after putting me through hell on my four cursed lives.

And that is extremely troublesome to our Alderidge Kingdom, since our territory is in the small continent of Belenus, in the line of the ocean that's between the two biggest continents where the Empires are located. The Zenith Continent, the territory of the Nebelhain Imperials; and the Maverick Continent, the territory of the Astrophel Imperials. Story cut short: we are in the direct line of fire between them, and they don't give two shits about anything else but their war.

As you may have guessed, Belenus mostly became a devastated territory, a wasteland, when in both my past lives, when I turned 13 years old, the Kingdoms of Thornbury and Montara were both wiped out during the war between the two Empires. While Alderidge was kept safe.

But I wasn't there, since, in both my past lives, my damned family sold me to a powerful House just so they could get some protection. Which is another unchangeable point in time until now, and something that also made me loathe my family with all my heart. For them, it worked, as they were protected, all thanks to their audacity of throwing their youngest to into the den of a starving lion. Nonetheless, it was I who paid the heavy price.

Although I get that they were trying to survive, they just threw me into the fire and watched me burn alive. I'll never forget that. Four lives of extreme traumas made sure I wouldn't forget a second, a word, a curse, a beating. Ever.

In each of my lives, my parents cared less and less about me. So, I began to feel indifferent towards them, knowing what was to come in the future. How they were going to throw me away. Not just them, but everyone else. It wouldn't be wrong to call me apathetic and cold.

In my 1st life, my dear parents, King Rigel Alderidge and Queen Selene Alderidge were a lovely couple with five children. Three males, two females, me being the youngest of them all. And they started having us when mother was 19 and father was 25.

Sebastian Alderidge, the firstborn, was 10 years older than me and looked just like our mom, with golden wavy hair and sapphire light blue eyes. My second brother, Oliver Alderidge, 9 years older than me, was more like our maternal grandmother, with honey straight hair and the same sapphire light blue eyes.

Whereas, my sister, Allya Alderidge, 8 years older than me, was like our dad, with big emerald green eyes and red straight hair. Then, the youngest boy, who came before me, Zachary Alderidge, 7 years older than me, was a mixture of our mom and dad, with his straight golden hair and emerald green eyes.

But I'm not like any of them since I took after our paternal grandfather, who had rare and peculiar big ruby-red eyes, but with the difference that I only have one red eye, while the other is citrine-golden, which I took from our paternal great-grandmother, and with my hair also being pitch-black and wavy like dad's father. Which made lots of people in the Kingdom believe that out of all of our parents' five children, I'm the one who possess the strongest Royal blood in my veins.

Which does happens to be the case!

Since our dad was the heir to the throne and not our mom, I took my peculiar appearance from his dad and his grandmother. While as I grew up it was clear that besides that, I had inherited a very similar body shape to my mom's, and she was known as the most beautiful female in the Kingdom in her younger years. There's a reason why so many Royals from other Kingdoms wanted to buy me from my parents, just because of my looks.

My skin's pale like grandpa's, whereas all of my siblings took mom's tanned skin. And they are all a lot taller than me as well, all reaching 1.80m and above, while I was stuck at 1.67m. Though I mostly died as a teen, the only time I lived longer than that, I didn't grew to be taller than this.

Rigel and Selene never thought they would have another child, especially not after she went through five miscarriages in the meantime after she had Zachary. Then, I came. It was a surprise pregnancy, while all of my siblings had been planned.

All of that, adding to my different physical features, made my siblings angry, wary, and envious of me. They all feared that I would become the next Queen, once the heir hadn't been decided yet. That was also the reason why they used to bully me constantly.

Stupid of them, since our parents sold me away right when I turned 11. How terrible is that?

In my first life, I was sold to the Royal family of the neighboring Kingdom of Thornbury. More precisely, they needed an army to protect them during the war, and the King, Dwayne Thornbury, a bastard who was old enough to be my grandfather, was interested in me, so he asked them to sell me and they did it right away. So, I became his 17th concubine.

That disgusting piece of shit abused me for about years. He didn't care that I was an innocent child, he abused me physically, verbally, and sexually every day. Ignoring his mistresses and focusing on me. On torturing me every-fucking-day.

And when I had my period one month before I turned 13, he made sure to impregnate me. However, he kept coming inside of me, not giving a damn about the baby. Then, when I was seven months pregnant, the Nebelhain Empire invaded and killed all of us.

But all I felt was a relief, once they made sure I wouldn't kill myself while I was in their hands. The vision of the Imperial Crowned Prince Roman Nebelhain, mercifully killing me after I begged him to, was still in my mind when I woke up as a baby again. I had never seen someone so beautiful and graceful in my life, and that stands until now.

In my second life, I tried my best not to seem like a threat to my siblings and tried to be far from my parents, so they wouldn't think of selling me again. That old bastard only had me for barely three years and traumatized me forever. But my efforts were all in vain.

To my horror, it came sooner.

As soon as I turned 11, the King of the Montara Kingdom, Michael Montara, also our neighbor, came to visit my parents with his eldest son and heir, Kalil Montara. Of course, they demanded to see all of us, and when they saw me, his son took an interest in me. And as you may have guessed, my parents sold me in a bargain for military protection.

But Kalil was as repugnant and narcissistic as the old bastard from my first nightmare of a life. Not only that, but he was also a sadistic jerk, who felt pleasure in seeing me in pain. He constantly abused me sexually, but what the jerk enjoyed doing the most was torturing me in the dungeon of the Royal Castle.

He would make burns on my skin, cut out my fingernails, beat me with a thick whip until I bleed, and even stab me just to hear my screams. Sometimes he would also drown me, just enough for me to faint. However, he didn't get me pregnant as Dwayne Thornbury did.

No, no. Montara did worse than that.

Kalil caught some sexual disease that made it impossible for a person to have children. And knowing that, he purposely passed it to me. But at least, I wouldn't have to bear a child from that monster.

When I was 13 years old, like when I was trapped in Thornbury, my savior came to put an end to my miserable life. Roman Nebelhain invaded the Kingdom and killed everyone graciously.