It is raining, it is raining, Shepherdess

On this October morning, it was raining hard outside. The wind was so strong that the coconut trees were bending so much, that one could fear that they would break at any moment.

For some reason unknown to Tiana, Ruddy was in as bad a mood as the weather. Standing in front of the large bay window in the living room, he was watching the rain fall, looking at it with a vague, desperately wistful look. There was something poignant in his posture and in his desperate sighs that he thought inaudible.

She had watched him without saying anything for a while, avoiding approaching him; everything in his gestures and body signals indicated without a doubt that he wanted to be alone for a while. However, she could not resist any longer, she had to know what was tormenting him so much.

-Dar-

-I am well my sweet, do not worry.

And, turning on himself, he offered her a small smile which wanted to be reassuring.

She remained coy; he did not want to discuss yet. It will come on its own when it feels better.

-I'll be in the library if you need me.

He didn't answer, but she knew he had heard her perfectly. She left as previously announced for the library.

It was a spacious room, specially designed to be conducive to pleasant reading; ottoman, sofa, coffee table, everything was there. The shelves were crammed with books and books that had been accumulated over the years.

Tiana was passionate about reading. More than a simple hobby, reading represented for her an escape, a therapy. It had helped her keep her head above water, many years before. She shook her head to chase away the bad memories that began to invade her mind.

Choosing a book at random, she settled down on one of the couches, sighing with ease at the soft furniture. She browsed through the printed words without really seeing them, her mind totally occupied by her man. In several years of living together, she had never seen him like this, it was quite confusing.

She woke up feeling a hand tenderly caressing her cheek. She had fallen asleep.

-Hey, sleeping beauty...wake up.

She flickered her eyes and, with a mischievous smile on her lips, played along:

-Are you the Prince Charming who has come to rescue me from the curse?

He leaned in slightly to kiss her voluptuously.

-Does this answer your question?

She straightened slightly to kiss him in turn.

-Decidedly, one is better served only by oneself.

He laughed softly, and kissed her at the corner of the lips.

-Make me a small place, my sweet.

She shifted a little, to allow him to lie down beside her. She put her head on his chest and a leg over his. He embraced her waist.

-My sweet, do you remember that day? That day you told me how you felt about me. It was a rainy day like today. I was getting ready to spend the afternoon quietly watching action movies. We had an outing planned, but we had to cancel it because the weather had suddenly changed and was not the most clement. So it was only natural that I was surprised to see you at my door, disheveled and soaked from head to toe. For you to have braved the downpour to come to me, there must have been something serious. "I have something of great importance to tell you" was what I received as a greeting. Intrigued, worried, it was like an automaton that I moved away from the door to let you in. In spite of the immense joy I felt because of your presence, I felt a lump forming in my throat, because of apprehension. The prospect of not spending that rainy afternoon was most pleasant, although that feeling of elation was tainted by a feeling of anxiety. I knew instinctively that it was going to go wrong. I had a lot of questions, though, because you had never looked so serious and worried. I couldn't stand it anymore. You had remained silent for many minutes. I had made various assumptions in my mind but this..... I didn't see it coming.

-How could I forget? Every day leading up to that day, I had asked myself so many questions. Why I had weird feelings in my stomach when I saw you, especially when you smiled. Why I was smiling stupidly thinking about you, thinking about us. But also why I felt like I was in discomfort when you weren't close to me, I felt an electric shock when you touched me. And many other changes, both physical and psychic. I was paying more attention to my appearance, I was trying by all means to capture all your attention but you didn't seem to realize it.At first,I didn't want to face the truth, I was a strong supporter of boy-girl friendship you know, and, your were my best friend . Nevertheless, I didn't hide from you for very long the reason of my crazy state. I had to accept it, I was bitten.

- Say it again.

-I was bitten, and I still am, decades later.

He placed a kiss on her forehead, hugging her even tighter. After a few minutes of soothing silence, she continued.

-I went to see you. I was shaking like a leaf, and not just because of the cold. I was terrified of what I was about to do, afraid of the potential risks. I had already analyzed the pros and cons, but I wasn't frankly reassured. I was consumed by uncertainty. The fear. This visceral fear of not receiving a positive answer, this unbearable fear that had crushed my insides. Leaving my comfort zone was always an ordeal for me, taking risks seemed insurmountable. But I knew deep down that I had the courage I needed, I drew it from the feelings I had for you. You were breathing new life into me. You were always pushing me further, beyond my barriers, beyond my entrenchments. After many internal debates and procrastinations, I took my courage in both hands. I was about to take the plunge, without a parachute. And I have to admit that I crashed hard.

Deeply immersed in her story, Tiana was feeling all those emotions again, with a tenfold intensity. And you could see it on her face. Ruddy, in an effort to soothe her, slowly caressed her back from top to bottom, kissed her closed eyelids, her cheeks wet with tears.

-That day, I had confessed my feelings to you, had expressed them with all the ardor I could show, with the most eloquent terms I could draw from my vocabulary, declaring you in all transparency, all this love. Torn was my heart when you had declared not to love me in return.

Her voice broke at the last words and she began to sob.

-My sweet...oh my sweet, I never realized how much my rejection affected you.

Tiana snuggled a little closer to Ruddy, her head buried in his neck. She was slowly recovering from her emotions.

-Ruddy? Could it be these memories that are making you so gloomy today?

He answered too eagerly to be believed.

-Yes, it is.

Tiana remained doubtful, but she kept silent and decided not to push the issue, at least for the moment. He would tell her when he was ready, and if he didn't confide voluntarily, she would find a way to get him to confess.