Saying Goodbye

I kick my motorbike to start and drive to school like a madman from hell. I got all the students, near the parking and near the gate's, attention. I let my now long hair fall in my face but enough to see where I was walking. How many months had passed? 5, 6, or more months? Since she left I didn't bother to cut my hair short.

I just walk lazily to where our first subject should be. I nodded to Laxus while he tapped my shoulder when I came in. It's just the two of us in this class. And hey, did I already tell you that DK and BA are now good friends? I think not, but I guess it was obvious since SF and I have been together for two years or more.

"They wanted to talk later, Chase. Somewhere private and they chose DK's HQ," Laxus started the moment I took the seat beside him.

I frown and look at him confused. What did he mean? Who wanted to talk? "Who?" It almost sounded like a low growl. Since she was gone my life is not been the same anymore.

"Our friends and it seems important," he replied and looking at me like I'm a dumb shit.

"Oh," that's all I can say. I sigh and lean back in my chair. I know I have been neglecting my friends. And I kinda feel awful about what I did. I swallowed the longing and the unbearable pain for too much and almost forgot about them. Although they never leave by my side, even for once.

What did I do to myself?

"We'll go there after class. And please, Chase, show up this time," he said in a low voice and sigh. "I'll wait in the parking lot after class to make sure you will come," he added with finality.

"Yeah, I'll be there," I promised.

Our professor came in and started discussing. While the others seem so focused on the discussion my mind drifted off somewhere. It is now wandering to where Shandra is. Wondering what happened to her now. Where is she at this moment? At the Kingdom of Daichi or at the Imperial Palace already? Urgh! Fuck this life. Why can't I stop thinking about her?

Because you love her with all your heart, idiot.

Yeah, yeah! For the life of me, I know that, you damn brain. Because all of my being, especially my heart, shouted only her name. That I love her more than anything in this world. And it is so hard to move on because my whole being doesn't want to, damn it.

I did not bother to attend my next class like I always did since that day. Once again, I sneak to the high school campus. Walk directly at the back of the classroom building, to the place where Shandra once fought with the JBW. This place is one of her favorites. We often hang out with them here together with the SC, even though DK and SC are not on good terms at that time.

I sigh, position myself in her favorite spot and my eyes wander in Timberland in front of me. On the other side of Timberland is the Royal House. A place where she belongs.

Nope, she doesn't belong there. She belongs in your arms, she's yours.

Her heart, yes. But her life doesn't. She belongs with her people, in a faraway land.

I close my eyes tightly and order my brain to stop thinking, even just for a bit. I just wanted to relax at the moment. Before I know it, I'm already asleep. Once again, I found myself hugging her tightly, a happy smile on our lips and eyes full of reflection of love, while we were watching the stars, in our sanctuary, our secret paradise. A dream, a memory.

I opened my eyes and smiled bitterly. Every time I sleep I always end up dreaming of our memories together. I checked the time, it's lunchtime already. I stood up and shook off the dirt stuck to my jeans and walked back to the college campus.

Students were already out of their classes when I entered the campus. I did not mind those who saw me coming from the high school grounds. I don't care what other people think and say. I put my hands inside my jeans pocket and started walking towards the cafeteria. This will be the first time I'm eating there again since I isolated myself from people except for my friends.

I smirk when I notice that every student scattered or stepped back when I'm walking past them. I can feel the stares burning my back and I didn't mind all the whispers that the air brought to my ears. I smiled bitterly, do I look like an alien?

The noisy cafeteria becomes silent when I come in and walk towards the table that we usually occupy. Seriously, what's wrong with these people? Just like the others, I ignored them too. I saw my friends at our table and they’re already complete. No, I'm wrong. They are not complete and we will never be complete. Because the leader of BA, SF, or Shandra for us, the girl that I love so much will never be with us again.

X waves to call my attention while the guys are grinning and the girls are smiling sweetly. It seems to me that they're thinking that at long last I am able to wake up from my deep slumber and I decided to see the world.

I can’t blame them though if they are thinking that way. It's been a few months since I stayed away from the real world and shut myself off from other people. These past few months I’ve been living in a fantasy, dreams, and all of our memories together. Maybe it's time to start seeing the world again. I sigh. Can I do that without moving on? Maybe, I can exist in this reality but I know I will not be living at all.

"Hey, bro, good thing you decided to join us for lunch," Ash welcomed me

"It's been months Chase, welcome back," Haven joked.

"Yeah, we’re not aware before that we would miss eating with you, Chase, until recently," Yana added.

I just nodded at them and sat in my usual seat, but my eyes darted to the seat beside mine. The chair is usually occupied by Shandra. And again, my mind wanders to memory lane. I turned to Grey when I felt him tapping my shoulder.

"Are you alright?" He asked worriedly.

I sigh. Worry is visible in his eyes and when I look at the others, they have the same look on their faces. "I'm alright. I'm trying to be,” I said, raising my hand at the same time trying to stop them from worrying. “ I'm sorry," I said, knowing that they are also affected by what is happening to me.

"It's okay Chase, we understand." Courtney smiles slowly, so do the others.

I just nod. I look at the food in front of me and start eating. I did not notice that Vash and Ember had already gotten some food for me. Most students in the cafeteria at glancing at our table, though my friends notice, they choose to ignore them too. We’re all getting used to getting the attention of the people.

"What happened? Why is it that the people here in the cafeteria seem like they saw a ghost?" I asked.

Heero laughed, "They're shocked because you're here. It's been quite some time since you were not with us during lunch."

“Some of them even think that you are no longer one of us. Also, many are saying that you are now scary,” X answered.

“Is that why they are moving away and whispering every time I walk by?” I asked with a knotted forehead while glancing around.

"Exactly! Good thing that you now noticed,” Vash smirks.

"And what do you mean by that?" I frowned at him.

"That means you're no longer in your own created world that makes you oblivious to your surroundings," Renji answered.

“And you act more than Vash these past few months, Chase,” Ace teases.

I shook my head while smiling and continue eating. I feel a little better now that I am with them. "Oh, right, what are we gonna talk about later?" I ask when I suddenly remembered what Laxus told me this morning. The girl's spoon was stopped in midair when they heard me. I caught them exchanging a secret look, even Grey and X. “What’s the matter?” I ask, breaking the abrupt silence.

"Ahm, let's talk about it after class in DK's - your HQ," Lei said while giving a glance to Yana.

"Okay,” I shrugged my shoulders, “let's meet there after class. You don't have to wait for me Lax, I will be there." I turned to Laxus, who was silently eating his food.

Laxus nodded, he knew that I have a word. When I say I'll be there, I will definitely be there. DK members will always be true to their word. We honor our words once we swear. That's why I let her go because I said so. What we have was simply a stolen moment.

***********

"I'm late," I murmured. Looking at my phone that is burning in texts and calls from my friends. I give a quick glance at GSU before I maneuver my motorbike out of the place. They welcomed me with an annoyed look. They are dismayed because I am late and know that being late is not my cup of tea.

"Uh! uh! I'm deeply sorry for being late. It's not my intention," I raised my hand as a sign of surrender to avoid the long talk.

“What did you do to be late for almost 30 minutes?” X looks at me with a knotted forehead.

“I just talked with Zander for a bit,” I said, not really explaining.

Laxus sighs and shakes his head, “here we go again.”

"Chase, you should stop this," Yana said in an almost pleading way.

"Let's not talk about that. Someone needs to talk about something important, right?" I said changing the topic. There's no need for them to dwell on my own problems. There are things that are easier said than done.

Yana takes a deep breath as if relaxing herself. "I j-just - " she sighs. "I j-just w-wanted to inform everyone that I will be leaving for Spain, next week,” she bowed down her head and avoided our eyes.

I heard Vash groan after hearing what Yana's said. Is there something that I didn't know? What kind of friend am I? With Vash's reaction, I bet there is something wrong with him and Yana. I look at Josh for confirmation.

"With me," he answered with a low voice.

Renji raises his hand, "Me and Lei, too. Our parents ask us to be with our grandparents in Italy."

"I decided to continue my Medicine in the U.S," X said with a grim look on his face.

Silence filled the living room. No one spoke. My eyes darted to the ones who said they will be leaving soon. I laugh bitterly in my mind. Are they really saying goodbye? "So, you're saying goodbye then? There is someone else?" I ask with a serious tone.

Heero sighs and lowers his head, "I'm also off to Australia."

I nodded my head at what he said. My eyes stop at Grey. He's been silent and stiff since this talk started and he never met my gaze. "Grey?"

"I'm sorry, bro. I don't want to go but Tito Ethan asks me to go to Iceland. To start my training for the family business," he explained.

"Tito Ethan? Shandra's father?" I was quite surprised.

"Yes, he said I'm the only one capable of the post. Kuya Shi cannot fill in, since he is the Heir of the Throne. Ate Yen's busy for I don't know what. And - " he hesitates for a moment to continue but I know what he is trying to say. "And, Shandra is making her way to become an Empress."

"You don't have to say that, you know," Lei snapped at him and threw me a worried look.

"It's okay, Lei. Who else?" I turned to Ash, Vash, Ace, Laxus, Haven, Ember, and Courtney. They shook their heads.

"I don't have plans to leave the Megacity," Haven crossed her arms.

"Me either," Ember said and so did the rest.

“So, you will be leaving next week at the same time?” Ace asked. They nodded, not able to find their voices to speak or maybe, they were just afraid to say something more. You can see the sadness on their faces.

“This called for a party then,” Ash said smiling at everyone. “We should make the most of the remaining days that we are still complete.”

I was stunned by what Ash said. That reminds me of someone immediately. No, Ash. We're no longer complete, I murmured quietly.

"I'll buy drinks," Vash volunteers. We don't have any stock in the fridge. I consumed it all the last time I was here.

"I'll go with you, Vash. Let's also buy something to eat," Laxus stood up and turned to Haven. "Wanna come?" he asks hopefully.

"Sure,” She accepted Laxus' hands.

I look to my friends who are going to say goodbye to us in a week. Sadness is still visible in their faces but this time they met my eyes. "Cheer up, guys," I told them. Huh? Am I really the one who said that? Me, who cannot cheer up my own damn self. "You don't have to be sad, don't you? We will see each other again, though maybe after a few years.”

Unlike her, I can't see her again. Unless she will not be chosen, which I highly doubt, based on what Zander said.

“Of course,” Yana replied while rolling her eyes, “we don’t plan to stay in another country for a long time.” What she said earned a nod from the others.

Vash, Laxus, and Haven came back with chips and food with bottles of whisky. It seems these people are planning to be wasted tonight. It’s a good thing that we don’t have classes tomorrow since it’s Sunday. Ash opened the alcoholic drink and started to pour the drink into the glasses that Ace got from the kitchen. It seems that the girls too are game to drink.

After a few hours, my friends were already drunk except for Laxus, Ace, and myself. Ember, Lei, and Yana already stopped drinking a while ago and almost crawled upstairs to the room to sleep while Courtney and Haven are already asleep on the sofa. Laxus carried Haven and Ace with Courtney and they brought the two upstairs.

The pour the last drop of the whisky into my glass followed the others upstairs but instead of going to the room to sleep, I went to the terrace. I am not yet drunk and only had a few glasses as I can’t shake off from my mind the things that Zander said.

Flashback

I did not bother to knock before entering Zander’s office in GSU. DK and BA are given the privilege to have and access to some restricted areas here in GSU, including the Archon's Office.

"What do you want, Chase?" Zander asks in a bored tone. His attitude hasn't changed a bit. Same old Zander.

"How is she?" I ask directly without trying to beat around the bush.

"She's fine," he replied.

"I want details, Zan," I demanded.

He looks at me intently as if making sure if I am serious. He seemed hesitant to talk. "Why do you keep doing this, Chase?" he asked after a while.

"Just tell me, Zan," I seriously said, not answering his question. Honestly, I don't even know why I am doing this.

"She's in the Imperial Palace already," he answered, giving in to what I wanted.

I was silent and stunned hearing what he said. I am not sure of what to feel. I just stand there in silence, trying to process what I heard. "When?" I ask in a very low voice that I wonder if Zander will be able to hear.

"Yesterday," came his response.

End of Flashback

I smiled bitterly. Devastated and hurt is not enough to describe what I feel right now. She's almost there. She's closing to achieve and fulfill her duty.

Are you hurting too, Shan? Like how I am hurting right now? Do you still think of me? I know you love me, Shan but I can't help to think that you might forget me, I murmured in the cold wind.

Is this the right time to finally say goodbye?