Troubled Thoughts

What happened that day left an impression on Isaac, but it wasn't just Isaac that it had left an impression on; Renard also found himself thinking about the affairs of Lady Dandridge a few days later.

The stars glittered among the backdrop of the night sky, and Renard slowly let out furls of smoke that writhed and twisted as they rose up into the darkness. He had no gardening tools out with him, there was no evidence that he had messed with any of the plants, he just lay in silence on the ground, completely still save for when he pulled the cigar out of his mouth before returning it.

Usually he didn't take the time to really pause and admire the sky, but he had to admit that the stars were something to behold. He thought this every time he looked up at them, but he never got much more than a couple minutes of entertainment before he turned back to other things. This time though, he wasn't really getting distracted.

He could be spending some time with Vivian (she was never fully satiated when it came to Renard), or he could even be working on one of his plants, but instead he was laying on the ground not doing a damn thing. Renard just couldn't seem to shake this chill that had started ever since Lady Dandridge came back. At first it had been little more than a niggling worry, but it had wormed its way into his brain until he couldn't just pretend nothing was going on anymore.

Even though he'd walked in on Jared and Isaac's conversation at just the right time when they were speaking in the garden, Renard had chosen to walk in at that time. He'd heard most of what they'd been saying to each other, and had easily gotten the gist that Jared had failed in something. Just what had he failed in though? It left a rather unsavory taste in Renard's mouth, and he closed his eyes as he let out another plume of smoke. There were moving parts in the house right now; if only Renard could actually see them instead of just hearing them grinding away somewhere.

The rustling of the grass and bushes drew his attention away from his own thoughts, and his eyes cracked open as he shifted his head to see who was approaching. He was half expecting this motion to be from Kyrie: this kind of mood of his seemed like it would suit her company well, in any case. The figure that emerged from the dark was not Kyrie though, and the much larger frame of Isaac soon came into view.

Feeling like it took way more effort to craft his usual smirk than usual, he wondered if Isaac would notice that it was a more half-hearted attempt.

"What's this? And here I thought you spent every free second with your lady love."

"I will join her later, I just felt like spending some time out here first."

The smile on Renard's face immediately faded at that, and as Isaac sat down next to him in the grass, Renard let out another puff on the cigar before holding it out to his friend. For a moment, Isaac looked at it in silence, making it look like he wasn't going to take it. It wouldn't be that surprising, all things considered: Isaac had done it a few times in their previous employment when they'd passed a cigar around the circle, but he honestly didn't favor it that much. Still, today it just felt right to take a few puffs on a cigar, and so Isaac took it from Renard.

Silence took over their little gathering then, and Renard put both hands behind his head, not bothering to sit up and face Isaac. It was only after Isaac sent a couple plumes of his own skyward that Renard broke their silence.

"So what do you think?"

There was no clarification needed for that statement, and for another couple puffs, the only response Renard got was a furrowed brow. He was in no rush though, and Renard simply continued to stare up at the sky as he waited for Isaac to gather his thoughts.

"I think it's pretty clear that a storm's coming. You heard my conversation with Jared, didn't you?"

Renard smiled a bit at Isaac's comment. He thought he'd been so careful to keep his expression straight, but Isaac had known him for years... It wasn't a surprise that he could see through the facade. Isaac was offering the cigar back to Renard now, and Renard took it rather happily, his fingers already itching for it again.

"Yeah I did, sorry. If it helps I won't let him know I heard anything."

"Eh... Jared would probably feel better if you kept pretending you didn't know. The less people know about his mysterious failure the better."

Renard nodded to that, but that was only one part of Isaac's initial statement. The less pertinent part, all things considered...

"I agree about the storm though... The only question is what kind is it?"

Isaac let out a deeply unsatisfied sound at that as he turned his gaze back towards the manor.

"My gut says it's going to be another attempt on our lady, but in a different form seeing as the poison didn't work."

"She's got to know though, right?"

"I should think so."

At this response a fire lit in Renard's eyes, and he sat up suddenly, practically glaring at Isaac.

"Don't just think so, we've got to know! What if we know more than she does?"

"We don't! I'm sure of that!"

"But how can you be so sure?"

"Well for one thing she had that meeting with Jared. I don't know what secrets he has but whatever it was he probably spilled to Lady Dandridge. He's not a very good liar, and the lady can easily pick up on cues for when someone's lying; she's torn down many a lie from the slaves that are no longer here, and even some of us, I'm sure. For another, there's definitely something up with Neri too, something that we know even less about. Did you notice which letter the lady picked up when she caught up to us the other day and demanded to see the mail? It wasn't one of her own, it was Neri's that she flipped open and read. After she read Neri's letter she gave the command that we show her everything going out right before we leave for the marketplace; you could argue it was done to make sure she didn't forget to send anything of her own but that's a real faulty argument with Lady Dandridge. She's never wanted to check the mail going out before."

Renard let out a soft groan at that, his free hand flopping onto his face to rest over his eyes.

"Yeah... Yeah I know. I know all of this already. I just feel like there's something more I could do."

"We're just slaves, Renard. What more could we possibly do?"

"I don't know. Make her garden look fucking great?"

Isaac let out a bit of a chuckle despite the serious air of the conversation, and the two men smiled at each other for a moment before those expressions quickly faded and Renard quietly spoke this time.

"I've just always hated how our fate is never in our own hands."

A sound of agreement was made by Isaac as he held out his hand for the cigar, and Renard obliged the silent request while deciding to continue on with his train of thought.

"Being in Mae Dandridge's household is the closest thing we've ever had to agency since... Well, since we were brought into slavery. It just feels like we've gotten dealt a true delicacy after subsisting on mediocre to shit food for so long; yet the other people around don't even recognize that she's the best thing out there! What are they blind?!"

"Not blind. Just jealous."

The tone with which Isaac said this was horribly monotone, but Renard either didn't notice or think that was much of a big deal. In truth, Isaac was feeling just as powerless as Renard; instead of bursting out like Renard was though, he was slumping in defeat. He could patrol outside at night, he could keep an ear to the ground and stick close to wherever the lady was, but really, what was that going to accomplish? The powers at work here were ones which were much more skilled in these sorts of intrigues than he was, so all he could do was hope that things would turn out alright in the end.

Suddenly overcome by the desire to hold Kyrie close, Isaac thrust the cigar back to Renard who was still fuming to himself. The other man distractedly took his possession, though when Isaac moved to stand up his attention was caught again.

Propping himself up by the elbows, Renard raised an eyebrow of surprise and a little bit of disbelief at Isaac.

"What, that's it?"

Isaac shrugged, and the almost irritated look that Renard gave him prompted Isaac's own expression to mirror his.

"Look, what do you want me to say? Yes, whatever's happening here fucking sucks, and yes, it is truly terrifying to think about what the consequences of our lady failing would be, but I'm not going to sit here and wallow in this useless rage."

"Wallow?!"

Renard moved to stand up then, his eyes blazing at Isaac, daring him to say that again which Isaac promptly accepted.

"Yes wallow! What else would you call sitting here doing nothing but staring at the sky and lamenting how shitty things have gotten?"

"I don't know! I just want to do something!"

"Well there is nothing to do! Nothing that we haven't already done!"

Renard let out a rather angry growl as his hands went up to almost violently run over his face, and when he pulled his hands away that growl ended as a groan of frustration.

"But that's the most frustrating goddamn part!"

Isaac could see Renard trembling in his anger, though now the two of them were just silent, neither of them moving to go anywhere for a couple moments. Soon though, Renard was tossing his cigar onto the ground before stamping it out with much more aggression than was ever needed. Isaac didn't even flinch to see this, even though it was a waste of a still perfectly good cigar, and Renard then turned around to crouch down in the grass. It looked like he was scrutinizing his plants, but Isaac knew Renard: the man wasn't seeing anything but red.

Letting out a soft sigh, Isaac ran a hand through his own hair before approaching Renard once more. When his heavy hand rested down on Renard's shoulder, the smaller man flinched a little, but otherwise gave no real acknowledgment of Isaac.

"At this point, Renard, the only things we can do is have faith that Lady Dandridge will eliminate this threat. Other than that we just continue to live our lives. If I were you, I'd go find Vivian or Dessi and enjoy the night with them."

There was still no response from Renard, so Isaac let his friend's shoulder go.

"Well I'm not going to spend anymore time out here. Goodnight, Renard."

With one last long look at Renard's back, Isaac trudged back through the garden towards the manor. He wished that he could do a bit more for Renard, but there really was very little helping him while he was like this. Letting out another sigh for what he was leaving behind, he instead focused in on the house. Kyrie was in there waiting for him, and Isaac wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms once more. She could make all of his worries melt away, and... There was no way he was ever going to lose her. Even if the worst happened he would somehow find a way. Perhaps if he could get a hold of their slave papers... The gears in his mind churned with thoughts like these as he headed back towards the house.

He would not lose Kyrie now that he had her.

Renard, on the other hand, was still stewing in his anger. He knew that Isaac was right, he knew that he should just try and get over it, but it was just so hard. Every time he even considered the idea of losing the Dandridge manor, he felt spurred into action. It's just that there was no action to do. Not a single damn thing.

Clenching his eyes shut, he tried to take deep breaths, counting slowly down from 10 as he focused in on his breathing. It was better just to not think about it. When he turned his mind to the women in the household, he was surprised when the first one that came to mind was Kyrie. If she had found him out in the garden instead of Isaac, how would things have gone differently? There was just something about her: usually Renard didn't like showing women his more raw faces, but since Kyrie had already seen them it just felt right for her to be the one near him when he was unguarded.

Mussing up his hair a bit to get her out of his head, he stood up once more. It was still too soon to try and get Kyrie again; she wouldn't go for it while she was still riding such a high with Isaac. Instead his mind turned to Vivian, and his expression softened a bit as he imagined her lighting up to see him. Ever faithful Vivian. She certainly was a treat; if only she was able to fully accept that he wasn't confined to one woman though. His time with her would be made all the sweeter if she could just internalize that. Surely she would come around sooner or later though; she already was a bit more tolerant than she had been.

The anger he felt dulled from these thoughts, and he further pushed down his rage by heading back towards the house. He would do as Isaac suggested because ultimately, the man was right. He was a year younger than Renard, but Isaac had always had a level-headedness to him that made him seem like the elder of the two. Isaac and Renard would get into quarrels all the time, but it never got more serious than brotherly fighting. Every time the two men would come out of their arguments closer than when they had gone into it. Renard would probably never say this out loud, but he would miss Isaac horribly if the two of them ever got separated; there was such a natural familiar feeling to their interactions, and Renard couldn't help but think that their personalities meshed together rather well.

He just smiled from these thoughts as he stared up at the house: he really had chanced across a damn good friend.