Banishing the Bad Thoughts

Vivian lay on the bed of the evening's guest bedroom, a candle lit by the side of the bed to allow her to read the book in her hands. All day her mind had been playing through various ways that she could share the news of her pregnancy with Renard and in the end this was the best way she could think of.

She would be reading this book (one of the ones that Mae had given her today) as he came in and she would blow out the candle shortly after he arrived. Knowing Renard, she was pretty sure that he would ask what the book was on his way over to bed, if for nothing else than as a beginning to their playful banter. So what better way to reveal it to him than through that?

Still, she was nervous. So nervous that she wasn't really reading. She kept having to go back to the beginning of the page because she just wasn't retaining the information; it wasn't that she thought it was boring or unnecessary, she just couldn't seem to focus.

In the end, she let her hands fall down to her lap with soft sigh. Now that she wasn't trying to read anymore a wave of exhaustion ran through her and she tilted her head back and closed her eyes. It almost felt like she'd been in a state of tension all day and it was finally catching up with her. The day still wasn't even over yet though! Not until she told Renard about her pregnancy!

Vivian knew she shouldn't relax just yet, but she couldn't help the fact that she was falling asleep. She didn't even realize that she had indeed fallen asleep until she was startling awake from the sound of the door opening.

A bit disoriented, Vivian had to take a couple moments gathering her bearings with a bleary-eyed expression. As she did this, a soft chuckle from across the room greeted her.

"What's this? Had a long day, my dear?"

Vivian pouted a little: she'd hoped that she'd be a more prepared for Renard entering into the room but instead she felt like she was moving through mud. Shifting a bit so that she was lifting the book up from her lap, she took note of where she was before closing it with a decisive thump.

"Clearly. I wasn't even able to make that much progress in my book."

Blowing out the candle before Renard had the opportunity to scrutinize the book further, Vivian sunk down into the blankets, waiting for Renard to take the bait. As Vivian listened to the rustle of fabric from Renard taking off his clothes, she had to will herself not to fall asleep again. Why was she so tired...? Was this a thing that happened with pregnancy?

At the thought of this her stomach knotted to know that she was going to have to deal with things like this for a whole nine months. Tiredness, throwing up, feeling generally under the weather... Trying to tell herself to take things one step at a time and not think about how long it was going to be, her thoughts were interrupted by Renard lifting up the blanket to slip into the bed beside her.

The moment that she felt the warmth of his body, comfort was the predominate thing on her brain and she snuggled in close to him with a happy sigh. She was quite comfortable right where she was, but at the same time, in the back of her mind there was something trying to say that if she moved too much she'd get uncomfortable real fast. … She supposed there wasn't going to be any sex this evening.

Renard found Vivian's affection to be a bit cute, honestly, and a soft smile rose to his features before he leaned down to kiss her head.

"Trying to fall asleep again already?"

She certainly wasn't trying to, but it would definitely happen if she wasn't careful. Letting out a soft groan that almost sounded like a hum, she buried her face into his chest and lazily bit at his skin. There was no real intent to arouse, it was more like she just got a sudden urge to gnaw so she went with it. Renard chuckled a bit at this and dug his fingers into her hair, mussing it up in retaliation for her biting.

"Hey now, you know how I feel about biting."

Vivian continued with her gentle gnawing unheeding of the warning, so Renard decided to add a bit of playful bite of his own. Rather suddenly lifting Vivian up to bring her above him, Vivian practically saw stars as a wave of nausea rolled through her. Letting out a loud sound of protest, she quickly put a hand over her mouth and clenched her eyes shut, realizing just how much of a mistake it had been to open her mouth at all. She couldn't throw up on Renard! She didn't want him to see her like that... She didn't want to make him a complete mess either! A pained groan left her now as she tried to think of anything else but throwing back up her dinner.

Rather alarmed by this sudden change in his lover, Renard shifted so that he was sitting up, and he gently handled Vivian to put her back down, softly rubbing her back in an effort to soothe.

"What? What's wrong?"

So she was right. That vague sense of unease had been awoken. So now not only was she tired, but she was also going to be nauseous too? She... She had really hoped that this nausea wouldn't be a regular thing for her but it was turning out to be something that she would also have to deal with more commonly, wasn't it? Would it last her entire pregnancy? ... It couldn't last for that long, could it?

No... No she couldn't let her mind dwell on the negative...

Curling up as she let the nausea slowly but surely pass, when she finally moved her hand away from her mouth she was breathing heavily from the effort of not throwing up. Renard was still gently rubbing at her back, and she couldn't help closing her eyes again with a soft sigh.

"This is your fault you know."

Renard's eyebrows went up at that statement.

"My fault? How is it my fault that you're sick?"

"I'm not sick."

There was almost a sullen quality to her voice now, but there was only confusion on Renard's features. His brain just wasn't connecting morning sickness with what Vivian was experiencing: he knew very little about what a pregnancy was supposed to look like. When Mae had been pregnant she had been as distant to him as always and aside from her stomach getting bigger he'd noticed very little change in the woman. He had no idea what the symptoms of a pregnancy were on an every day basis. It had honestly never really mattered to him before.

"Not sick? You call almost throwing up not sick?"

Renard's tone was light as he put a comforting hand on her cheek and Vivian nuzzled into the touch with a soft hum. As uncomfortable as she was feeling right now, that didn't change the fact that she loved Renard's skinship. She adored how much he genuinely cared about her, and how much good feeling coursed through her when he touched her. Not only that though, but she also loved how he was remaining positive through all this even when faced with the idea that she wasn't feeling well. She would need as much of his positivity that she could get if she was to combat the monster that was pregnancy.

"I'm really not sick. Think, Renard. What have we been doing differently from usual?"

"What have we been doing?"

Echoing the question back at her, his voice trailed off while his brow furrowed in thought. What had they been doing differently? Well, the only thing he could really think of was that Vivian wasn't taking her draught anymore. His eyes widened a bit when he began to latch on to that as being an explanation for why she wasn't feeling great though.

"You don't mean...?"

As he said this, one of his hands slowly trailed down to her stomach, and the mere idea that there might be their own child growing inside spouted a rush of elation inside him. It was surprising how instinctual such a positive reaction was to the news that Vivian might be pregnant. It wasn't that uncommon of a thing, all things considered, yet as his hand gently caressed Vivian's still quite flat stomach, an overwhelming urge to pull her in for a tight hug rushed through him. He resisted doing it with the vigor that he wanted considering that Vivian really shouldn't be jostled around too much right now.

While the news that Vivian might be pregnant was starting to sink in on Renard's face, Vivian gently smiled at him before resting one of her hands on top of Renard's. Looking down at her stomach where their hands touched, she could just feel Renard shaking in his excitement. This kind of a reaction... It was better than what she'd initially thought it would be.

"I do mean it, Renard... I'm pregnant."

He just couldn't hold back any longer.

Gently, very gently, he pulled her in close and captured her lips with his own. At first Vivian made a soft sound of alarm, but when she realized that he was completely prioritizing her comfort as he expressed his elation, she sunk into him. Wrapping her arms around him she returned his kiss, her mind soon fuzzing over a bit from happiness.

Sure, pregnancy was going to be a bit miserable, but right now the fact that Renard was so happy about it made her feel less concerned about the misery. Vivian would have Renard, Kyrie and Dessi with her every step of the way! She really shouldn't be so worried about what was coming. One step at a time, that was the way to do things, and if something was bothering her she'd go to one of the three; she just hoped that she wasn't going to be bitching to them all day every day. No... She shouldn't just hope, she should strive to not do that.

When Renard broke their kiss, he was smiling at her with so much joy on his expression that it almost made her blush. What he was showing her wasn't anything that he would've shown Kyrie, or even his plants, for that matter, and it made Vivian swell with delight.

"You really are excited for this..."

Her voice was soft as she said that, and even though Renard could've easily taken that statement in a more negative light, it just wasn't really in his nature.

"Of course I am! Aren't you?"

"I..."

Here Vivian hesitated a little, but it was enough for Renard to take notice. His smile faded slightly as he gently caressed her face.

"Vivian... I know... I know that I've been pushing for this, but you didn't agree to have a child just because of that, did you? This should be something that you want as well, I don't want to be the only one happy here."

Pressing his forehead up against hers affectionately, Vivian could feel her eyes tearing up a bit so she clenched her eyes shut to try and stop any moisture, slowly shaking her head.

"I didn't just agree because you really want one! I... I also want a child, especially if it's your child I'm just... Scared."

The last word came out as barely a whisper, and perhaps it was wrong of him, but the first thing that went through his head when he heard this was relief. Scared was a surmountable problem, if her only reservations were from fear then Renard was positive that he'd be able to alleviate that pressure. Vivian wasn't really a person to dwell on fear in the first place, certainly it would be easier to pull her out of this dark place than convincing her to want a child when she didn't initially want one.

"Scared...? My dear, what is there to be scared of?"

"Well this... This nausea, for instance."

Renard's brow furrowed a bit from this initial answer, but before he could really start asking about it Vivian was clarifying.

"Think about it, Renard. I'm going to be pregnant for about nine months. If I had to guess I'd say that I was two months in? Already I'm showing signs of fatigue and nausea not just in the morning but at other times in the day too. Is this... Is this what my pregnancy is going to be like the whole time? Am I going to just wake up miserable and go to sleep miserable as well? And then there's the birth itself! Do you know how many women die on the birthing bed?"

Vivian seemed like she was going to continue along these veins so Renard decided to intervene and put a stop to it right now. Placing his hands on either side of her face, he gently forced her to look at him as he spoke her name. Only once Vivian's eyes fluttered back open from the seriousness of his tone did he start speaking.

"Don't let your brain do this. If you think too much about all the work to come then you'll never get a single thing done."

He Leaned in to gently kiss her forehead while Vivian let out a soft hum, as if she was only half convinced.

"Think of it this way, do you feel particularly miserable right now, here in my arms?"

"No..."

She almost reluctantly said this, and Renard gave her a smile that seemed to help melt her reservations.

"Then you can rest assured that you will both wake and fall asleep in comfort. Or if not in complete comfort, then in my company, and I hope that my company at least counts as a positive."

"It does..."

"And then your concerns about the birth itself? You are a strong woman, Vivian. You may be small but I know you are feisty, and you'll have Dessi around to help you and she's already helped birth a child. Even better, I'm sure if Dessi's at a loss then Mae can be called on in emergencies. She may pretend that she doesn't care but she likes us, and if one of us is in trouble she will help however she can."

Renard's words certainly were quite convincing, and as he spoke about all the things that could help alleviate her fears, she was relaxing more and more in his arms. In the end, Vivian was letting out a soft contented sigh as she turned her face to kiss the palm of one of Renard's hands.

"I don't know what I'd do without you..."

A slight smirk rose to his features as he couldn't help a bit of a light-hearted poking.

"Be miserable?"

She pouted and gave his face a rather lazy swat, but he just responded with a soft chuckle before taking her lips in his once more. Slowly they separated from one another, but their faces remained close, close enough to be able to feel the warmth of the other's breath as they both closed their eyes.

"We're going to have a baby, Renard."

For the first time, when Vivian said this, she didn't feel that dread in the pit of her stomach. Now that she'd let this out with Renard, and Kyrie earlier, she felt only excitement. Especially so because her stomach had settled for the moment and the fatigue was beginning to take over. Renard smiled at this statement and gave Vivian one last light kiss for the night.

"Yes. Yes we are."