Chapter 20: I can't help you

*Woof!*

Soobin heard a loud noise as soon as he got outside and startled as the thing came too near to him while barking.

"Ah! You startled me!" He saw the giant doggy was nobody else but Beomgyu.

"HAHAHA! I knew you'd get afraid! Such a scaredy cat!" Beomgyu laughed and said it was so funny for him. If it was the other day, Soobin would've noticed Beomgyu until then but his mind wasn't with him at that time. He was thinking about what Namjoon said to him earlier. He tried to process those words as he was too disappointed by hearing him. Though it's been six to seven hours, Soobin couldn't throw away the thoughts from his mind.

How can he say he can't help without giving it a try? Soobin thought at first when Namjoon refused to help him. But he makes Soobin understand his situation. He told him that he wasn't capable of doing something beyond their boundaries.

*Flashback*

So... Can you help me?" Soobin asked politely.

"No, I can't. You may leave now." Namjoon said very coldly.

"Why? I know you're the best psychiatrist here and I also know that the best psychiatrist can do anything and even they can make one forget their memories. Then wasn't it true?" Soobin asked while pouting. He was very disappointed by hearing Namjoon's reply.

"Yes, all of those were false. There's nothing like that. You've been mistaken. So, please leave now so that I can treat others. Or if you have any other problems, you can tell me." Namjoon said coldly again and seemed like he wanted to get rid of the boy as soon as possible.

"No! I'm not mistaken! I never do anything before knowing about it! Can't you just tell me the reason? Or should I just go to that person who told me that he can help me to forget about them." Soobin said not to Namjoon but to himself but he was saying it loudly so that Namjoon could also hear him.

"Okay! I got it! You won't help me. Then, I'll excuse myself and apologize for the trouble." Soobin sighed and turned around to make his move.

"W-Wait! W-Who w-was the person? W-Where did you meet him? W-Why did he say he'd help you? Is he your acquaintance?" Namjoon asked so many questions out of fear and curiosity.

"Eh?" Soobin was surprised because he was just putting up a plan against him. He thought Namjoon would help him if the boy told him that there is someone better than him. Soobin thought this psycho would announce himself the best psychiatrist and that's why he'd do anything to prove himself the best but surprising Soobin, Namjoon was acting as if he'd gone crazy if he didn't meet the person Soobin mentioned a while ago.

"N-No! I-I..." Soobin couldn't come up with an answer and stopped.

"Why? Do you know him?" Soobin asked out of curiosity.

"No, I just want to know him since I can't do stuff like th....." Namjoon was reading Soobin's face while talking and found out that the young man was lying.

"Wait! Why did you lie?" Namjoon asked, angry at him.

"Ah! So that you'd be willing to help me, I guess?" With a lot of hesitation, Soobin smiled weirdly to cover himself up instead of trying to tell that he wasn't lying.

"Ah! I really can't understand young people these days! How frustrating you guys are!" Namjoon got disappointed and looked at Soobin. But he understood that there was a deep meaning behind his caprice. He must've experienced something very bad. That's why he was insisting so hard to get what he wanted.

"Listen kiddo! I am willing to help you but I can't. I can just help someone to regain their memory. That's the far I've learned. My skill ends there though I wanted to learn how to make someone forget about their memories. But it'll be malpractice as it's illegal. So I never tried and I can't really do what you want from me.

[Note: There's a treatment which can make one forget their memories but the treatment is illegal because it can harm the person who got the treatment and it can be used in a bad intention]

"I am sorry, hope you'd understand my situation. And I'd suggest you not to try that no matter who tells you they'd help you to forget your sufferings. This is what life is. You need to accept your burdens and make them your happiness to go forward.

I don't know what you've experienced and why you're so eager to forget them but isn't that what makes you yourself? If you forget them, what would you become if you ever think of this? Your past makes you better and if you forget them, won't you make the same mistakes again thinking that it'd be better like you thought in the past? It's you who can help you to forget them and move on.

Not us! And no matter how much you've suffered, you shouldn't let your memories go because they're the most precious things in your life. Can't you see Beomgyu? How is he suffering because he lost his memory? Don't you think you'll become like him also after losing your memories? So, just live how you're living now. Search for those who make you happy and lead a happy life. Got it?" Namjoon's lecture ends here as he was tired of the young generation. He took a long breath and felt thirsty after giving such a long lecture.

"I got it. Thank you." Soobin said very gently and smiled.

*End of flashback*

"I wasn't scared. I just got startled." Soobin said and tried to cover his embarrassment with a laugh.

"No, you were scared!" Beomgyu said while laughing and his smile wasn't fading. How can a guy laugh and look so beautiful? Soobin couldn't understand. His heart was telling to hug this boy tightly so that he would be in pain and shout for help. Maybe he'd look ugly while crying.

"Huh! Pretty for nothing!" Soobin said in his mind as he was done with the naughty boy.

"Hey! I told you I wasn't scared!" Soobin suddenly shouted but it didn't help Beomgyu to stop laughing.

"No! No! I don't believe you!" Beomgyu shook his head negatively as much as possible and kept laughing.

"Argh! Think whatever you want! I am not gonna explain!" Soobin slapped his own forehead. But he was in a shock when he realized the naughty boy stopped laughing and came closer to him.

"W-What?" Soobin gulped and tried to move backwards.

Beomgyu kept coming closer to him and as there was the door behind Soobin, he couldn't move backwards anymore. Beomgyu came very close and put his hand on Soobin's chest. Then he put his head on his chest and tried to listen to his heartbeat. He closed his eyes and focused on hearing his heartbeat.

Soobin had been calmed after he got startled. His heart stopped beating fast when he was so done with this boy's behavior. But when the naughty boy touched him and put his head on his chest, his heart started beating fast again. He gulped again and tried to hug him as it was so warm and comfortable for him. His mind got blanked out and he couldn't think of anything nor could do anything. He was like a statue with a drumbeat sound (referring to his loud heartbeat).

"See? You are afraid. Your heart is telling that." Beomgyu laughed naughtily but he calmed down as soon as he noticed that only one heart wasn't pounding there. Both of their hearts were beating like they are a pair of drums and one can never beat well without the other.