My hair is in deep curls and I've pulled out a short black dress .This is probably my last day in Menx and I refuse to look pitiful.
I will resign with my head held high like a queen that I I'm. But why does this statement feel ironic in my head? I'm a fucking joke. But today I will pretend to be something I've always wanted to be.
I do a light make up on my face and decide on pink lipstick to match the color of my luscious lips. I want Christian to feel a little bad for loosing a beautiful and powerful employee like me. Who I'm I kidding Christian will most likely feel happy to get rid off me.
Well my mind is coming up with utterly ridiculous lies to make me feel better and I know it . I'm not even sure weather I'm determined!
I've always wanted to have a simple life. Grow up and open a bakery or coffee shop and if I'm lucky enough find a man who will love me and raise three kids .
Was that too much to ask?
But all that changed when I started to work my ass off to prove something utterly absurd to everyone. Plus a girl gotta pay her bills .So I ended in publishing though the idea of reading and writing excites me.
I start my car and immidietly turn on the radio. Lewis capaldi's song Grace blares out loudly and I sing along loudly feeling sad for many things again.
"I'm not ready to be just another of your mistakes."
I nod to the lyrics tapping my left foot slightly .
"Don't wanna let the pieces fall out of place."
I close my eyes wondering weather i'll ever find submission in anything or anyone in this life. If I could get a way of finding myself enough cash.....
I pull over at the company's parking Lot written "Employees only" in bold and get my letter out of the back seat. At least I did not ram my car into a truck or something.
I press 324 into the elevator and inhale sharply as I ride harp. What the hell I'm I going to tell him?
Mike said that I should be natural. But what I've done this past few days I've been nothing from normal. I close my eyes and try to remember whatever pathetic speech I'd made up I'm my mind yesterday but my mind is blank.I want to punch myself so hard or scream. Seriously my brain must be having selective amnesia now.
I exhale sharply outside Christian's office wondering weather I should knock or something . People are walking in and out of their offices hurriedly probably busy and determined and I'm just here clutching my resignation letter .
I suddenly want to laugh now.
Should I really quit like that without putting a fight for my place here? I close my eyes and let my father's words run through my mind like a broken record ....."Sweetie we are the Adams....and Adams never quit."
****
I say a silent prayer and knock at the door with trembling hands wondering what I'm going to say.
I close my eyes and wait a few seconds but nothing . I place my weight against the door intending to knock when the door flys open. I tumble forward biting my lower lip. "Oh God not again ." I pray silently .
But I dont reach the ground. Strong arms secure me from falling .And I pray hard that they don't end up belonging to Christian but my prayers have never been known to be answered .
"Fuck"
I hear him groan under his breath as he lets go of me and I immidietly miss his warmth. The man's chest is so hard and inviting and is cologne smells of dew.
"Get a grip of yourself Sam." I hear my brain reprimanding me sternly . Well this is going to be hard than I thought.
Should I greet him ? I straighten myself and dip my fingers into my hair as I stare shamelessly at him.
I don't miss how his muscles are straining off his tight material. Or how his eyes darken as he stares at me for a second . His jaw seems to tense and a deep line has formed on his forehead.
"Um hi sir "
I say stretching my hand at him but he just brushes me off and takes a seat on the leather black couch instead. Im completely embarrassed and mortified .
I stand there awkwardly with an outstretched arm like an idiot before clutching my dress .Rude ...This man is rude!
"Feel free to take a seat Sam." He says motioning me to the the couch directly opposite him. This couldn't get any more difficut.
I take a seat and look at him. I hope my face is professional enough. His hair is swept backward and his blue eyes are gazing at me intently .I take a deep breath for the millionth time and walk my mind through what I should say. "I can do this ." I whisper to myself .
What did I come to do here again?
"I'm sorry ."
l blurt out before I can chicken out ."I'm sorry for being rude and coming into your office. I'm sorry for spilling coffee on your clothes and troubling you. I'm sorry for being a shitty employee. What I'm trying to say is please forgive me and don't fire me."