Paradise

"Paradise."

"What?"

"I want to go see paradise."

"Ah." I tossed and turned in the blankets, too absorbed in enjoying the warm sun in the comfort of my air conditioned room to bother questioning her weird delusions that crowded her brain.

She pouted, seeing my uncaring attitude. Throwing her knitting onto the ground, she got up from her spot on the comfy beanbag and walked towards me, her steps uncoordinated in a odd way that made her look as though she was dancing.

I watched her lazily from my spot, too relaxed to bother to stop her.

Making her way to the bedside, she swung her hands outwards and waved them wildly, gesturing her daydream into existence.

"I'm being serious! I feel as though the paradise would be full of birds chirping, with a nice expanse of grass and lots of beautiful cool air and a spring breeze that blew every so often—" She gestured like her life was dependant on these descriptions and I wondered if she ever ran out of energy talking.

As though she had heard me, she stopped gesturing wildly, standing still like a broken doll. I waited for her to spring back to life like she always did.

One… two… three…

"Ah! And there would be a lot of kind people like ****** and ******* and ******." She reanimated again, dancing around properly now.

Wearing a pure white dress, she looked like an angel that had descended onto the human realm to grant blessings to the commoners. I watched as she twirled and dipped, dancing gracefully as she talked about this paradise of hers.

But what were those names that she mentioned? I tried to remember them, but they seemed to slip out of my head, like the sand particles that fell through the cracks of your fingers at the beach.

Still, I felt that they were important and so tried my best to remember, only to be greeted by an excruciating headache, my vision blurring.

Annoying. I placed my hand against my forehead, rubbing slightly. Whatever she said was toying with my brain in a bad way. Frustrated with this feeling, I snapped at her unpleasantly.

"Sounds like it doesn't exist." Saying that, I felt my headache go away slightly, along with those names that I didn't bother to try to remember anymore. I could hear her stop chattering.

Through my blurred vision, I could see her white dress flutter towards me, a hand coming up and brushing against my eyelashes.

Unconsciously, I closed my eyes. Her thumb pressed firmly on my eyelid the moment I did, somehow easing the headache further.

"Does it hurt to hear me talk about paradise?" Her voice sounded like smooth silky honey, sweet and tantalising. I wished I could tell her that it wasn't, but my voice seemed to be stuck in my throat. I could only shake my head erratically.

This happened sometimes. The world would start to shake because of something she would say, causing me to experience a headache that felt like a thousand knives were dancing in my head.

"It's fine. I like paradise. I'm sorry for saying that." I patted her head through my blurry vision. I could see her eyes crinkle upwards like she was happy, which was good. I didn't want her to be sad due to something I said.

"Continue?" I asked through my hoarse voice, my headache finally at its ending stages. She nodded, standing up.

But instead of continuing to dance, she skipped back to her knitting. I could see her fumbling with it for a bit, before bringing it to me. I watched as she swung it around my neck, wrapping me up in layers upon layers of wool.

"For you! Now come, dance with me." She lightly giggled and pulled me up onto my feet, holding onto my waist with one hand, the other tightly wrapped around my own. I obliged, if only to free myself from the guilt of snapping at her.

Step by step, I was led into a waltz, her favourite type of duo dance. I admired her as she talked, her eyes shining with this brilliant light.

I wasn't the best dancer, but when I was with her, she led so well that I found myself easily following her footsteps as though I had done this multiple times.

"Oh! I would love for it to have a nice cottage and a small lake with a picnic mat laying on the side too!" She laughed uncaringly as she ended the waltz, pulling into a bow. I copied her, bowing as well.

"That sounds lovely. Would the cottage have me and you in it?" Teasingly, I replied to her last sentence in a sing song voice.

Her eyes widened, the light fading for a moment before shining brighter then before. "Yes, yes it will! We will have tea and knit scarfs and dance on the beautiful green grass everyday and be happy, be so happy!"

She laughed again, but somehow I felt off. She sounded… like rain for a second, pitter pattering in a sad, discordant melody. But just as fast as I felt that it was gone.

We both landed back on the bed, enjoying sunshine. I breathed deeply, catching my breath from the sudden exercise. My friend, however, was completely silent besides me.

I enjoyed the silence, savouring this feeling of peace.

"Say…if I ever do get to paradise… don't wake me up, okay?" She spoke suddenly, startling me out of my daydream.

"Ah? But why would you be asleep?" I asked, curious.

"Because paradise doesn't exist. There is no green grassy expanses with perfect weather that you can live in and be happy." She replied in a quiet tone.

Strange, I had never seen such a quiet, odd her before. She felt sadder, as though her words were weighted down by some sort of reality that won't allow paradise to exist. But I had no idea how to comfort her, so I said what I knew best.

"I promise. I won't wake you up from paradise. So, you must be happy in paradise, okay?"

A short laugh escaped her mouth. Turning slightly, she hugged me carefully, whispering in my ear.

"Alright. I'll be happy."

"In return, you must be happy too, okay?"

I smiled and nodded my head.

"Okay."