I have thirty days left to live

My name is Iseul.

I'm the number one most hated person in the entire world right now, due to a curse that had been placed on me when I was younger that foretold that I was the calamity that would doom the entire kingdom to ruin.

However, I was also born as a marquis's daughter, one who was meant to enjoy luxury for the rest of my life as long as I was the marquis's daughter.

Sadly, due to the little curse set on me, I was immediately disowned and tossed into the streets, then picked up and tossed onto the streets again until I was eventually locked up in a tower by the king's order, to be given no food and water or see the sun ever again till the day I die.

Unfortunately, I lived.

Somehow.

Eventually, on my 18th birthday, or what felt like it, the king bestowed upon me a glass of poisoned wine and told me to take my own life.

He didn't even have to explain that it was poison before I drank it down. It tasted like… poison, duh. Still, I drank it because it was a drink, and I was thirsty for honestly anything at that point.

When you haven't drank or consumed anything for your whole life, even poison tastes pretty good at that point.

Yum, yum.

I didn't die, of course. How could a person who has lived without food and water for their whole life die from poison so easily? I still had a kingdom to end, after all.

However, a weird blue screen did appear in the corner of my vision that had a countdown starting from 30:0:0:0, so I kind of assumed that that was my death counter or something.

Well, since I have 30 days left to live, let's go do something fun, shall we?

29 days left to live.

The added benefit of nobody coming up here is that when the chains rust over due to how humid it is in here, there is nobody to stop you from gently tugging on your chains and breaking them. Neither is there anybody to stop you from jumping out of the window and breaking your ankles, but I digress.

Anyway, I managed to escape by breaking my legs terribly on the fall down, but it was worth it for the sun.

Also, they grow back. I would know, since the first time I escaped the chains wasn't by rust, but by chewing off my hand in order to get to my freedom.

In retrospect, which was really weird, but when you're super bored in a tower with nobody to talk to, you tend to do some weird things.

It took about half a day for my legs to heal back to peak condition, but it was worth it.

Though, the insects crawling into my skin and eating my festering wounds were not.

I need to take a bath and reopen those wounds to flush out the insects, huh.

And I did exactly that. Using a sharp rock and the nearby waterfall, I carefully washed my whole body and reopened some wounds that needed reopening in order to heal. By the time I came out, it was like I was a noble lady that had never seen a wound before.

That is to say, perfect.

Anyway, it was time to make the most out of the limited number of days I had left.

I quickly gave myself a haircut and dyed my hair black using some random black sludge I found on the ground.

It's best not to think too much about what it was.

28 days left to live.

I stole some money from a rich guy.

It was pretty easy. All I had to do was bump into someone and say sorry in a pitiful voice and then run away. Now, all I had to do was buy some food.

Gosh, the amount that I could eat was humongous, especially when I haven't eaten in years. I'm so goddamned hungry.

I ended up squandering all my money on food and drinks, which meant that I had to steal some more in order to get a decent set of clothes to wear. I can't go around just in a cloak for my whole life now, can I?

Anyway, if any of this catches up to me, it's just a couple days earlier then I thought I would die.

27 days left to live.

I slept on a bed today. It was really nice. I ended up getting a semi decent room in an tavern inn, which meant that there was room service! Gosh, I ended up eating so much again. I could live here forever.

I ended up putting a downpayment on 26 more days in this tavern inn, which led to the owner directly treating me like her daughter.

This was nice. I wish I could have had a life like this.

Sadly though, I'm just a hated child.

…Let's go buy more hair dye.

26 days left to live.

I bought different kinds of hair dye. Blue, black, pink, purple… anything was fine as long as it hid my original hair colour.

Golden hair and golden eyes were a symbol of the devil here, due to the prophecy that foretold that a young girl with golden hair and golden eyes will raze the kingdom to the ground. Personally, I have never felt the urge to kill anyone or raze the kingdom to the ground, but humans will be humans.

They all shun those slightly different to them.

It's kind of sad.

Anyway, today I stole some more money and took a boat ride around the area using the stolen money. I dyed my hair pink today, to match my pink coat. I think I look cute, though the gold colour could go.

Hm, I think black would look good on me.

25 days left to live.

I went out in black today, with black hair dye to match the vibe. This time, I ate at those big restaurants and also ate street food while touring the kingdom. I gave some of my food to the kids at the side of the road, who wolfed it down like me a few days ago.

I think I'll come back here later and feed these kids. It'll be like my sorry message to myself, for not trying harder to redeem the lost child.

It's just that I thought that it wasn't worth it anyway, considering that they probably won't pay attention to me speak anyway. They would just lock me up again and call me the devil again, and you know how much that hurts.

Although, it's all in the past now. I've long forgotten those days after years of being locked up in a tower in the middle of nowhere.

What should I do next?

24 days left to live.

I fed the kids again.

This time I gave them something called cotton candy, which tasted like fluffy clouds given sentience.

Sweet.

Almost too sweet for my very limited taste.

Still though, those kids ate it up like there was no tomorrow. I guess nobody gives them food usually, which lead to them not being able to eat their fill.

I stole more money today, from some rich ladies. I took the money to rent a bicycle and spent my day learning how to ride it.

It was fun, honestly, to feel the wind in my hair as the surroundings turned to blurry colours that I sped past.

I ended up falling down into a ditch and getting my clothes muddy, but it was a nice feeling, nonetheless.

Then, I went and hitched a ride on a carriage and rode back to the bicycle shop, to pay them back how much I owed for the bicycle.

On the way there, I spotted a little wanted poster with my face on it.

Worrying.

23 days left to live.

The wanted posters have spread throughout the kingdom, so I'm going to escape somewhere else.

Even though I love the atmosphere here, I don't really feel like going back to the tower to rot there for the rest of my 23 days to live.

I might as well just die normally if that's the case, but I don't really feel like doing that right now.

Honestly? I haven't been doing too hot. My body feels like its on fire due to the poison which makes me want to puke all my organs out, but I tried that just now and it didn't work.

This time, I gave most of my money to the kids in the alley and told them to hide it well so that mean people like me didn't steal their money.

After that I hitched a ride on a carriage going out of town and ran all the way to some other kingdom.

Maybe, if I'm in a different kingdom, I won't die or annihilate the kingdom.

That's my hope at least. But alas, the countdown is still there, and the wanted posters seem to have seeped their way into this kingdom as well.

…I'm going to continue dyeing my hair black.

Should I get some sunglasses?

22 days left to live.

My fingers hurt.

The tips are really painful and sting whenever I touch something.

I think I'm going to die soon but I'm not sure.

I just know it hurts.

21 days left to live.

I spent day 8 in a lot of pain, but now I'm fine.

Well, not really, but no one has gotten anywhere curling up in a ball screaming in pain.

I've reached a new city, which means new money which means exchanging my cash for new money.

I tried other types of food today, like a skewer.

You can't eat the stick.

That reminds me of the time I tried eating a fork.

That was fun.

20 days left to live.

I've officially lived about one third of my remaining lifespan, so today I decided to celebrate by eating cake.

I've been saving cake for a special occasion, and this seems to be as special as I'll get for something I can do.

It tasted super sweet for some reason, the taste overwhelming on my tongue. Really I don't know why people like eating this.

I don't know why.

I don't.

My eyes feel kind of hot for some reason, which is a new feeling for me. With my limited knowledge, I'm guessing that means I'm feeling sad.

For once, I curled up into a ball and hugged myself tight, to keep myself warm.

19 days left to live.

I went out on a boat ride today.

This kingdom had a lot of different rivers, which meant renting a boat and riding along the river was a very popular tourist attraction. Now that I had come here, of course I was going to try these things out, just got a little bit of fun here and there, you know?

The scenery was so beautiful that I was unable to describe it using the words I knew how to write, so I borrowed a book from the library in hopes of sharing the joys of the scenery with whomever is reading this.

Here goes, I've opened the dictionary to the page about how to describe things and will now be using the words in it to describe the scenery.

"The waves ebbed and flowed, bringing the boat along with them to float across the clear waters. Today was a good day with clear skies in which birds of all kinds flew through and chirped happily, as though singing a song for the squirrels to hear, who in turn, scuttered around, collecting all sorts of small items to bring back to their home.

The sun shone brightly on this day, its gentle rays falling on my upturned face as I gazed around in wonder at the sights that felt so unreal, it almost was magical.

Sitting on this boat and looking around, enjoying the cold breeze that blew past my face, I truly wonder if there is anything better than this feeling."

How was it? Can you picture yourself there? I really tried this time, to capture the image of a wonderful river ride through the city. There was music as well, at one point, but the page I flipped to in the dictionary didn't have a page on how to describe music, so I had to give up.

I'm going to go back and sleep now, so that's it for today. Hopefully tomorrow will be as calm and swell.

18 days left to live.

Today I went out and ate and realised that there were guards patrolling the area.

Looking for me.

Worrying.

Very worrying.

17 days left to live.

I think I almost got caught today. Not really a fan of that, since I wanted to go watch a play today, but that dream was dashed the moment the someone started to whisper to the guards, pointing in my direction.

What a shame.

I have to move again and try out some different way to hide my face.

The problem with the signs is that its very easy to get caught again because my eyes are gold in colour, and I can't exactly change that easily because well, that's impossible.

Goddamnit.

Why isn't there anything that can just hide your eyes while still being able to look out of it? Is that too much to ask.

Like… sunglasses.

Right, wasn't I going to get sunglasses?

I looked in my purse.

Hm.

That seems like something I can't afford.

16 days left to live.

In a day, it's going to be officially half of the days gone.

The clock has been slowly ticking down and it kind of makes me sad sometimes.

Like, I did, after all, live for so long in that horrible tower, chained up and sad only for it to end so easily.

I am kind of reluctant for it to end like this.

…

Nothing can be done about it.

Let's just accept fate and move on.

15 days left to live.

Yay.

I've lived half my remaining lifespan.

It is a strange feeling, it all ending so soon.

However, something like this was going to happen sooner or later, and in a way, I'm kind of glad it isn't later.

I'm not sure how I would've reacted if I managed to get to my 21st birthday before being handled the countdown.

Today, I ordered cake again. I had to mask my entire face with a veil and one of those fancy hats, but I managed to get the cake.

I got a lot of types in order to taste all of them equally.

They all tasted sweet and fancy.

I think I don't really like cake; it may be too overly expensive for my taste.

14 days left to live.

I've been caught.

The cake was too much, people tailed me back when they noticed that some random person covered head to toe in clothes was acting suspicious while buying cake.

So, they entered my room when I was sleeping and kidnapped me back to their little prison, this time with all sorts of crazy chains and magic circles preventing me from moving.

To be honest, I have no idea how I am writing right now.

Every day when I go to sleep this book appears in my head with the words 'my diary' written on them, which seems to glow whenever I write something in it.

It's very strange, but it's currently the only form of comfort I have that makes it so that I don't feel so lonely.

…man, I really didn't expect to be caught again.

Honestly, I think I'm in shock, maybe tomorrow, when I wake up I'll be able to process this easier.

Right now though, I think I just need to sleep and leave the problem up to someone else.

13 days left to live.

Fuck, I wasn't dreaming.

Fuck.

Shit.

Goddamnit.

Shit.

I've tried multiple ways to escape.

Nothing works.

Just now, I tried chewing off my hand like last time and escaping, but I forgot how painful it is and how much I don't want to do it.

Well, I did it anyway in the end, but it wasn't without reluctance and hatred towards society.

Just as you expected, it was impossible to do something like that when you're completely immobilised by the goddamned magic circles.

Since when did this world have magic???

Then again, if people really believed in such a shitty prophecy, there had to be something backing it up.

Was it magic then?

Now that I think of it it kind of makes sense.

There were a bunch of people who had funny pointy hats and walked around all funny.

Wait.

Hold on.

If I've lived my whole life in a tower, how do I know how to read and write? How did I know what a carriage was?

I feel as though I've forgotten something important, but I'm not sure what.

Maybe I'm forgetting to question something important that I'm just blocking out to make sure I don't have to deal with it.

Hm.

Never mind that I really need to get out.

I haven't finished exploring the sights yet! Finding the best places to eat cake! Going on a tour to see the sights!

I haven't done enough of those things, so I can't die yet!

Fuck!

Fuck this shit!

12 days left to live.

I give up.

11 days left to live.

Originally, on this day I wanted to celebrate using cake, then celebrate tomorrow again using cake. I really like cake, so I was hoping to have a cakey time.

Jokes.

I hate cake.

I just wanted to celebrate with cake for some reason.

Now I can't.

I can't even spend the last few days of my life in peace.

Why not?

Why me?

I don't think I've ever done anything wrong that wasn't caused by someone else being a nuisance.

This is unfair.

This is so unfair.

I hate this so much.

I really, really hate this so much.

10 days left to live.

Do you remember when I was talking about my 21st birthday?

Well, to be honest, I'm not sure when that is.

I just know I'm about 18 right now.

I'm not even sure how I know that, considering that I have never celebrated by birthday, or had someone celebrate it for me.

I really wonder how that would feel like, having someone that cares about you enough to celebrate your birthday every year until you get sick and tired of cake and celebrations and birthday candles and everything in general.

I'm really jealous of people who can live like that, surrounded by people to love them and care for them.

…if I didn't have that prophecy, would I also have been able to live a life like that? Happy and carefree?

9 days left to live.

I cannot be bothered.

8 days left to live.

I want to stop.

7 days left to live.

Please stop.

6 days left to live.

5 days left to live.

4 days left to live.

3 days left to live.

I'd rather you just directly kill me at this rate.

Over the course of these few days, I've realised something.

Knowing how the outside world looks like after years of torture, then going back to that torturous place only to find that it has become worse, is the worst type of torture in the world.

That brief moment of respite has become the worst thing that could've happened to me, because now I know what it feels like to be free.

…hah, as expected.

I shouldn't have tried to begin with.

It isn't worth it.

Nothing is worth it anymore.

2 days left to live.

They gave me a meal.

Said it was a death row inmates last meal.

It tasted salty.

I asked for cake.

They didn't give it to me.

1 day left to live.

Why does everything suck so much?

I've never been a bad person.

I've never done anything wrong.

I could've had the world if not for that stupid prophecy.

Hey.

This seems to be my last day left alive.

If this book is real, and not just a figment of my imagination, I want to ask you.

Whoever is reading this, please go enjoy the sights in my place.

Let me enjoy the world from your perspective.

0 days left to live.

-1 days left to live.

?????????