Plan B

As soon as the post war clean-up was over, I portaled out to the extradimensional lab, going through the usual security protocols as I made my way to an area cleared for portaling out. With a thought, a portal to the Magicians world opened up.

I grinned, cracking my knuckles.

That traveler bastard is finally going to get what's coming to him for being a dickhead.

"Where do you think you're going?" Came a voice from behind.

"I'm going to see my kids. Our kids. And get that lazy asshole to get a move on."

"And the curse?" The other clone asked, "I don't think I can fight the two of you off if things go to shit. Not to mention you'd be revealing a trump card. It's just illogical."

"I don't care. And I don't know how you can just sit here in this dreary little hellscape all day everyday, tinkering away either." I huffed, "Besides, I can always use the curse purger."

"You can yes. But will you? For all I know, it'll be a cursed possessed version of you coming through that portal or any other portal anywhere else. We made this. We can bypass the protocols. Nothings stopping you from just portaling a cognitohazard right before me. And then poof, we're gone."

That brought me to a pause.

I hate that he's making sense but fuck, he's right.

"If you go there now, you'll risk sabotaging everything we've done." He flipped his hand and a packet of wafers appeared in them.

"You wanted to know how I can stand doing all this redundant crap all day? It's this."

"Simple Rick's Wafers?" I chuckled.

"Simple Jay's now." He smiled back as I took one and savored it's flavor, "Concentrated with the memories of our time with Offee and Star on Naboo. Simpler times. Better times." He explained.

Ah~

All the right brain chemicals. All the good memories. It feels ... good.

"Happy?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Now I am."

"Good. Now let's call him and get him to spill those 'mysterious' plans of his. Even my patience is running thin."

"Heh, I knew it." I poked him with smug grin.

He rolled his eyes and swatted my hand away as I picked out my fifth wafer.

"That's enough for you. You're emptying my supply."

"Cheapskate." I stuck out a tongue at him as he connected the call, sneaking a sixth wafer while he was distracted.

God Speed for the win baby!

.

I looked at the stone organs lying on the tables, including my own that I had taken out from my golem.

My plans for this world are coming to an end. Soon.

"Where's Wanda?" I asked.

"Here." She appeared, took me a minute to convince these guys, but I did it." She pointed at the fairies huddled up behind her.

Fairies. Mystical creatures of great magic. They made fairy deals to secure power and propagate their influence, though just as often drew ire and rage at their unreasonable whimsies.

When you imagine a fairy, usually you'd think something like tinker bell or Tit-ania, I mean Titania, from Magus Bride, but here they were nothing more than humans with big, shiny black eyes, gaunt faces and a more than healthy dusting of what I can only assume is flour. They were seriously powdered. To the point that it was unsettling. You know what, I'll get them some skincare when I take their key later.

In the show, they had been enslaved by the McAllister family via fairy deals made by their older generation. In 'ye olde' times, when fairies still lived on earth, magicians hunted them down for their magic and fairy deals, among ayriad of other reasons, forcing the fairies to split into two groups, one that left Earth for Fillory and the other that stayed behind to hold back the humans, to give their queen and young the time to escape. In the end, they pledged their servitude to the McAllister family in return for their lives, a nigh-unbreakable fairy deal.

They would even use their ground up bones like a magical cocaine to supplement the lack of magic, now that it had been shut down, courtesy of me.

Of course, that's nothing in the face of divine might. So Wanda had no problem freeing them.

"Suffice to say, the McAllisters are no more." She assured me, her disgust for them clear in her tone.

"Well that's one threat down."

"When do we deal with the library?" Offee asked.

"Hopefully, never. As much as I dislike their brass, they do serve an important role in protecting knowledge. We'll just cut off their head and be done with it." I said, turning to the fairies.

"You guys can relax. I'm not going to eat you." I let out a jovial laugh subtly putting them at ease with my power.

One of them stepped forward, shaking like a chihuahua.

"I-Is it true that there are other fairies out there, m-my lord?" She asked.

"Yeah. A whole bunch of them. We're going over to meet them soon. You'll be coming along too. Until then, make yourselves at home." I snapped my fingers and the room subtly shifted, expanding ten times over as tables of food and drink appeared before them.

Their tattered clothes were replaced with clean and fresh ones and their minds were healed of the trauma with a wave of my hand.

"Thank you, my lord." They bowed.

"Spare me the formalities. Go pig out over there. Put some meat on those bones. Enjoy yourselves. Well talk later." I partitioned the room, blocking off their part from ours.

"Now back to the topic-"

Just then, a holoscreen popped up and a call rang.

It was from the extradimensional lab?

Picking it up, two of my clones appeared on the screen.

"Hello there." I waved, "I was just about to call you."

"Oh were you now? Just like you were about to finish this thing weeks ago? We're done with our parts already while you're fucking around wasting all of our times." The monster clone snapped.

"Sheesh, here. Have the whole packet. You need it." The original clone sighed, handing him a packet of ... Simple Rick's?

When did he make those?

"But he is right. We are sick of waiting. I think it's about time you revealed your plans. And they better be doable within the next two days or we're proceeding with our original one. And we're coming over, regardless of the curse."

"Yeah, about that. The curse went inactive when I kinda died fighting Hades. We have it handled though. No worries. The plan's simple. We send the twins on a rampage through the elder gods' realm while you guys wake up the true body and set up a multiversal perimeter to stop them from escaping. Then while they're busy dealing with that, we swoop in from behind, finish them off, and drop the thought destruction bomb in it too, just to be sure."

"That's stupid." The monster clone snorted.

"Yeah that's really stupid. Just take their power for yourself and proceed with the original plan. You had your chance." The other clone shook his head, "I'll send you the demigod vessel for the Nameless's sister in a minute. Do the needful. We go live in two days. Get your shit together by then."

"But-"

"That's final." He laid down the law and cut the call without even giving me a chance to explain.

And I smiled.

Just as planned.

I specifically gave them a stupid plan to put their nosy asses to rest so I can do what I really planned.

I turned to the girls.

"You guys know what to do. Offee, finish up with the library. Yue, you're on revival duty with me. Use the Exorcist Plus I have in my bag when the time comes. Go through the prep work by today." Yue nodded and disappeared.

"And Wanda, you're coming with me. We'll deal with the fairies and meet Yue by the castle door-"

"Message for- Jay." A messenger bunny dropped out of a fold in space, speaking in Eliots voice, "Help. Eliot."

Another bunny followed soon after, speaking in Margo's voice.

"Now."

"Speak of the devil." I looked at Wanda, "Let's go."