Year 2020

Today in Time ....

For hours awake, I stared at one point and watched the ceiling.

A lot of thoughts reflected from my mind on the empty ceiling play like a theater.

I don't want to obey the command in my brain that constantly reminds me that it's time to get out of bed.

I have accumulated so many years of burden on me and I still haven't gotten rid of them.

To get rid of it, I took the pen and wrote on blank pages over and over again, but there was no solution.

I suddenly looked at the ringing phone and wondered who the caller was, usually no one calls me at this hour.

While cursing at myself for not muting the phone overnight, the person on the other end of the phone

I heard him saying, "Mrs. Afife, we must discuss with you today, there is an important issue."

The young secretary who had just started work at the foundation I worked for was looking for.

After saying "Okay, I am available at 14:00 in the afternoon, Shule," I plunged into my bed and started to watch my shadow play on the ceiling.

What I learned about Şule suddenly came to my mind ..

I don't want to say poor, I know that nobody is poor

Only those who do not know themselves, cannot find the real strength in them, and have no faith in themselves become miserable.

In Şule, he was subjected to violence by his closest relatives whom he trusted when he was still young.

I met in the second week of coming to Istanbul from Antep.

When I visited the women's shelter in Eyüp, when I saw the silent and desperate young woman just around the corner, that old Afife in me suddenly fell out and reunited with that young woman.

I went to him and reached for his hand without speaking, I held tightly, looked carefully into his eyes.

Pouring the warmth of love from my fingers to my fingers with my glance at him without speaking.

I said, "Never be afraid, trust yourself."

As the warm energy flowing from my fingers flowed at the speed of light to the owner of the hand I touched, I felt that my own wounds were healed with it.

To feel ....!

It is such a beautiful awareness that it ceases to be a living dead and gives life to each of our cells that are frozen or rotted.

Nobody knows what this hand holding and those glances are except the owners of those hands and eyes ...

There are paths to the brain in the hands, and endless paths to the soul in the eyes ...

You simply make a meal you cook more delicious with the love energy you pour into that pot. I have witnessed this a million times.

I've also experienced that someone you hate will be poisoned by those food.

I will never, ever forget, the day when İhsan got sick with the meal I made out of my hatred of him and went to the emergency room, and then the beating that I ate "Did you poison me?"

However, I knew very well that I would never do such a thing.

The meal I made with hate for him spread throughout his body and returned to me as hatred. I have a secret that I know very well now, even though I didn't know it back then.

Whatever there is in man, he has it in the universe.

Nobody does anything out of the blue, most of what I've gone through is for me to get a little stronger to learn.

Hate and love ..... whatever you have, that feeling comes out of you and returns to you from where it fell, just like the sun's light reflects on the mirror and the same light turns back to the sun.

While I express my gratitude once again to my literature teacher who advised me to read the books of Mevlana, who is a form of great thinker love.

"People are mirrors to people" was my life philosophy ..

Nobody can actually be cruel or unfair to anyone

All we encounter are feelings and thoughts that are suppressed and buried in darkness ...

Although getting out of bed was difficult, I threw the duvet off me and got up reluctantly.

I had a lot of work today and I have to go to the publishing house where I worked and complete my unfinished job.

During the day, I took a look at my appointments and the shopping list I drafted in my notebook, and prepared a sweet-smelling coffee for myself.

Do people enjoy being alone? I am happy as much as I have made a new discovery.

I feel safe within the four walls of my house, the feeling of belonging is just and only yours ...

Even if it is an object, a room, a house, it belongs to me, nobody can be in anyone's heart even if they want it so much, or we do not know what it means to belong to that heart.

We ache, we hurt ....!

We pretend to be happy and play the hamlet or juliet of a theater we wrote.

While dreaming of unrequited great loves, we imagine ourselves in a mutual dream of relationships where our interests run wild.

Whereas loving is just loving ...

For no reason ...

No interest ..

And without waiting for a response

Simply here is "Love me mode"

As a woman who has not yet completed the feeling of being able to love myself, I act as if I am happy with my loneliness in this huge house.

I have only my footprints on the ground I touch, my own scent in every item I touch. If my universe had not been lynched in my childhood, maybe I accepted the idea that there would be happiness in the smoke-burning chimneys when I looked out the window.

In the evenings, I would rush to people with a loving home waiting for me.

Home ....!

Neither the items in it, what you have

The place where love is burning in the nest where trust and peace are steaming ...