Confession and responsibility

They looked at each other and one would have thought that there was something going on between them. But after a while, they both started laughing. And the laughter intensified as soon as Jean said, "There are so many flowers. Did you buy the whole store? Does this Suzanne really need that much attention?" As the carriage made a sharp turn, Adelard collapsed on the empty seat beside him. Then he stared at his friend's face, which was as beautiful as all those flowers. And every time he looked at him, he felt grateful to have such a good man in his life. But for Adelard, even if Jean suddenly became bad, it wouldn't matter. After all, when a man is in your life, you have to appreciate not only the good, but the bad too. For Adelard, it was always like that. He never divided the world into black and white, into good and evil. Was it his fault? No one knew that yet.

"Why are you here?" Adelard asked, looking out the window.

"You don't know anything, as usual. I'm here to tell you about what happened at the factory this morning."

Adelard waited for continuation.

"When we had a problem with the fat supply, I contacted one man, namely a farmer. I didn't sign anything without your permission, of course, but nevertheless, I told him we'd probably need his help. I told him about the contract and he was very happy. You know, he's a very good man in general. He has five sons and every one of them is a nice gentleman. But then, I found out you bought a whole farm for your friend. Anyway, Adelard, that farmer is very angry now. He came this morning and asked about you. He's very angry and I don't think he'll just leave us alone."

"Angry?"

"You're like a child Adelard. Yes. He said we took his time. And that he had such high hopes for us that he told his family everything. And now his family thinks he's a loser. We won't buy fat from him, and he'll be mad at us. Weird, I know. I guess I shouldn't have found someone like that. I should have waited for you."

"If he comes again, call me and if I'm not home, bring him to my house and make him wait for me."

"You bring everyone to your house. Don't you think it's dangerous? You're such a famous man, after all."

"We gave him hope. And that's the worst thing. Giving him hope and then just disappointing him. It's too cruel."

"Anyway, I'm worried now. He had this look on his face, like he wanted to kill me. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was willing to do a lot of things. And why did I find him in the first place?! You should have warned me that you were going to help Madame Lucy with her farm. Then I wouldn't have been looking for a new supplier." When the carriage stopped not far from the big ship, Adelard put his hand on Jean's arm and said, "I must go."

"I'll wait for you here."

As expected, Suzanne and Arthur solemnly stood as if they were soldiers and when Adelard, with his Coachman, surrounded by flowers, approached them, they smiled simultaneously. And everyone's smile meant only one thing: love. Susanne, in a black suit and neat hat, and Arthur, in a gray suit and no hat. Both gave the impression that they were twins.

"Adelard," Arthur said his name cautiously, as if the letters in his name might break. It was only Susanne who embraced him, ignoring the flowers.

"This is for you," he finally said, unburdening himself.

"You know how to make me happy. They're beautiful!"

"I didn't know Adelard was such a romantic," Arthur said and for some reason he blushed.

Without letting go of Adelard's hand, Susanne, with eyes full of tears, said, "I had a hope that you would come with me."

"I'll come visit you."

"When?"

"Soon. I promise."

She simply kissed his forehead and stepped aside. Adelard felt uneasy, it seemed to him as if, under this gray sky, this was their last meeting.

"Well, I am very glad to have met you. We didn't have much time, though. Still, I've had enough time to feel something," Arthur said and he said the last sentence without any stiffness. Even if the last words made the coachman look surprised. "It is sad that you won't come with us. I had hoped. I want to get to know you better, after all. But alas, life doesn't always give us what we want. Good luck to you Adelard and good luck to that guy who's still at your house. I hope to see you soon. And if you need help, just call me. Or write a letter. Or come over. My doors are always open to you. Remember that," he continued, and when he fell silent, he stepped closer and instead of hugging him, he kissed his cheek. Lingering a little on the soft skin of his face, Arthur whispered, "I'll miss you."

Yes, Adelard had heard of love between men before. And feeling his breath, understanding his every word, he felt no discomfort. After all, all feelings were the same to him. After all, he had always thought that love knew no boundaries or barriers. But it is human who knows boundaries and barriers. That is why there is so much suffering in the name of love.

"See you soon, Arthur," Adelard said, smiling and feeling his heart racing. Without knowing it, he was sadder for Arthur's departure than for Susanne's. But he did not think about it. Because soon, he was smiling and waving when all the flowers were in the hands of the two people who had already been on the ship in due course. Susanne was sad, for he could see the tear marks on her face. Arthur was disappointed and in love too much that he could have jumped into the water at any second and stayed here with him. And Adelard, already quite far away, stood looking ahead at the ship, which was like a whole house and now just a dot against the dark blue sea.

"Where shall we go now? To the factory?" the coachman asked, holding his umbrella over Adelard. The loud thunder made everyone startle and hide under the roofs of houses. But Adelard continued to look ahead, watching the ship disappear from view. The sadness was too much. And he answered quietly, "I need to see Dr. Fabian."

Once back in the carriage, he saw that Jean had fallen asleep, resting his head on the seat.

"Jean, wake up," Adelard whispered, lifting him by the shoulders. "Can you hear me?"

"Adelard dear, you are a very kind man. But why are you never kind to me? I woke up early this morning."

"I did kiss that girl I was talking about. I mean, it was she who kissed me. I spent the evening at her house. We drank tea and talked. And then she kissed me. But why am I not happy? Why am I sad? It's love. I'm supposed to be happy, right?"

Jean, putting his head on his shoulder continued to be half - awake. "You just miss her. This is the simple stage of love. First, you fall in love. Then miss her. Then you act and in the end there is a marriage. And marriage means the end of the story."

"After what you say, I'm always scared. What reality do you live in?"

"In real reality." Hugging Adelard tightly, Jean tucked his nose into his neck and asked, "Where are we going?"

"To the hospital."

"Do you want to see a doctor?"

"No. You go back to sleep. Let me think."

"All right. Wake me up when we get to your house. Tonight, I want to sleep at your house."

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

But Adelard didn't want to talk anymore. A strange feeling of desolation was in his heart. Before his eyes was Susanne. And Arthur, a man he hardly knew, but who had confided his feelings to him. Why did he care about all this? He knew nothing. And the only reality he was in, was the hospital which was on the edge of the cliff. The closer he got to the three-story building, which was like a palace, the more Adelard felt defenseless. All those memories associated with the hospital regained their power. The panic, the sadness, it was all too much and he knocked loudly on the door and said just as loudly, "Let's go home."

"What? Didn't you want to see Dr. Fabian?" Jean asked.

"I'll call him from home."

"Are you cold?"

"No."

"You're shivering."

The headache and ringing in his ears were unbearable, but Adelard endured, clutching his seat and trying to breathe calmly.

"Monsieur, you have a letter," Nicholas said before Adelard could enter the house.

Weak and tired, already forgetting what had happened during the day, Adelard silently took the envelope in his hands.

"I wonder who this letter is from?"

"I don't know. I found it in the mailbox."

"Thank you, Nicholas. You can tell Andre we have a guest today."

"What's the matter with you?"

"I think Adelard should go to the doctor."

"Nicholas, you can call Dr. Fabian. Invite him and a few other people." Having said that, Adelard went silently up the stairs and locked himself in his room. Quickly opening the envelope and seeing the fine handwriting, he collapsed on the bed and smilingly began to read. The letter was from Celeste. It was short and all he could read without thinking were the words: "I like you a lot. I guess I've always liked you. The moment you told me you loved me, I wanted to kiss you and never let you go."

It was the moment when the whole meaning of life became clear. It was the moment of his triumph. After all, we all feel victorious when our love proves to be mutual. And in that very moment of victory, he forgot about headaches, about fatigue, about everything in the world. With a smile on his face, he hugged his pillow and rolling from side to side he felt the rush of joy that made him dizzy. Rereading the letter over and over again, Adelard didn't even notice that Jean lay down beside him and began to stare at him.

"Is it from her?"

"Yes. She loves me."

"A lot of people love you."

Covering his face with his hands, Adelard began to move his legs like an octopus. The very real octopus that loved the ocean so much.

"Celeste, you have to introduce me to her."

"I don't want to show her to anyone. She's only mine."

"Really? So that's what you're like. You can be jealous."

"Yes. I'm jealous of everything around her."

"Yes, you are lost, my friend."

"I want to offer her my hand and heart. I will do so soon. I can't live like this anymore. All these years I've been alone and didn't even know I was missing her. I was lost, I was different. And I wasn't even happy. And the worst part is, I didn't even know it," Adelard said, drawing patterns on a green satin sheet.

Jean, watching him, studying his face, ran his finger across his straight, small nose and whispered, "The important thing is that you're happy."

"I don't think I can sleep tonight or ever again." At that very moment, breaking his sense of victory, Gaspard suddenly started coughing too loudly and afterward, a strange sound akin to broken glass followed.

"That's the guy, isn't it? How much are you going to keep him?"

"He's sick and I want to help him," Adelard said quickly and ran out of the room.