Pain in Me

Aaron visited my room the night before they left to go to Italy. He's wearing his black overall coat, black shirt, pants and black running shoes—the same get up as before.

I pretended to be asleep so that I could avoid arguing with him. I might only burst into tears if I face him now. He placed his warm hand on my cheek brushing it softly and then landed a kiss on my forehead.

"I'm sorry. I love you. I'll return as soon as I can. I promise," he whispered to my ear.

I tried not to move. My whole body wants to react and pull him to me, stopping him from going because I'm scared. Terrified. I'm weak because Ton warned me about this. He warned me that someone I love will not return to me anymore. I'm afraid that it's either my brother or my sacred pair. I don't want to lose either of them. But what can I do?

Aaron removed his hand from the bed and stared at me a little while before leaving my room, that's when I started to cry. I cried my heart out that night, letting go of all the pain I'm feeling. I hugged my pillow, squishing it between my chest and arms. The night suddenly felt so cold and heavy. I can't breathe anymore. I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. If Aaron doesn't return, I'm afraid that it will be the cause for me to pursue the marriage with Mark and I don't want that. He won't want that either.

I finally heard the military cargo flew away at midnight making my heart ache more. I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't. I just stared at the ceiling the whole day ignoring calls from my friends and knocks coming from Julia.

I should be going back to class again but knowing that Aaron or my brother wouldn't be around; I shivered. I shrugged off the thought, I need to pull myself together and be strong. Aaron has been doing these kinds of things for years. I should trust him that he'll be able to complete the mission and come back here in one piece with the rest of the team.

A knock pierced through my door, "It's Julia, you haven't eaten anything yet since last night. I thought I should bring you some to your room. Please let me in," Julia asked sweetly.

I cleared my throat, "Sure. Come in." The door slowly opened showing Julia carrying a tray of food towards me.

"Today's special is grilled pork ribeye, Haiyan rice and a side dish of mixed corn and carrots," she placed them on my bed. "Are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine. You?" I could tell that she wasn't able to sleep either. There's dark circles covering the lower part of her eye and her hair is not properly put up in a pony.

"I'm not going to be fine if you're not going to be fine either," she looked directly at me.

"I'm going to be fine, Julia. I actually plan to go back to class tomorrow. Do you want to come so that you could prepare for yours?"

She forced a smile at me, "I want that."

"Okay, I'm going to eat now," I started digging into my food but I realized that it wasn't enough. My brother is right, I'm eating more than normal. What's wrong with my appetite? I suddenly felt my stomach churn so I covered my mouth.

"Sister?" Julia worried. I pointed at the tray signaling at her to remove it from my lap. I darted towards the toilet and vomited. "Sister?" she called again.

I wiped my mouth, "Ugh, I'm not feeling well again."

"I don't know who to call. Stif is with them," her brows crossed together.

"I'll just rest," I tried standing up but I only ended up vomiting again.

"I'm going to the Medical Facility and ask for someone's help instead," she left.

I forced myself to stand up again walking slowly towards the sink to wash off my mouth. I propped my hand on the sink and stared at my reflection. My reflection looks too far from well; my lips are pale, my eyes look dead and my skin is ashy. Even my hair looks like I haven't washed them for days. I gargled one more time and landed myself on the bed.

Julia finally went back after a couple of minutes followed by a man who's wearing a white coat.

He introduced himself to me, "I'm Johnson, I've been a healer here for ten years now. Your sister, Julia, said that you're not feeling well. Do you mind if I check you?"

"Go ahead," I shook my head.

He sat on my bed and placed his thumb on my wrist. A white dim light came out of his thumb as he checked my beat, "You seem fine. I think you just need some bed rest."

"I've been resting for as long as I could remember, doc…er…?" Are they a doctor? Do they study medicine?

"Just Johnson. But you're weak right now. You need more bed rest."

There goes my bad luck again, greeting me one more time.

"Ah Julia, take care of your sister for a while, okay? She needs someone beside her now," Johnson stood up and patted Julia's head then left. Julia lay beside me and hugged me.

I hugged her back, "Everything will be alright," I murmured to her ear.

Tears started falling from her eyes, "That's not what Ton told me."

I gathered my strength to attend class. Nothing is going to happen if I continue sulking in my room. I talked to Ton and warned him about telling unpleasant things to my little sister. He said that she insisted but even so, he should know more than being blackmailed by a fourteen year old.

"I thought you dropped out already," Ven exclaimed.

"You didn't answer our calls," Jo showed her phone to me.

"I'm sorry. I was in a terrible state yesterday." Even this morning, I vomited.

"Speaking of which, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm feeling better." Lie.

"If that's the case then you could come to my band's performance then," Ven handed us tickets, "It's free. Please, come."

"Ooh I can't wait, Ven. I'm so happy and proud for you," Jo smiled.

"Thank you," Ven kissed Jo's cheeks.

"It's time to have fun after all the stress I've been going through," I uttered.

"Alright, reserve the date. On the third!" He raised three fingers at us.

"Hey class, announcement," the president called our attention, "Miss Redrive won't make it later so it means we could go home early." She rolled her eyes. She's probably annoyed with these sudden cancellation of classes.

"Why again?" a person groaned.

"Isn't she gone for too long already?" another student asked.

"She said that she was called to Italy for some matters," the president answered.

"Wasn't there a disaster in there just the other day?" a girl asked her friend.

"More than two occasions during the weekend, yes," her friend replied.

My heart started beating fast. She's there too? I have to warn the team then.

"Where are you going?" Jo asked.

"Home," I said.

"What? Miss Redrive's class is not until three. Mr. Kim's class is about to start!"

I didn't bother to reason out with them. I went to the High School building and to the principal's office and called Julia who is currently discussing her schedule before starting her class next school year.

"Why are we in a hurry?" Julia asked.

"Miss Redrive is in Italy," I answered.

"They have a shield with them," Julia tried to catch up with me.

"I know but...It feels...not right."

A red Honda Civic stopped in front of us. Julia and I froze as it spit out the bodyguards who were with us back in France.

Julia, run. She only looked at me eyes wide.

Run. I said louder.

"But…" I pushed her away before she could even say anything to me. I run on the opposite side while she runs on the other. I looked behind to see if they're chasing Julia. I see that they're just after me and not Julia, that's good to know. I don't know where my feet will bring me but I need to stop as soon as I can. I need to catch my breath before I feel dizzy again. I turned at the corner trying to lose the guards and jumped down, skipping some steps from the stairs. I stopped running and leaned on the wall. When I finally catch my breath, I am able to study the place I stayed only to find myself at my favorite place. I examined the dirty and dark place. The abandoned rail tracks, the graffiti wall…It feels emptier now. I feel empty. I lowered myself down and hugged myself. I miss him so much. I cried.

-

I was able to return back to HQ Julia greeted me first together with Timothy and the Commander who were worried about my whereabouts.

"You've got a scratch," I pointed at Julia's elbow.

"I fell down while running. Not really my strongest side," she wiped her nose.

The Commander hugged me in his arms sharing his warmth to me, "Julia told us everything. Don't worry about it. We're here."

"I know that," I cried.

"Shhh." The Commander patted my back.

Julia stayed in my room so we could watch each other. "Sister, the principal said that I could start ninth grade next school year. I showed him my school records from before and he told me that they were great," she smiled.

"That's good, Julia. I'm proud of you."

"Are you hungry?"

"We just ate," I reminded her.

"I know but your energy is draining fast. You need to eat again."

"How can you tell?"

"I just can."

"Are you entering my mind again?" My barrier is not strong enough to keep her off my mind. Which also means that her training with Ulysses is going well.

"I have to check on you from time to time."

"I'm fine, Julia. Sleep now. You shouldn't be staying up this late." She fixed herself under my blanket.

"Sister, please don't ever follow mother. She just thinks of herself."

"Same with you," I reached for the lamp beside us and turned it off.

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling my stomach swirling again. I had to rush to the toilet and threw up. I held my stomach. I'm starting to get panicky as I start to ponder what might be wrong with me. No, not now. I've been vomiting for days, do I have a serious condition?

Julia opened the light in the toilet. "You're vomiting again?"

I nodded.

She looked at me with a straight face.

"Don't you enter my mind again," I warned.

"I have to know what's wrong with you but I'm not getting anything."

"It's because I have nothing for you to be worried about. It's just an upset stomach. Go back to sleep. I'll fix myself up on my own."

She unwillingly returned to bed leaving the lights on for me.

I still went back to school despite warnings from my friends that I should just stay in bed and rest. I guess Julia texted them about my well-being yesterday. I should be the one worrying for her, not the other way around.

"At least listen to us," Jo forced me to go back to my dormitory.

"You look really pale," Ven showed me my reflection from his phone's camera.

"Please, we'll stay with you," Jo insisted.

"Fine." They helped me reach my dorm room and stayed for the rest of the day there with me.

"I'm just wondering, Sapphire. Where's your boyfriend?" Jo curiously asked. "He's suddenly nowhere to be found." Her eyes searched the room.

Ven opened the toilet's door, "No, not in here."

"He's doing something important," I murmured.

"Does he know your situation?" Jo asked.

"Yes."

"Can't he not do whatever is important and stay on your side instead?" Ven frowned.

"It's important," I repeated.

"More than you?"

Yes, more than me. It's the life of the people at stake. Nica and the rest of the team needs him to help them accomplish the mission successfully and hopefully, return in good shape.

"Don't look at it the other way," I uttered.

"I thought he's different," Jo rolled her eyes. Really different. He's beyond normal. "We texted your sister just an hour ago, I think a ride will come for you," Jo informed me.

"Thanks," I covered my face with my pillow.

Some moments later someone knocked on the door. I felt Ven standing up from the bead heading to the door.

"Are you Sapphire's ride?" he asked.

"Yes," a familiar voice answered. I removed the pillow from my face to check who my ride was.

"That's not my ride," I jolted up on the bed.

"Sapphire, your mother asked us to collect you," the guard said.

"No," I threw a pillow at him.

Ven, understanding the situation, tried to push him back so he could slam the door but the guard was so strong that he punched Ven on the face and pushed Jo out of the way.

"No!" I shouted.

The guard carried me on his shoulder out of the room.

"Help!" I screamed along the corridor.

Jo and Ven tried to run towards me but two other guys blocked them. I tried punching the guard's back but I'm not trained to be strong. He pushed me inside the car. I tried my best to escape only to meet the guard's fist and block out.

"Sapphire?" a soft voice called my name. "Thank goodness, she's awake, ma'am."

"Sapphire, you've got to stand up now. Mark is waiting," as soon as I heard the name my eyes opened.

I searched the room, "I'm in France?" I saw my pitched colored walls, white furniture pieces and canopy bed.

"Of course, where else could you be?" my mother answered. Something warm went up my throat, I ran towards the toilet.

"What's happening?" my mother asked, not so concerned. More like, she's annoyed.

"I've been sick these past few days," I wiped my mouth.

She rolled her eyes, "I can't believe this. Do they even take care of you?"

"How did I get here fast?" I asked.

"Private plane of course. Fix her up. Mark's been waiting," she ordered the maid.

"Yes, Ma'am," the maid bowed. The maid helped me up and removed my sweater. Cold water pierced through my skin. This feeling is familiar. Feeling of loneliness, emptiness and hopelessness. It's back. The feelings are back. I cried.

Aaron, save me. I tried sending a telepathic message unsure if it would reach him.

"Why are you crying, Miss Sapphire?" the maid asked.

I didn't reply to her. I covered my face with my palm and let the tears flow down on my face and join the cold water down the drain. "It will pass. It will pass," the maid muttered.

After an hour, the maid guided me to the living room where Mark was waiting.

"Nice to see you again, Sapphire," Mark flashed a smile at me.

I just tilted my head a little in recognition of his presence. He reached for my hand and kissed it. "You're pale, are you alright?"

"They already tried to cover it up with make-up, how are you still able to see it?"

"You should drink some vitamins or something."

"I think so," I glumly said.

"Shall we?"

"Shall we what?"

"Continue to pretend that we're okay with this marriage thing and get out of here?"

I breathed deeply. "Fine."

We headed to his car.

"I know how you feel, Sapphire." He said as he started driving. "But we both have no control over this. I'm just following what everyone is saying. It's for the better after all."

Mark kept talking and talking as he drove while I just stared at the window looking at an uninteresting view outside. He said something about having a vacation somewhere but I wasn't really paying attention to catch what he was saying.

"The marriage will be pursued next month," Mark informed me.

I closed my eyes,Please Aaron, come here faster. "Ouch," I touched my temple.

"What's wrong?" Mark asked.

"Nothing," I lied. My message backfired. What was that?

"Do you want to go to a hospital instead?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay," Mark proceeded to drive.

"Where are we going again?" I asked.

"To Italy. Have you been listening?"

"What?" my heart skipped a bit.

"It's a long drive but my mother reserved a hotel for us there. It was disastrous there but the reservation can't be wasted."

"Okay," I'm hoping to see Aaron there. My heart jumped for hope.