Chapter 1

It is a lovely April morning, the chirping of birds are pleasant little melodies that greets me every time I wake up. The swaying of leaves create a subtle swooshing sound while some of the leaves are falling off from its twigs. The gentle touch of lemon yellow and golden leaves adds up to the morning scenery, indeed a sight to behold. Soon, the crowing of the roosters can be heard and the mooing of cows reverberates on the whole area. The bell chimes.

"Good morning sweetheart," my grandma greets me as she enters my room looking ready for the day. She’s dressed in pale mocha straight cut dress and had her hair tied in a bun. She looks very neat and tidy.

"Good morning grandma."

"How was your sleep, darling?" she asked, smiling up to her ears.

"It was wonderful, grandma."

"You should get up now. Fix yourself first then head downstairs for breakfast, okay? I'll be in my garden," and with that she carefully leaves my room. I tied up my curtains and head to the shower. This day's gonna be great. Well, I hope it will be.

I head out from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me and another one tied around my hair to somehow dry it. I scanned my not-so-big wardrobe and decided to jump into a pale yellow sundress and a pair of cream sandals along with a cream-colored sun hat. Contented with my look, I head downstairs to eat breakfast. On my way to the dining room, I passed by my grandpa who’s reading a newspaper in the living room.

“Good morning grandpa,” I greeted him, acknowledging his presence.

“Good morning dear, how was your sleep?” he asked without throwing me a glance. I stopped on my tracks to answer him.

“It was lovely grandpa, this whole place makes me feel so relaxed,” I replied.

“That’s good to hear. Now, go grab some breakfast,” I whisked away upon hearing it. My stomach is already growling. I remove the food covering and found the usual food for breakfast, egg and toast along with a cup of dark coffee. Not just the place but also the food itself smells like home, just like the old times.

“Grandma, grandma,” I came home running. I was with Damien that time and I hurriedly ran home to ask grandma if Damien could eat lunch with me. I told him that grandma cooked my favorite and I wanted him to try it.

“Please, grandma.” My grandma stared at me for quite a moment before saying, “Alright, go on, fetch Damien.”

I didn't realize that I was only staring at my food the whole time I was standing there. I wouldn't be knocked out from that memory if it weren't for grandpa who spoke behind me.

“You're so lost with your thoughts, mind telling me what it is all about?”

“Oh no, it was nothing grandpa.” I start digging on my egg and toast until I finished them. I loaded the empty plate and cup on the sink and washed them off before leaving them on the rack to dry.

“Grandpa, I'll just have a stroll around. I'll be back later.” I immediately walked out from the house, so eager to get away and be alone with myself. As I am walking , I see notable changes around the farm where I used to play when I was still a little girl. A long time really passed and a lot of things have changed that I haven’t noticed.

Suddenly, I remembered the swing where I used to sit around while having these conversations with Damien. Unconsciously, as if my feet has its own mind, it dragged me to where the swing was situated. I was quite enthusiastic thinking about the swing even though my gut is telling me that it won’t be there like how it used to. You know, things are like infrastructures; when no one is using it and maintaining it, it’ll weaken and will soon turn into ruins. All I could see are the rusted metal bars and the dusty and faded ends of the rope that used to hang the swing from a now broken horizontal.

And the person who used to be here with me?

Damien. I don’t know, where he is right now.

I wonder what Damien looks like? I can vaguely remember that boy with brown hair who's got freckles across his cheeks and two big teeth on his front. I chuckled at the thought. I look up at the trees, they're swaying their branches and the wind is gently blowing off my hair across my face. The rays of sun peeks on the tiny spaces from the canopy above me and it strikes down on me. I never bothered covering my face, I just let the warmth consume me. All the things that happened in the past few days came rushing on me all over again. I feel this pang on my chest remembering what I saw that night. He looks so happy already yet here I am, probably looking horrible and sulking deep inside. I wish I could just stay in my room and lock myself up all day but I can't afford to do that, I don't want to worry anyone.

I stared at nowhere and heave a deep sigh. Maybe this is where it all ends. Damn, this is so hard. I remember the way Grayson laughed with me, the way he held my hand and kissed my temples. Those small yet sweet gestures are the ones that are so hard to let go. I am hoping that somehow he'll change his mind and maybe he will comeback to me but seeing his smiles that night, I don't think he will ever come back to me. I released a sigh once again. Letting go is hard but I will have to try, not just for him but also for myself.

Although it feels like I still have the license to feel this way; it hasn’t been that long since I found out about it. A week since the night I left isn’t that long to process all of that. It still feels surreal that we’re over, I could feel the unfamiliar clench of pain right when I spat those words. It doesn’t reek the right amount of sadness yet it doesn’t sound bitter either— well, at least not for me. It’s just a plain phrase without any emotional accompaniment; just empty phrases that I couldn’t seem to digest. I think I just need time to process this one by one— I just hope I’ll get out of it alive because I know that’ll be painful in so many levels.

Endings came so abrupt that you don’t even have time to process everything; it goes downhill and boom, it’s over. You might know when it’ll end, you might see the end coming but when it happens you don’t really realize it— it’s like you are petrified, like you are stuck dwelling at something without even realizing that what you are scared about is already happening and the next thing you know, they’re gone.

I released a sigh before I continued walking around, picked some leaves from the twigs and tear them apart.

“Grace, is that you?” A woman spoke behind me. I turn around to see who is owner of that voice.

“Lily?”

“Yes, it’s me. It’s been so long!”

She laid down the basket she was carrying as she gestured for a hug. I quickly hugged her. She loosened her embrace and looked at me.

“You’re so beautiful, Grace.” I looked at her and scrunched my nose, not really sure how to reply.

“What is that?” I asked pertaining to the basket she was carrying earlier.

She looked down at the basket, “Oh this? I just picked this up from my aunt's store nearby. I'm actually going home when I thought I saw you and I am not mistaken,” I just chuckled.

“Come on, I'll come with you. I want to have a stroll around here. I haven't been here for ages.”

Lily picked up her basket as we continued to walk until we reached her house.