CHAPTER 4

As soon as I stepped into the college building I felt 2 pairs of warm hands around me and tears started rolling down my cheeks. God I loved these girls! I just let everything out right there at the entrance. Embarrassing right? But it felt good. Madeha was there stroking my hair trying to calm me down while whispering sweet, reassuring words such as, " We are here fore. Everything is going to be ok." Alexa was squeezing the life out of me and she kissed my shoulder telling me calm down. It didn't bother them the slightest that we were at the entrance and people were walking past staring at us and to be honest I couldn't care any less either.

The lessons flew by with me zoning in and out. All I could think of was the previous events and my brother. I wondered what was going to happen with me and my mum now. How were we going to overcome this obstacle? Do I even have the strength to take care of my mum all by myself? I let out a sigh without knowing and the teacher was like, " Inaya is my lesson boring you?! If it is then would you like to come up and teach?"

"No miss sorry please continue." was what came out of my mouth but in my head I was imagining beating the crap out of her. These teachers just don't seem to understand that you have a life outside of college as well and sometimes it is so heavy on your shoulders that even in lesson you cannot think of anything other than that topic. To be honest it's not her fault she was just trying to do her job and it's not like she has a CCTV in my house or something now does she? There I go again having all these complicated thoughts in head and a whole debate session with myself over something that shouldn't matter that much.

Riiinnnggg*

The bell that signalled the end of lesson drove me out of my debate session and back to reality. It was lunch break and to be honest I didn't feel like being with anyone so I just went to the field and walked by myself lost in my thought. My friends came to me many times to ask me to sit with them but I always repeated the same phrase, '10 more minutes'. Today was the one day when we all had break at the same time and normally on this day I make them my priority but I just couldn't get a hold of myself. It was just too much. I wasn't even thinking about anything at this point, just endlessly walking and walking and some more walking until i looked my watch and saw that my last lesson was about to begin.

I didn't feel like going to last lesson so I just decided to drive somewhere because I didn't feel like going home either. I switched off my phone and went on an endless drive not realising that I had gotten onto the motorway but I couldn't care less in the state that I was in. The cars whizzed past me, some even honked at me for I don't know what reason. All that was flashing in front of my eyes was the previous events like a movie set on repeat.

When I zoned back in and looked at my surroundings, I realised I came to this quiet beach area that Hadi use to take me and mum to. I remember I use to go collect shells while mum and Hadi would sit together talking until he would come sneaking up behind me, pick me up and throw me in the water. At first I would get angry seeing him standing there laughing at me soaked in my clothes. But then I would get an idea and go under the water and pull his legs making him fall in the water as well. I chuckle at the memory but then realised that I wouldn't be able to have this time with for a very long time brought tears to my eyes and this tightness in my chest. I felt like I was suffocating and couldn't breath and slowly blacked out.

God knows how long later....

When I woke up again it had gone dark. I felt a sharp pain in my head probably from blacking before. I sat in my car and switched my phone on. "Damn it!" I swore when I saw the time and the number of miss calls from mum and my friends. I called my mum and picked up on the first ring, "Inaya darling where are you? I'm so worried about you why were you not picking up the phone? Why was it switched off?"

After 20 mins of me answering her questions I reminded her that I still need to drive home and I needed her to end the call for me to do that. She finally let me end the call and I rushed home. As soon as I stepped through the door she hugged and told me to freshen up.

She came to me later that night and told me that we only had each other to depend on now and to not scare her like that again. I promised her that I would make sure to not scare her like that again.

"grrrrrr!"

That was the sound of my stomach reminding me that I had not eaten properly today. I got out of bed and tiptoed to the kitchen to put something together for myself or find something to eat. Opening the fridge I saw that mum had made lasagne today, mine and Hadi's favourite. Just looking at it brought sweet but funny memories to my mind. I could feel the tears threatening to roll down my cheeks again. I shook my head to get rid of the memories, heated the lasagne, ate it and went back to bed.

Exhausted, but I could not sleep I kept on tossing and turning for hours until I decided to watch a random sad movie on my phone to distract me. It is weird but for some reason sad movies gave me comfort.