Seeing KK's back is what Santichai hates the most. He has always hated looking at other people's backs. He hates so much that sometimes he even pretended that whoever is walking in front of him does not exist. Then he thinks back on himself, he hates himself, he tries not to fall in love again, but little by little, KK finds KK's way into his heart. When he realized this, his tears had fallen, and the pain in his heart at the moment was different from any pain Asnee had caused him. The pain he felt was the pain of fear of losing. The same pain when he chased Asnee down that street.
Decha had told him many times in the past to love himself, would he be wrong if he only loved himself this time? He knows he should learn from yesterday's mistakes, live for today with a smile, and hope for a better tomorrow. He knew that despair would only drown him in the river of sorrow, and that if he didn't swim to the bank himself, no one would pull him out. He has been waiting for good things to happen to him all his life, and good things have already arrived at his feet, so why resist? If he keeps hoping, dreaming and imagining a better tomorrow, whether it's yesterday with Asnee or today with KK, he doesn't dare to turn his hopes into reality and his world will remain the same. In fact, after being defeated and failed, he didn't break, so why didn't he knock down the wall he built to protect himself?
Tears streamed down Santichai's cheeks. After reviewing his memory, he rushed over and hugged KK. He buried his face on KK's back and finally said, "I'm scared. I'm scared to lose you, just like losing my ex-boyfriend. Actually, I'm scared to lose someone I love again. I don't want to go back to that dark corner of the room where I feel hopeless and worthless." He wrapped his arms around KK's waist. "What hurts me more than losing someone I love is knowing he won't fight to keep me."
KK turned around and took Santichai in his arms. He said, "I'm sorry...I get jealous sometimes and I may overreact because of my stupidity forcing you to say what you think. Just because I have a greater chance of losing you than the chance of you losing me, I panic. The first time I met your ex, I knew that there is nothing about me which can compare to him."
Santichai asked, "You've met my ex?"
KK said, "Even though you two called each other friends at the time. I could see from the look in his eyes that he still cared about you."
Santichai said, "He is not my ex, he's my friend. The only friend I have beside you."
KK said, "So he's not your ex?"
Santichai shook his head and said, "KK, I'm so afraid of loving you, and even more afraid of losing you. I've always been afraid of losing the person I love, that's why I worked so hard for my ex-boyfriend to be with me. In my memory, I've always been surrounded by people who came into my world and gave me the courage to hope, and then they slowly disappeared from my life. Sometimes when I'm alone in bed at night, I wonder if there is anyone out there who is afraid of losing me."
KK kissed Santichai on the forehead and said, "Never let others treat you badly for fear of losing them. You deserve every bit of love like the rest of us."
Santichai said, "The reason why I want us to be friend because there's something about you I'm afraid of losing because I know I won't find it in anyone else."
"Love can blossom or it can destroy us, and we don't know what the future holds, nor how to plan adequately for it," KK said, wiping away Santichai's tears. "One thing I'm sure of is that I feel safe with you by my side." He smiled at Santichai. "You did so much for your ex. You fought for both of you. You did your best to keep him, but he didn't want your love like you did. So, you didn't lose him." He Laughed. "He lost you." He lifted Santchai's face to face him with both hands. "Santichai Kittibun, please choose me over your unpleasant past. I'm not as handsome as your ex or any other man, but I can guarantee this sloppy, not-so-handsome man will cherish and love you with every beat of his almost shattering heart. So… please choose me. Please date me for real."
Santichai wrapped his arms around KK's neck and stood on tiptoe to kiss KK's lips. After the kiss, he said, "Hmm...let date, but please give me some time so I can get to know you fully and slowly fall in love with you. Promise me, if you don't love me anymore, tell me, don't hide it from me, don't hide a girlfriend secretly."
KK smiled at Santichai and said, "I promise." He held Santichai tightly in his arms. "I wasn't happy for a long time. Thanks to you, I'm really happy today."
Santichai suddenly remembered that he had promised the Suwannarat that he would only be with KK until their dating trail end, but now he has agreed to start a relationship with KK. He pulled himself out of KK's arms. He worriedly said, "KK, I...I... assure your parents that I will only be with you until our dating trail end, if I…"
KK shook his head with a smiled and said "I already know. Don't worry, my parents are not ruthless, they will understand. When I have time, I will talk to them."
Santichai said, "I'm going to cook something for us. I don't trust your cooking skills."
KK smiled and said, "I agree. I'll go to the family album while you cook."
Santichai smiled and went to the kitchen, and KK went upstairs.
Santichai and KK were sitting in the living room flipping through family photo albums after eating when KK pointed to an elderly couple standing on either side of a chubby boy. Behind the old couple and the fat boy stood two young couples. KK said, "These are my grandparents, and the two standing behind my grandparents are my parents."
Santichai put the photo close to his face and said, "Your mother is very beautiful in this traditional Japanese outfit."
KK smiled and said, "This is the last family photo of the five of us before my parents divorced and my grandparents' accident. This photo was taken during the Himeji Yukata Festival."
Santichai pointed to the fat boy. He looked at KK and asked, "Is this little fat guy you?"
KK cleared his throat, "Um..." He took the photo album from Santichai, because he knew that after this page, there will be pages full of him when he was fat. Back then, he really wanted to burn all the pictures, but he couldn't do it himself because the album was put together by his late grandmother. "There's nothing more interesting after this page."
Santichai said, "But I haven't finished it yet."
KK said, "There's nothing more to see."
Santichai asked, "You don't want me to know what you looked like back then."
KK smiled and said, "I'm sitting next to you. If you want to look at me, just turn your head and look at me."
Santichai said, "But I want to see what you looked like when you were young."
KK said, "After seeing these pictures, you may want to take back your commitment to being with me."
Santichai said, "I'll give you my opinion after I finish viewing." He smiled and took the photo album from KK's hands.
Santichai flipped through the album, looked at the photos of KK in it, and understood why KK always thought he was ugly. KK was fat when he was a kid until he was in high school. Then he saw a picture of KK holding a beautiful young woman sitting on KK's lap. He turned to look at KK and asked, "Who is this?"
KK scoffed lightly and said, "That's Hom. My first girlfriend."
Santichai asked, "Are you dating her now?"
KK said, "She left me. She told me before she left that she can't find herself to love someone like me." He looked at Santichai. "When I was younger, my thinking was somewhat similar to yours. I poured my heart to love and fulfilled her every need, only to find out that she never loved me, she loved the number in my bank account."
Listening to KK telling Santichai the story of Hom and KK, Santichai finally understood why the Suwannarat couple would conduct a background check on him and ask him various questions. He put down the album and was about to comfort KK when the phone rang. He recognized the phone number, the number belongs to Pamela, so instead of answering, he climbed onto KK's lap, wrapped his arms around KK's neck, and started kissing KK.
KK kissed Santichai's neck and then back to Santichai's mouth as his hands start to unbutton Santichai's blouse. "You don't answer the phone?" he asked breathlessly. He took off Santichai's blouse.
Santichai asked, "Do you want me too?"
KK quickly unzipped his pants and put Santichai on the sofa. He quickly took off Santichai's pants and jumped on top of Santichai He lowered his body, licked Santichai's lips to Santichai's left ear, and whispered, "Sarah said, I can't be too aggressive so, I'll slowly take my time." He fixed his member to Santichai's backdoor, slowly inserted his member into Santichai and then slowly thrust.
Lying on the sofa, Santichai couldn't believe it was the first time he had actually initial the sex. When he had sex with Asnee back then he never heard his own moan and although Asnee mentioned many times that Asnee liked his timid moans, now with KK he doesn't hear anything other than KK's gasps. He moaned and enjoyed the happiness KK gave him. For the first time in his life, he truly felt carefree and happy. He tasted lust and longed for KK's love. He raised his head and brought it to KK's lips, kissed KK lightly, and whispered, "KK... thrust faster."
Santichai collapsed on the sofa, closed his eyes and hugged KK. As KK continued to thrust down, he heard KK gasping for air. Suddenly, he heard Asnee's voice: "Chai...Chai...baby…it feels so good inside you. Tell me you feel good...moan for me. Chai...tell me that when I hit your g-spot, you like it."