15

This one felt different, it had this way of lingering, maybe cause it was actually warm.

The whole weeks soon ran out, involving a little warmth( that's what we call it now) here and there. Yash had grown on me, he made it look like I was his and he was mine. Actually, we never spelt it out, we acted indifferently, in fact, I never told him I liked him and he didn't too. Not even in messages. I felt like the moment he told me he liked me, I was going to run, I always did, yes I never mentioned it cause I didn't believe it was worth mentioning, but once people told me they liked me, I'd distance myself from them, and before you know it, we are back to square one; strangers.

It was the weekend before resumption, no I wasn't nervous, nor was I happy. In fact, I was just tired, I knew the whole workload ahead of me was going to be doubled. I was moving to the senior class. The idea of having to split science into three was enough to make me lose my appetite. Yes, I decided to choose science class, well not exactly, it is more like a story.

Once there was a little girl(me) who looked up to her sister. She always wanted to follow in her sister's footsteps and be whoever she was. My sister liked trousers, I like them too, my sister dislikes eggs, I don't eat them too, my sister becomes a pharmacist, I want to become one too.

It has always been my dream to be whatever she was. I remember when I'm told to write essays on my future ambition, I'd always write about how great it is to be a pharmacist, how many lives you touch and how you become successful and I'd get full marks for it. Never did it cross the teacher's mind to ask why I personally like it, I mean I could touch the lives of people by being a farmer too.

The first time I followed my sister to the hospital and we ended up in this chemically coded room; the pharmacy, I knew my fantasy was ruined, I could never become a pharmacist, First, I detest drugs, secondly I don't think I can stay one minute in this place without puking. I had this horrid look on my face. How the hell do you cope with the pungent smell, it was like living in a room filled with chemicals.🤮

I decided to move my area of study. I could become a surgeon, I mean I've always liked biology and human anatomy, it was one of the things I liked about science. But this wasn't plausible anymore when I began writing. I found out I had this desire to write, I never really cared if it made sense but I always had the talent for spinning random situations into stories. Maybe I'd be good in the art department. But then again, I hate literature, my teacher had done her best in making us look like a dumb ass when she came to classes, I don't think I want to go there. I'd rather settle for something direct, easy to understand, something that involved calculation, money. Maybe being a commercial student is what I was meant to be. It's literally in my blood, both my parents were commercial students. Though they seem to always regret this but whatever.

I decided to seek help...from my mum(worst decision made so far) it was the only time my mum was hell-bent on something, she made it clear if I didn't go to science I was wasting my life, she even added I won't leave the country, she told me they needed more females and definitely more hand in the medicine department. I only nodded and smiled while she cooked up other reasons to back her point up.

I chose to become a science student, in the end, I mean how difficult could it be, just a bunch of stuff I need to cram and I'll be out of everyone's hair. Little did I know that this was the worst conclusion I ever made.

The weekend quickly ran out and school began. All the teachers were now in the full spirit of the upcoming exam. Some being more interested in the class we'd join afterwards. For some reason everyone believed I was going to science class, they made it look like I could not fit in any class except science. I get they had their expectation but it's my life we're talking about here, it's not a movie, or a book or something else, yet they made it look less worthwhile.

I wasn't mad at them, instead, I was mad at myself, for thinking that way. I mean I'd always wanted to be in this class all my life and Yash would also be there, isn't that a good thing.

We had an impromptu test about a week before the exam and I fumbled, Yash did great as expected and even Aba was a to stun everyone. I on the other hand, just made a jest of myself. A lot of people were looking up to me and I messed up, everyone was disappointed except my class teacher; Mr Dales he was also our math teacher and has been the one talking me home since the school resumed. We became a bit closer as far as I was concerned, considering how much I hated him when he first came, in fact, I made sure my mates did too, I always looked at him scornfully but for the past few weeks, our relationship had gotten better. He was the only one that gave an excuse for my performance. He said I was having pre-exam jitters and that it was expected. Weirdly, that made me feel a lot better.

We wrote both exams consecutively. There was no time to relax but I wasn't concerned, I was confident, you could see it on my face that I believed I'd make it.

But I didn't, the result of the first exam was out and when my mum didn't get it quickly, she knew something was up, after a few delays, I heard I had failed, well not the F9 kind of fail but the one that internally struck you kind.

It was one evening, after dinner that my mum called me aside, first, she reminded me how many times she told me to read for the exam and how much effort she had put into it. How much money she had invested in me personally, she reminded me of how opportune I was among my siblings and that's when I knew she had a piece of terrible news to dish out. I had failed the exam, I had disappointed my parent, I made them a laughing stock in front of my teachers. Even those that I thought I was better than did excellently well. "All you know how to do is dress up and try out new clothes," she said, "the only thing you were asked to do, you couldn't".

I began to cry, I hadn't even seen the result but I could feel the impact, for the first time in years I felt like I had failed, judging from my look, one could tell I was in a complete state of shock, I couldn't believe it, I didn't want too. The pain was too much, I wasn't even bold enough to tell anyone. Not even Yash, I knew he looked up to me and I didn't want to ruin it. I couldn't tell any of my friends, this made it hurt even more than before. I had disappointed everyone and there was no way I could make it right. Even my mum wasn't looking forward to the result of the other exam.