27. Alter-Ego

I open my eyes to see my lilac coloured wall, what happened last night? I feel so heavy as I rollover. Suddenly, I feel something against my back. I peer over my shoulder to see that Deidara is spooning me! Oops... This could be awkward. How can I manoeuvre my way out of his grip without waking him up? His leg is slung over my hip and his arm is wrapped around my mid. Slowly, I wiggle out of his grip, careful not to wake him. Groaning, he moves around, then, he pulls me in closer.

"you're awake? un." His voice is raspy with sleep.

"Yeah, you're spooning me Dei," I tell him, looking over my shoulder.

"What?" He says, cracking his eyes open, "Oh sorry, un." He lets go and rolls on to his back, gazing up. I couldn't make it out clearly but I think he may have been blushing.

"Let's go and have breakfast." I sit up and throw the blanket off us. Feeling a little better than I had yesterday. But, as soon as I get out of bed my brain switched on, remembering that Sasori was no longer here. My heart sinks, I didn't know how to make this feeling go away. It was like my chest had become heavy and it hurt to breathe.

"Are you alright? un." Deidara asked, realising I'd stopped. He stood up and grabbed my wrists.

"Dei?" I was confused as he pulled me up on my feet.

"Just get dressed yeah? I'll meet you in the kitchen." He let go of my wrists and walked out, closing the door behind him. I looked over to my wardrobe and contemplated what to wear. I remembered that time Sasori had picked out a dress for me, by sheer luck he'd picked my favourite one. I opened up the wardrobe and picked out a nice dress, it was a tie-die pink and blue and it pleated out from the waistline down to just above the knees. It was so colourful and looking at the colours cheered me up somewhat. I brushed out my hair and left it down.

I wonder what day it is today... Wait, It's my birthday. Oh, how could I forget that?! I was Seventeen today... I guess it slipped my mind with everything that had been happening. I felt like I haven't even had time to breathe.

I finished getting ready and headed for the kitchen, as I walked in I saw Kisame and Kakuzu sitting at the kitchen bench, Deidara was busy cooking. I sat down next to Kisame.

"Tila, good to see you're alright," Kisame looks in my direction.

"Yeah. I'm okay, just a bit hazy. I even forgot it was my birthday." I joked. Deidara turns around with two plates filled with eggs, bacon, mushroom, spinach and tomato.

"Here, un." He puts it down with a bright smile.

"Wow. Thanks," I stared at the delicious breakfast in front of me in awe.

"It's fine yeah? Just eat, it is your birthday right?" He teased, I chuckle back at his remark. Kakuzu grunts.

"what's gotten into you Deidara? You never made me breakfast on my birthday," He eyes him suspiciously.

"We should celebrate tonight!" Kisame jeers, looking at me with a fishy grin on his face.

"I suppose, I never really do anything for it," I admit. All three of them look at me for a moment, I ignore it and start eating my eggs.

"I'll see what I can do." Kisame pops his last piece of sushi into his mouth. Deidara nods, leaving me to think about what that meant. Before I can ask what he was planning I hear a loud childish voice squeal and someone run up behind me.

"Tobi sees a pretty girl! And she has such beautiful long hair!" I feel someone lift up the back of my hair and start to throw it up into the air excitedly. I turn around to see an orange swirly mask with a hole in one eye.

"Tobi?" I ask curiously, he throws his hands up in the air.

"Tobi is Tobi, nice to meet you!" He says enthusiastically.

Wow. Just wow.

"Tobi! Tila is trying to have breakfast stop annoying her yeah!" Dei yells, throwing a fork at him. I watch as Tobi comically ducks, hands raised high above his head, the fork sticking into the opposite wall.

"It's fine, Dei," I laughed sheepishly.

"Hm." Dei scoffs as he goes back to eating.

"Your no fun, don't get your knickers in a knot Deidara! Maybe Hidan will play with Tobi~" He teases, running back out with his hands waving in the air. I mentally sigh. After finishing the last of my breakfast, I decide I want some time alone. I don't know if I can handle everyone right now.

"I'm going for a walk," I tell Kisame, Kakuzu and Deidara, standing up and putting my plate in the sink. They all look over at me. "And, thanks for everything Dei, I'll see you later." He nods.

I say bye to Kisame, Kakuzu and Dei and head towards the cave entrance. I wanted to clear my head. Taking a walk was probably the best way to do that. The boulder releases and I stepped out into the beautiful sunny day, closing the entrance behind me. I turned left and headed out into the lush forest. There was a bright green shine to the multiple trees I passed, and the cool breeze danced lightly through the leaves. I noticed a beautiful collaged colour-filled flowerbed.

It was filled with vibrant reds and pinks and blues and purples that stood out like bright colours against a plain canvas. It was so beautiful, I started at it in awe for a few seconds. Then, decided to lay down on the grass for a while, the sweet scent of flowers overpowering my nose.

My mind flicked over to the memories of Sasori instantly, my body started to feel weak and I still could not fathom the thoughts. Then, the thought of Itachi saving me... He was the last person I'd been expecting to help me, he seemed so void of emotion. Just like Sasuke.

Then again, Sasuke had helped me escape. He was the only one I had back then, maybe Itachi was like Sasuke in that way. He held his emotions deep down. I took a deep breath in, the smell of the flowers giving me an idea.

I got up and went over to the colourful abundance of flowers, picking a few. I could give some to Itachi to say thank you for helping me. I don't know what would have happened to me if he hadn't been there... I just wanted to show him I really appreciated him doing that. I finished picking out a nice assortment of flowers and headed back to the hideout, the training room was empty as I strolled back in. I stopped at the numerous hallways as I thought carefully about which one Itachi's room was down... That one! I pointed over to the second one from the left then made my way down until I reached Itachi's door. I hope he's there as I knock a few times on the door.

"Come in." His voice calls coldly. I slowly opened the door and stuck my head in, still holding the bunch of flowers behind my back.

"Tila, come in," he looked slightly surprised, putting down his book on the side table before sitting up. I closed the door behind me and held out the flowers.

"I brought you these... To say thank you for the other day," I handed them out to him. He stared at them coldly for a moment then his lips broke out into a faint smile.

"It's alright, but thank you nonetheless," He took them from me and placed them into the empty vase coincidently on his side table.

"Actually," he began to say, turning back to look at me, "I wanted to ask you a question." He focused his full attention on me.

"Me?" I questioned, "Sure, I guess." I took a seat on his bed, facing him. There was a moments pause as he glazed over my face with his dark onyx eyes.

"When did you meet my brother, Sasuke?" He then finally asked emotionlessly.

A shiver ran over me, his dark gaze was intense.

"Sasuke? How did you know I've met him..?" I asked, hesitantly.

"Your Chidori, It's Sasuke's. Is it not?" He smiled faintly. He was right. He must have noticed when I fought against Hidan.

"Sasuke was the one who helped me escape Orochimaru," I told him, looking down at my palms. Thinking about that place gave me the creeps.

"I see, does he still want to kill me?" Itachi asked, his voice still toneless.

I let out a small sigh as I continues to fidget with my hands.

"Yeah, he mentioned something along those lines to me. I didn't know him that well but I owe a great deal to him, he was the only one I had at that point in my life," I said quietly. A simple hm came from Itachi's direction. I looked up at him again, only to be met with that familiar cold gaze.

"You and Sasuke have so many similarities. I noticed as soon as I saw you, Itachi." I confess, he continued to look at me.

Those big onyx eyes were so intense that it felt like they were on the verge of burning holes into me.

"I should go," I quickly stood up, for some reason I felt strange. I couldn't tell what Itachi was thinking and that look was one I was too familiar with. It reminded me of Sasuke so much and I just didn't know how to feel about it...

"You know, Sasuke and I have our differences," Itachi said as he stood up too and walked over to his door, "Thanks again for the flowers, they're beautiful." He stood aside with the door open. I smiled faintly at Itachi as I walked out, the door closing quietly behind me.

Well, that was strange?

I yawned as I made my way down the corridor, maybe I should have a nap... I was feeling tired and there wasn't much else happening. So, headed back to my room and plonked my butt onto my bed, rolling over restlessly as I thought about the awkward encounter I'd just had with Itachi. His words filled my mind.

Sasuke and I have our differences. Hm. I don't know what that was supposed to mean. I closed my eyes and drifted off into dreamland.

_________________________________

"You're quite the weakling aren't you?"

I listen closely to the voice in my head...

"You never deserved Sasori in the first place Tila."

'And now you're sleeping around with Deidara?' I heard the voice say...

Whose voice is this?

"I'm the voice inside yourself that you suppress, the half of you that speaks the truth" it answered in my mind.

What the hell are you talking about? I ask myself...

"Don't deny it, you've known all along that you're a good for nothing weakling - you rely on everyone else." the voice sneered bitterly. I stayed silent and contemplated what the hell was going on. I was scared, what was this thing inside of me talking about?!

"If you don't believe me I'll show you," it said. I felt myself shiver as I woke up.

___________________________

I still felt myself shivering and when I touched my arms they were freezing cold. I quickly stood up and put on a jumper and jeans. All of a sudden I saw Zetsu rising from the floor in front of me

"Shit! Zetsu, you need to stop doing that!" I gasp, nearly jumping to the ceiling!

"Sorry, I came to take you to the lounge room. Everyone's waiting for you." His white side informed me. I looked at him in confusion. Then, remembered earlier. Kisame had organised something for my birthday.

"Okay," I nod. Zetsu walked out of my room with me following behind. When we reached the lounge room I saw Kakuzu, Hidan and Tobi sitting on the shorter couch and Deidara, Kisame and Itachi sitting on the longer one.

Leader approached from beside the couch and wished me a happy birthday blankly before leaving again. Everyone else looked up immediately and gave me smiles, of course except for the usual *cough* Itachi and Kakuzu *cough*. I couldn't help but to smile back, it was nice seeing everyone together like this! Konan came over and hugged me.

"Happy birthday," she said gently as she let me go again, all I could do was smile back.

She left the room and I looked back over to everyone.

"Now for the good stuff!" Hidan said, slamming down a few bottles of what appeared to be sake onto the coffee table. Everyone started babbling amongst themselves and I sat down in the spare seat between Itachi and Dei.

"Birthday drinks!" Shouted Tobi loudly as he clapped his hands excitedly.

"Aren't you a bit young to be drinking?" Kakuzu shot, already looking irritated,

Who cares, let him have a few!" Hidan argued.

"You going to have one? Un" Dei asked, smirking playfully as he nudged my shoulder.

"Yeah, why not. How about you Itachi?" I asked, looking over to him.

"Hm," he replied, looking uninterested.

"Just pour the drinks already," Kisame edges on to Hidan.

"Yeah, yeah. Fucking hold on you impatient fucker!" Hidan yelled back. I watched as he started pouring into multiple porcelain cups and handing them out to everyone. We all cheered and took our shots, Dei looked up at me grinning after he down his drink.

"Another round!" Kisame cheered.

"Tobi wants to play a game!" He said excitedly.

"Fuck, Tobi had a good idea for once," Hidan snickered.

"Don't tell me it's that drinking game." Kakuzu huffed. I watched him snatch the bottle of sake from Hidan and pour another glass then downed it quickly.

"Yeah, let's play that one, un." Dei calls back to the two immortals.

"Why not, it'll be fun." jeered Kisame.

I looked around at everyone, was I the only one who was wondering what they were talking about or?

"What is it?" I asked curiously,

"Don't worry, it's easy," Itachi says from beside me, it didn't question at all.

All you have to do is take a shot every time someone says something and you've done it." Dei explained, putting his arm around the back of the couch behind me.

"Let's just fucking show her," Hidan said as he poured another round of drinks.

"I'll go first," Kisame leaned forward and looked around at everyone suspiciously, "Drink if you've ever killed someone."

"What a stupid question, hm!" Dei exclaimed, Everyone except for Tobi and I took a shot.

"You've never killed anyone?" Hidan asked, looking at me with disappointment.

"No... I ah.." Struggling to not feel awkward, was that normal?

"Who's next?" Itachi asks from beside me.

"Since you're so keen, why don't you go." Kakuzu fires back.

"Fine." Itachi stares. Hidan continued to pour another round.

"Drink if you've ever been in love," Itachi said coldly. I watched as Kakuzu and Tobi both took a shot. Wait, I had been in love too. I picked up my drink and swallowed it quickly. The game continued for a while longer until everyone had decided they'd had enough. Hidan had gone to his room because Tobi had started to annoy him with his drunkenness and only Deidara and Kakuzu were left, slumped out on the couches.

"Tila," Kakuzu called. I looked over to him, to see him pulling something out of his cloak. "This is for you." he threw something to me.

"Thanks. What is it?" I asked, catching it and peering in my hand.

"It's a scroll I found lying around, I don't need it." He sounded a little weary from the drinking.

"Okay," I said, putting it away in my leg pouch before laying my head back on to the couch and shutting my eyes. I could feel my head spinning slightly from all the festivities, this was definitely the best birthday I've ever had.

'Is it now?' A voice asked rhetorically in my head. What? I jumped in my seat BUT I realised I couldn't move from my spot.

'I told you I'd show you.' The voice jeers. Before I knew what was happening I felt my body stand up without my control. I looked around and saw that Deidara had fallen asleep on the couch and Kakuzu was busy counting some money.

'I know what you really want.' The voice cooed in my mind. And what the hell is that? What're you doing! I mentally yell back at the unknown voice.

'I said I'd show you.' It jeers again, more darkly this time. Its intent was scaring me. I felt my legs start to walk down the hall towards the training room. Why can't I stop myself?! Oh God. What's happening to me?! I panic, my mind becoming frantic but it was no use.

'From now on, I call the shots.' The voice hissed as it headed down the hall towards my bedroom, I shivered as I finally felt myself stop out the front of my door.

'Not that door.' The voice said. Then?

'This one.' It hissed dangerously. I felt my body turn to Hidan's door and knock.

No. No. What are you doing? I was freaking out in my head. Trying to talk but I couldn't. No words were coming out!

"Who the fuck?" I heard Hidan say as he opened the door. "Oh, it's you. What's wrong?" Hidan asked looking at me curiously. He was only wearing his blue pants with his white belt leaving his hard toned chest completely exposed.

"I was just wondering what you were doing?" I heard myself say. What the fuck. This is NOT me.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"Fuck yeah," Hidan said as he swung the door open. I walked in and he closes the door behind me. . His confident violet eyes searched me up and down, I felt myself lay down on his bed returning his obviously interested gaze.

'Please STOP. please.' I beg the unknown entity that was controlling my every move. But, it didn't respond.

"Fuck, you look so good lying on my bed," Hidan said, sitting down beside me. He puts his hand on my thigh suggestively, slowly trailing his way higher. I giggle and smile. Fuck this is bad. Panic is rising higher and higher, I don't want this but there is nothing I can do.

"So, you've finally decided to admit you want me?" He asked, biting his lip seductively. I felt myself nod slowly and before I knew it Hidan had picked me up by the hips and placed me down onto his lap. His lips collided roughly with mine. The internal panic had reached its peak and was spilling over. I felt his tongue force its way into my mouth and his hands groping my ass firmly.

'PLEASE' I scream mentally, 'I don't want this. STOP!'

'Fine. But be warned. I'm here and I will do what I want from now on. It's only a matter of time.' The voice was pure malice. Then, I felt myself shiver. I shove Hidan off me as hard as I can. He leans back on his hands, I quickly stand up. He looked so confused.

Without another moment's delay, I ran out, shutting the door behind me. I paced up and down the hall, desperately trying to figure out what the HELL had just happened. I need to lie down.

All of a sudden, as I'm making my way down the hall back towards my room I hear a loud 'CRASH' 'BAM' 'BOOM'!

An explosion?!? I quickly run down the hall to where the noise came from, I see a massive hole in the wall where my bedroom was. My face dropped as I leaned in and saw Tobi lying unconscious in my completely destroyed room. It was in absolute smithereens.

"Shit, I'm so sorry, it was an accident. un." Deidara says, I snap my head around to see the look of guilt across his face. He stared at Tobi who was laying there amongst the rubble. I sighed, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. Why me? It's always me! What am I going to do now?! Where am I going to sleep tonight?!